After 2 Years

Today is the day that we will meet after two years. Are you excited? To see our fans, to be on stage with us… to be with me again?

None of the members fetch you when you discharged from the army. Are you disappointed? I’m sorry. We all had schedule that day. But I know Leeteuk hyung sent you greetings on behalf of us.

I saw you on the news and I’m glad you’re okay. You seemed so happy to see your fans waiting for you. Will you be that happy if you see me with them waiting for you? I thought so. I want to go there but this whole day schedule.

Today is SJ’s first schedule for this year, with you and Shindong hyung. Are you afraid because of the issue two years ago? Don’t be. We’re here, I’m here for you.

I saw you today. Your blonde hair suits you so well. You look younger with that. I want to tell you look good… no, you’re beautiful. I want to talk to you, like the old times. I want to ask if you already hear my latest album, I want to know your thoughts about my songs. I want you to praise me, just like before. I have so many things in my mind that I want you to know. As much as I want to hug you… I can’t.

I can’t because we’re not like before. We’re not like we used to… because everything has changed.

-

How do you spell AWKWARD?

U-N-I

We used to be so close but why we can’t at least have a decent conversation? It frustrates me. I want to talk to you but you won’t look at me. You always avoid my eyes so all I can do is to stare at your back.

We sat next to each other. Don’t you know how happy I am because if that? I’m not feeling well today but to sit next to you brings light to me. I missed this.

I tried to make a conversation, and I’m so happy that you turned your head and smiled to me. You smiled! But I’m such an idiot to stare at the ground and not to you! I was nervous and I’m holding my breath as I speak.

You were listening to whatever stupidity comes in my mouth, smiling and talking back. Like we’re trying to erase the awkwardness little by little.

The fan meeting ended well. Everyone was happy, walking out the venue with a smile on their faces. And here I am, watching you as you laugh with other members in the dressing room. I envied them, they can talk to you without feeling awkward. I’m pissed with myself because I am like this to you. Why can’t I talk to you normally?

Ah… Because you still have this effect to me. That after two years, I can’t still get over you. I still love you.

I excuse myself and went outside to breathe some air. I’m not a claustrophobic but being with Sungmin in a room makes me hard to breath.

“Kyuhyun-ah…”

My heart