Kyungsoo rolls his neck, trying to stretch out the stiffness after such a long surgery. His stomach grumbles and he peers into the hospital cafeteria but it’s bustling with too many people and he’s already got enough of a headache starting a painful throb in his temples.

He heads towards the staircase, wandering towards the upper floors and away from the central area of the hospital. Kyungsoo knows there’s a working vending machine on the third floor, having walked past it sometimes on his way to another ward. Hopefully, there isn’t a line of people queuing in front of it when he gets there.

When he rounds the corner, he sees someone already standing there, leaning towards the glass display. Kyungsoo waits politely until he’s done but the man doesn’t move at all and Kyungsoo cautiously steps in a little closer, realizing that the man is actually dozing off on his feet where he stands. Blinking, a little taken aback, he takes in the white lab coat and tries to get a look at the name on the front, engraved on the name tag; Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo wonders if he should just slip away quietly and look for another machine somewhere else but then his stomach grumbles loudly again. Sighing, he hesitates with his hand suspended in mid air halfway through reaching out, before actually tapping him gently on the shoulder, calling his name until the man, Jongin, startles awake, slipping off the glass and just barely catching himself in time before he stumbles off balance.

“Oh. Sorry,” he apologizes sheepishly, ducking down to retrieve his candy bar sitting at the bottom container where he’s already paid for it. “I’m on my second 12 hour shift, it’s been a long night.”

He chuckles awkwardly to himself, rubbing a hand across his face before stepping aside to keep from blocking the way to the machine and gives Kyungsoo a polite nod before walking away.

Kyungsoo looks at his retreating back, humming under his breath. He’s still new here, having just transferred to this hospital in Seoul last week, so he hasn’t really had the chance to get used to many people’s faces here yet, save for a handful in his department whom he runs into all the time. He wonders curiously which department Jongin is in.

Shrugging, Kyungsoo turns back to the vending machine and pushes in the coins he need to get to the packet of salty crisps inside.

He forgets about Jongin until he runs into him again by the same vending machine a couple of days later. And the next three after that, at all odd hours of the day.

“Long shift?” Jongin finally starts a conversation past a polite nod this time, when they run into each other at two in the morning on a Saturday.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Kyungsoo sighs, jabbing his finger into the button to watch the metal spiral release a bag of chocolate drops. He’s spent the day in three back to back five hour cranial surgeries after a large road pile up earlier that day. There’s a faint ache starting to build up in his wrist and Kyungsoo wonders if he should set an ice pack on it for a while.

He looks at Jongin, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, looking pretty haggard and worn down himself too. Kyungsoo realizes that he still has no clue which department of the hospital he’s in.

“I haven’t seen you around here before,” Jongin comments before Kyungsoo can ask anything. “Are you new to the hospital?”

“Transferred here from Gyeonggi-do last week,” Kyungsoo nods, popping a handful of chocolate drops into his mouth, already eyeing the pack of gummy bears also looking particularly appetizing behind the glass pane. He seriously needs some decent food. “I’m in neuro.”

Jongin nods at his answer, hastily pocketing his bag of crisps and holding a hand out to Kyungsoo.

“I’m Jongin,” he smiles, his eyes bright despite the clear exhaustion hanging heavily in them. “I’m a pediatric surgeon.”

Kyungsoo takes his hand and gives his own name back with a small smile of his own.

“So, you come here often?”

Jongin laughs at that, leaning back against the wall by the vending machine and sliding down to sit on the floor. Kyungsoo joins him, feeling the heavy tiredness dragging his limbs down.

“It’s quiet here,” Jongin says, turning to look at him. “Sometimes I just need a little space to breathe and process, you know?”

Kyungsoo knows; Jongin’s words echo his thoughts exactly. Everywhere else is just too jam packed with people. He gets enough of that during his long, never ending shifts.

“Plus, people rarely come up here because it’s so far from the on call rooms, so the machine never runs out of food,” Jongin adds with a laugh and Kyungsoo chuckles in agreement, having the exact same reasoning for coming up here.  

