Hoseok still remembered that particular day when sunlight filtered through the leaves of the tree and touched Yoongi's pale skin. Because that was the day when he saw Yoongi cried for the first time. Because that was the day when Yoongi's crystal clear tears wet Hoseok's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around the grieving one. Because that was the day when Yoongi's love, Jimin, was buried dead after the car crash.

     Looking down at the sandwiches he made, Hoseok heaved an inward sigh as he thought of Yoongi. The latter had been quiet and passive ever since Jimin's death. He said almost nothing. His face which was originally pale turned even paler than before. Hoseok was worried. He was worried if the older male fell ill. He was worried if the older male could not cope with the death of his love well. He was worried about Yoongi.

     Hoseok placed the sandwiches upon the dining table and lifted his head up immediately as he spotted Yoongi standing still at the end side of the table. He looked lethargic as usual and Hoseok was worried, once again. 

     “Hyung, good morning!” Hoseok greeted him in his animated manner, trying to liven the mood up. “Breakfast's ready. Come and sit. I made you sandwiches today.”

     Yoongi said nothing in response. Instead, he plonked down firmly on the chair and stared at the sandwiches with his empty gaze. 

     “Hyung, you don't have to be shy. Just eat it. You can even eat all of them if you want. Make yourself home, okay?” Hoseok poured some tea into a cup and placed it before Yoongi. 

     Yoongi shot Hoseok a look, heaved a breath, and before long, he reached out for a sandwich and ate it slowly with less enthusiasm. Silence then swept over the dining table, for he had not spoken during the entire moment. 

     Hoseok sat across Yoongi and pursed his lips as he saw the doleful look on the latter's face. He knew it was difficult for Yoongi to accept the truth that Jimin had gone forever because he knew how much Yoongi loved the gone boy. Because he knew how much Yoongi cared for Jimin despite he scarcely showed it. And it hurt so much to see Yoongi in such condition, thus Hoseok decided to bring Yoongi back to his home and let the latter stayed there until he was alright, until he was fine, until he could smile like the old days.

     Hoseok swore to himself that he would take care of Yoongi, for he too, loved and cared for him. Even though he knew that Yoongi would never be his and Yoongi would never love him. Until then, Hoseok would suppress the feelings within his heart and let it burned into flame. Love is hurt after all.

     Yoongi sat quietly on the couch, watching a show on the television. But Hoseok knew he did not literally watch the television, he was just staring at it. The flicker of lights from the television did not attract him at all it made Yoongi looked like a statue. Cold and frozen.

     Hoseok threw himself on the couch next to Yoongi and put on his bright smile. “What are you watching, hyung?” he asked, prompting Yoongi to talk.

     Yet he failed. Yoongi fell silent, deadpanned. 

     Upon seeing him, Hoseok heaved an inward sigh. He then placed his hand on Yoongi's shoulder and gently rubbed his thumb on the clothe the latter was wearing. 

     It went on like that for days and weeks. Yoongi barely said anything. Somehow it seemed like he was mute, or more like a living corpse, merely moved around the house and breathing and silent. And Hoseok began to worry about his health and most importantly, his mental state. One day, Hoseok called Namjoon and confessed to him everything about Yoongi. Since Namjoon was his closest friend after Jimin, the latter was the only one he had when he needed help or shoulder to lean on.

     “I-I don't either know, Hoseok,” said Namjoon through the phone. An audible sigh escaped from his lips afterward. 

     “He's been like that for three months now,” Hoseok replied worryingly. “I'm scared for him.”

     “Maybe you should try bringing him out for a walk. You know, go to the park, eat some ice cream, something like that? Try to distract him from his own thought, from his grief, from Jimin. It doesn't good to dwell in the past for a long time. You'll get lost when you try to walk out to the future.”

     Hoseok followed Namjoon's friend and when the next day approached, he took Yoongi out to the park as his friend suggested. Though it did not bring much difference to Yoongi, Hoseok, at least, could feel a new wave of hopefulness washed over him when Yoongi replied to him after a long time.

     “Chocolate” was what Yoongi said to him when he asked the latter what flavour he wanted for his ice cream.

