It’s Tuesday evening and you have two multi-unit tests scheduled for Thursday. You’re beyond stressed and a part of you wants to give up, both on life and cramming. That is, until a certain someone comes to disturb you.

“Studying hard or hardly studying?” you hear Hoseok’s voice along with the sound of a chair scraping against the floor.

“Studying hard until you came,” you giggle, flipping to the next page of your book. “What are you doing in the library?”

“To see you,” Hoseok winks, nudging your side. You scoff and turn away, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling like an idiot. “Just kidding, I have a test tomorrow and my family was being way too loud.”

“And sitting with me will increase your productivity?” you raise a brow.

“Maybe,” Hoseok grins, showing off his pearly whites.

It doesn’t even take an hour until you’ve closed your books and abandoned all hope of learning. You somehow end up sharing a pair of earphones with Hoseok as you stream a horror movie on your laptop (the same one that you intended to use to create a study guide for an upcoming test).

You aren’t sure whose idea it was to do this, but you don’t think you care anymore if it meant spending time with your crush. Especially when you two were gripping each other’s hands so tightly, fearing that monsters would jump out of the screen.

By the end of the movie, you’re clinging onto each other in an involuntarily hug, cheeks practically pressed against each other’s. The end credits roll and it occurs to you just how intimate the two of you are. You clumsily peel yourself from the boy and mumble something about going home, pulling the earphone out.

Hoseok clears his throat and quickly collects himself, as if he wasn’t internally screaming thirty minutes ago. “Want me to walk you home?” he offers, beginning to stuff his things in his bag. “I mean, it’s getting dark out and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

In your three or so years of friendship, this was the first time he ever offered to walk you home by himself. There were many instances when Jin walked you home, and even Taehyung and Jimin from time to time, but Hoseok was a first.

It’s the same old kind and caring Hoseok, you tell yourself. Always helping others. Nothing worth getting emotional about. He would do the same for anyone else.

“If it’s no trouble, I guess,” you grin, slipping on your backpack.

The two of you walk out of the library with his arm resting on top of your head and his pace slowing to match yours; just as he always has.

He’d do the same for anyone else, but that didn’t mean you felt any less self conscious.

--

“He’s never walked any girl home that he wasn’t interested in,” Jimin answers your question the following day, taking a bite of his sweet bun.

“Are you sure?” you ask again, grabbing the bun from his hands. “Isn’t he like? Mr. Nicest Guy on Earth who treats everyone like royalty?”

Jimin lets out a whine and snatches his lunch back. “I’m pretty sure. I only ever recall him walking home his girlfriends.”

You blink at Jimin in utter confusion, causing Taehyung and Seokjin to laugh in response. The gears in your brain were whirring in attempt to process what your friend just said. You weren’t a girl of interest to Hoseok. Sure, he had some interest in you, due to your status as close friends, but definitely not in that way. You were overcomplicating things and you knew it.

“Why do you want to know who Hoseok walks home anyways?” Jungkook muses, scratching his head dramatically. The tone of his voice seemed to be laced with more sarcasm than curiosity.

Seokjin shoots you a knowing smile while Taehyung and Jimin snicker beside him. You simply pout your lips in response and cross your arms.

“Yeah, why do you want to know who Hoseok walks home?” Taehyung teases, poking your side.

“Who wants to know what about Hoseok?” the man himself inquires, placing a carton of strawberry milk in front of you. You hide your face with your hair as he pulls up a seat beside you, Namjoon and Yoongi following behind.

You turn away from him and grumble. “Nobody wants to know anything about you!” you hiss, fed up with everybody (including yourself). Picking up your bag, you stomp away in embarrassment in attempt to find a place to think.

There’s a hint of confusion and hurt written on Hoseok’s face when you leave the cafeteria without accepting his tiny act of kindness. “I thought you guys said she likes strawberry milk,” he grimaces.

Namjoon can’t help but to crack up at your outburst and Hoseok’s defeated posture.