“When’s your next shift?” Jongin asks then.

Kyungsoo’s pager beeps before Jongin has even gotten the words out.

“Apparently right now,” Kyungsoo groans, closing his eyes for a moment before resigning himself to more long, grueling hours and hauls himself up to his feet. “See you next time?”

He’s surprised by how hopeful he feels. It’s just nice to be around someone who appreciates the quiet as much as he does.

“I’ll be here,” Jongin says with a small wave, not moving from his spot on the floor.

Nodding, Kyungsoo tosses the empty wrapper into the trash and walks away, back to the neuro ward.

▸

One of the senior residents holds a conference meeting for all the resident surgeons, presenting a rare medical case they’re dealing with which they could use some input on, besides its educational value. Kyungsoo slides into the lecture hall just before the presentation starts, scanning the room to find a free row somewhere around the back and he settles into one of the empty seats.

He sits up a little straighter when someone else shuffles into his row, dropping into the seat right beside him and then realizes it’s Jongin.

“You made it,” Kyungsoo smiles, absently reaching over to peel off a flower sticker off Jongin’s cheek.

“Oh, thanks,” Jongin laughs quietly, taking the sticker and tucking it into his pocket. “One of my patients thought it looked cute.”

They fall silent to focus on the presentation except Kyungsoo’s stomach suddenly breaks the silence between them again when it grumbles loudly.

Embarrassed, Kyungsoo shrinks in his seat, feeling his face heat up and prays that the sound didn’t travel farther than their row of seats. Jongin hides his mouth behind his hand, shaking with laughter and patting Kyungsoo’s shoulder sympathetically. He pulls away to look for something in his pocket and pulls out a chocolate bar.

“Do you just keep chocolate bars on you all the time?” Kyungsoo snorts, careful to keep his voice down to a whisper.

“For situations like these, yeah,” Jongin grins, tears the wrapper open to share it with him.

It’s just enough to at least get the growling in his stomach to stop and Kyungsoo can focus on the presentation again though his focus is still a little scattered. He casts a glance at Jongin now and again, noting the way he snacks slowly, absent mindedly, as he listens to the speech with such rapt attention. Kyungsoo smiles to himself before looking away.

After the conference is over, Jongin heads down to speak with one of the senior surgeons and Kyungsoo follows the line of people filing out of the room, slowing his pace slightly to throw a look back. He slows to a stop outside, still a little uncertain but he decides to wait outside the door, slipping his hands into his lab coat pockets and fidgets with the candy wrapper his fingers find inside.

Before he can second guess what he’s doing, the door swings open and Jongin emerges, his eyebrows raising in surprise.

“Oh. You waited,” he smiles then, looking pleasantly surprised and Kyungsoo relaxes, giving him a small nod and falls into step with him as they make their way down the corridor. They make it down to the reception area, making light conversation right before the emergency doors burst open and there’s a whole bustle of noise and activity, with a stream of stretcher beds being rushed inside.

“School bus overturned, we’ve got multiple fractures, punctured lung and a possible contusion,” the paramedic explains quickly when they rush over to help. She’s holding up the ventilator to the child’s mouth; the boy looks to be around twelve years old, blinking weakly, looking dazed and unfocused. “There’s another ambulance coming in soon.”

“We’ll take it from here,” Kyungsoo says, pulling out his flashlight to check the boy’s eyes quickly. “His pupils are dilated.”

He barks out instructions to the nurses assisting him, giving specifics about the drugs to be injected into the IV being set up while he deals with the rest of the injuries. He’ll definitely need to take a look inside to sort out the bleeding from the contusion. His optic nerve is already swollen. Jongin is standing by the boy’s chest, pressing and probing his fingers carefully around the sides and making his way up to his sternum.

“Three fractured ribs,” he tells Kyungsoo, probing at the sides of the boy’s throat. “There’s too much internal bleeding, I need to open him up.”

The boy suddenly starts convulsing, seizing against their hands trying to restrain him, wheezing for air, clearly choking. Jongin immediately grabs a scalpel.