     A wide smile spread across Hoseok's face as he heard the lovely voice of Yoongi again. To be able to hear his voice was like to be able to breathe again after he had suffocated in the water. It felt nice. Heavenly.

     They both sat on the bench under a shady tree with ice cream in their hands. Hoseok decided to have chocolate, same with Yoongi. 

     “You know what, hyung? Chocolate is good for us because it has endorphin in it. And endorphin can make you feel happy,” said Hoseok enthusiastically.

     Yoongi only hummed in response. But it was good enough for Hoseok to learn that Yoongi had begun to reply him. It did not last long, however, for the next few days, Yoongi was down with a fever. His body temperature rose out of the blue and he was lying still on his bed. Hoseok was panicked until Yoongi took hold of his hand and mumbled, “Relax, kid.” It was then Hoseok began to regain his composure.

     Hoseok pressed gently the wet cloth onto Yoongi's forehead and stopped to stare at his peaceful sleeping face. A small smile decked on his face as Hoseok began to walk down the memory lane. Back to the day when he fell for Yoongi. It looked exactly like this. Except that Hoseok was the one who had a fever, meanwhile, Yoongi was the one who took care of the latter.

     It happened two years ago when Hoseok was still a freshman in his college. He first met Yoongi through Namjoon who already had his acquaintances despite being a freshman. Since Namjoon involved himself in underground rapping, he met Yoongi who was also shared the same interest and passion. Hoseok's first impression on Yoongi, however, was not at all nice. Perhaps, the deadpan look the guy always had told Hoseok that he was aloof and standoffish. Antisocial as what Hoseok called him.

     Yet when he fell ill that day, it was Yoongi who took care of him. Letting Hoseok stayed at his apartment until he was completely fine, made him porridges, and bought him meals so that Hoseok would not starve to death and recover. It was still vivid in his memory the moment when Yoongi gently pressed the wet handkerchief onto his forehead with what Hoseok assumed as Yoongi's most genuine smile and said, “Get well soon, kid.”

     Ever since then, Hoseok often wondered how, with that simple action, he could fall for Yoongi so hard.

     “Get well soon, hyung,” said Hoseok in a low mutter before he stood up and left Yoongi resting alone in the room. 

“I've stayed here for far too long, yet I've never really noticed this before,” said Yoongi as he rubbed the little head of the figurine with his thumb. 

     There were lots of them, standing triumphantly in a straight diagonal line on the upper shelf. Right below them were comics of all genre with completed volumes. It reminded Yoongi of his old days when he used to secretly read it in a corner of a bookstore. The old lady would always notice Yoongi and scold him right away in her shrilling voice. Yoongi, being his ignorant self, never really cared about it.

     Hoseok beamed upon hearing him. “I like to collect figurines,” he replied in excitement. “They are small and cute and fascinating.”

     “You are like Jin. He loves figurines.” And with that, Yoongi threw himself on the couch and looked around the house. “This is my first time coming here, right?”

     “I suppose so,” Hoseok answered and sat beside Yoongi. He then lowered the volume of the television for feared it might disturb the other. He was getting well now. Yoongi. And Hoseok was glad to be able to hear his voice more often. 

     Yoongi turned around and shot a look at the figurines again. Before long, his eyes went doleful as he heaved a breath. “And he likes figurines as well,” the guy blurted dejectedly.

     Hoseok knew who was it that Yoongi mentioned just now. “Jimin.” His smile then faded a bit and Hoseok diverted his eyes to the television, sighing.

     Yoongi, on the contrary, smiled wistfully at the figurines. “He must have liked it if I show him these. Should I bring him here sometime?”

     “Hyung, I know it's hard for you,” Hoseok said. “But you have to accept that he's gone. You have to accept that he's dead. Three months ago.”

     Upon hearing Hoseok, the smile on Yoongi's face died immediately only to be replaced with a frown. “No,” he said firmly. “I can't. I can't and I don't want to.”

     “Hyung… You have to—”

     “Three months aren't that long, Hoseok. Are you saying that I should forget him already?” Yoongi shot the other a look, brows furrowed.

     “N-No. I—”

     “Yes, sure. He's dead now. He's gone. Forever. But he's a part of me, Hoseok. He's part of my heart. I love him. How can one forget a part of himself? Of his heart? Even if he's gone, even if he's dead, he never disappears. He never truly leaves. He stays here within me. And he will always come back even at unlikely times.”

