She sat alone calmly on the swing, watching the other kids running around in the kindergarten’s playground. Although she was watching them, her eyes were fixed on one particular boy who chasing his other friends. The kids were playing chase-and-tag and he was tagged earlier so it was his turned to chase his friends.

The kids were screaming in excitement while running away from him as though he was carrying some deadly germs. The smiles on their faces amused her. She wanted to join them but she thought it was much fun to watch them than to have to run.

“Do you want me to help you, Junghee?” the voice on her left broke her gaze from the boy. She looked up and saw her teacher standing there with a sweet smile on her face. Junghee smiled back.

“No, thank you, teacher. I just want to sit here,” replied the little girl sweetly. She turned back to the boy.

“Are you sure?” the female teacher asked again. Junghee nodded without looking at her. “Okay, then. Tell me if you need anything, all right?” she said before leaving.

Junghee’s eyes never left the boy. He was still running at his fullest to get his friends. It seemed like he did it on purpose on not really tagging them because another boy was so close to him but he waited for the boy to run away further before chasing the others back. They rounded the monkey bars and Junghee squeaked as the boy tripped on his own legs and stumbled forward. Junghee covered with both hands. She waited for the boy to cry.

But how wrong she was because the boy collected himself and ran back to chase his friends who had stopped to watch him with worried expressions. But the mood soon changed quickly and they continued running with laughter.

Junghee could only gaped in disbelief as she watched the boy running with his bleeding chin like it was nothing. He just kept running and laughing, having the time of their life. Did he not feel pain at all?

-*-

Junghee spent every day during play time sitting on the swing and watch the boy play from afar. She was not going to play or going to make friends so she secluded herself to the confine of swing where no one wanted to use.

She quickly learned that they boy stumble and fall more often than normal kids. But he soon got up on his feet and fool around again. He was one tough kid, she thought. He didn’t even cry like when his other friends cry whenever they fell. He looked at his injuries with so much interest and did not seem to be in pain at all.

The teachers had once grounded him from playing because they were scared he might get hurt again. And they were afraid the boy’s mother might come and attack them for not looking after his son well enough. But Junghee had once heard the boy’s mother talked to one of the teachers. The woman said, “Jinki fell a lot in the house more than he did here. Of course, we were worried about him being injured but he said he’s fine. And we would bring him to the doctor every time to make sure he’s okay. So don’t blame yourselves, teachers. My husband and I are not angry at all.”

Still, Junghee knew how the teachers felt. Even she herself felt worried and scared if something worse might happen to the boy.

-**-

She was eleven and her mother had already asked her to do this and that. “Junghee, clean the house.” “Junghee, clean your room.” “Junghee, ask your sister to help you with homework.” “Junghee, go and feed Roo.” “Junghee, go and buy some eggs.”

Junghee put down her homework and took the money from her mother’s hand, she bid a goodbye to her elder sister and went out of the house. She crossed the lawn and out through the small gate. She was skipping while going down the small hill of the road. It made her happy whenever she passed the hill. The shop was around the corner so her mother wasn’t that afraid if she went alone. Besides, the ladies in the neighbourhood hung out around so much.

Junghee was to take a right turn of a corner when she bumped into something that thrown her backwards. She fell on her back and scratched her elbows. Junghee felt sharp pain on both elbows. She turned her hands and saw they were red. She started to cry.

“Oh no, don’t cry! I’m sorry I hit you!” said someone to her, she didn’t know who it was as she had her eyes closed but it was a voice of a boy. She cried harder with her eyes closed tighter.

The next thing she knew she was brought up to stand and they assisted her back to her house.

Hearing her bawling from inside of the house, her mother and sister came running. “What happened? Why is she crying?” Junghee heard her mother said. Junghee was then seated on the steps. Her sister checked her hand.

“I’m sorry, Mrs Kim. I bumped her just in the corner. It was my fault; I was running and hit her hard. She fell,” Junghee heard the boy said. Junghee calmed down a bit. She was crying so hard that it was hard for to breath.

“And why is your nose bleeding boy?” Junghee hiccupped and opened her eyes. And before her was the boy from her kindergarten. She still remembered him as he didn’t change much and they went to the same middle school together.

Junghee watched her mother and sister inspecting the boy’s nose, it was flowing blood that the blood covered his mouth, chin until his neck. The boy wiped it with the back of his hand, spreading the blood on his cheek now. Her mother ran back in the house and came out again in seconds with a cloth. She put it on the boy’s face, she took his hand and dragged him inside the house, Sodam followed suit, leaving Junghee on the step alone.

“It’s alright Mrs Kim, I can…”

“Shut up and lie down on the sofa.”

She heard the mother said. Junghee’s eyes got teary again before she howled. How could her own mother and sister abandoned her took care of someone else, a stranger to be added.

“Junghee, get inside and stop crying!” her mother yelled. She stopped right away. She pouted and stomped her feet as loud as she could while walking inside her house.