“I need to intubate!” he yells, and the nurse beside him immediately holds a tracheal tube up for him. Jongin stares up at Kyungsoo who nods when he’s got a firm grip on the boy’s head and shoulder to hold him down still enough for Jongin to make a small, careful incision in his throat.

“What’s his name?” Jongin asks urgently, grabbing the tube and carefully slipping it into the hole through the boy’s throat, pushing it in deeper. The boy is still struggling to breathe, unable to draw any air from his nose.

“Hansol,” the nurse replies quickly after taking a look at the chart the paramedics had brought in.

“Hansol, I’m putting a tube in through your throat to help you breathe, okay?” Jongin says, trying to calm the boy through his frenzied panic. “You’ll feel better in a second.”

Sure enough, Hansol suddenly in a huge breath through the tube and collapses back against the bed, though he immediately passes out.

“We need to get him to an OR now,” Kyungsoo orders firmly, nodding at one of the nurses to call ahead and find them an available one. They pull up the handrails on the sides of the bed and wheel him down the corridor to the elevator to him him to the surgery floor.

“I need to stop the bleeding in his lungs before the other one collapses,” Jongin tells him, jamming the button urgently.

“There’s bleeding in his brain too, I can’t wait till you’re done or it’ll be too late. He’ll get a hemorrhage,” Kyungsoo replies, checking Hansol’s pupils again, frowning at the increased dilation indicating a larger bleed.

“He could go into shock,” Jongin mutters, furrowing his eyebrows as he stares up at the numbers of the floors go by.

“We’ll need to be fast,” Kyungsoo says, breathing a sigh of relief when they finally get to the right floor and the doors slide open. “I just need to find the tear and close it up.”

“It’s too risky, his pressure could drop too quickly,” Jongin frowns.

“Do you trust me?” Kyungsoo asks, looking up at him carefully. They’ve never worked together directly, and he wonders if the little time they’ve spent together is enough for him to ask such a question but he has to ask it.

Jongin looks surprised, parting his lips wordlessly. He looks down at Hansol and then meets Kyungsoo’s eyes again, looking determined.

“Yeah. I do.”

They burst through the doors and Hansol is taken inside while Jongin and Kyungsoo soap up their hands quickly, letting the nurses slip the gowns around them and pull their gloves on. Jongin turns to him and gives him a small nod which Kyungsoo returns, taking his spot by Hansol’s head and holds his hand out for the scalpel.

Thankfully, the surgery goes by without a hitch, both of them finding the tears almost immediately and they stop the bleeding before Hansol’s body goes into shock again.

They close him up and head out, dumping the gowns into the bins. Once they’re out of the surgery ward, they both sigh tiredly. Jongin pulls out yet another chocolate bar from his jacket pocket, holding it out with a grin.

“Reinforcements,” he says and Kyungsoo laughs, accepting the half from him gratefully and they munch together in comfortable silence.

“We make a good team,” Jongin says suddenly, turning to look at him and Kyungsoo agrees, recognizing now that he had complete trust in Jongin despite never having worked with him closely like this before.

The emergency doors burst open again and they look at each other one last time, sharing a look before jumping back into action again.

▸

Kyungsoo never pays attention to which on-call room he stumbles into when he’s desperate for a nap, much like everyone else in the hospital, regardless of their department. Most bunk beds tend to be full so they just need to find whichever is free wherever it may be.

Now that he’s actually befriended Jongin properly, he starts to realize how often he actually comes across him around the hospital, finding a bunk bed in the same on-call room as him more often than not. One time, Jongin even leaves an energy drink on the nightstand with a post it that’s got Kyungsoo’s name on it, just in case Kyungsoo finds a bunk beside him again, growing used to the pattern too. Jongin is already already sleeping when Kyungsoo finds the bottle. He couldn’t possibly have known that Kyungsoo would come into this particular room to find a bed, and Kyungsoo is touched that he went through with the gesture anyway.

