Lu Han remembers, always, the first time he decided that he fell in love with Se Hun. It was premature decision, tough. But he had never been in denial stages. It was easy and casually, and he just knew when the first time he look up and saw those eyes, he knew that something was happening, something he had already imagined long, long, time ago.

It was the 8th month of their first year on Senior High School.

The day started with the same white plain ceiling simply ‘Hi’ him as he opened his eyes and tried to smile to light up something in his day that didn’t exist. And it occur as he went to school like he always did, there were teachers and friends and long hour classes. And then, he followed the never stop talking Baek Hyun to the library after school to get some books for their assignment.

“Here you go, check them one by one and tell me if one can help us in doing this. I need to find some more.” Baek Hyun said before getting lost between those huge and tall bookshelfes. Lu Han didn’t complain and randomly picked one of those geography books Baek Hyun had found somewhere and start to scour it.

While reading the fourth book, he heard someone spoke, “Is this chair empty?”

Lu Han looked up, and for few next minutes he simply forgot how to answer that simple question, as if there was nothing left in his head as he looked right into those eyes, and anything else did not matter at the time. The stranger looked really astonishing and handsome and all. And those eyes hold the best glitter and sparks in the world, his heart simply reacted to this with the sudden acceleration, and something in his stomach fluttered. Lu Han was shaking, and nervous, maybe doing weird things a little, just little, or more.

The stranger frowned at Lu Han’s silence, so he spoke again, “Hey, is this seat taken? I mean, look, today the library is full today, can’t find empty seat.”

Lu Han, finally, looked around, there was no empty seat beside ones in front of and next to him.

“No.” was all his smart mouth could give as he, once again, glancing the stranger who was now sitting comfortably in front of him, reading something. He held back the urge for asking name, and class and furthermore, he was shy, and he had never been the one to initiate conversation with strangers. And he need to finish this assignment really soon, Baek Hyun was somewhere trying to find him another books, and he would have to read them all too. He should find at least one relatable to the thing they worked at because the assignment was important and his teacher would not be nice to him if it was not finished with the most proper way he could give.

“Hey, we read same books. I just realized,”

Lu Han looked up, surprised at the sudden declaration, and smiled, “Yeah, do you like geography?”

He never know where did he got all the nerve to answer the question with another question, all he knew was he did not want the conversation died with only one sentence, because he understood, just understood, that the stranger were not going to be stranger forever for him, and he knew that the stranger, since the second their eyes met, would be important to him in some way he would find soon.

The stranger laughed, “No, I’m into biology, why ask?”

Lu Han felt butterfly kept flying in his chest, and he smiled without any effort.

Biology? He would like to have a really close friend —or more, that liked biology, most of them would find a way to medical school or majoring biology at college, and they were cool in Lu Han point of view, Lu Han used to dream to be a doctor, and maybe he still did.

“I mean, it is geography book after all.”

“Ah, this book contains both of geography and biology. It has something to do with the impact of geographical factors with the living species in the world, or something.”

So this book is not what I try to find.

Lu Han was going to say something when Baek Hyun popped out from nowhere with a bunch of books and asked, “You find something?”

“No, those books related in nothing with our project.”

“Bad news, let’s check these out, one must be able to help us,” Baek Hyun said casually as he took a seat next to Lu Han, then he picked one of the books and about to read it when he looked up and realized who was sitting in front of him, or rather in front of Lu Han, then he smiled, “Hei, Se Hun? Reading something?”

Se Hun? Lu Han saved the name in his mind, repeating them again and again. It felt good. The name was really perfect, like Se Hun himself. He did not need more than one second to register that the name would matter to him more than he had expected it to be.

Lu Han stared his friend, then, to the stranger —Se Hun, and wondered, they knew each other? But, then, of course they did. Baek Hyun was outgoing person, befriend with everyone in everywhere, known by almost all of the school population, he was bright, even had the brightest smile ever, kind of smart and got a good look too. Such an opposite of him, that was just ordinary, always shy and awkward, a loner who love loneliness and silent places.

Se Hun smiled back, “Kind of. You?”

“Hell, I’m trying to find stuffs for my project.”

“Sounds important, won’t bother you then.”

