this one is long af, sorry if it's boring lol

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Jinki was always a clumsy little boy. He was that clumsy to the point his parents were really worried about him. There would be times when he'd tripped over his own legs and fell to the ground and got himself injured. But the boy, didn't even care. He'd collect himself up and acted natural like nothing ever happen. Even with bleeding knees and hands, he didn't care. As long as he had a fun time playing with his friends.

His parents would take him to see the doctor every weekend to make sure that he was okay. Even though the doctor had conformed that there was nothing wrong with Jinki, they're still worried. What parents wouldn't be worried about their child?

When he was in kindergarten, he was a very active boy, just like every other children that seemed to impossible to sit still. They'd always moving, running, crying, whining and everything. Lee Jinki, he's not the crying and whining type, he's a nice boy that the kindergarten teachers favored him the most. But at the same time, he made them worried to the extend where they'd have to put him on a time out. He'd always running around the playground and then fell. He'd injured his legs and scratched his hands. Although he said he was okay, how could they let him play again?

When Jinki was 6, he noticed a little girl looking at him. She was someone he didn't know and never met. But Jinki knew she was looking at him the whole time. It happened every time during play time at the kindergarten. He noticed how she'd sit alone at the swing and spaced out. Jinki thought she was a ghost sometimes. He actually did and he would always caught a glimpse of her with the corner of his eyes when he passed by the swing because he remembered someone said if you talked to a ghost or looking straight at it, it would stick with you forever. And that's when he noticed her eyes were following him. He got scared at first but soon to forget about it once he and his friends started to play chase and tag.

But her identity was confirmed a human when he saw a teacher talking to the girl. He was not scared anymore.

Every time Jinki caught her staring at him, he'd trip on the air and fell. He didn't know why he was like that. Maybe his legs were getting weaker. He should ask his parents to take him to the doctor again.

When Jinki was in primary school, after he's in second grade, he saw her being in the same school as he was. She was a freshman. And how did he know it was the same little girl? It was due to her big eyes, they were very nice and she didn't really change much from when he last saw her. Jinki still didn't know what her name was. Not that he care but...

Jinki was sure that she didn't remember him because he enrolled in this school first.
But how wrong was he because every time they passed by each other, she'd have her eyes on him which he tried to ignore.

The girl came to the same middle school as he was and he saw her when he was in 8th grade. And by that time, he knew her name. Kim Junghee. He had overheard her introducing herself to a new transferred student one time in the hallways. He thought she had a nice name.

Junghee.

One time, Jinki was running back home after playing soccer with his friends at the school field. He was running back home because he was hungry and was anticipating on what his mother had cooked for lunch. While he was to turn around the corner, he felt a sudden force hitting him that had knocked him in the face and had him to fall backwards.

He felt pain in his nose and he cupped it. He was to get angry at whatever hit him but declined when he heard someone crying. He looked up and saw a girl on the pebbled road, bawling her eyes out. Jinki started to get panic at that.

And then he realized the girl was Kim Junghee. And that's when he learnt that she lived in the same neighborhood as he was. When he took her home, her mother took care of his bleeding nose and the young girl was worried about him having his nose broke.

He was slightly happy.

Jinki in middle school didn't change much. He was still as clumsy as ever. He always tripped and fell face first to the ground. He was one of those boys that would run here and there around the school, in the school building. Especially the hallways when it was too cold to play outside. He and his friends always got detention for running in the hallways but did they care? They didn't.

Jinki didn't get away from being worried by the teachers. He was one of few that always been sent to the infirmary due to his clumsy self he'd injured himself at every parts of his body. (The other few were kids beating each other up.)

Jinki didn't want to blame anyone but he soon made out that he's getting worse every time he caught Junghee staring at her. Whenever they passed by in the hallways, Junghee would stop walking and stared at him like she had seen something she never see before. And that made him nervous which resulted his mind to go havoc and had him tripped over the thin air as he couldn't think rightly. 