After a particularly grueling shift, Kyungsoo staggers towards the first on-call room he can find and walks in on Jongin struggling tiredly with the sleeve of his lab coat. Chuckling, Kyungsoo moves to help him and Jongin smiles gratefully, stopping his fumbling and letting Kyungsoo pull the jacket off him.

“Two open heart surgeries in a row after another night shift,” Jongin groans, flopping down face first onto the mattress on the lower bunk. “I can’t even see straight right now.”

Kyungsoo nods sympathetically, having just come from a brain tumour removal and an aneurysm himself. He’s been to two on call rooms already but they were both full. This is one of the smaller ones, with only one set of bunks but luckily one of them is free. He starts to climb up to the upper bunk above Jongin’s but suddenly sneezes violently the second he gets up there, followed by another three in a row.

“What the ,” he groans, rifling through the sheets. He finds a stray sweater strewn across the mattress covered in cat hair and drops it immediately, sliding down the ladder before his allergies take over completely

“What’s wrong?” Jongin mumbles, turning his face out of his pillow to look at him, concerned.

“Whoever slept here earlier had cat hair on their clothes and got it all over the sheets,” Kyungsoo grumbles. It was probably Heechul, he thinks grumpily. “I’m allergic.”

“Oh,” Jongin says. He shifts on the bed, shifting over to the inner edge of the bed till his back is up against the wall. “You can sleep here if you want.”

He taps the empty space on the bed beside him and Kyungsoo blinks at him in surprise. Jongin’s face is covered in the shadows under the bunk bed so Kyungsoo can’t see the look in his eyes, can’t even tell if he’s imagining the flush on his face or not. He’s too tired to sort through the sudden round of leaps his heart does in his chest, taking the spot beside Jongin gratefully, sighing in relief when he lies down, finally off his feet.

“Thanks,” he whispers, rolling onto his side to fit in the space and to face Jongin properly.

“You looked like you were about to keel over,” Jongin says in return, pulling the sheet up over them comfortably.

Kyungsoo smiles and then sneezes again, sighing apologetically. Jongin laughs loudly, turning to muffle the sound in the pillow and Kyungsoo can’t help but smile with him even though it’s at his expense. It’s not that he’s never seen Jongin laugh, and heard the way it booms when he finds something particularly funny. It’s seeing and hearing it up close like this, close enough to really see the way his eyes crinkle, the way his entire face moves when he laughs, lighting up completely that makes his heart rate stutter a little. Kyungsoo keeps the image of that burned in his brain, flashing behind his closed eyelids before he finally dozes off from exhaustion.

▸

Jongin has already gotten Kyungsoo’s usual treats from the vending machine before Kyungsoo even gets there after finishing his surgery, waiting for him with an expectant smile when he rounds the corner. Kyungsoo laughs in surprise, taking the chocolate bars with a grin and tears the wrapper open, ravenously taking a huge bite out of the bar.

“Do you wanna maybe go grab some real food some time? As in together. Outside the hospital.” Jongin fumbles, and Kyungsoo smiles at the pretty flush that dusts across his cheeks. He nods, charmed by the smile that quickly works its way onto Jongin’s lips at the response.

“Tonight then?” he says, reaching out to squeeze Jongin’s shoulder before they go their separate ways down the hall. The wide smile Jongin flashes him is blinding.

They find a moment to make good on that deal, though they don't go too far. It just isn't practical to be so far from the hospital when they could be paged at any moment. There’s a small cafe just a couple of blocks away, but it’s a break from the hospital environment and smell. It’s nice and quiet too, with real food which tastes excellent.

Kyungsoo asks about how Jongin became a doctor, always curious to hear about people’s backstories, particularly when they go into such specialized fields.

“My little cousin was really sick as a kid,” Jongin says, munching on his chicken sandwich thoughtfully. “It was a rare disease, something no one could understand let alone treat properly, no matter how many doctors they went to see. It was rough; we really thought he wouldn’t make it.”

“Did he?” Kyungsoo asks quietly.

Jongin nods.

“They went overseas and found someone who could finally help him,” he says. “I decided I wanted to be that someone for other families too when I grew up, so they wouldn’t have to go through all that.”