Baek Hyun laughed because he ealized that he was the one who talked first, and he did not annoyed by Se Hun at all, and little did understand that he was the one who bother Se Hun.

They fell silent as their attention went back to the book they were reading, with Lu Han still having butterflies, thinking about a handsome guy suddenly approach him (even if he was just seeking for a seat, did not matter), and stealing glance every once a while, and somehow knew that a story was beginning and wondered how it might end (he decided not to think about this one).

***

Lu Han was always shy and awkward meeting new people. It was hard for him for being in new environment because he was worst at making friend, saying hi and stretching a hand for shaking in the first time. He never been the first one, people would always be the one who “Hi” him then he would “Hi” them back, it was always that way.

So, even if he fell in love, he would never dare to let it out from his mouth. He did not even tell any of his friends because he was too shy, he was scared that his friends, being them, would not able to keep their mouth shut. If he told them he fell in love, they would make sure it would be spread over the school so that the object of the love story, would heard it too.

He did not want it to happen so he kept silent. He kept them for himself, secretly hoping that they would crossed each other every time he walked around the school, squealing in silent whenever he saw Se Hun even if it just in school corridors without any Hello or even smile, stalking Se Hun’s friends instagram to get his picture because Se Hun simply did not have one (he always wondered how the hell it could be, a highschooler in 2017 did not have instagram account? Then he concluded that Se Hun was not into social medias and even phone), he even got stole Se Hun’s phone number from Minseok’s phone (apparently, Minseok knew Se Hun because they shared same club which was swimming club), and thankfully, Se Hun had whatsapp account so Lu Han could stalk every time Se Hun changed his photo profile and status without Se Hun knowing (his status always ‘available’ and his profile was always American football players or something).

Lu Han enjoyed being Se Hun’s secret admirer.

Anyway, it was easier, less heart broken, less time needed, and less costs too.

More over, he needed to focus in his studying. He liked to call himself “not so study freak” even if most of people, always said so (they just never met his friends, they study crazier than he ever did). He got in to the A class, they were all smartass and it gave him a reason to study, because he hated it to get ugly grades, he decided that 10th was the minimal grade he should pass, and sadly, he got the 11th place at the first semester, so he tried to study harder, and he knew relationship would ruin his study. (Only reasoning? Simply yes but he really meant it.)

He was Se Hun admirer and that was all.

***

Lu Han hated sport.

He hated his gym class as well.

He suffered bronchitis when he was still three and it did something about his ability to breathe. His lungs were weak and he could not run without having breathing problems. His chest would raising too much and he would gasped for air after doing a round run, would cough so bad and feel headache if he ran more than four round.

So he whole-heartedly hated sport.

Even so, he could not escaped form the fate that he had to go to gym class too, if he did not want his grade failing because he got zero on this class. He could not let it happen. At least, he had something even if it was never good enough either. And more over, his gym class happening in the same time with Se Hun’s, even if they were still separated, at least, he could steal glances once awhile. And for the first time in his life, he was excited for his gym classes.

And it was not always a good thing for him.

They were trying to shoot the ball to the basket ring when Lu Han run a little (while looking at y Se Hun who was playing volleyball) and got tripped over his own shoes and fell down right after, get his ankle sprained and left cheek bleeding for the way he fell (his face get a punch from the ground too). Minseok was fast enough to get him up again and Baek Hyun suggested the coach to let him brought Lu Han to the school’s nurse and got accepted.

Lu Han was embarrassed more than anything, he got all the stares, even Se Hun seemed staring at him as well, he could not help but got red on his face. It was really embarrassing.

Baek Hyun did not bring him to the school nurse, instead he brought him to the toilet because Lu Han asked him too (well, he surely did not know why the hell he felt like going to toilet all of sudden), Baek Hyun left him alone after that to get some band-aid and ice cubes bag. Once, again, Lu Han knew that Baek Hyun was really the best of best friend he needed.

***

The second time Lu Han talked to Se Hun was on the 2nd year of high school.

Lu Han loved writing, he wrote short stories, poetries, articles, essays, even worked for his first novel. It was the best thing Lu Han could do, he wrote poetry beautifully and always succeed to stab the reader right in the heart with his words, he joined the journalist club and they wanted him to be the club leader, which he accepted with half of his heart and never stop asking why the hell they did so, he never be the type of leader (heck, he always shutters whenever talk in public), he won the school essay competition. His literature teacher admired him a lot, and in a school which filled with science-orientation people, Lu Han stood out on writing skills.

