Weeks passed. Jinki’s daily life remained as simple as ever, except for a few changes. His week days were still dedicated to his work, always teaching the young children of the school, but his weekends… His weekends had slowly become dedicated to Taemin and his brother. Taemin has watched him grading his pupil’s work so many times that he had asked Jinki to teach him what he should have been learning at school. And so, Jinki did. Every Saturday and Sunday afternoon, he taught Taemin. As for his evenings, however, he often spent them at Kibum’s.

 

Kibum was more than everything Jinki ever looked for in someone. Not only was he smart and funny, but he was also incredibly beautiful and had a kind heart. His confident and sassy personality was very different from Jinki’s - which was more introverted and calm - but they both balanced each other out well. Kibum was very straightforward and witty, another personality trait that had stolen Jinki’s heart away. He sometimes wondered how someone could be so complex, how someone could be so cute at times and seductive at others, but in the end he figured no one could ever be like Kibum. He was unique.

 

“You could stay the night.” Kibum said one night, leaning against his front door.

 

“I have work tomorrow.” Jinki answered with a smile.

 

Kibum grabbed his arm to pull him closer. Jinki slid his arms around the other’s waist.

 

“Your work takes too much of your time.” Kibum mumbled, sliding his arms around Jinki’s neck.

 

“Says the man who works Monday to Saturday morning.”

 

“At least I don’t have to grade papers.”

 

Jinki chuckled, pulling the other closer.

 

“True... but I can sleep in on Saturday mornings, and I don’t have to work at lunchtime, and-”

 

Kibum hit him on the shoulder.

 

“Yah ! I get it. You win. My work is a lot more time-consuming, alright ?” Jinki smiled proudly and Kibum rolled his eyes. “Don’t smile like that, my job is still the best.”

 

“How is your job the best ?” Jinki said, looking slightly offended. “I get to work with adorable children and you have to hang out with grumpy old people all day.”

 

“My job is the best…” Kibum started, whispering seductively in Jinki’s ear. “because I know exactly how a human body works, and as I told you before, I’m rather good with my hands...”

 

Jinki could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his body heating up. The lustful look in Kibum’s eyes was making all of his blood go south.

 

“I could show you… If you stayed the night…”

 

Jinki tightened his hold on Kibum’s body, taking a deep breath before pulling away from him. It took a lot of effort to resist Kibum, and he always felt his heart sink a little at the disappointed look in Kibum’s eyes.

 

“As much as I’d love to stay… I need to go.”

 

The blond pouted and Jinki smiled at the other’s cuteness. He sometimes wondered how a grown man could act so cute.

 

“Are you sure ?” Kibum said with pleading eyes, sliding a hand on Jinki’s chest.

 

“Oh God, don’t look at me like that. It’s hard enough for me as it is...”

 

“Hey, I’m not the one who wants you to leave. You could just stay.”

 

“And look like a zombie in front of my pupils tomorrow morning ? I don’t think so.”

 

“You’re saying that like you wouldn’t get any sleep staying with me.”

 

“Would I ?” Jinki asked jokingly. Kibum hit him on the shoulder.

 

“You better leave now before I change my mind.”

 

Jinki chuckled and grabbed Kibum by the waist, kissing his forehead gently. It didn’t seem to be enough for Kibum though, because he slipped his arms around Jinki’s neck and pulled him closer to kiss him on the lips.

 

“That’s how you properly kiss people goodnight.” Kibum said, smiling.

 

“I’ll try to remember that.” Jinki said, staring at the other with a dreamy smile on his lips.

 

“I might come and see you at the school next week if I don’t have any patients. You know, so you don’t forget me.”

 

“Like I could ever forget you.”

 

Kibum chuckled and they kissed again, before Jinki went home.

 

 

*

 

 

“Can I ask you something ?” The little boy asked out of the blue, looking up at Jinki who was searching for the notes he had prepared for tomorrow’s classes.

 

“Sure, Taemin-ah.”

 

“Do you love Kibum-hyung ?” Jinki looked up from the table and straightened his spectacles to look at the little boy properly. He was looking at Jinki expectantly, curiosity written all over his features.

 

Jinki was a bit reluctant to answer the question, since he was currently facing Kibum’s brother, but he felt that Taemin deserves to know the truth.

