happy birthday, ten!!!!!!

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The sound of Ruby barking at him snapped Taeyong out of his reverie. He looks down at the dog who’s calling for his attention. He hasn’t realized he’s been crying until he feels a lone drop of tear touch his lips.

Dear Taeyong,

It’s been almost a year since we became boyfriends. The word makes my heart flutter. I’m giggling uncontrollably while writing this because I can’t believe you actually like me back.

Hyung… Why are you so cute? TT Sometimes, I want to hug you all day and never let you go. I want to keep you all to myself. Nobody else can have you. Promise me, okay?

Anyway, Thailand is still as beautiful as I can remember. It’s hotter than I expected. I ended up wearing thin shirts instead of the other clothes I brought. I guess I’m just used to Seoul’s cold breeze.

Tern had a wonderful time. She’s always missed Thailand and going back makes her happier than ever. I’ve never seen her smile that brightly before. And she visited her old friends. I’m surprised that they can still remember each other. I barely remember my friends because all my memories of them were replaced by memories of you.

It’d be better if you were there with me but, I understand, hyung. We’ll go there next time.

I’m writing this while I’m on the plane back to you. My parents are sleeping and Tern is reading a book beside me. I can’t sleep. I brought a book but, I’m too excited to focus on the words. Thailand is truly wonderful. But it’s not home.

I miss home. I miss you.

Love,

Ten.

Ten and his family went to Thailand during summer break when Ten was fourteen. They were there for a month but, it felt like they were there for a year to Taeyong. He missed Ten badly while the younger was away. He almost went there himself if it weren’t for the fact that he’s still a minor and he can’t travel without his father’s permission. It was like torture, being away from Ten that long. They’ve been with each other since kindergarten. It’s weird and unsettling when they’re thousands of miles apart. So, when Ten arrived, he showered him with kisses and cuddled with him for hours.

Taeyong read the other letters as he sat on his long dining table that hasn’t been used in months while eating. Some broke his heart and some filled it with so much joy. He hasn’t felt this rollercoaster of emotions since… Well, Ten. Even through his writing, the boy makes him feel so much. Taeyong wonders why he ever let him go and why they ever ended. He’s reminded of the reason when he opens another letter.

Dear Taeyong,

Your father caught us today. He caught us kissing in your bedroom… I’ve never seen him so angry. He went home earlier than he usually does and saw us. I… I’m… I don’t understand why you still call him ‘dad’ and why you still love him so much.

Your father is a monster. I know I don’t have any right to say that but, he is.

You didn’t tell me he beats you, hyung. You should’ve told me. I could’ve helped you. Why didn’t you say anything? What are you so scared of, hyung?

Is that why you always have that sad look on your face whenever my dad and I or him and Tern are together? I noticed the way you look at him. It’s the same one that you always have whenever he plays with us when we were still kids. And is that why you cried when my dad called you ‘son’? you tried to hide but, I saw you, hyung. Your eyes were full of unshed tears.

I’ve only noticed this. You rarely talk about your family. Don’t you trust me enough to tell me what happens in your house?

I wish you told me sooner, hyung. I love you and I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me.

Love,

Ten.

Yes, Taeyong remembers that day very clearly. His father barged into his room and saw them together. He almost hit Ten, too but, Taeyong shielded him from his father’s hand. Ten was frozen on his bed. Only when he told him to run did the Thai male gathered his wits and followed Taeyong’s words. After that, he was told to avoid Ten. If he didn’t follow his father, he swore that he’ll destroy Ten and his family. He had no other choice. He doesn’t want to ruin his lover’s life. He only wanted him to be happy and if avoiding him is the only way for that to happen, then he’ll do it. He was also forced to find a girlfriend that’s good enough for his father. The girl that Taeyong found was lovely. She was perfect. But, she isn’t who he wants. She isn’t the one who Taeyong loves. She isn’t his best friend. She isn’t Ten. Despite that, he tried to smile in front of his father while holding her hand. He loves his father and only wants him to be happy. After all, he’s only looking out for Taeyong. He only wants the best for him.

Dear Taeyong,

I saw you with her again today. What happened, hyung? I thought you loved me. You told me countless times how much you loved me. What did I do for you to hate me this much?

I know I’m not a girl and I don’t have what she has and I can’t marry you in this country and your father will never accept me. But, you promised me. You swore that you will do anything to keep me close. You said that you will fight for me. You promised me a lot of things, hyung.

Is it because of your dad? Is he forcing you to do this? Tell me, please. I want to help you. I want to be there for you. I promised you that I will always be there for you so, please, tell me.

I’m not going to give up on you, hyung. I’m going to keep my distance for now. But, I’ll be back in your arms once more. I’ll make sure of it.

I still love you. I will always love you. Don’t ever forget that.

Love,

Ten.

Taeyong quickly closes the door to his home after saying a quick goodbye to his assistant, Mark, who agreed to watch over Ruby while he’s gone. He looked at the envelope in his hands again. It’s the last letter that Ten wrote. He doesn’t know where it will lead him but, he hopes it’s a place where the love of his life is.

Taeyong takes a deep breath as he sat in his parked car. He opens the letter in his hand.

Dear Taeyong,

I just settled into my new apartment. It’s strange. It feels cold and lonely here but, I’m gonna have to get used to it. This is going to be my new home for the next four years of college.

I can hardly believe that I’m already going to college. I was just a young, chubby kid when I first came here and, now, I’m basically an adult. I wonder how you’re doing, hyung.

I know it’s been months since your father died but… I’m still sorry. It’s my fault that he’s dead. If only I kept my distance he would still be alive. I know how much you love him, hyung.

If only I didn’t show up at your doorstep and kissed you, you’ll still have time to spend with him. You were just being nice when you said that it wasn’t my fault your dad had a heart attack. It’s my fault, hyung. You don’t have to be nice to me. I’m just… Really, really sorry.

I was there. On the day of his burial. I didn’t want to show my face there because I’ll just feel guilty. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold you while you were crying, hyung. I know how much it calms you when I pet your hair and whisper sweet nothings into your ears. I’m sorry. You had her by your side anyway.

Please, also tell your sister and your stepmother that I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for taking your father away from you. I am so sorry.

I love you, hyung. Always and forever.

Love,

Ten.

PS. I have a really nice neighbor named Jaehyun. He said he’ll help me in anything I need. I kind of like him.

He tucked the letter in his pocket then got out of the car. He entered the building and searched for Ten’s apartment. His heart is beating wildly against his chest. He swears he might have a heart attack right then and there. When he reaches the apartment, he finds an old woman.

“Excuse me,” Taeyong calls for the woman’s attention. “Do you know Ten? Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyakul?” he inquires. “He’s my friend. Does he… Does he still live here?”

The woman smiled at him like she knows something that Taeyong doesn’t. “Yes, I know him,” she answers. Taeyong’s heart beats faster than ever.

“He sent me these letters and I really need to talk to him. Where is he?” he asks, heart full of hope.

She nodded in acknowledgment. “The letters were tucked in a cabinet in the bedroom. I figured they were important, so I sent them,” she says, voice soft. “I was cleaning when I found the letters. The person you’re looking for moved a long time ago.”

“Ah.” Taeyong’s shoulders slumped and his smile turned into a frown. “Thank you. I’ll be going, then.”

He walked away from the woman after saying goodbye. He hung his head, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“Taeyong? Lee Taeyong?” a voice called his name. Taeyong looked up and saw a man standing by the door frame of the apartment in front of the one he’s in.

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i dont understnad wtf happened i need t sleep bye