     His words got Hoseok entirely speechless.

     “Why can't you understand me?” 

     Hoseok fidgeted in his seat as he met Yoongi's gaze.

     “Well, I guess you don't get it. I guess you don't understand it. You don't know how hurting the pain is because you never feel it before. You never lose someone you ardently love forever, that's why you can say that I should accept his death easily.” Yoongi heaved a sharp breath, turned away, and clenched his teeth.

     Silence followed after his words for Hoseok fell silent. Racked with guilt, the latter took a deep breath, merely planted his gaze on the floor, and let out an inward sigh. After a long pause, he opened his mouth and said in a low mutter, “Yes. You are right. I don't understand it. I never feel the pain because I never lose people I love before. I'm sorry.” And with that, Hoseok got to his feet and walked away to his room, leaving Yoongi alone.

     A mild grunt escaped from Yoongi's lips and he grabbed his hair in exasperation and dejection which both stirred within his chest.

     The phone on the bedside table vibrated as a call came in. Hoseok hesitated as he looked at the vibrating phone and wondered who would be calling him at this unfavourable moment. Taking a deep breath, Hoseok grabbed his phone, inhaled deeply, and answered the call. “H-Hello?” he said, trying to act calm and animated.

     “Hoseok? You okay?” said the voice at the other end of the line.

     “Jin hyung, I'm okay. It's just…um, I just woke up from sleep.”

     “I see. Well, is Yoongi with you now?”

     “Y-Yoongi hyung? He…he's sleeping now.”

     “Sleeping? That lazy , though. Nevermind. I just want to tell you that we are going to hang out tomorrow and we would be very glad if you and Yoongi, especially, can join us. It's been so long since we saw him. Is he doing fine? Yoongi.”

     “Yes, Yoongi hyung is doing fine. He talks more now.”

     Hoseok heard Jin sighing audibly in relief. “That's a good news. You know, things have been difficult for him these three months after Jimin's death. And luckily, you're here. Thanks, Hoseok. You take a very good care of him.”

     Hoseok's lips curved into a small smile. A few minutes ago, he had hurt Yoongi's feelings and now Jin was saying that he had taken a good care of the latter.

     “I hope you two can come tomorrow. We'll be waiting for you guys at the usual spot. At five. Okay? See you tomorrow, Hoseok. And oh, send my regards to Yoongi, eh?”

     “Sure.”

     “Good. Okay then. Bye.”

     “Bye.” And thus, the call ended. Hoseok heaved an audible sigh and put the phone down on the bed, next to where he was sitting. Staring at the empty wall, Hoseok's mind was preoccupied. How was he going to tell Yoongi about tomorrow? Would the latter even agree to join them when Hoseok had just ruined his mood? Hoseok's anxiety grew severe as he recalled the previous situation and Yoongi's glowering look by the time he spewed out those words to him.

     Hoseok shook his head lightly. “You can do this,” he whispered to himself. “It's your fault. You ruined his mood just now. You should have the guts to talk to him. He…doesn't care about you after all.” His fingers curled into a fist afterward. His brows creased and his lips pursed.

     That night, Hoseok prepared them a simple dinner. Yoongi, on the other hand, locked himself up in his room all the time, silent. The tense between the two of them increased and Hoseok knew he should do something with it by the time he stood still before the door of Yoongi's room. He lifted up his fist, took a deep breath, and knocked his knuckles on the door. He said with a smile, “Hyung, dinner's ready. Come out. Let's eat together.”

     But there was no reply. 

     Hoseok hesitated for a moment. He wondered if he was doing it right. After a while, he mustered up his guts and said, this time carefully as he controlled his voice tone and structured his sentence, “If you don't want to come out now, it's okay, hyung. I'll wait for you.” 

     Still, there was no reply from Yoongi.

     Hoseok put down his fist, a tad disappointed. He then turned around on his heels and mumbled to himself, “I'll always wait for you.” Before long, Hoseok took a seat on the dining table, averted his eyes to the door of Yoongi's room, and waited.