 

“I do.”

 

Taemin’s eyes widened.

 

“You do ? You love him ? Like, really love him ?”

 

“Well, yes I… I really do love him.”

 

He hadn’t told Kibum that yet, they had only known each other for over a month, but he had lived long enough to understand that what he felt was love. He was sure of his feelings for Kibum, and he was also pretty sure he had never felt like that for anyone before.

 

Jinki was staring at Taemin expectantly, scared of the little boy’s answer. What if he decided that Jinki was not good enough for his brother ? What if he didn’t want anybody to be with Kibum ?

 

To Jinki’s surprise, Taemin only smiled happily. Jinki had rarely seen him smile that wide before, and that meant something, considering how happy Taemin usually looked.

 

“That’s great ! Now Kibum-hyung won’t be lonely anymore ! And you won’t be either.”

 

“I’m not lonely.” Jinki chuckled.

 

“Why did you come here then ?” Taemin asked matter-of-factly.

 

Jinki was a bit taken aback by the little boy’s words. He hadn’t expected a child to notice these kinds of things. But then again, he shouldn’t have been surprised. Taemin was Kibum’s brother, and even if he was a lot less observant than his older brother, he was still pretty observant.

 

He heaved a sigh and smiled, walking up to Taemin.

 

“Good point.” He said, he was about to ruffle the little boy’s hair when he remembered. Taemin looked so real it was easy for Jinki to forget he was not really there. He dropped his hand down and sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Taemin-ah. Good night.”

 

“Good night hyung.”

 

 

*

 

 

“This is stupid.”

 

Jinki chuckled at Taemin’s comment. They had been working on the multiplication tables for a while and the little boy had obviously grown tired of it.

 

“Come on, Taemin-ah. It’s just math.”

 

“But why do I have to learn that anyway ? It’s not like it’s useful.” He complained.

 

“You’re the one who wanted to learn. That’s what you should be learning in school if you were still…” Alive.

 

“But there must be fun stuff to learn ! I don’t wanna learn math, math is boring.” Taemin said, missing the way Jinki had suddenly become quiet. “Nobody likes math anyway, it’s stupid.”

 

“I like math.” Jinki said, a little offended.

 

“But it’s because you’re boring.” He answered matter-of-factly.

 

Jinki heaved a sigh. He ignored Taemin’s comment and tried to think of a way to motivate him. He had been teaching for years now and he knew that it was easier for children to learn things when they were interested in them. He just had to find something that could motivate Taemin.

 

“Kibum likes math.”

 

“...He does.” Taemin admitted with a small frown.

 

“And he’s not boring, is he ?”

 

“No !” Taemin said loudly, a bit offended that someone could use the word ‘boring’ when talking about his brother. “He’s the coolest brother ever !”

 

“Then you can like math and still be cool.”

 

“Yes…” Taemin said, staring at the textbook open in front of him on the table with a frown. “It makes sense, I guess…”

 

Something flickered in the little boy’s eyes and he leaned over the textbook with a renewed motivation, his brown eyes moving as he read the question. He grabbed a pen and his hand turned slightly translucent - it always amazed and confused Jinki to see the little boy interact with certain objects despite the fact that he could literally go through anything -, his brows furrowed as he stared at the textbook in concentration. He started writing an answer and Jinki waited for him to finish the exercise. A good five minutes later, Taemin showed him his answers. Jinki silently went through his answers, correcting his mistakes while Taemin was waiting nervously.

 

“You almost got everything right, good work, Taemin-ah.” Jinki said, smiling proudly at the little boy.

 

A big happy smile appeared on Taemin’s face. Jinki looked down at his paper to see what he had gotten wrong to discuss it with Taemin, when the little boy spoke again.

 

“Do you think he’d be proud ?”

 

Jinki looked up from the paper and smiled fondly at the little boy, who was biting his lower lip nervously, a gesture he had often seen Kibum do as well.

 

“Yes, I think he would. He’d be very proud, Taemin-ah. And so am I.”

 

Taemin looked surprised for a few seconds and then his smile widened.

