The music came to a stop as my back turned to face the mirror. Sweat dripped down my neck as I lazily reached for my bottle, and let the coolness of the water travel down my throat. Ruffling my hair, my eyes wandered to the locker room located outside of the dance practice room. I couldn’t help but wonder as to why Sehun hadn’t stopped by today. He was always with me constantly practicing for the upcoming annual dance tournament we were competing in. The date was coming sooner, and as someone who was known to practice the most out of everyone in the dance studio, I was very worried. The two of us needed to practice a lot more. The only problem was that Sehun was nowhere to be found.

“Sehun?” I called cautiously. Strutting to the locker room, I pushed the glass door open and slipped in the room.

“Sehun?” I called one more time. Silence was the only reply. Sighing, I strided over to Sehun’s locker. To be honest, Sehun never left his things lying around, even in a locker, but something shiny was glimmering between the gaps. Attempting different locker combinations, I finally got the locker open on the second try. Smiling triumphantly, I grabbed the bag that was sitting in the locker alone. I recognized the leather Gucci bag adorned with silver studs as the one I gifted him for his birthday. Sitting down on the floor in front of the bench, I peered into the open bag, and saw several odd things. Discovering a crumpled ball of paper, I smoothed it out, hoping it would give me hints as to where Sehun was. Instead of clues, though, I found a paper filled with poetic words. The first line started with song lyrics,“Gazes looking at each other. One gaze that was left alone.” Skimming through the paper from top to bottom, it was apparent that lyrical sentences were the only things I would find. I simply set the paper aside and rummaged through the rest of the bag.

Grabbing two handfuls of stuff from the bag and pulling them out, I discovered a crumpled bill of 10,000 won, two letters, a paper in a clear file, and a music album. Letting the things drop on the bench in front of me with a clatter, I leaned towards the bench and picked up the music album and examined it closely. I didn’t know the artist very well but as I flipped through the album, I noticed that one of the song’s lyrics had the same words that was on the crumpled ball of paper. Confused, I picked up the creased sheet of paper and compared the two. They were the exact same except for Sehun’s messy handwriting. Why would Sehun copy down lyrics? My mind grew even more cluttered, I didn’t understand Sehun at all. Placing the sheet of paper between the pages of the album, I set it to the side and got my hands on the collection of papers in a transparent file. Taking the papers out, I read the words at the top of the page “JSL Entertainment Contract”. JSL Entertainment was one of three largest entertainment companies in South Korea, why would Sehun have a contract from them and how? Most importantly, why wouldn’t he tell me about it? I was his best friend, we never hid anything from each other.  I grew even more puzzled and with the tiny bit of common sense I still had in my system, I retrieved my phone from my pocket and attempted to give Sehun a call. Waiting for Sehun to answer my call, I plucked the last two objects from the bench, which were the two letters. Just as I was about to take a closer look at the letters, my phone beeped and informed me that his phone was off.

Letting go of the letters, I sifted through the rest of my contacts to try and find Sehun’s mom. He might have gone home on the subway to Bucheon where his parents lived. Sehun’s mother picked up right away.

“Hello? Kai?” she said with her slightly accented Korean due to her half French background. Sehun’s mother had a French upbringing and moved to Korea after meeting her husband.

“Hello Mrs. Oh, it’s nice to talk to you after so long. How are you?” I asked, trying to sound respectful even though I wanted to get answers quickly.

“I’m good, thank you honey. Is there a reason you called?” she questioned with her friendly voice.

“Actually, it’s about Sehun. Is he in Bucheon right now, or is he on his way to Bucheon?” I asked, speaking faster than I normally would.

“Sehun was here a few hours ago, he left right after picking up Vivi. I swear he cares more about his dog than his own parents,” she joked, “But isn’t Sehun with you? He should be in Seoul by now.”

I could hear the slight panic in her voice the more she talked.

“Actually, Sehun is probably at home right now, don’t worry, I just forgot. How careless of me.” I soothed, trying to dispel her worries. I honestly had no idea where Sehun was but I didn’t want Sehun’s parents to get concerned.

“Alright honey, make sure to take care of him and take care of yourself! Goodbye!” she said cheerfully before hanging up.

Groaning, I leaned my head back and stretched my long limbs. Sitting up straight again, I picked up the two letters and inspected both. They were both quite thick and the flap was open, as if they were never closed in the first place. The envelopes were completely blank except for the dates, May 30th, 2015 and June 30th, 2015. Curiously, I flipped open the envelope flap for the letter dated May 30th, 2015. There were two papers found inside the envelope. Unfolding both papers, I realized they were handwritten letters 100 percent by Sehun, even without a name I could recognize his handwriting. I unfolded the first paper that was dated May 30th, and left the second paper with the date June 8th on the bench in front of me.