Kyungsoo smiles at that, lauding his conviction with an appreciative nod. He feels like he should have expected something that admirable from a person like Jongin.

“What about you?” Jongin asks then, sneaking a fry off from Kyungsoo’s portion on his tray. Kyungsoo pretends not to see, subtly nudging the tray forward instead. “Why’d you transfer to Seoul?”

Kyungsoo draws in a long swig from his smoothie, thinking back darkly on his days at his old hospital.

“It wasn’t working out,” he says. He found out about all the corrupt, shady business going on underhand purely by accident, having walked in on a conversation he probably shouldn’t have been listening too. There were bribes, substantial enough to get the VIP patients pushed up on surgery and donor lists and enough to interfere with both Kyungsoo’s morals and his work as a surgeon.

Jongin’s eyes widen at that, as shocked as Kyungsoo had been when he’d found out. His own executive right to make surgical decisions as the head neurosurgeon had been forcefully erased by the hospital’s insistence to pander to their VIP clients’ every demand.

“Well, it’s their loss anyway,” Jongin says firmly. “I’m glad you picked this hospital to come to instead.”

Kyungsoo smiles in response, just as pleased that his decision brought him all the way up to this point. He’s been given more than enough reasons by now to acknowledge how much happier he is here.

Eventually, they do get paged to go back to the hospital to deal with another slew of patients and they stuff the rest of the food in their mouths, half choking as they laugh at each other before hurrying back.

▸

Jongin introduces Kyungsoo to some of his friends when they finally find a quiet hour in the cafeteria, when the area is unusually empty.

“Are you all in pediatrics?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Jongdae and Baekhyun are. I’m in cardio,” Chanyeol introduces himself and the others with a wide smile. “We all interned together though.”

“You’re in neuro, right?” Baekhyun asks, looking fascinated and Kyungsoo nods, slipping easily into a conversation with him from there. Jongdae joins in too when Baekhyun moves onto the subject of their interning days and Kyungsoo grins, listening with interest as they mention Jongin’s memorable moments.

“This one time, we were scrubbing in on a tumour removal, just observing from the side,” Baekhyun starts, sniggering a little before he continues. “Jongin just fell asleep on the spot and tipped forward to the floor.”

“Needed to be checked for a concussion,” Jongdae laughs loudly, patting Jongin teasingly on the back as he narrows his eyes grumpily.

“You guys!” he whines, cheeks flushed and Kyungsoo can’t help but laugh softly, bumping his knee into Jongin’s under the table.

“Okay, but do you remember that time he dropped the-”

Jongin cuts Chanyeol off before he can finish, stuffing all his food in his mouth and immediately drags Kyungsoo away from them, marching right out of the cafeteria.

“But I wanted to hear more,” Kyungsoo protests teasingly, even as he lets himself be guided elsewhere.

“Not from them,” Jongin grumbles, his ears flaming red. Cute.

They find one of the empty benches out in the gardens to sit on and finish the rest of their lunch, somehow miraculously making it through an entire meal peacefully without getting paged in halfway through.

There’s a pleasant breeze outside and it rustles the leaves in the branches overhead. Kyungsoo watches as a small, browning leaf flutters onto the top of Jongin’s head, settling in his hair. He reaches up to pluck it off slowly without thinking and doesn’t notice the way Jongin is looking at him until he pulls away. His eyes are searching, flashing with something that Kyungsoo can’t quite read.

The telltale sound of the ambulance sirens wailing closer and closer interrupts the calm silence between them, shattering the heavy tension that had suddenly set in the air.

Jongin smiles, nodding his head towards the hospital building and Kyungsoo chuckles, tossing his food wrappings in the trash and hurries inside to head towards the ER.

▸

Kyungsoo heads towards the pediatrics ward after getting a page from Jongin this time, asking him to drop by. He pushes the door open to the room Jongin is in, knocking once to get Jongin’s attention from where his eyes are glued to the computer screen.

“You called?”

“I did,” Jongin smiles, pulling up a chair beside him and Kyungsoo takes a seat. “I need a consult.”