 

 

*

 

 

Someone knocked on the classroom’s open door and Jinki looked up from his desk to see Kibum leaning against the door, a small smile on his pink lips. Jinki couldn’t help but stare and he dropped his pen without meaning to. He cursed under his breath and looked down at his feet, trying to find the pen. He heard a chuckle and Kibum walked to him, sitting on his desk and resting his hands on each side of his body.

 

“Working hard ?” He asked, glancing at the paperwork in front of Jinki.

 

“I did, but I guess I got distracted.” Jinki said with a smile, grabbing the pen at his feet.

 

He always seemed to lose his focus when Kibum was in the room.

 

“Oh ?” Kibum said in a more sensual voice, slowly crossing his legs. “I wonder why…”

 

He had that mischievous glint in his feline eyes and Jinki smiled. Kibum was always flirting so openly, like he had no problem hitting on someone as weird and clumsy as Jinki, and it made him feel good inside because even though Kibum was way out of his league, he still had chosen him. Awkward schoolteacher Lee Jinki. And he had no problem flirting with him in front of everyone.

 

“I still need to fill in some papers, give me five minutes.”

 

“Can’t you finish those later ? It’s noon already… School starts at one thirty.” Kibum whined.

 

Jinki chuckled. Patience had never been his strong suit.

 

“Just five minutes.”

 

“Ugh. Okay, but you’ll owe me.”

 

Jinki smiled and looked down at the papers he had to fill in. He read them quickly and got back to work, while Kibum walked around the classroom, looking at the children’s drawings sticked to the walls. The children of the school loved to draw and Jinki liked to expose their drawings. He just liked the idea of his pupils’ drawings staying up on the wall for years, like a memory.

 

“Okay, I’m done. We can go for lunch now.” Jinki said, sorting out his papers into piles on his desk.

 

Kibum remained silent and Jinki looked up, a frown on his face.

 

“Kibum ?”

 

He still didn’t answer and Jinki walked closer, reaching out to take his hand in his. The blond jumped at the touch and he looked at Jinki with a small frown, a sad, confused look in his light brown eyes.

 

“Are you okay ?” Jinki asked in a worried tone, resting a hand on his back.

 

“Y-yeah, of course.” He said, avoiding Jinki’s eyes for a moment before regaining his composure. “Come on, let’s go for lunch now that you’re done with those boring papers.”

 

His smile was back and Jinki frowned a bit. Kibum walked to the door and Jinki glanced at the wall Kibum had been staring at a few seconds ago. The most recent drawings his pupils had drawn were hanging on the wall, and at first he didn’t notice what Kibum had been so shocked to see, but then he saw it.

 

“Jinki ?” Kibum called from the door.

 

“I’m coming.” He answered, suddenly feeling uneasy.

 

It was the drawing of a little boy with a big coat and a scarf, and the words ‘Ghost Taemin ♥’ written underneath it in clumsy handwriting.

 

 

*

 

 

He woke up to the sound of someone sobbing and thunder outside. He sat down and reached out for the lamp of his bedside table, blindly tapping everything on his table until he found the switch. He switched it on and groaned when the sudden light blinded him. He reopened his eyes a few seconds later and got out of bed, listening for the sobbing he had been hearing. The storm intensified outside of the house and the rain was hitting the windows so hard Jinki barely could hear himself think. The sobbing grew louder and Jinki frowned. He put his spectacles on and went out of the room to search for Taemin.

 

He found the little boy in the living room, buried under a blanket on the couch. Jinki sat down beside him and he put his hand on the blanket.

 

“Taemin-ah, are you okay ?” He asked worriedly. “What’s wrong ?”

 

“H-hyung.” He sobbed, sniffing. The little boy’s head popped out of the blanket. “The storm.”

 

Jinki felt his heart sink at Taemin’s tear-strained face.

 

“Is that why you’re crying ?” He asked softly. “Are you afraid of them ?”

 

Taemin nodded and Jinki smiled softly.

 

“You don’t have to be scared, alright ? I’m right here.”

 

“You promise ?” Taemin asked in a small voice, looking up at Jinki with a relieved expression.

 

“I promise.” He said with a reassuring smile. He would have liked to hug him - for him, a hug was by far the best way of comforting people - but sadly, he couldn’t. He hoped his presence alone was enough to reassure Taemin, and let him know that he was safe.