     Three minutes had passed and Yoongi still did not come out of his room. Dejected, Hoseok thought that it really was his fault. If he could turn back time, sure enough, he would deter himself from letting those words fell out of his mouth. Hoseok sighed and reluctantly picked his chopsticks up. It seemed to him that he would have to dinner alone without Yoongi.

     Hoseok was about to eat when he heard the squeaking sound of a door being opened. Instantly diverting his eyes to a particular door, he put his chopsticks back into the bowl and watched in a slight surprise as Yoongi stumbled into the kitchen and plonked down firmly across Hoseok.

     Hoseok was paralyzed for a brief moment. There, before him, sat Yoongi who he thought would not come and join him for dinner. There, before him, sat Yoongi who he thought would not listen to his voice calling out his name as he knocked on the door. There, before him, sat Yoongi who he dearly loved and would always wait for despite he knew that Yoongi would never love him. Yet, he was happy. He was contented. At least because Yoongi came out of the room and decided to join him for a dinner.

     Yoongi stared at the food served on the table and after a brief second, he picked up the chopsticks and helped himself with the meal. 

     Hoseok's smile spread across his face broadly and as he was about to eat, Hoseok recalled something. He halted and shot Yoongi a look, anxious. “Hyung,” he said, carefully.

     Yoongi averted his eyes to Hoseok briefly before he looked away.

     “Jin hyung called me and he sent his regards to you. He said that he's going out tomorrow with others to, you know, hang out. He asked you to join them as well because it's been so long since they saw you.”

     Silence ensued after Hoseok was done speaking.

     “What you say, hyung? Would you like to join us? I'm not forcing you to come with me tomorrow. After all, it's your choice.”

     Yoongi fell silent, perhaps he was considering the offer.

     “But if you don't want to go, I'll tell Jin hyung later after—”

     “I'll go.”

     Hoseok's eyes widened upon hearing that. “Y-You'll go? You'll join us?” he asked in disbelief.

     Yoongi merely nodded without sparing a glance at Hoseok.

     “That's great,” Hoseok said, excited. “I'll tell Jin hyung later. He must feel happy to hear this.” His eyes sparked with enthusiasm as he shot Yoongi a radiant look and little did Hoseok know, everything was gradually going fine now. Although he had no idea if Yoongi had forgiven him or not, the thought that Yoongi would be joining him and the others tomorrow got Hoseok hyped up. Picking up his chopsticks, Hoseok was looking forward to the hangout.

The weather was nice. The open sky above them was pale blue. The ray from the Sun was not that hot either. It seemed like today would be a good day for people in the neighbourhood to take a stroll with their dogs or perhaps, have a small picnic at the front yards of their houses. And sure enough, it was a good day to hang out with Jin and the others. 

     Hoseok looked on in excitement as Yoongi hopped into the car. Unlike Hoseok, Yoongi's deadpan look reflected nothing about today's sunny weather. His gaze was dead and empty as usual. No smile graced his features at all. 

     The engine began to growl and before long, the car moved backward, slowly and carefully, out of the front yard. The sunlight touched the roof of the car and later on, coated the body of the vehicle in its magnificent golden ray. Yoongi narrowed his eyes to slits when the blinding light of the Sun entered his retina. Hoseok, on the contrary, was not at all affected by it. 

     The car then sped off, placing itself among the other vehicles on the hectic road. Jin called Hoseok before, asking if they had departed or not. Hoseok assured the older male that they were on their way to the place as promised. 

     Hoseok the radio to get rid of the silence which was tardily filling in the empty space of the car. Sometimes, Hoseok sang along to the songs he knew the lyrics of and prompted Yoongi to join him. Yet, the latter ignored him and merely stared at nothing. 

     Fifteen minutes later, Hoseok turned his car to the left, entering a familiar place. With his keen eyes, Hoseok spotted the others in no time. He saw Jin waving his hand with a broad smile plastered across his face, Namjoon diverting his eyes from the phone to him, Taehyung craning his neck to check out on Yoongi perhaps, and Jungkook watching in silence as Hoseok pulled up the vehicle nearby with his arms crossed. 

     “Hyung, come on,” Hoseok said to Yoongi who merely hummed in response. The two guys hopped out of the car and all four of them approached Hoseok and Yoongi with radiant smiles. 