When she stepped inside her house, she saw the boy was lying on the sofa with his head tilted back. Her mother was cleaning the boy’s mouth, cheek and neck. Some cotton were stuck in both his nose holes, it quickly absorbed the blood. Sodam watched intently at the boy.

“So how did you get your nose bleed?” her sister asked again.

Junghee saw the boy tilted head to her a bit, their eyes locked. The boy smiled at her sweetly. “Well, her head knocked my nose, that’s why,” he said. Junghee quickly felt guilty that she was the reason his nose bleed. She could’ve broken his nose.

“Mommy… is his nose broken?” croaked Junghee. She was on the verge of crying again.

“No, it was not broken. Don’t worry, sweetheart,” said her mother kindly. She gestured for Junghee to come to her. “Come here, let me see your hands.”

Junghee went to her mother and sat on the sofa, at the boy’s legs. From the corner of her eyes, she caught a glimpse of him looking at her. Her mother checked her elbows before cleaning them with water. She flinched and hissed but tried to remain calm. Somehow she felt embarrassed to cry in front of him. Her mother then bandaged her elbows. When she was done, Junghee ran up to her room to avoid the boy.

-*-

Jinki was Junghee’s senior by a year. They went to the same school but they rarely meet each other. Well, Junghee always saw him somewhere around the school but Jinki always didn’t notice her. When they passed each other in the hallways, Jinki didn’t even chance a glance at her. He was busy chatting with his friends.

It had been three weeks since Junghee had knocked Jinki in the nose but the moment was as fresh as ever in her mind. She’d never forget it. However, Jinki seemed to be forgotten about it already like his other falling and stumbling on the floor.

The boys in her school liked to run and fooled around the hallways. They would run up and down the hallways, playing and jumping like monkeys. Jinki included in the clan. Junghee sometimes had to stick herself on the wall as not to let Jinki and his friends bumped into her. Most kids, if not careful would be knocked down.

Today, Jinki was running again, chasing his friends. Junghee and the other kids in the corridor turned their heads to watch the group. Junghee had her eyes fixed on Jinki’s back. Seconds later, the boy tripped, Junghee squeaked again, shocked.

Jinki, like usual, got on his feet and continued running and disappear.

-**-

As there was only one high school in the neighbourhood, Junghee again went to the same school as Jinki. She was thinking on going to boarding school but her mother wouldn’t let her go. She had to go to this school instead. She wasn’t complaining though. As Jinki was there too.

Junghee was still looking up for Jinki. Not that she followed him around like a crazy stalker, she just would only look at him whenever he was around. But she was being careful not to let it be so obvious, as girls in high school had the eyes of a hawk. They saw everything even though one didn’t intend to.

Jinki wasn’t what you would call the popular student amongst the kids. But people still knew him as he was a troublemaker, a mischievous boy. But not the kind that smoke behind the school building or bullying or skipping school. He was the kind that put the school upside down with his pranks. Junghee learned that last year, he was being bullied by a group of seniors, people thought Jinki might go home and cry. But instead what Jinki did was putting dog poops inside the bullies’ lockers and under their desks, he even had painted the lockers and desks in pink colour. Which resulted him being sent to detention for violating school property.

Well, obviously it only made the bullies angrier and made them wanting to hurt Jinki even more but Jinki wasn’t one to mess with. He had done a lot to pay back at the bullies until eventually they leave him alone. People saw Jinki as their hero.

Again, even in high school, Jinki didn’t see her like she did to him.

-*-

Jinki was in his senior year and she was a year below. They said your senior year was very important. In what kind of aspect, she didn’t know. Maybe it was them being more superior to the others. But Junghee learned that whatever you do in your senior year, the juniors would always notice and used for gossip.

For Junghee, what she ever noticed was Jinki had learned how to get himself balanced as he didn’t fall anyway while walking. Junghee remembered two years ago it had been such big news that Jinki was rushed to the hospital as he had fallen off the stairs and hit his head on the wall. People assumed it was the bullies but the surveillance camera showed that he fell on his own. Kids who were crowding to the windows the moment they heard the ambulance sirens, saw Jinki’s bleeding head, his white uniform had turned red at the front. Junghee couldn’t forget how the crimson painted his face, unlike that one time when his nose was bleeding.

But being Jinki he was, he came back to school the next day when he shouldn’t have to like nothing ever happened. He went back to fool around with his friends. Everyone was worried about him but he told them not to as he was completely okay and this was normal.

Junghee had wondered if Jinki had knocked his head on the wall that made him forgot about her.

-*-

Jinki was going to graduate soon and Junghee would be a senior next year. Junghee wondered if she got to meet him again. They lived the same neighbourhood but she barely saw him there.

When you’re at Junghee’s age, people thought it was the right age to start dating. All of her friends were starting to learn how to date. They were trying to get themselves boyfriends. Some were looking for girlfriends. Some didn’t care at all. Like Junghee.

Well, actually, she was hoping Jinki would finally see her and asked her to date but nothing. She gave up instantly. He was leaving in a few months anyway.

She and her friends were having their break in the class. They were five of them. They sat in a group around tables that were being brought up together. Junghee calmly ate her lunch, feeding herself the rice and eggrolls her mother had prepared for her.