 

“Kibum-hyung doesn’t like them either, you know.” Taemin said, wiping his tears. “Mrs Park’s house was hit by lightning once, and her house was on fire and all…”

 

“The neighbour ?” Jinki asked. Taemin nodded.

 

“She even had to go to the hospital… Mom and dad, they said it wouldn’t happen to us, but we were still scared so we usually hid under the covers in Kibum-hyung’s bed until the storm passed. He still does it when it’s dark outside and he’s alone.”

 

He didn’t question how Taemin knew his brother still did it, he had often told Jinki he used to spend a lot of time at his brother’s when his own house was empty. Taemin didn’t like being alone, it scared him. Jinki looked at the storm through the window and he felt worried for Kibum. He grabbed his phone and quickly dialed his number while Taemin stayed silent, sitting next to Jinki on the couch with a blanket over his head like a hood.

 

Kibum answered a bit later.

 

“Yes ?”

 

His voice was assured, but tense.

 

“Kibum ? Are you alright ?”

 

It seemed to have picked up Taemin’s interest, because the little boy came closer, trying to hear the conversation.

 

“J-Jinki ? Why are you calling ?”

 

Right. He still hadn’t told Kibum about Taemin, and he couldn’t really tell him over the phone that the ghost of his little brother had told him about his fear of thunder.

 

“I just… I don’t know, I wanted to call you to see if you were… okay...”

 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay ?”

 

“I don’t know, I just… I felt like I had to check if... you were okay…”

 

Taemin facepalmed beside Jinki and the older man sighed. There was a pause at the end of the line.

 

“Kibum ?”

 

“How do you do that ?”

 

“Do what ?” Jinki asked, frowning.

 

“How do you know everything ? You know what I like, you know what I don’t like, and you can even sense when I’m feeling down now ?”

 

“Er…”

 

“Are you a psychic or something ?”

 

“Maybe I’m just made for you.” He said with a smile.

 

Taemin looked at him with a confused expression and there was another pause at the end of the line.

 

“Did you just use a pickup line on me ? Oh God- Lee Jinki I swear ! You’re so lame.”

 

“You still love me though.”

 

“You’re being all cheesy again, old man.”

 

“You love it when I’m cheesy.”

 

“Hmm… Don’t think so.”

 

“Okay then, I’m hanging up.”

 

He heard Kibum gasp over the phone and Jinki smiled.

 

“Don’t ! Please don’t hang up, I-”

 

“I’m not hanging up.” Jinki said softly. “I’m staying here on the phone with you until you fall asleep.”

 

“Okay.” Kibum said shyly.

 

“What do you want to talk about ?”

 

“Anything. It doesn’t matter, as long as I hear your voice.”

 

“And you say I’m the cheesy one.” Jinki teased.

 

He heard Kibum’s soft chuckle over the phone and he smiled. Taemin snuggled to his side and a shiver ran down Jinki’s spine at the cold feeling. He stayed right where he was, however. Taemin was throwing scared looks at the window like a lightning bolt would hit it and break it any moment now, and Jinki was determined to keep his promise. He would stay with Taemin until the storm passed.

 

“Jinki ?” Kibum asked in an alarmed tone after a minute or two of silence.

 

“I’m here.” He said softly. “It’s okay.”

 

He was not only speaking to Kibum now, but to Taemin too. He stayed sitting on the couch next to little boy buried in a blanket, speaking to Kibum on the phone. The storm went on all night, and before he knew it the sun was rising in the sky to signal the beginning of a new day. As if the sun had chased the storm away, the sky cleared and the rain stopped. Taemin was still wide awake - he never slept anyway, he didn’t need sleep -, but was not scared anymore. Kibum was slowly falling asleep now, Jinki could tell by his voice. He took more time to answer, and his voice sounded softer and sleepier. After a while, Kibum stopped talking altogether and Jinki could hear his steady breathing through the phone. Jinki smiled fondly, imagining his boyfriend asleep with his phone still in his hand. He knew Kibum probably wouldn’t need him anymore, but didn’t hang up, just in case. His eyelids suddenly felt heavy now that he had no reason to stay awake anymore, and he slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

 

*

 

 

He looked up from his notes for a moment to look at Taemin sitting beside him at the dining table. He had been glancing at the little boy every now and then, worried about his sudden change of behaviour. When he was in a good mood, Taemin usually spent his days excitedly talking to Jinki about nothing and everything, but tonight he had been strangely quiet. He had barely spared Jinki a glance and he was focused on the paper in front of him, drawing and coloring with utmost care. Jinki felt worry slowly eat him up and he pushed his spectacles back up the bridge of his nose before leaning on his forearms on the table to look at Taemin’s drawing.