“What am I looking at?” Kyungsoo looks at the pictures displayed on the screen; MRI brain scans.

“Hyojin, my six year old hypertrophic cardiomyopathy patient,” Jongin says. “I have to do septal myectomy on Saturday.”

He zooms in one one of the brain scans, and Kyungsoo can already see the area that’s troubling him.

“She complained about bad headaches and numbness in her legs yesterday so we took an MRI,” Jongin explains, frowning at the screen. “It needs surgery, right?”

Kyungsoo studies the tumour causing a swelling in her brain. It hasn’t reached the size that makes it an immediate danger just yet, certainly not as urgent as the heart surgery she needs as soon as possible. Jongin breathes in relief at that.

“I can operate after she’s stabilized enough from the myectomy,” Kyungsoo tells him, pulling out his phone to make sure his schedule is clear for the surgery.

Jongin nods gratefully, slumping back in his chair though he’s still looking at the scans thoughtfully.

“She’s already decided she wants to be a doctor, you know. A pediatrician, like me,” Jongin murmurs proudly, his expression growing fond. “I promised her I’d make sure she’s better before Christmas so she can go to her Christmas party .”

Kyungsoo smiles at the way Jongin’s expression looks so adoring, reaching over to squeeze his elbow reassuringly.

“You will.”

▸

Kyungsoo munches on his chocolate bar idly, enjoying the rare moment of free time he’s got without his pager going nuts every few seconds. He paces down along the ward, too restless to go find an empty bunk and get some sleep.

He hangs back by the banisters, staying out of the way as the other doctors and nurses wheel patients by, rushing from one end to the other.

One of the interns passing by catches his eye; Yerim, one of the interns Kyungsoo knows was scrubbing in for Jongin’s surgery on Hyojin. He beckons her over, nodding when she immediately bows respectfully.

“How did the surgery go? Is she okay?”

Yerim’s face falls, her expression twisting, looking aghast at the sudden question. “There was a complication. She didn’t make it.”

Stunned, Kyungsoo feels his insides go cold, too shocked to move when Yerim inclines her head to leave. His feet are rooted to the ground, suddenly too heavy and numb to move but he shakes himself out of it enough to push himself forward, dropping the half eaten chocolate bar in the trash and rushes down the length of the ward to try and find Jongin.

It takes a while but he finally finds him in one of the quieter back stairwells, sitting on the lower steps at the bottom. Kyungsoo in a deep breath, heading down quietly to sit down on the step beside him and hears Jongin whispering under his breath. He leans in closer to hear what he’s saying and realizes he’s reciting the surgical procedure he just carried out to himself over and over again. It’s like he hasn’t even registered that Kyungsoo is there beside him right now. Kyungsoo sets a hand on his arms gently and Jongin finally stops, turning to look at him. His eyes are shining but nothing is spilling over yet. He looks completely shattered, pale with shock.  

“I promised her,” he whispers, and the pain in his eyes stabs at Kyungsoo’s chest. “I- I told her she’d get to go to her christmas party, I promised her.”

A tear finally slides down Jongin’s cheek and his face crumples, then he breaks down in grief. Kyungsoo immediately pulls him in close, with an arm wrapped around him tightly, holding him steady. Jongin’s hands come up to cling to him, pressing his fingers into Kyungsoo’s arms and sobs brokenly against him, burying his face in Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Kyungsoo feels a sharp stab in his chest and a hot prickle in his own eyes at the way Jongin shakes with grief, the sound of his crying squeezing his heart too.

All he can do is keep holding him through it, ignoring the wet patch blooming on his front and murmurs gently into Jongin’s ear, trying to soothe him however he can. He doesn’t move, determined to stay for as long as Jongin needs.

It takes a while for Jongin to get back to his old self, to get past the wall of guilt he’s trapped himself behind but he breaks through eventually. As a doctor, he has to. Kyungsoo doesn’t push him into anything, respecting him enough to let him deal with it in his own time, in his own way, no matter how much he misses his smile.