“Could they be any more obvious?” Yoongi complains to no one in particular, propping a hand underneath his chin.

--

“You know what I hate? Math,” Jungkook complains loudly, as you all walk to your regular snack shop. “And English and science and social studies and…”

“So you hate school?” Yoongi interjects, browsing through his phone, tripping over a twig.

“No. I like P.E,” Jungkook retorts with a furrow of the brows, paying no mind to Yoongi’s condition.

Your friends talk over each other as they always do and it feels like you’re in the middle of busy down town. You walked slower than they did and for some freakish reason, you were the only girl in their circle of friends. Occasionally, they’d have conversations that you had no idea on how to contribute to. It’d be a lie if you didn’t feel excluded sometimes, but it couldn’t be helped.

This time you didn’t think minded as much, your thoughts elsewhere; that somewhere being the concept of having a chance with Hoseok. Jin’s suggestion at lunch resonated in your head. Just pull him aside at the party and confess,” he had said. “It’s almost the end of school and I’m not going to be here next year. It’ll just be you and Hoseok.” It all sounded ridiculous to you still.

“You seem kind of down today,” Hoseok comments, adjusting his steps to walk beside you, tilting his head to catch your eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you smile. “Just thinking.”

“Want me to think with you?” he offers, throwing an arm around you and drawing you closer. Something he often did to remind you he was there if you needed him. “You seem stressed. What’s on your mind?”

You.

“I was just thinking about my assignments due after the weekend,” you lie through your teeth.

“I see,” he pouts a little. “I wish I could help you, but I’m swamped too,” he laughs. A sound that you’ve become very attached to.

“But speaking of weekends, are you going to Namjoon’s next Saturday?” Hoseok asks, catching your eyes.

“Maybe.”

--

You weren’t the only one who found Hoseok captivating. In fact, everyone did. This was common knowledge around the school. But when you heard your friend talk about him after class one day, you suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“He’s really cute,” your friend said to you. “I’d date him, no hesitation.”

“Well, I mean he’s been single for a couple of months. You definitely could,” another classmate added. “I was thinking about hooking up with him, to be honest.”

“Do you think he does hook ups though?”

“We’ll see about that,” the girls laughed.

A feeling of anxiety washed over you the more your peers spoke about him. It didn’t take long for you to excuse yourself from the conversation due to what you called a forgotten guidance counsellor appointment.

Hearing others talk about Hoseok made you feel unnecessarily jealous. He wasn’t your boyfriend. What right did you have to be angry at those girls?

None.

It still hurt though.

--

“I don’t think I want to go anymore,” you tell Jin over video call, burying your face in your favourite plush toy. It’s Friday night and the more you thought about the party and confessing to Hoseok, the less you wanted to go. There were only two ways things could go; either Hoseok accepts you or rejects you. But the very idea of him rejecting you made you dizzy.

Jin reprimands you in more ways than one, but you’re not sure if you can handle the heart ache if Hoseok doesn’t reciprocate.

“Listen, I know it’s overwhelming, but you have to do this eventually,” Jin softens, seeing you in distress over video call. “So what if he rejects you? At least you’ll know to stop wasting time and affection over him.”

“I hate you,” you mumbled into teddy bear, slouching in your chair.

You often hated Jin when he was right.

--

“Can you just throw on some jeans or something so we can go?” Jin groans loudly, laying in your bed as you rummage through your closet.

“Listen punk, this is my first high school party and I intend on looking good at it,” you hiss, taking out the tenth shirt of the night.

“You know we still have to pick up our three children right?” he reminds you, as he rolls off the mattress to help you look for an outfit. “Taehyung has texted me three times already asking where we are and I’ve told him three times that we have yet to leave your house.”

You let out a cry and drop to the floor. Parties weren’t your thing; they stressed you out and you knew that better than anyone. But how was it that you were stressed about a party before you even got there?