     “Hoseok!” Jin took the younger one into his embrace and patted his back. “Our sunshine.”

     Hoseok laughed and broke the hug shortly. He averted his eyes to Namjoon who was giving him his usual lopsided smile and hugged his close friend. 

     “Long time no see,” Namjoon said as he broke the hug.

     Both Taehyung and Jungkook gave Hoseok a high five and a pat on his shoulder. 

     The atmosphere was lively and overwhelming with laughter and hugs. Except for Yoongi. He stood there stock-still, looking dull and morose. Hoseok shot him a look and called the latter out. “Yoongi hyung!” 

     Yoongi lifted his head up upon hearing his name, however, the moment his eyes met their gazes he looked away and pursed his lips in awkwardness. 

     Hoseok approached him and stood before Yoongi, mustering up his courage to hold the boy's hand and drag him away from his current spot. His heart skipped a beat or two when his skin came into contact with Hoseok's. 

     So did Yoongi's broken heart. 

     It appeared strange to Yoongi for some reason. Somehow, it was telling him that he was, indeed, still alive somewhere inside and that his broken heart was, indeed, still beating within his chest. 

     “Yoongi,” Jin said with a genuine smile. He placed his hand on Yoongi's shoulder and squeezed it gently. “It's good to see you again.”

     Yoongi exchanged an awkward look with Jin and the others and later on heaved a breath.

     Sitting on the bench nearby the arcade were the older ones, Jin and Yoongi. Jin, the eldest in the group, watched from afar the others as they flexed their body to the left and right, shooting zombies with the plastic guns. Taehyung and Namjoon who did not take part in the game screamed and shouted, merely making noises. Hoseok was shouting all the time, while Jungkook, being a professional gamer, narrowed his eyes as he focused and pulled the trigger, killing all the zombies that suddenly popped up on the screen. Cool and calm, Jungkook was the only quiet one among the four boys. 

     “They are so freaking loud,” Jin complained and smiled regardless. He diverted his eyes to the silent Yoongi whose gaze was empty from the beginning. “Yoongi? You okay?”

     Jin's question pulled Yoongi back to reality. He flinched slightly and shot Jin a blanked look. 

     The older male sighed. “Yoongi, what are you thinking about now?” 

     “N-Nothing.”

     “Don't say ‘Nothing,’ Yoongi,” replied Jin, firmly. “I know you're lying. Was it about Jimin?”

     Yoongi fell silent as he looked away.

     “Tell me, Yoongi. It's about Jimin, right?”

     After a short pause, an audible sigh escaped from Yoongi's lips.

     Upon seeing Yoongi, Jin placed his hand on the latter's shoulder and said, “I know it's hard, Yoongi. I know it hurts. The pain of losing someone you dearly love all this time. But constantly thinking about him won't make anything better. It won't change anything.”

     “So, you are telling me to forget him as well?”

     Jin frowned a bit.

     “You are just like Hoseok.”

     “Well, what did Hoseok tell you exactly, Yoongi?” Curious, Jin asked him.

     “He told me to accept Jimin's death. He told me to accept the fact that he's gone. Forever. And he told me to forget him. But I can't. It's...impossible.”

     Jin shot Yoongi a compassionate look afterward and squeezed his shoulder tenderly. “Yoongi, you're not the only one who feels like that. We all are. But even if you can't accept it, Yoongi, you have to.”

     Upon hearing him, Yoongi averted his glowering eyes to Jin. He then shoved Jin's hand off of his shoulder and turned his head away with rage. 

     “Yoongi, you have to accept his death. But it doesn't mean that you have to forget him entirely. He will always stay in your heart, in a corner of your memory, and he will always be there forever. Because you see, heart is like a set of a puzzle. And Jimin is one of the hundreds of pieces that you found. Without him, the puzzle will never be complete.”

     Yoongi fell silent. Jin's words did make sense to him somehow.

     “What matters now is the rest. The other blank spaces. The other pieces that you have yet to find. What about them? Are you going to let your heart stays empty like that? Are you going to let the holes swallow you up whole someday? I think it's time for you to move on. I think it is time for you to keep on living your life like the old days, to stop dwelling in the past, to open your eyes wide and see what's before you, Yoongi. Otherwise, the wound will get worse.”