He gets to see it again on Christmas eve, during the staff Christmas party in one of the conference halls. There’s enough food and drinks to keep everyone happy as more and more of the hospital staff starts crowding into the room when they’re done with their shifts. Kyungsoo massages his knuckles as he follows everyone else inside, having just wrapped up another last minute surgery. He prays that the heater is on, freezing in just the cardigan he’s got on him.

He spots Jongin through the crowd immediately, standing by the food table, piling some of the mini chicken bites onto a plate. The smile he flashes at Kyungsoo the moment he walks up to him is enough to warm his entire body down to the tips of his fingers and toes.

“Merry Christmas,” Jongin says, pushing a cup of punch into hands. He’d already been waiting for him, Kyungsoo realizes.

They push through the throng of people again, trying to find an empty corner where they can actually sit quietly and hear each other talk. The only spot they can find is behind the speaker podium that’s been pushed back a little to make more space in the room. There’s enough space for both of them to sit on the elevated step on the back of the podium, squeezing together a little to fit.

“Christ, you’re freezing,” Jongin notes when their hands accidentally brush together. As if on cue, Kyungsoo feels a shiver run up his spine, though he’s not so sure it’s from the cold anymore.

“My hands are always cold,” Kyungsoo sighs, rubbing them together to try and warm them up.

“Well, you’re in luck because mine are always hot,” Jongin grins, putting down his drink to clasp Kyungsoo hands together, sandwiching them between his own. “Better?”

“Very,” Kyungsoo laughs, feeling like his fingers are defrosting. “Your hands are literally on fire.”

“Comes in handy,” Jongin grins, and Kyungsoo just cracks up, completely endeared by the way Jongin shakes with laughter at his own silly pun. He’s still holding Kyungsoo’s hands, staring down at them thoughtfully and Kyungsoo moves his fingers experimentally, pleased at the way they slip between Jongin’s easily.

He waits with bated breath but Jongin smiles at the gesture, though he won’t meet Kyungsoo’s eyes yet. The tips of his ears are red and Kyungsoo feels hopeful.

Jongin rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, rolling his head back with a sigh and his eyes seem to focus on something above their head.

“Is that...mistletoe?” Jongin laughs in surprise, beckoning at the plant taped somewhat sloppily to the top of the podium like a Christmas decoration.

“Of all places to put it,” Kyungsoo hums, looking straight at Jongin, waiting for him to look back at him again.

“Convenient,” Jongin murmurs, finally meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes and there’s anticipation in them, nervousness, hesitation; all the things Kyungsoo can feel churning in his own stomach. Above all that though there’s that usual softness Jongin always has in his gaze.

Kyungsoo hadn’t realized he’d begun to lean in till he feels Jongin’s shuddering breath fanning against his face, their lips only an inch apart now. He watches the way Jongin’s eyes flutter closed, his long eyelashes brushing the crest of his cheekbones and his heart skips a beat again, letting his own eyes slip shut.

The sudden shrill beeping of a pager shatters the moment and Kyungsoo jerks back in surprise, feeling the vibration in his pocket. Jongin immediately leaps to his feet, looking flustered and suddenly uncertain.

“I, uh,” Kyungsoo fumbles, straightening up and trying to figure out what to say about what they almost did. “I have to- they need me to-”.

“Of course, yeah,” Jongin nods waving his hands at the apology Kyungsoo is trying to offer. “I’ll um. See you tomorrow then?”

“Right,” Kyungsoo nods, suddenly unsure of what to do with his limbs and he manages a small awkward wave before turning away. He resists the urge to look back and see the look on Jongin’s face, wondering what kind of expression he would find. His heart is pounding almost painfully and he grips his pager more tightly in his fist, wondering if it’s shattered something he won't be able to get back.

▸

They’ve got a combined surgery right off the bat the next morning. Jongin starts the surgery off, precise and calculating with his every movement on the child lying on the operating bed. Kyungsoo comes in to start the craniotomy the moment they’ve stabilized him enough to start the tumour extraction that’s pressing down on his optic nerve.

