Three weeks had gone by after Taemin’s passing, and their lives had gone back to the way it was before. Well, almost.

They both hadn’t talked much about it - what was there to say, anyway ? -, but there was that constant, invisible sadness lingering in the air when they were alone. Kibum’s smile had lost its brightness, and Jinki figured his own smile must have faltered, too, because it was like all happiness had been out of his heart and body.

No matter how empty he felt inside, however, his heart was still beating as loud and as fast as ever for Kibum. They had gone distant after Taemin’s departure, and Jinki longed to be by Kibum’s side. They both had different ways of coping with sadness, and while Jinki was searching for comfort and affection from his loved ones, Kibum was trying to avoid everyone. He took some time off work, and even went out of town for a few days, alone. He needed some space, and Jinki respected his choice.

They didn’t really know how Kibum had suddenly been able to see Taemin, but Jinki figured that it had been triggered by Kibum voicing his wish to see him. He had spent so many years trying to forget, trying to bury the painful memory in the deepest corner of his mind, that he had shut himself from Taemin altogether. Only once he had acknowledged Taemin, had he been able to see him. Or that was Jinki’s theory, anyway.

Jinki’s house felt very lonely without Taemin. Jinki had never been someone who hated to be alone - quite the contrary, actually, he had never been very good at social interactions - but when he got home after a long day of work and heard the cold, deafening silence, he always felt his heart sink.

The house looked different as well - or maybe it was just because Jinki missed Taemin -, like it had lost all of the cute, heart-warming cosiness Jinki had seen in the house in the first place. It was like the little boy had been the house’s heart and soul for years, and now that he was gone, the house was nothing but empty, soulless walls. Jinki almost didn’t want to go home anymore, so much that he even thought of selling the house. He wanted to hear Kibum’s thought about it first, though.

At night, when his thoughts kept him awake, he wondered when things would ever get better.

*

Kibum turned up on his doorstep one day, all beautiful and elegant, with his skinny black jeans and a thin oversized jumper revealing the milky skin of his delicate neck and collarbones, and it was like Jinki was swept off his feet once again. He was so gorgeous, and Jinki had missed him so much that he felt like crying. They stared at each other for a while, Jinki gawking at his boyfriend like he hadn’t seen him in years - it certainly felt like it -, and when Kibum opened his mouth to say something, Jinki hugged him. He held him tight, his head buried in the crook of Kibum’s neck, inhaling his sweet scent and fighting back tears. Kibum brought his arms around the elder’s shoulders, gently the hair at the back of Jinki’s head.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.”

“You’re being cheesy again, old man.” Kibum said, and Jinki chuckled through his teary eyes. The blond spoke up again, in a softer voice. “I missed you too.”

*

They were getting dressed for a party they were invited to by one of Kibum’s relatives, and Jinki was currently struggling to decide which tie to wear. He wondered what Kibum would have liked better on him, and he was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard the blond stepping closer. He was holding two ties up, one in each hand, and when Kibum hugged him from behind it took him so off guard he almost dropped them both. Kibum rolled his eyes at Jinki’s clumsiness and the older just sighed.

“They’re not going to wear themselves you know. You have to make a choice.”

“Which one do you like better ?” He asked, turning around to face him with the two ties.

“Oh, so you can’t guess what I like and what I don’t now that Taemin isn’t around anymore, huh ?” He teased with a small smile, and only when he noticed Jinki’s shocked stare did he realize what he had said. He stiffened. “I...”

“It’s okay.” Jinki said, grabbing his waist and sliding his arms around him.

“I miss him.” Kibum confessed.

“So do I.” Jinki said softly, kissing Kibum’s cheek. They stayed like that for a while and a peaceful silence fell over the two. Without really knowing why, Jinki suddenly felt playful.

“But I miss him more than you do.” He added with a playful smile that Kibum couldn’t see.

The blond suddenly pulled away and stared at him with an overly exaggerated offended expression. Jinki kept smiling and Kibum scoffed.

“Amateur. I’ve been missing him for twenty years. You’re not even close to how much I’ve missed him.”

“Oh yeah ?” Jinki asked, a mischievous smile on his lips.

“Yeah.” Kibum said, crossing his arms and staring at Jinki with a defiant look in his eyes.

Jinki approached him and Kibum took a step backwards upon seeing the mischievous look in his eyes.

“Don’t you dare, Lee Jinki.”

The back of his legs hit the bed and he stumbled backwards. Jinki took advantage of that to jump on him and start tickling his sides. Kibum fell on the bed on his back, flailing to avoid Jinki’s tickles. Kibum’s giggles filled the room and Jinki smiled. After a while he stopped, and he lied down on the bed next to Kibum.

“I win.” Jinki said proudly, staring at the ceiling.

“Whatever.” Kibum snorted, doing the same.

“You liked the red tie better, didn’t you ?”

“Nope.”

“The white one then.”

“Still no.” Jinki turned his head to look at him with a confused expression because he only owned two ties, and Kibum rolled his eyes. The blond lied on his side and reached out to the top buttons of Jinki’s black shirt. “There. That’s what I like better.”

Jinki was staring in a not quite discreet manner and Kibum glanced at him questioningly.

“I love you.” Jinki whispered.

And then, Kibum smiled. But it wasn’t one of those half-fake smiles he always had since Taemin’s passing.

He smiled that beautiful, bright smile that had never failed to make Jinki’s heart flutter. That wonderfully breathtaking smile Jinki had loved and missed so much.

And it was then that he knew that yes, things were slowly getting better.

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