But still, Lee Jinki was a boy made of iron. He didn't really care. He'd be fine by tomorrow.

In 11th grade, Jinki had injured his head badly. This was because he fell of a flight of stairs. And the reason? He saw Junghee watching him and he couldn't think for some reason and had him slipped off the stairs and hit his head. Because of that incident, he became a real talk in the school. When he came back the next day - again, he acted like nothing happened - he saw Junghee watching him with worried eyes - it was very obvious, considering how big her eyes were.

In 12th grade, his senior year, everyone seemed to start to date. He didn't understand why did they have to date when they should be focusing on entrance exam. He thought it was way more important than to worry about dating.

But...

To be honest... lately... he kind of noticed someone that had him very nervous.

And that someone was none other than Kim Junghee.

He realized how beautiful she was now after she'd matured up. She's one of those stylish-but-without-really-trying girl. She was beautiful in her own way. And yes, her main attraction was her beautiful eyes. Her long black slick hair was so silky proved that she took care of it so well.

Junghee would still watched him from far but not for too long, he guessed. Jinki still did feel nervous about being around her or her watching him but he tried not to be so obvious. He tried to focus his mind more now, even he felt her eyes on him. He tried to act nonchalant.

Jinki was a grown up boy now so running up and down in the hallways was long gone. Nowadays he was seen walking around with a book in his hands. He needed to pass the entrance exam. His parents were counting on him. (He also learnt that with a book in his hands wherever he went also made his mind completely off of Junghee. He didn't think about her at all.)

Some said, because of the 'nerdy and nice' image he used in school was the reason a certain Kim Gwiboon was attracted to him. Jinki didn't understand himself. He's not pretending or anything of sorts. He was very genuine about his image and behavior. And he didn't understand why would a popular school athlete would like him in the first place.

It's not like he didn't really know what kind of person Gwiboon was. He meant it the nice way. She was a nice girl, honestly. But Jinki, despite being to engrossed in study, did hear rumors about her being on and off of relationships. Some said she used her pretty face to get boys and then she'd dump the boys once she's bored with them. And didn't he said he didn't want to get worried about dating issues in his senior year?

Gwiboon had confronted him one day when he was going back home. Gwiboon had confessed to him and frankly speaking, Jinki didn't know what to say. He couldn't say yes because he thought his heart was with someone else — a certain Kim Junghee that made him nervous every time — but he couldn't say no too because he didn't want to make a girl sad.

In the end he said, "Let's be friends first and then after the exam, we can start dating."
Gwiboon was smiling so widely and had kissed him in the cheek.

He blushed.

They dated weeks before the exam. Jinki didn't know how it happened but it just did. They started date and became a couple. Their dating news spread around rhe school like a fire. Everyone was shocked because the beautiful Gwiboon dated someone nerdy like him. He didn't understand which part of him made him a nerdy. He just liked to read books, was that wrong? Jinki thought he was pretty cool too! That's why Gwiboon attracted to him.

In their three months of being friends, Jinki learnt that Gwiboon wasn't really what people would say she was. She was one of the nicest girls he ever met. Gwiboon had the heart of an angel. And everything about her was beautiful. Her personality was very different that what people claimed she was. 
When he told her that, she laughed. "I don't really care about those things. If I did, I'll get headache and I don't want that."

He liked her positivity traits.

Junghee had walked in on him making out with Gwiboon at the corner when they had bumped towards each other when they were kids. And at that time, Jinki thought he had been caught cheating on Junghee with someone else. He felt his heart being torned apart. He didn't know why he was feeling like that.

He felt guilty and he felt sad for doing that to her. He didn't know why. And that moment, he wanted to go to her and said everything was a mistake. Then he felt remorseful of himself. He shouldn't be feeling like that when he was dating Kim Gwiboon.

The real question was that did he actually love Gwiboon? Did he really love her to the extend where he's going to protect her with all of his heart and will?

Jinki didn't know himself. He was still unaware of his true feelings on Gwiboon. He still thought he had a feeling for Junghee. But... he's not sure of himself. He felt like he was going to be crazy. Why did he ever...?