“To the pair of eyes that will never reach mine,

I’ve always had that feeling in my stomach that made me feel jittery and nervous. I knew I liked you in a way that friends shouldn’t like each other ever since the first time we met. The time I was stunned by your pureness. I’ve always known, but I denied it to the point of no escape, where my feelings hid in the dark with no way out. Not only was I a boy, but you were my best friend. What was I supposed to tell you? That I’m helplessly in love with you? Because I knew that your answer would be no answer and getting a reply back was better than never getting a response. When I finally accepted my feelings, I thought I got used to them, but I was kidding myself. You never just “get used” to it. At that point all I did was watch you and hope to one day claim you as mine. Whether you had an interest in girls or not, I was unsure and even though the idea of you being mine was impossible, I couldn’t help but hold that tiny glimmer of hope in my heart.”

“But as soon as I saw your pair of eyes meet hers, I could feel the adoration coming from the both of your gazes. While my lonely pair of eyes were still stuck on the image of you two in love, the tiny sliver of hope turned its back on me and proceeded to stab me in the heart. Nothing ever prepared me for the pain of an unrequited love; I thought love was exaggerated but what I felt was something that I’ve never felt before. The last time I cried was 10 months ago when we were watching a comedy film together, but the feeling of love that I felt, left my eyes red and swollen almost daily. I felt stupid and immature when that heart wrenching pain stabbed me as the love filled gazes searched for each other’s eyes. That memory’s never left my mind. But I couldn’t hate her. The way she made you smile was unforgettable. She made you smile brighter than I’ve ever seen you smile, and as much as I loved every part of your smile, I felt pained at the thought that I could never make you smile like that.”

“Sometimes, I would wonder, what if I was her? What if I had told you my feelings before she came around? Of course, I knew nothing would change. We’re something that was never meant to happen. While the two of us looked messy together, the both of you guys looked picture perfect when you were with each other. The envy of everyone, relationship wise or simply individually, were the two of you. Your physical statures were perfect against each other and even your contrasting skin tones were beautiful. While she was the gentle white snow, you were the rough tan sand.”

As I continued to read Sehun’s letter, I realized the person he was describing sounded an awful lot like me. But Sehun wouldn’t like me… right? Except that I was his only best friend, I was the only one who watched the comedy movie with him 10 months ago, I was the one with tan skin. I grew even more perplexed, because since when did Sehun like guys and me? I couldn’t think of any moment where his attraction was apparent. There were so many questions floating in my head, waiting to be answered. Making the decision to read on, I continued.

“One of the hardest things about this love were the thoughts that plagued my mind; the two of you holding each other and telling secrets you’ve never told anybody else. Sometimes, the feeling is so unbearable that I’m completely sure my emotions are out in the open for everyone to see, as the red spills out of my chest. But then you come talk to me and I’m forced to hide the red that wants to rip my body apart and show the world my feelings. I saw the concern on your face when you finally realized something was wrong with me, but it’s brushed off like dust because we all have more important priorities than caring about something that will never happen.”

I was in shock. Not only did I feel completely lost, but I felt a huge cloud of guilt hanging over my head. I was so oblivious to his feelings, and to his heart. Slipping the first letter back in it’s envelope, I heard a familiar voice call for me from outside the locker room. I jammed all the items spread out on the bench, back into the backpack, and quickly stood up.

“Yeah?” I replied, after calming myself down and trying to pretend that nothing happened.

Standing outside of the boys locker room was my girlfriend, Yewon. The two of us have been dating for five months, ever since Sehun pushed me to ask her out on Valentine’s Day. Being aware of his feelings now made the whole situation horrible, the person that loved me convinced me to ask out the girl I liked because he knew it would make me happy. I felt horrible.

“Kai, where were you? You didn’t answer any of my calls, do you know how worried I was?” she complained whilst approaching me. Yewon was a very chic girl who was training to become a singer. Her tall, slim body could easily pass as a models, and her small but wide eyes warmed everyone’s hearts. The first time I saw her smile, she was so beautiful and I felt an electric shock kind of connection that left me stuttering. Sehun and I both met her, when she started taking dance lessons at the studio. Sehun and I volunteered to help the beginners class; I was assigned to advise her. My first impression of her was that she was rude but after she flashed a smile, it changed everything. Although, later on I found out that she just wasn’t familiar with Korean customs, as she was a Korean born American.

After mumbling out a half hearted apology to her, I gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. I then asked if she’d seen Sehun anywhere.

“Sehun? No I haven’t seen him. But isn’t the bag you’re holding his? Did he leave his bag here?” she asked curiously.

“It’s not that, it’s just..” I said, trying to explain the situation, “I think he’s missing. I called Mrs. Oh earlier and she told me