Yongguk plopped himself onto his king size bed.  Ah, how relaxing it must be, to lie on his bed after a long day at work.   Unfortunately, there was no escape from stress for Yongguk.     Yes. BAP's Bang Yongguk was having a hard time being relaxed.    He didn't know why he has to put up a strong image everyday when truthfully he was no hero, neither a warrior like their fans said.   Talking about fans, meeting with his fans was always fun and stress-free. They gave him inspiration and motivation, basically his mood booster.   But most of the times, they were all too innocent, too naive to easily trust something, and too gullible to know what was wrong.   Still, Yongguk loved them deeply.  

 

Yongguk decided that he didn't need anyone. He was going to be fine alone, or so he thought. Needless to say, Yongguk just couldn't depend on others.

  He would put a strong front so that no one would worry about him. Not even his closest brothers.   But this time was different. The pressure was too much for him. He didn't know where to start. He couldn't handle anything. And he most likely wont be happy if his dongsaengs knew about this.  

 

3AM and he was still wide awake. Too many things were on his head, preventing him to get a goodnight sleep.

  Something snapped in his head. What was actually the cause of his pent up frustation? Life as an idol? He had endured it for 4 years already. Disappointing everyone? He was used to it. Having no one? When did he actually have someone to depend anyway?   So he didnt know. It just feels empty. And lonely. How everything around him is rotating fast yet he was too deep in his own world.    He guessed he was simply tired. Tired from all the pressure that was weighing him down. Exhausted, having to lie in front of his loved ones. Just.. everyone needs rest and Yongguk hadn't been having it.   He got up and walked to his desk. Grabbing a pen and a paper, he started to let his feelings flow in the form of words.   Every night I spend my lonely nights with bad thoughts
No one needs to hold me so I shut my mouth tight
With a glass of soju I anesthetize the sadness in the end it’s all one thing
I don’t even remember any more just what a dumb like me is
I wanted to live without an ounce of shame to my hyungs and dongsaengs no matter what I did
The s who ruined this are living with their bellies full
Just as they don’t pay attention to the victim mentality they have left behind To try to forget all the ignorant ones is like empty dust   He fell asleep on his desk, with a pen alongside his fingers. AM 4.44 was the title, as the song was written at that exact time.    A light from the desk was the one keeping him warm on that cold night. He felt alone. He was suffocating in all his dark and unspoken link of thoughts. The cold temperature couldn't beat him who was numb from all of these.   But in the end, he might be just tired right? And he would be okay in the end. After all, he was an expert in hiding things from the media, wasnt he?           Their dorm's bell rang twice. Junhong, who was cleaning the dishes, opened the door. Yongguk hadn't woken up yet, and there were only two of them in the dorm, the other kids were busy with their own schedules.   "Oh? Good afternoon Hyunmi noona." Junhong greeted her in a cheerful voice "Hello kid, where's Yongguk?" She calmly ruffled the latter's blond hair. "In his room of course. Where else would he be?" Junhong shrugged with a grin, letting Hyunmi in.   "Okay. Thanks Junhong."   She then took little steps to his room.   Slipping her head in, she called his name out, "Bbang?" Her eyes searched for him   She couldn't see him so she decided to open the door fully,