Disheartened I was, I never expected to feel this way. Falling for him was never my intention, not written in my books. Fate must have been playing with me – from the moment that we bumped into each other to eventually being friends and now me being in this situation. 

The way he could easily tower over me with his height.

The way his broad shoulders feel whenever he gives me his one arm hugs.

The way his lisp slips whenever he’s nervous or excited.

The way he covers his mouth to cover his ridiculous laugh.

The way his eyes seemingly disappear whenever he smiles.

The way he looks at his favorite flavored bubble tea.

The way how serious he is whenever he’s learning a new dance or anything he’s passionate for.

I don’t recall the moment when I fall in love with him. It wasn’t like the movies where the protagonists feel that rush of attraction for one another. I fell for him like how molten lava takes its time to flow out of a volcano. There were no fireworks involved, just that scalding realization that I’m in love with this man. 

It was definitely not love at first sight. It was an accumulation of moments, of unknown chances, of silent seconds stirring unknown emotions, slowly building up feelings that have no assurance of being returned. 

He was that one star that I look up to every night, shining so bright, so wonderful. He will always be.

*****

There he was, in the middle of the café, holding the microphone close to his lips, eyes closed, his breath evening out as he inhales confidence and exhales his anxieties. He looked over Lay beside him who was holding a guitar and smiled at him, as if saying that he’s ready to begin. 

As Lay was playing the first notes of the song, the door of the café chimed open and there he was, the man who has been making his life difficult, the one who makes his cheeks blush madly, makes him restless at night, the one who makes his heart thump a million miles. Luhan was not surprised to see a beautiful girl next to him, probably his current pursuit or maybe the one that he has been talking about for weeks, he thought. 

He couldn’t breathe for a bit, he feels his world is closing in until Lay nudged him, as if asking if he’s fine and should he continue playing. Luhan composed himself and nodded to Lay, who played the first notes of the song once again. The couple walked towards the middle of the café where a table was reserved for them as requested by the man. Unfortunately for Luhan, it was right where he could easily see them and it would be too obvious if tries to avert his sight. 

Sweet melody resonated all throughout the whole room, filling the café with the soft voice that is Luhan’s. Most of the café’s patrons have heard him sing, so it was not a surprise to hear such wonderful. However, one man couldn’t hide his shock upon hearing his voice, that despite being the one who recommended Luhan to Minseok to be the café’s singer as a prank, he hasn’t heard him sing. He has heard his cousin rave on about how good Luhan is but it he did not expect that he was that good. 

Luhan always sing from his heart, but it was different this time. He was pouring his all into singing this song, trying not to mind one bit the man in front of him, who doesn’t seem to realize that he’s singing for him. With eyes closed, he started singing the first verse.

I pick up my worn guitar. The confession I couldn’t say
and swallowed because of my stubbornness
I pretend I made a song just to tell you
Just listen I’ll sing for you

He slowly opened his eyes as he starts the next verse, his eyes accidentally locking eyes with the other man. He could feel his cheeks flaming up as he could still feel the other man’s gaze at him but held on to staring at the other. 

I love you so much but I don’t say it
It’s awkward, my pride doesn’t let me
Today I’ll build up my courage and say it
Please just listen I’ll sing for you

As Luhan sings the chorus, the man shifted his gaze, looking at the girl beside him. He couldn’t help but feel hurt at this gesture which made his voice cracked a bit. 

Feeling hurt, he looked around the café as he sings the following verses. He could see Minseok who was looking at him with pride in his eyes, as if saying how proud he is for having Luhan in his café. His friends from college were also there, silently supporting him from the sidelines. He was a bit surprised to see Chanyeol at the table near the door, thinking he would not show up, not after what has transpired last night. He sent him a smile, wishing Chanyeol would translate it as a token of appreciation for showing up as he performs the song that he has written with him. 

The way you cry, the way you smile
How much does it mean to me?
The things I wanted to say, the chances I lost
I’ll confess so just listen, I’ll sing for you, sing for you
Just listen once and smile

It’s embarrassing, you’re the only one for me
Sometimes I can’t be better than everyone
When the truth is I just want to cuddle
And be hugged by you

During the chorus, Chanyeol returned a small smile to him, evident on his face that he is still affected from what happened last night. He wasn’t supposed to be at the café tonight, but for some reason or another, his feet brought him there and witness Luhan sing the song that they finished writing the other week when the latter was reeling upon the realization of how he feels for a certain blonde guy sitting in the middle of the café. He couldn’t help but smirk at how absurd their situation is. He’s in love with Luhan, who unfortunately loves another who doesn’t even realize that someone as amazing as Luhan loves him. 

The way you cry, the way you smile
How much does it mean to me?
The words I turned around and regretted
I’ll apologize but just listen I’ll sing for you, sing for you
Act like it’s nothing

Luhan is nearing the end of the song. He poured all of his emotions into the song as he sings the last lines of the song and locked his eyes with the man in front of him. Instead of averting his eyes, he sang his heart out, poured out his feelings, letting all the unspoken words he wished to say but couldn’t. 

I’ll always thankful that you’re here
A gift from the gods

If today passes I might be awkward again
But today I really wanna say this so please listen

The way you cry, the way you smile
How much of a big deal is it to me?
The things I wanted to say, the chances I lost
I’ll confess, and it might be awkward but
Just listen I’ll sing for you, sing for you
Just listen I’ll sing for you

Luhan has his eyes closed as ends the song. He could faintly hear the applause of his audience but he did not care. All that he cares about is the man in front of him. He slowly opened his eyes and looked for the other man, however, to his surprise, he was not there anymore and all that’s left is the girl, who visibly looked confused but clapping her hands at the same time. He felt hurt when he found him not there, a million things running in his mind. Was he too forward with his gesture? Did he not sing well? Did he embarrass the other man with what he did? Wasn’t the other man able to realize what he was trying to say? 

He went down from the high stool that he was sitting on and made his way at the back, finally meeting with Chanyeol who was looking at him with unknown expression.

“What’s with the expression? Did someone die?” Luhan joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Chanyeol just stared at him a little longer before he stood up and hugged Luhan. 

Luhan, surprised with the gesture, belatedly put his arms around Chanyeol. He was still reeling with Chanyeol’s confession the other night and hoped that, despite his response to Chanyeol’s confession, nothing drastic will change in their friendship.

“Thank you for being here tonight. You don’t know how much it means to me.” Luhan said, still caged in the arms of the taller man.

It was a while before Chanyeol lets him go and when he did, he pulled the chair and told Luhan to sit.

“I hope I did justice to your song Chanyeol.”

“It was an honor for me to see you sing. You did wonderfully Luhan. You were perfect up there. And it is also your song, you helped me compose it.” Chanyeol smiled to the latter. 

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