"Let's play pretend!" She said, one Tuesday evening when I was just getting home from my basketball practice. She sat innocently on my bed with her legs bent. In her hands was my comic book which she had read like thousands times, and I wondered just how I could keep my privacy if she kept invading my room - let alone my secrets. But no matter how much I wanted her to stop, I did not.

 

I hung my bag behind the door, took a t-shirt from my wardrobe and went to my bathroom to change. I heard Joohyun called my name to hurry, but I wasn't bothered. When I got out, I went back to my bag and took out two cans from it - one can of chocolate milk and another of cola - and threw the chocolate milk to her, which she caught right in her hand.

 

I sat on the floor in front of her. "Hmm? What do you want to be?"

 

"Why chocolate?" She asked, but open the can nevertheless. I bought it from a drugstore on my way home, because I knew she would be in my house somehow - which she also knew all well that I would. She usually nagged at me because she wanted a coke, and I usually wouldn't let her. But today, she seemed a bit too distracted to nag, and just let it slide.

 

"They kinda run out of strawberry." I said.

 

"Oh,"

 

Oh, she had been a little bit quiet since yesterday.

 

Yesterday - when a girl in her classroom told the whole class that Joohyun liked me, right when I was entering the class to return her book. The girl was Hara. I knew her because she confessed to me once, to which I replied that I wasn't in the mood to be in any relationship just yet. I had no idea why she did this. I looked at Joohyun to see her reaction, and to my surprise, she seemed upset. I mean, people had been talking about us but neither of us really reacted to any of it. Sometimes we just laughed it off because she liked someone else and she knew I liked someone else too, so..

 

I looked back at Hara and saw a small book in her hand, a book I recognized as Joohyun's forever diary (I had seen it once, but she always had a good way hiding it), and then I knew why Joohyun was upset. So I walked to Hara and took it from her, telling it wasn't polite to take someone else's belonging and that her act was childish, and took Joohyun outside.

 

She wasn't crying. We talked a bit, and she went back to her class when she told me she felt better.

 

She threw her diary on the garbage. I went to my class.

 

After the bell rang, we went home together but she was quiet.

 

I thought she would be better now, that she had her smile back - but something was off.

 

"So what do you want to be?" I asked, once again, and played along. She hated it when I brought that up - her being gloomy, her being sad, or upset. She'd make herself look alright, even though it was crystal clear to me that she was not, so I'd play along.

 

"I'll be.. um.. T.O.P and you'll be one of my fans."

 

"T.O.P?" I laughed. "And wait, no way I would want to be your fan."

 

"Come on!" She nagged again. She always nagged, and I was always tired, but I always ended up letting her be. She had finished her chocolate and hand me her can.

 

I smiled.

 

"Okay, okay! But TOP is a guy, why would you be a guy? And his fans are mostly girl. How am I being a girl!" I stood out to put our cans into the bin.

 

"Why not?"

 

"I mean you've got to be a girl and I've got to be a boy!"

 

"Nah, I don't care. So because you're my fan, you're going to chase me."

 

"Wha-" Before I could finished my question, she had ran out of my room, ran out of my house, ran through the neighborhood.

 

I was still reserving energy from my practice, but I chased her nevertheless.

 

I didn't know just where she head. She kept running and running I was amazed she could survive (she hated PA the most and couldn't stand any of it). We ran for 20 minutes without a stop, and when it occurred to me that the sky had got darker, I told her to stop.

 

"You're doing a good job chasing me, my fan." she said, her voice trembling.

 

Was she crying or just tired?

 

"I know." I walked closer to her and sat down on the grass. She wasn't facing me, so I pulled her hand to make her sit, and when our back touched, I felt her trembling.

 

I couldn't see her face.

 

Was she crying?

 

"Let's play pretend" she said once again, and I was sure she was crying.

 

I turned to her, "Joohyun, why?"

 

"Let's just do."

 

"No, I mean- you are crying."

 

"Oh. Can you count 60 seconds?" She was sniffing, wiping her tears, and yet chucking, which hurt the most. She turned her back at me again so I couldn't face her. "I'm sorry just for a minute please."

 

And like always, I let her cry.

 

"Sixty," I began counting. "Fifty nine. Fifty eight. Fifty seven."

 

As I reached three, I heard silence - she had stopped.

 

"Are you done?"

 

"Uhm."

 

"Do you want me to ask you why? You want a hug?"

 

"No."

 

"Ok, ok. Shall we play now?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What should I be, then?"

 

A silence.

 

Suddenly, she grew quiet again. "Jinyoung," she called.

 

"Me?"

 

"Yesterday, Hara told the class that I liked you."

 

I waited. I knew.

 

"I don't know why, but later, CNU told me you liked me. I guess he isn't a good friend either huh? For telling me your secret?"

 

I laughed.

 

"But I know it already. It is written in your book, you stupid. Your handwritten is ugly."

 

I laughed once more.

 

But I like you, indeed.

 

I knew you had known it already, no matter how many times I told you I liked someone else - and I had known you like me, no matter now many times you told me you liked someone else.

 

"Jinyoung,"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Shall we play now?"

 

"What do you want to be?"

 

"Let's play pretend that you don't know I like you. Let's play pretend that I don't know you like me."

 

I stayed quiet. But haven't we already been pretending all this time?

 

"Shall we play now?"

 

Aren't we, now?

 

It was one Tuesday evening, and the sun had prepared to set. The sky had turned orange - the color Joohyun liked the most - and we kept silence for about 20 minutes, catching our breath we lost while running. We watched the sunset then, and I had never really answered her question.

 

But the next day she had all cheered up, like yesterday never happened - like the day before yesterday never happened. We went to school together and went home together. Sometimes I went home late for basketball practiced, and I bought her strawberry milk when it was available in the drugstore - or a chocolate milk. She nagged at me because she wanted a cola, but I didn't let her.

 

At school, people were talking about us, but we laughed it off because we both liked someone else.

 

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