He felt the droplets forming on his skin before they collected into a stream down the sides of his face and along his muscles as he danced. Dancing provided him with a relief he couldn't find anywhere else, an outlet for all his emotions that had to be bottled during his group's’ promotions. Becoming liked and gaining fame was something he always dreamed of when he started rapping alongside his best friend, Namjoon, but recently it had been weighing him down.

 

In his dreams, the fans had chanted his name as he rapped, eager to hear more of his talent and individual style. In reality, they chanted for him to take off his shirt or to kiss his lifelong friend. Dream fans were shy when they asked for his autograph and admitted to having a poster of him in their bedroom while real fans hung pictures of him they had taken while following him.

 

It had been four years since Namjoon suggested they try and break into the mainstream by adding someone who could complement their rapping with singing into the mix and three years since he had gotten his last breath of fresh air without people hounding him. Seokjin always took it in stride, laughing with the fans and shooting them hearts and kisses at every chance while Namjoon stood by and watched his boyfriend handle the crowd. Occasionally, the crowd would ask something of the impassive rapper and it was always a toss up on whether or not they'd be received well. They went wild for a chance to break down his walls.

 

Hoseok wished he had the heart to tell them no like his platonic other half. Even when he was bursting at the seams with anxiety or embarrassment, he always did what the fans wanted and it took all of three years before he broke. Seokjin always scolded him for putting his dedication above his general well being and Namjoon always called him a pushover when he complained about it so eventually he stopped voicing it.

 

That's when he began to dance. It had always been a secret passion but now it was something so much more. Dancing was his only relief and he abused it until he couldn't move any longer, his limbs shaking instead of cooperating and his extremities going numb as he tried to push himself as far as he could go.

 

It wasn't healthy but it was what got him by. There were nights whenever his friend Jimin would come by and hoist Hoseok onto his back before depositing him onto the couch that lined the far wall of the studio when Hoseok could no longer move himself. These nights were filled with soothing words instead of the cold bite of the floor but he could never bring himself to thank Jimin.

 

When the day broke they always pretended like it didn't happen. Jimin would go back to his house and clean up before going out for promotions with his own group, leaving breakfast ready for Hoseok in a bag by the door. Hoseok would pull himself off of the couch and eat the food he knew Jin had prepared especially for Jimin. Jin never really had gotten the hint that Jimin wouldn't break his diet to feast so he kept making the food and Jimin kept accepting it, fearful of looking rude.

 

Today was different though because Jimin was out of the country and wouldn't be coming by to help. Hoseok could make his muscles scream from exertion and no one was there to stop him. So he danced until the sun broke through the only window in the room and until he heard a knock at the door.

 

“Hoseok, unlock the door.” He sighed and slowed his already sluggish movements but didn't stop out of fear that he wouldn't be able to start again if he did.

 

“What do you want Joon?”

 

“Jimin said you needed me. I don't know what for though. Is something wrong?” Jimin has broken their unspoken rule and Hoseok let out a curse before trying to fix his appearance a bit in the mirror closest to the door. He looked a mess but he straightened out what he could before pulling open the door and bracing most of his weight on it.

 

“Sorry, I fell asleep while texting him and he must have been worried.” Namjoon scoffed and brushed his hair back. “Did Jin talk you into this color as well?” Hoseok chuckled and already knew his answer before it came.

 

“You know pink is his favorite and he did all the work this time so it wasn't a big deal. Time for a change anyway.” It was always time for a new hairstyle in Namjoons’ books.

 

“It looks nice.” Hoseok gave a genuine smile and hoped that it blinded his friend to the fact that his legs were beginning to protest his own weight. “You should keep it that way long enough to get a photo this time.” He had seen pink once before as a prank while they were both in highschool but it was dyed back to a blonde before it even set.

 

“The things I do for love,” He sighed wistfully, “I'll let Jimin know you're awake now so don't go back to sleep! You need to get used to waking up this early anyway, our schedules are about to demand earlier than this in a short while.”

 

“No problem. Tell him my phone's dead and I forgot a charger for it. I'll text him when I get back home to let him know I wasn't mauled.”

 

“No problem. He knows how forgetful you are of everything besides adoring screams.” One last wink was aimed his way before Namjoon was walking the other direction with a hand thrown up in goodbye. Hoseok waited until he saw Namjoon round the corner to his own studio before closing the door and collapsing against it.

 

One day he'd stop feeling the need to do this to himself. He'd be able to laugh about it as if it never happened and tell his friends what really went on when he wasn't working on tracks with them. Someday he'd be strong again.

 

----------------------------------------------

 

A/N: Hoseok is beautiful and I hope he never feels this way.

Check out my other stuff on my profile or at my Archive Of Our Own profile, "asunae"