“Okay here,” Jin says, shoving a pair of cute shorts you forgot you had and a crop top into your lap. “Nothing says summer like showing some skin,” he deadpans, as he shoves you into your washroom. “If you come out and you don’t look as nice as I thought you would, just throw on my jacket and let’s go. Got it? Good.”

The moment you arrive at Namjoon’s castle of a house, the place is already half trashed with a good quarter of party goers wasted. Music is blaring in all directions and you aren’t sure how none of the neighbours have made a complaint yet. Or maybe it was because they were attending the party too. Who even knew at this point?

Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook practically jump out of the car and run off to god knows where once the car is parked, leaving you with your best friend. The scent of alcohol and perfume is heavy in the air and you’re pretty sure you want to go home, but you came here with a purpose and you refused to leave without fulfilling it.

“Come on, let’s go find your man,” Jin jokes, taking your hand and dragging you into Namjoon’s home. Your best friend holds onto your hand tight so you don’t get lost in the mess of people, as you whip your head around looking for him.

Unfortunately, Seokjin’s tight isn’t tight enough and suddenly you’re surrounded by mostly unfamiliar faces and some you rarely interact with, never mind the only one you wanted to see tonight.

“Hey,” someone greets you, pulling you in from the crowd for a quick side hug. You look up in shock, letting out a breath when you realize it’s just Namjoon. “You look good. How’s your first party going? I only throw the best.”

“It’s… going,” you reply, scrunching up your face. What Namjoon considered the best parties probably meant the worst experience for you. “I lost Jin and now I’m just kind of… here.”

Namjoon ruffles your hair and chuckles. “Go socialize,” he lightly chides. A voice calls for him from across the room and your conversation is cut short, much to your dismay. “Hold on,” he shouts back. “I have to deal with something right now but if you need anything, text me. At least try to have fun, okay?” Then he was off, ditching you in the corner of the living room.

To say that you didn’t try to have fun would be a lie, because you really did. But despite how hard you tried to mingle with drunkards and dance to the extremely loud EDM blasting from the speakers, you just couldn’t. You felt uncomfortable, lonely and far too sweaty for your liking. You were out of your element and soon enough, out of Namjoon’s home.

You rub your hands against your arms when the summer air hits and frown. You wonder just what on earth you would do now, especially considering the unlikelihood of finding your crush in a house of what felt like a thousand people. Perhaps you would confess another day—or maybe never, you think bitterly.

Sending Jin a quick text letting him know where you are and to not worry, you proceed to go wherever your legs would take you. Just as long as it wasn’t here.

“Hey,” someone calls out to you, not even a second after you reach the sidewalk. When you turn around, you find a slightly out of breath Hoseok in front of you, dazzling smile and all.

“Hey,” you blush, slightly embarrassed that you’ve been caught leaving the party before its and partially due to how gorgeous your crush looked.

“I’ve been looking for you all night,” he confesses, shoving his hands in the pockets of the black bomber jacket you liked so much.

“Why?” you laugh in response, timidly running your fingers through your hair.

“I figured you would want company at your first party. But I guess you don’t need me anymore,” he answers, noticing that you were trying to leave. “Are you alright?” Hoseok softens, concern apparent on his face.

“Yeah, just a little overwhelmed,” you bite your lip, fiddling with the hem of your sleeve. “What about you though? You haven’t been looking for me all this time, right? What are you doing out here?”

“I guess I got overwhelmed too,” he admits, voice quieter than before. You aren’t sure how someone as extroverted as Hoseok could possibly get overwhelmed by a party, mostly since he’d been to them tonnes of times before. It doesn’t make sense but you don’t question it; not when the enthusiasm in his voice returns.

“Let’s leave,” Hoseok beams, catching you off guard.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he chuckles.

“Are you sure? Won’t your friends miss you? And like, basically every person in Joon’s house right now?

Hoseok bites back a smile and shakes his head. “Nope. And besides, there’ll be other parties. I’m not too sure about parties involving you though.”

“Where would we even go?” you mumble.

“Why don’t we find out?”