Genre(s): Angst,drama, and romance

Status: One-shot

Graded or Nongraded:Graded

Focus: Characterization and Flow



Title {5/5} 
I like how the title is in lapslock.It provides a somber mood that ties in with the angst that you’re trying to portray in your story. As for uniqueness, the title is pretty unique in the AFF story, especially with the lapslock style.

The title fits with the story since it centers on how Donghae and Hyukjae make time to follow each other to the “edge of the world” just to see be with each other. Perhaps this could also hint at how their relationship is always at risk [like teetering on the edge and at risk of falling off] even if they find a place of solace [edge of the world = world in isolation].

Description and Foreword {7/10} 
Description is definitely very simple and straightforward. Although the concept of “the edge of the word” is intriguing, the description doesn’t really provide much for readers to look forward too. I think it needs something that creates a bit of tension or something that can make the reader think “I need to find out what happens next” or “how will this end? I need to know!”. Perhaps you can hint at the conflict or a goal they want to achieve in the Description, instead of just showing the set-up or concept of the story.

I do like how you formatted the Description. The capslock at the start isn’t something of a functionality, but stylistically, it reminds me of those blurbs at the back of books.

Plot {24/30}
The plot, like the Description, is very straightforward. Donghae and Hyukjae meet every three months at a secluded place after their relationship is outed, and this time, they stay longer than they should. People snap a low quality picture of them that creates an uproar.

It’s a simple story, but the plot is missing something. There is no development or clear goal in it. They only remain the same at the end. It goes into a cycle, but there’s nothing that developed in the story. Nothing new has come from it: no revelation and no change in the characters or the direction of their relationship.

Without this change or development, the plot can be a little flat. It’s just a fluffy piece with a bit of drama that gets resolved easily. I wish there was something like an indication that things are about to change or there are story waters ahead instead of remaining the same

The open-ending is nice since it’s a reflection of the beginning, but it’s not that effective. An open ending means there will be uncertainty on what’s going to happen next, but since we don’t get to see a development in the characters or the story, it’s safe to say that the cycle will just continue.If perhaps there was an indication in the end that Donghae is changing his view on meeting with Eunhyuk, this would provide a bit more tension and the ending would leave the readers really wondering if he’s going to the new place or not.

The story does a good job of showing the negatives of living the idol life, especially when it comes to relationships, and the homophobia embedded in more traditional countries like Korea. If there was more of this shown in maybe some comments that Donghae would read on the article or some dialogue with other members, then perhaps this negative light would be more emphasized in the plot. Although, I understand that this is not the focus of the story, and that’s all right.

I also like that you did not unpack the pair’s background right from the start. Their past was gradually shared through conversation and some narration. This made the following reveal more impactful:

“I just wish…” he says. “I wish we could have worked.” Hyukjae sighs, his head dropping to his chest.

[Honestly, it made me gasp and go “aaw”.]

The readers get to slowly understand the bond between the two and how their past influences how they interact with each other, instead of their relationship just being an FYI sort of thing.

Characterization {12/15}
When it comes to Donghae and Hyukjae, their personalities are established clearly in the story. Hyukjae is the joker of the two, emotional, a tiny bit impulsive, and still feeling bitter with how their relationship had played out. Meanwhile, Donghae is more cautious, a bit closed off, and optimistic.

The concern that I have for Characterization is the same as Plot: there was no clear development. Hyukjae and Donghae remain the same from beginning to end. The development in character is what makes a character dynamic and realistic. The two went through trials and conflicts that they should emerge with either a change in their attitude or a change in their perspective of how they’re pursuing their relationship.

Perhaps instead of feeling content that they can only meet for a short amount of time or certain times of the year, Donghae wants more. Or maybe it’s the opposite. Donghae realizes that they can’t keep doing it anymore and plans for it to stop. Or maybe Donghae is braver and is ready to take a huge risk. Something has to change or develop to make your characters, and even the plot, interesting.

I also feel like we barely skimmed the surface of Donghae’s character. Though the point of view of the story was more towards Donghae, it doesn’t feel like we’re given a good view into his thoughts. Usually, it’s he does this, he feels this, and a more plot-focused narration, I feel like his character could use some internal dialogue or a show of p