A year after Jinki graduated from high school, Gwiboon asked for break up as she had to go to the United States to be trained professionally in figure skating. She was picked by a coach there who interested in her and saw how she had the potentials to shine brightly.

Jinki being the supportive boyfriend, agreed and let her go. He didn't want to but he had to. Gwiboon deserved better and it was always her dream to be a professional figure skating athlete. He wished her for all her best.

And weird enough, he didn't feel sad or heartbroken with the break up.

Was he being bad?

Jinki met Junghee again when he was in his second year in the university. He went to her university's festival day as his friends asked him to come along since they couldn't last year. Jinki never thought he'd be seeing Junghee again even though they lived in the same neighborhood.

When he met her, she was as beautiful as she ever be. Jinki thought the air in his lungs had been knocked out of him. Jinki thought he was on top of the world when Junghee's seniors teased the younger that Jinki was her boyfriend. He almost said he was but he didn't want Junghee to hate her.

Jinki braved himself on asking for her number. He wanted to start anew. He wanted to be Junghee's boyfriend for real. This time he's going to do it. He'd go home and text her. He'd say hi to her. And then, he'd ask to be her friend to get know her better. After that, he'd start asking her out for dates and later he'd ask her to date him. He had it all planned in his head.

He was going to do it. Lee Jinki will not back out.

Lee Jinki didn't do it. Lee Jinki backed out. 
Jinki thought it's better if just disappeared from this world than to have meet Kim Jungher again in the future.

It was all because of his cowardly act. He didn't text Junghee that night after he met or the day after or the months after. He didn't. Jinki didn't know why he couldn't text her just a simple 'Hello'. To say that he's nervous with girls, that can't be the reason as he got along with girls in the university so well.

Maybe it was because she's Kim Junghee, the girl who made him nervous that he tripped and fell to the ground every time he thought about her.

So that's why, when he met Junghee again one summer, he wished someone could turn back the time. Jinki didn't want to face Junghee. He felt ashamed and guilty. And when he saw Junghee that day, he saw how angry she was at him no matter how hard she tried to conceal her facial expression.

๑๑

Jinki was sure that was the last time he met Junghee because there's no way they could meet again after they both got on their ways. Their adult ways. Where Jinki working at some company and she's at another. He was sure that she was dating by now. A beautiful woman like must be having a boyfriend already. They both probably were living happily together with a pet in their own house. Jinki was kind of jealous with the man who dated her.

But how wrong was he?

They did meet again.

It was a small world, he thought. Jinki couldn't believe that Junghee returned back to his life when he was already starting to try to forget about her. She transferred to the same company he worked at he was not going to lie that he was so, so happy. Jinki was happy that he could see her again after for a very long time. He had lost count on how many years it has been sonce their last encounter.  Jinki thought, this time he was going to do it. He was going to confess. He was going to be her partner for life.

A week after Jinki and Junghee became friends, he broke off with his girlfriend that was a model. He never knew how he ended up dating models because to say he was a rich man, he's not that rich, if talked about face, he's not saying he's handsome but...
Jinki was hoping that the news of him breaking up with his girlfriend would reach Junghee and he'd use that opportunity to confess to her if she asked why. He was sure the news would come to her as the people in the same department as he was seemed to know everything about him. They're all sasaeng-type of people.

And so, it did reach her. But she didn't ask why. In fact at that time, she looked so stressed out that turned out she was thinking about the situation she was in where her mother made her to go to blind dates. The older woman wanted her daughter to get married as soon as possible which was something Jinki learnt that Junghee didn't like. He guessed thaf her passed dating experience didn't turn out well.

One day, Junghee told him she had another blind date she had to attend and Jinki decided that it was time to end all of this. Not only he was tired seeing Junghee looking so miserable, he also wanted to stop torturing himself. Jinki was hurting whenever Junghee went on to those dates she didn't want to go in the first place.