She had just taken another eggroll and brought it to when one of her friends suddenly said, “Do you know that our Senior Jinki is dating someone now?”

Junghee looked up and put the eggroll in . She chewed it slowly.

“Really?” said her other friend. “Who was he dating?”

“Gwiboon,” the first girl said.

“Who?” asked a girl with a very short hair.

“Kim Gwiboon? The figure skating athlete?”

“Ahhh…” they except Junghee and the first girl said in unison.

Then a girl with a butterfly clip on her hair sighed. “Too bad… Senior Jinki is really cute.”

They nodded in agreement – except for Junghee. Little did she know that they all thought he was cute. She didn’t know if she found him cute or not. Well, he was kind of cute. But all these times she was looking at him wasn’t because of him being cute. She didn’t know what. She just thought he was amusing.

The news of him dating did shock her but she didn’t know what she actually felt about it. Broken hearted? Angry? She didn’t know. She knew that her mind had completely turned blank.

Did she like him? Maybe. Did she love him? She could be. But she herself didn’t know her own feelings towards him.

She felt her hands being tugged back and she was caught out of her trance. She looked around and found herself in a city and it was already night. How did she get her? She looked to her left and right and saw her friends, trying to hide themselves. They craned their heads to see better. She blinked and searched for what they were looking at.

And her stomach lurched when she saw Jinki with Gwiboon, inside of a café, holding hands. They were making their orders behind the counter and Junghee watched how happy they were.

“Aww… they are so cute!” said one of her friends. Her other friends agreed.

She bit her lips behind came out behind the building.

“Junghee, where are you going?” asked her friend. They all looked at her now.

“I have to go home now. You know my parents…” she said. Lucky her it was the truth and they knew how protective her parents were on her. They all pouted and bid their goodbyes to each other.

Junghee got off the bus and walked home in the silent neighbourhood with a solemn heart. In her head, the image of Jinki smiling at Gwiboon like she was a precious diamond made her somewhat sad.

She passed a playground and when she was a few feet away, she stopped. She turned back to the playground and walked inside. She then sat on swing. She sighed. Maybe Jinki wasn’t the one for him and whatever she was feeling about him was just a kid’s feeling. She was still young; maybe it was normal for her to have a crush.

After sitting there for half an hour, she got up and left the playground. She walked rather slowly to her home. She passed the shop where she always bought ice cream; she passed houses of her mother’s friends in the neighbourhood. She took a left turn and stopped abruptly. She gasped.

There was a couple standing not too far from her. The girl was leaning against the wall; her hands were wrapped around the boy’s neck. The boy was kissing her neck. Upon sensing her existence, the girl looked up and saw Junghee. She slowly pulled her hands away from the boy and gently pushed the boy’s head away from her neck. She smiled at Junghee.

They were Jinki and Gwiboon.

Junghee bowed deeply. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” she shrieked and tried to leave as fast as she could.

“Wait,” she heard Gwiboon said when she was a few feet away from them. She stopped but didn’t turn. “You went to the same school with us?” Junghee closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She turned but still had her head down. She nodded. It was very awkward to walk in on them like this.

“Ah! You’re Junghee right? Kim Junghee?” she heard Jinki said. She never thought he knew her name. She nodded.

“You know her?” Gwiboon asked Jinki.

“Well, yeah. We used to bump into each other right at this very corner when I was 12,” Jinki said cheerfully. Junghee’s heart leapt. “And because she was so small, her head knocked my nose. It bled.” Junghee sensed that Jinki was looking at her. “Do you remember it, Junghee?”

Of course, I remember it. I didn’t know you remembered it. That was what she wanted to say but bit her tongue back. “Yeah… I think… vaguely…” she lied.

“Aww… that was cute,” Gwiboon said. “Jinki, I’m glad you don’t get injured anymore nowadays.” Jinki chuckled. He said something about being an adult and Junghee though she caught him kissing Gwiboon’s forehead.

Before she gagged, she excused herself and this time they let her go. She apologized before running to her home.

-*-

Students on her grade were invited to come to see the seniors’ graduation ceremony as to fill the hall. She made sure to sit at the very last seat no matter how much her friends pleaded her to sit with them at the seats up front, right behind the parents of the seniors.

Although it had been four months since she walked in onto Gwiboon and Jinki, she still felt embarrassed and would run away if she caught a glimpse of the in hall, corridors or the cafeteria. Junghee even made sure she didn’t meet Gwiboon in the toilets.

Gwiboon and Jinki were still together in the four months and it shocked some people as Gwiboon never stayed with the same boy for more than two months.

“Maybe Gwiboon loves Jinki for real,” Junghee’s friend had said one day.

Maybe that was true. The couple didn’t show their affection in the school but the two of them would spend some time together like eating together or study together in library.

Junghee had sulked for three days before accepting the fact that Jinki wouldn’t be hers.

Junghee watched gloomily at Jinki walking up to the stage to get his graduation scroll.

And that was the last time she ever sees him.