     “So what am I supposed to do now?” Yoongi asked after a short pause.

     “Find the other pieces of the puzzle. Make it whole and complete.”

     Yoongi shot Jin a look. All these times, it was Jin who had driven him back to the right path every time he went off track. It was Jin who had opened his eyes to see things he should have seen long ago. Perhaps, because Jin was the eldest, he had more experiences than Yoongi despite their was just one year. The meaningful look in Jin's eyes and the reassuring smile on his face convinced Yoongi to put his trust on the latter. And so he did.

     Yoongi gave Jin a slight nod and slowly looked away.

     Jin sighed in relief upon seeing Yoongi's reaction. Before long, he diverted his eyes to the four boys who had now moved to the other game. He caught Hoseok in his sight whose laughter could be heard clearly from where he was sitting at. “How's Hoseok?” asked Jin. 

     “H-Hoseok? He…he's nice. He takes a good care of me,” answered Yoongi while looking at Jin.

     “Of course. I knew he's nice. But I guess you don't really sense anything from his kindness, do you?” And with that, Jin arched his brows at the bewildered Yoongi.

     “Sense what?” 

     Instead of answering his question, Jin merely raised his eyebrows and smiled a smile that could have meant anything. 

     On the other hand, Yoongi frowned as Jin began to ignore his question. He then diverted his eyes to the excited Hoseok, looking on in silence as the other played around, and wondered alone. 

     Yoongi admitted that it had been pretty long since they gathered together as a whole after Jimin's death. Although Jimin was not here anymore to brighten up the mood and atmosphere and it felt quite empty without the particular boy, everyone seemed to work hard in keeping the positive vibes from vanishing into the thin air. Seeing those animated smiles of his other members, Yoongi came to realize how depressed and dull he had been all these times.

     Jungkook came with a tray full of fast food. Trailing behind him was Taehyung who was carrying another tray particularly for drinks. Their table became the noisiest right after Jungkook and Taehyung put down the trays upon it and Jin, being himself, quickly seized his burger, French fries, and drink. Yoongi, however, watched them in silence with his head propped on the palm of his hand. 

     It was then Hoseok approached him with his food. “Yoongi hyung, here's yours,” he said and handed over the burger, fries, and soft drink. 

     Yoongi looked up at Hoseok who was smiling at him and without he realizing, a small, lopsided smile began to form on his pale face. His muscle ached a little. How long it must have been since he smiled. Yet, that was not the matter. The moment he smiled at Hoseok, he knew it was not a fake one and that somewhere inside him, he was indeed, happy. Before long, Yoongi took his food from Hoseok and said, “Thanks.”

     Hoseok, on the other hand, felt as though his heart had stopped beating for a split second when Yoongi showed him his smile after a long time. “Y-You are welcome,” Hoseok replied, stuttering a bit. “Um, c-can I sit beside you, hyung?”

     It took Yoongi a few seconds before he nodded and hummed in response. He shifted aside to make space for Hoseok to sit and shot the latter a brief look before he turned away. 

     Hoseok grinned all along and noticing that he might make Yoongi felt uncomfortable with his weird act, Hoseok began to control his facial expression and focus on his food instead. Even though Yoongi might not be the one to notice his silly look, Jin did. 

     The eldest had been quietly observing the two of them from the beginning and smiled to himself. Before long, he picked his burger up and ate while glancing at Yoongi and Hoseok alternately, until Yoongi caught him looking at them and frowned.

     “What?” asked Yoongi, in suspicion.

     Jin shook his head, wore his ignorant look, and ate his burger.

     Upon seeing Jin's reaction, Yoongi paused for a short while. It was then his previous words about Hoseok's kindness lingered in Yoongi's head, triggering yet another question. Diverting his eyes to Hoseok, Yoongi shrugged the troubling thought off of his head and later on focused on his food. Hoseok smiling and being cheerful were not something unusual, though. Everyone knew that. It was Hoseok's nature to be happy and smiling all day long and none of them had a problem with it. Yet, Yoongi had no idea if it was just a mask. He had no idea if there were secrets hidden beneath the mask Hoseok wore whenever the boy smiled at him. Because he never knew it. He never realized it. No one did. But Jin.