So that's why after he asked Junghee to tell him how it'd turn out after the date, Jinki decided that he'd confess to her - if her date rejected her. Jinki didn't care anymore. Jink was going ti make her his, by hook or by crook! Jinki hoped the man would rejected Junghee.

The phone call he received that night had Jinki gone numbed. Jini couldn't believe what he had just listened to. He couldn't believe that this day would actually come. There was once or twice he thought it would happen but he never thought it'd be real.

So here's the thing, Junghee had called him earlier to tell him thaf the date didn't go well. Jinki jumped off his sofa and went to get ready as fast as he could. Today was the day he was going to confess to the first love of his life. Today would the nost historic moment of his life. He couldn't wait to see her and tell her how he really he felt about her for all of these years.

He was just getting his car keys when his phone rang. Jinki checked the screen and it was an unknown number. Jinki had it in mind to declined it but he answered it anyway.

"Hello, Jinki? Is that you?" the caller said and at that time Jinki almost dropped his phone. It was the voice of a woman he haven't met for over 10 years. Even so, he never forget. Jinki's heart running wild.

"G- Gwiboon?"

"Oh! It is you! I'm so glad I found your number," she said excitedly. Meanwhile, Jinki had already plopped down on the floor, shocked.

They were quiet for a long time, none of them knew what to say. In the end Gwiboon was the only to talk. "Hey, the bill is really high, if none of us say anything we're doomed," she chuckled, "Anyway, I just want to say that I'll be coming home by the end of this month."

Jinki's eyes widened. She's returning back home? "And?" he said for the first time after for so long.

He heard Gwiboon sighed. "And I want you to pick me up at the airport, please? And I want you... I want us... to start it over again..."

Jinki's mind raced. "Start what over again?"
Jinki didn't hear anything afterwards that he thought Gwiboon had hung up but when he looked at the screen, the call was still on.

"Gwiboon?"

"Jinki, you know that I love you?" she said finally. Jinki bit his lips at that. He didn't say anything. "And... I... I can't live without you, Jinki. I would like us to start over our relationship that stopped -"

"You're the one who asked for a break up," he cut her. Jinki somehow felt angry because back then, she was the one who wanted to end everything. Of course, she did that because she wanted to chase her dreams and he was not going to stop her from that.

But not only she ended their relationship, she even ended from at least being his friend. When he called, Gwiboon never answered, when he text her, she never replied. That's when he knew Gwiboon didn't want to talk to him forever. Jinki ended up mentioning those to her.

Then he heard soft sobs by the end of the line. "Jinki... I'm sorry," she cried. "I didn't mean to. If - If I answered - your calls and messages - it'll make me want to return back home!"

Jinki closed his eyes with a sigh. She then continued, "I swear I never stopped loving you, I never even dated someone else after you. I swear, Jinki! I always love you and I will forever be."

Jinki massaged his temples. He suddenly felt sick.

Jinki ended up went to pick Gwiboon up at the airport. He didn't know why but he felt a sudden obligation to do so. When he arrived at the airport, he never thought they'd be so many photographers here. He then remembered that Gwiboon was an international athlete, what with her winning gold medal in the last match. Her returning here was a good news for the country.

Jinki who had been only saw her on the newspapers and TV, was kind of lost for words he met Gwiboon at the airport because she was getting more beautiful than he last met her. His heart throbbed like mad.

He couldn't believe himself.

Jinki didn't want to give Gwiboon a false hope so he suggested what he had did to Gwiboon back in high school. They should start of with normal friendship. He told her that in the years of her absence from his life had him to be interested in someone else. But if their relationship worked out again eventually, then they shall went back together.

"It's okay, as long as I can be with you again. Take your time," said Gwiboon.

Jinki smiled at her.

Maybe he was such softie or Gwiboon was good at winning his heart he didn't know. Maybe both because in the four months of being with her, he was head over heels on her. Jinki always been reminded of their times back in high school, those times when they spent together as a couple. Those secrets meeting they had when they had the chance to.

