A/N: WARNING... possible health/ anxiety/ depression/ prescription drug trigger in this chapter. I am in NO way izing having any of these conditions, nor am I saying any one of these characters (based on real people) in this chapter/ series actually have these conditions in real life. All of these scenarios and situations are fiction, and any events in this chapter/ story that could possibly occur in real life are purely coincidental. Ok, trigger warning over... let’s get on to the story.

Flashback (audio only), late 2005 -- a little after debut

All is fade to white...

Young Saeng POV

"Ireumi mwoyeyo (what is your name)?" a soft, sweet... angelic female voice asks.

"Noh (Me)? Young Saeng, Heo Young Saeng," I felt myself take a deep bow.

She laughs, "Eyyy, you don't have to be so formal with me, Young Saengie." I felt the blush boiling my cheeks right now.

"Ne, mianhaeyo, sunbae," I say, still bowed.

"Aniyo, this won't do..." she places her hands on her hips, unsatisfied.

As I'm about to feel my head lift up, the chilling touch of her hands lightly brush past my cheeks. Her fingertips caressing the nape of my jawline, and a sudden cold sensation at the middle of the side of my neck... something metal.

"There. These suit you better than they do for me," she grins as she steps back and commends herself at her good work.

I was about to say something, but I heard her footsteps tapping softly away from me. With an air of defeat still up in the air, my head jolts back up at the slight squeak! as she turned and I could feel her teasing gaze on me. My heart stilled, as if oxygen could barely get into it.

"By the way, Young Saengie... you should still be calling me 'noona' around here," she coos. "Everyone else does here, just like they do back home. Merong~ 😜 ! "

Flashback ends

Somewhere over the Sea of Japan, 00:31am

Young Saeng POV

Aishhh, not her again.

I crouch down from my reclined seat in first class, rubbing my eyes trying to regain conscious. The cabin is dimly lit. Even though our flight to Japan was easily an hour and a half, because it was so late, the plane interior emitted a warm, cobalt blue and Hyung Jun maknae was knocked out in the seat beside me.

I limped towards and into the lavatory, as my legs fell asleep along with me. I emptied out, splashed some water on my face, and snuck in some anti-anxiety pills my psychiatrist prescribed me. Drowning that bitter taste, I tilted my mouth under the faucet and drank enough just to force it down. I groan in disgust, until I looked in the mirror and saw the deteriorating man that had become Heo Young Saeng.

Only my mother & father, Hyun Joong hyung, and Kyu Jong knew about the anxiety and borderline depression I've been having since that last incident I had in my attempt at a normal, healthy, and actually existent love life. I always hated not having things the way I wanted or had planned, and the stress from all that heartache back then, on top of the 301 comebacks had triggered some unwanted effects.

My body and face weight have practically melted off. My eyebags have darkened and puffed up more than balloons, and my dimples have the slightest hint of laugh lines and wrinkles in them. There's a saying in Korean that means "getting older," which is "eating your years," and it had me thinking maybe the years are eating me.

I felt like my body was wasting away, along with that person who left so long ago. Part of me probably went right along with her, and it still haunts me to this day.

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