It’s a long arduous process, and they’re working against the clock, unable to keep him open for too long without causing even more damage.

Kyungsoo hits a snag halfway through when a sudden bleed springs out, blocking his view of the tumour. The beeping monitors go haywire as the boy starts to crash and Kyungsoo grits his teeth, working faster to try and find the tear and close it up before he bleeds out.

“Got it,” he says finally when he patches it up cleanly and the boy stabilizes again.

Jongin finishes up first, getting to the clotted artery and cleaning it out smoothly before closing up. He leaves the operating room first to clean up and Kyungsoo finishes the rest, extracting the rest of the tumour and closing him up neatly, meticulous about every stitch.

Heaving out a long exhale, Kyungsoo discards his surgery robes and cap when he’s out of the operating room, washing his hands thoroughly in the sterilized sink.

When he emerges from the surgical ward, he looks around for Jongin, not seeing him anywhere along the corridors.

“Have you seen Dr. Kim?” he asks one of the nurses walking by.

“He’s in the storage room,” she says, pointing at the one of the doors just a short way down the hall.

Nodding his thanks, Kyungsoo heads over to the room, slipping inside quietly. He finds Jongin rifling aimlessly through the packs of gauze on the shelves.

“You know for a moment I was worried I wouldn’t be able to focus,” Jongin murmurs turning to face him.

“Why’s that?” Kyungsoo asks, closing the door behind him and taking a step forward.

“It was a complicated surgery,” Jongin deflects, releasing the gauze and stepping away from them, closer to him instead.

“And you’re an excellent surgeon,” Kyungsoo says simply, feeling his heartbeat pick up. Jongin is only two feet away now.

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” he’s barely a step away now, swaying on the spot like there’s an invisible force tugging and pushing at him. Kyungsoo eliminates the rest of the distance, just stopping short of the inch between their faces. He’s never been one much for beating about the bush.

“Kyungsoo, I…” he starts again then falters, looking straight into Kyungsoo’s eyes.

“Tell me,” Kyungsoo whispers, standing so close now he can feels Jongin’s breathe on his lips.

Jongin leans in and kisses him, the force of it making Kyungsoo stumble backwards a little, and his arms fly up to hold onto Jongin’s hips. His lips are softer than Kyungsoo had even imagined, pressing against his own softly. Kyungsoo kisses him back fervently, holding onto him more tightly to press him up closer and brushes his tongue against Jongin’s, shuddering at the sound he makes. He pushes back, desperate to get more of Jongin, angling his head to kiss him deeper and they shift again, bumping into the shelves and sending some of the storage supplies cluttering to the ground but they ignore it, too caught up in each other.

Jongin breaks off gasping, only to tilt Kyungsoo’s face, kissing the corner of his mouth, dragging his hot lips along the edge of his jaw and Kyungsoo can’t hold out that long, reeling him back in to kiss him again.

It’s explosive, even after they break off twice, three times, again and again, and then meet again in the middle, after weeks of so much pent up tension and emotion between them, finally being released.

The frantic making out dials down eventually but their mouths don’t move far from each other. Kyungsoo slips his thumbs under Jongin’s shirt, pressing into his bare skin and feels him shiver under his touch. Jongin’s eyes right now are the softest he’s ever seen them. All for him. His chest feels like it’s imploding and expanding all in one go, it’s exhilarating.

Kyungsoo leans back up to kiss him tenderly again, already hooked on the feeling of Jongin’s warm lips moving against his own.

His pager beeps moments later and Kyungsoo has never hated the sound of it as much as he does now.

“I swear to god,” he mutters, dropping his head into Jongin’s chest, feeling the way it shakes with laughter. Kyungsoo straightens up to look at his face; he’s so radiant when he laughs. His heart swoops all over again.

“I’ll meet you later, okay?” Jongin says, ducking in to manage one last peck before nudging Kyungsoo to tend to his pager. “We’ll have lunch. With real food.”

Kyungsoo smiles, reluctantly tearing himself away from Jongin’s soft warmth.

“Can’t wait.”