“I remember when we used to be best friends. We were so close that nothing can tear us apart. But now everything changed. You slowly pushed me away. I stood there wondering why.

Do you hate me? Was I a burden? Did I do something wrong?

Many questions I wanted to ask you but it was impossible. You’re different. Your music that you love is now playing in every street of Seoul. Even if I write you a letter, I doubt that you would read them as you would get tons of letters a day.

I remember that first time we met. I fell in love with you when I first laid my eyes on you. Your amazing look, mysterious but with childish personality, beautiful voice.

Such beautiful features but it was slowly killing me inside. You were always in my mind every day, every minute. In short, you were the most beautiful person to me. Your smile always brightens my day. As we grew up, I realize that you would never feel the same way as I did.

What can I do? I was attracted to you. But we can never be together. And what did I do? I kept quiet. I threw my feelings aside even though I knew my feelings were too strong.

When we were in high school, you immediately became a kingka with your good looks. I became the outcast. I never liked attention. You were my one only friend. But when you became a kingka you had so many fans.

I quietly became one of your fan girls too. Every time you came to school, students would crowd around you as if you were a celebrity. But somewhere in the middle of the crowd I would be standing there gazing at you. Did you notice me? No, you didn’t. You were too busy flirting with girls.

Your visit to my house became less and less after you became a kingka. I didn’t complain. I had no right to. It’s your life not mine. Even when you visited, never once did you gave me a hug like you used to.

You came as and whenever you liked as if my house is a hotel. I didn’t complain. Every time you visited, my heart leaped. You don’t know how happy I am and how much I miss you.

Your visits became less and less until you stopped coming. I would often be found sitting on the doorstep waiting for you to come. No matter if it was raining or snowing, I would always be waiting for you at my doorstep.

You never came.

During senior year, I went out shopping with your mother. On the way home, she was involved in a car accident as she was crossing the road. I was there to witness this. I was frozen. There she is lying with blood all around her.

By the time she reached the hospital it was too late. She lost too much blood. You came with your friends. You started shouting at me. Saying that I killed his mother.

I didn’t. But it’s too late to say that right? You wouldn’t even listen to me.

During her funeral, I was there. As you were crying your eyes out, I couldn’t be there beside you to comfort you. I stood in the middle of the crowd of your relatives, crying silently.

I want to be there by your side. But I couldn’t. I was a nightmare to you. I watch your friends comfort you. I silently thanked them for taking my place. Before the funeral end, I had to leave. I don’t want you to see me.

I left without a word. All I could do is cry. No one was there to comfort me. I was all alone.

The rest of the senior year, you’ve abused me, humiliate me, said hurtful things to me. I didn’t say anything. I deserved it didn’t I? I killed your mother you said.

I didn’t.

You told me that you would make the rest of the year my life a living hell for the rest of senior year.

It was already a living hell.

Every day I limped all the way home. Students hate me. With bruised face, burs lips and a bloody nose. Did I cry?

No. I silently let them hurt me. The pain could never be compared with the pain you gave me. I disgust myself.

A day before the graduation ceremony, you dragged me into an alley. Did I pull away from your grip? No. I was too focused on your hand which was hold mine.

Before I knew it, I was pushed onto the ground. I scraped my hand. You screamed and cried. All I could do is watch. I couldn’t reach out to soothe you. Why?

You hated me.

You beat the daylight out of me. Did I fight back? No. I let you beat me up. I deserved it. I killed your mother you said.

I didn’t.

During graduation day, I wasn’t there with the students. I was in the middle of the crowd looking at you. You were smiling and laughing with your friends. How I wished that you were laughing with me. But it was impossible.

When they called my name, you frowned. How painful it was to know you disgust me so much that you flinched every time they called my name. I hold back my tears.

When you walked onto the stage, everyone cheered. You were smiling. How I wish you were smiling for me.

Graduation ceremony was over. Everyone went to find their family. I stood in the middle of the crowd of families gazing at you. Your father was there and so were your sister. I smiled knowing that you were fine. Slowly I walked away from everybody.

After that day, we didn’t see each other until you became famous. And at that period of time, my life changed. I was sick. A sickness that everyone doesn’t want.

Doctors told me to get the therapy, but did I go? No. I rather die than being slowly killed inside. I continued my daily routine as usual.

When I found out you became famous, I was so happy. I finally found you. Every concert you had, I was there somewhere in the middle of the crowd, cheering for you.

No matter what you did to me in the past, I would always be there supporting you. Like any other fans cheering their idol on.

As the months pass by, my condition was getting worse. I had to be hospitalized. They told me to take the therapy. But did I take it? No. I don’t have to. You hated me so what is the point to live?

The doctor says that I have only a few weeks to live. They asked me what my last wish was. I told them I wanted to go to your concert for the last time and let you read this letter.

They fulfilled my wishes. I went to your concert. You did great. I couldn’t be any happier as I get to see my first love for the first time before I leave. I didn’t want the concert to end. I want to watch it forever. I want to see you happy forever. But forever is too long right?

After the concert, I fainted. The nurse who had followed me there rushed me to the hospital. I woke up a few days later. My body was weak. I couldn’t do anything. I was paralyzed.  I cried.

This is my goodbye to you. My time is finishing soon. This letter is the only thing I can give you. I finally would stop feeling the pain you gave me. My dream of being someone to you was never fulfilled. But dreams were never meant to come true for me. I would always be in the crowd.

Good bye Myungsoo. See you in the afterlife.

Eternally loving you,

Ji Hye”

Myungsoo’s eyes were already red. How could he have been so blind? She loved him. More than a best friend should. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

He now hated himself. Why did he react that way without finding the reason? He was stupid. He shouldn’t have pushed her away.

He stood up suddenly, surprising his band mates. He ran out of the practice room to the hospital. He didn’t bother wiping his tears away. Behind him, his band mates were running after him but he didn’t stop. He needs to see Ji Hye no matter what happens.

He needs to ask for forgiveness from her. He was wrong. He did many sins to her. He just has to see her before its too late. He has to tell her…. That he loves her.

He frantically searched for Ji Hye’s ward. He stood in front of her ward, scared to enter. He slowly opens the door to find her on her bed, gasping for breath.

He ran to her side, grabbing her arms. She looked at him and smiled. “I’m sorry, Ji Hye. For everything I did! Forgive me!” She took a deep breath. “I for-forgive you” She whispered.

“I’m glad you came. I love you oppa” She draw her last breath and closed her eyes forever. Myungsoo cried and screamed for her to wake up. “No, no, wake up! I didn’t get the chance to say how much I love you!” He screamed. His band mates came in to witness the scene. “I love you Ji Hye. I love you so much” He whispered.

“That day, I lost my best friend. The best friend who loved me for who I am and supported me at what I do. If I was ever given the chance, I want to tell her how much I love her….

Myungsoo”

“I would always be somewhere in the crowd cheering for you…

Ji Hye”