He started to love her day by day because of that one time, he couldn't help but asked her to marry him.

Junghee was now long gone from his mind.

Lee Jinki concluded that he was the worst man ever.

The news of Junghee being hospitalized shocked him. Jinki was panicking that something bad had happened to her. Jinki was aware that Junghee didn't come to work for three days but he never thought she was ill that bad.

When he went to visit her, she was out cold.

"What happened to her?" he asked Junghee's mother.

The old woman looked extremely worried sick. "I don't know, Jinki. In the past three days, she didn't want to eat or drink. She stayed up in her roon and did nothing. I was so worried."

Jinki's eyebrows frowned. Why...? "There must be a reason to that, right?"

Mrs. Kim thought hard for a moment then she looked up to Jinki with an unreadable expression. "Jinki... can I ask you something?" Jinki nodded. "When... I was sending her food to her room... right before she passed out... she..." Mrs. Kim stopped there as though she was afraid je was going to get angry at whatever she said.

"What is it?" he asked her kindly.

The woman sighed. "She called for your name."

Jinki's eyes widened. "She what?"

"I don't know what but she's just... she said, 'Don't leave me, Jinki.' and she passed out," Mrs. Kim face turned even paler. "Did something happened between the two of you?"

Jinki was gaping, he was lost for words. Did Junghee really said that? Did she really... What did she mean by that? Did she like him for all this time? And what did her being sick have to do with him? If only he could ask her without trying to freak her out. 

He went to visit her again the next day and she was sleeping this time as she had just taken her medicine. Jinki thought a lot the night before. He was confused, so damn confused. He didn't know what to do anymore. He loved Gwiboon but he also loved Junghee. Was he being greedy? Was being the worst man? He didn't know.

He wanted to be with Junghee but he couldn't let Gwiboon go. He wanted to protect Junghee and he also wanted to prote8 Gwiboon as well. Jinki didn't know whether the affection he had for Junghee was more of a brotherly feeling or romantically. He always remembered how Junghee watched him from afar and that made him so nervous. Was that signs of love? Jinki noticed Junghee for a long time but was that really because he liked her?
He stared at her back that was facing him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry," was all he could say. If Junghee being sick was because of him, he really should apologized. It was all his fault. He should've asked to be with her long time before, like he always planned.

If only he could turn back the time...

Jinki decided that he didn't like Junghee's fiance. The moment he met the tall man at the hospital, Jinki was already had the urge to punch the man's smug face. He didn't know why he felt such strong hatred towards the other. Was it the jealousy? He didn't know but if this man hurt Junghee, Jinki made sure the man would regret it.

Junghee had confronted him after she was out of the hospital and returned back to work. Jinki was not going to lie that he was so nervous.Today was the day he's going to end everything, everything that was his feelings towards Junghee. Even if it meant that he hurt Junghee.

But in the end, it was her who ended everything. Junghee told him everything about her marriage proposal - Jinki's head was going to explode thinking about that Choi dude - and she even congratulate him on his engagement. When she hugged her, he was surprised but eventually he hugged her back, tightly. During the hug, he had a sudden thought of what will happened if the two of them were together now. Will they be happy? He didn't know. What he knew was that, he needed to let her go and start to appreciate Kim Gwiboon, his fiancee.

Jinki was going to make sure that he won't let Gwiboon go just like how had to do to Junghee. He was going to make Gwiboon the happiest woman, the happiest queen in this world. He was not going to take Gwiboon as granted. Because was always there for him and he should start to appreciate that precious moment.

Until then, I hope we meet again in the next life. Goodbye, he said in his mind before both of them let each other go.

THE END

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a/n: ajsjxjdifjfkkc im sorry if this lol. idk what im doing the whole time but i want to say that thank you subscribing and reading and commenting to this story. I really appreciate it! THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU!! 

tbh im not satisfied with this story lol, idk it's so... it feels like something was off haha. Anyway, thank you again for the millionth times. I love you ♡♡♡