The school held some competition, one of them was short story writing competition, and his classmates decided to send Lu Han for joining it. Lu Han willingly accepted, only for because he did not know that he should story tell his writing with hundred pair eyes watching him if his working got chosen by the judges being the best five, which was happened.

In the morning when he woke up, he wished to sleep forever so he could skip this event, he could not do things smoothly because nervousness kept swirling inside his stomach and he felt so weird. He could not have a proper breakfast either because he did not have any appetite to do so (but he forced himself to drink a goody glass of milk), and then, came to school with the same nervousness which did not seem would ever be eradicated.

Once he arrived at the school, there was a big stage on the school hall. The school was celebrating its 50th anniversary, it was why they held so many competition (include short story which was the newest one). Most of students had seated, Lu Han recognize his was on competitor seats in the three front line, he read his name written in the first line, and there was a chocolate flavored bubble tea on his seat, someone must left it there and he knew more who the person was. It was Baek Hyun’s doing, he was sure because nobody really knew what his favorite flavor of bubble tea or even knew that he liked bubble tea at all. A “cheer up, Lulu!” written there and he could not help smiling at the sweet action. Sometimes, Baek Hyun could be the best best-friend ever.

He could not brush off the nervousness while sitting and watching the last competitor of singing competition as he wait for his turn to stand on the stage, once in awhile taking a sip of his bubble tea. And he never expected to see Se Hun (when he turned his head around to look for Baek Hyun as he could not find him anywhere) sat right behind him.

And he surely never expected Se Hun to smile towards him and even asked, “What competition are you in?”

Lu Han suddenly forgot about his nervousness and tried hard not to smile too wide when he answered, “Short story writing competition.”

“Whoa, I guess, it will be your turn soon, right after this?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Good luck!”

Lu Han was almost faint at the time, but he decided to save it because his name was called and he stood up, suddenly woke up to reality as he walked nervously to the stage, he could find Baek Hyun and his friends there to cheer him up, they scream too loud, but it did not help him to stop shuttering, he was nervous as hell, even his legs were shaking. He did not sure he would survive this.

“Let’s end this Lu Han,” he whispered in silent to himself.

He knew his voice was shaking and he forgot lines at some points, but he managed to do it, people did not really listen anyway, they were busy doing something else, but it did not change the fact that Lu Han felt really humiliated, as if every one person in this place laughed right at his face. He made it. Even if it was really embarrassing, Lu Han did not mind, as soon as he finished his story, he ran away to his classroom, falling into his seat and dropping his head on his arm, tried forgot everything.

Everything except that Se Hun smiled to him and wished him a good luck.

Se Hun wished him a good luck.

Se Hun wished him a good luck.

Lu Han’s thought only wandered on this for the rest of the day and he forgot everything, he forgot embarrassing himself on the stage, he forgot the fact that Se Hun watched it too.

And in the end of the day, he regretted running away and never got to ask Se Hun what competition he attended or watch him performing.

***

The third time they had conversation (a short one) was on one tiring Thursday. As always because in a whole week, Lu Han was extremely busy on Thursday only. It was for the fact that after his classes ended, he had chemistry lesson addition for upcoming national competition and journalism club right after that.

On some Thursday after all the tiring things over, he headed home. He just passed the school gate and crossing the road when he remembered that he might leave his phone in his class or something. He stopped at the bus stop, took a seat and opened his backpack to check if his phone was there or not and thankfully, it was there.

“Hey, you wait for bus too?” he heard a familiar voice. And he found Se Hun stood right next him, wore a warming smile on his lips. Lu Han nearly got a heart attack. Se Hun, as always, was being handsome, even if looked so tired and his hair was completely mess, he still managed to look good, it sent some stupid butterflies on his stomach, for the nth time already.

Lu Han turned back the smile, and managed to make out some, “No, I’m walking myself home. I live nearby.”

“Oh,” Se Hun said, frowned —obviously confused, then just nodded, “Be careful on the way home, then.”

“Thank you,” Lu Ha