"'Smiling angel.' That is what they call you," I thought as I gazed down at your angelic face-perfectly still in sleep. I couldn't think of anything more befitting. I felt a grin spread across my face as I remembered the countless times over the past 10-plus years that your smile had brightened my day & brought an answering smile to my own face. We had both been through a lot in that time. There were times I didn't think I was going to make it. But you were always there; someone I could lean on, despite the fact that you are younger than I. 

     Moonlight spilled through the window & I glanced back at your sleeping form beside me, enjoying how the soft light set your caramel-colored skin aglow. As I hugged you closer, the metallic gleam of the single feather that hung about your neck caught my eye. I lifted it gently, its' light weight familiar in my hand. I remember the day I gave it to you. It was an impulse buy. While out shopping I saw it, & for some reason it just screamed "Daesung." When I gave it to you that evening, your eyes widened with delight as you opened the box. I smiled. "I wanted you to have it because it fits you," I said softly. You looked up at me, eyes disappearing into adorable little slits as you smiled-because you understood. We are not always good with words or expressing emotion, you & I, but we always seem to understand each other; even when we lack the words. You lifted the chain over your head & the silver feather came to rest over your heart. "I will wear it always," you said as I hugged you close.

     You were true to your word. The lovely silver pendant was ever-present about your neck & every time I saw it I thought, "That's My angel!" There were times the chain had broken & other times we'd almost given it up as lost, but we always found it again; always repaired any damage done. Because it was special. 

     I rolled onto my back & looked up at the ceiling, wondering how many more sleepless nights like this were to come before my enlistment. Tears welled in my eyes for what seemed like the millionth time. Soon the name T.O.P would mean nothing. I would once again be just Choi Seunghyun. Soon you would not be by my side. I would be on my own. I brushed the tears from my eyes & smiled sadly as I looked back at you sleeping so peacefully next to me. "There are so many things I will miss while I am away," I thought as I brushed the hair from your face, "but I think I will miss you most of all."