 

“Hey.” He said in a soft voice, trying not to startle the little boy. It didn’t seem to help, because Taemin still jumped at the sound of Jinki’s voice. “Are you okay there ?”

 

“Of course I am !” Taemin said in a fake assured voice, much like the voice Kibum used when he was trying to keep something from Jinki.

 

“What are you drawing ?” Jinki asked after a pause.

 

Taemin seemed to hesitate a bit but still spoke - he had spent so much time alone he never missed an occasion to talk to someone, anyone, and it was one of the reasons why Jinki was worried about his unusual silence -, his eyes staring down at the paper on the table.

 

“It’s a drawing for mom’s birthday. It’s today.”

 

“Oh.”

 

He knew Taemin and Kibum’s parents had both passed away, the two brothers already had mentioned it. He also knew Taemin had been very close to his parents. He figured it must have been the same for Kibum, but he couldn’t be sure since the blond barely ever talked about his past.

 

He was trying to find something to say to the little boy since these kind of situations have always been rather delicate to deal with, but before he even spoke, Taemin continued.

 

“Kibum-hyung and I, we used to make snowmen in front of the house in the winter. We used to play in the snow for a while, and then we would go back inside and mom would make cake and give us hot chocolate to get warmer.”

 

There was a happy smile on his face but a sad look in his eyes, and he suddenly looked so much older than he was. Jinki smiled sadly, looking down.

 

“You must miss her very much.” He said softly.

 

“I do…” He trailed off, before saying in a happier tone. “But I’ll see her again one day.”

 

“You can’t go see her now ?” Jinki asked, a small frown on his face. He really hoped there could be a way for him to see his mother again. Taemin shook his head. “I thought she was a ghost too.”

 

“I can’t see her because I’m stuck here, and she’s on the other side…” Taemin said, his smile faltering. “I can’t cross, I still have unfinished business.”

 

“Unfinished business ?” Jinki repeated, unfamiliar with the term.

 

“You know. A lot of people die, but not everyone ends up being a ghost, right ?” Jinki nodded and Taemin continued. “Ghosts like us, we stay behind because we have unfinished business, we still have things to do here. It’s keeping us from crossing to the other side.”

 

Realisation slowly drew on Jinki’s face.

 

“Your unfinished business… It’s Kibum.”

 

“He thinks my death is his fault. I can’t leave him like this, I have to let him know that it wasn’t his fault. He needs to know that I’m okay now.” Taemin looked up from his drawing, staring at Jinki in the eyes. “I can’t do it without your help, hyung.”

 

He saw the sad, but hopeful look in Taemin’s eyes, and he felt the guilt eating him up from the inside with a renewed force. He had no right of keeping Taemin from seeing his mother and father again, he had no right of keeping the truth from Kibum, and he definitely had no right of being selfish. Because he would have never even met Kibum in the first place if it hadn’t been for Taemin, and now, he was choosing his own happiness over not only Taemin’s, but Kibum’s as well. It was time to make things right, even if he had to sacrifice his own happiness.

 

“I’ll tell him, I promise.”

 

 

*

 

 

There was something Jinki had badly overestimated. His will.

 

It was only a few days after he had promised Taemin he would tell his brother everything, and he had decided to tell Kibum as soon as he saw him.

 

Except all of his words had died in his throat when he had been faced with Kibum. Gorgeous Kibum, with the delicate features and the most beautiful smile Jinki had ever seen.

 

He hadn’t been capable of telling him anything as they had dinner together in Kibum’s living room.

 

He hadn’t been capable of saying anything when the blond had guided him to his bedroom.

 

He definitely hadn’t been capable of saying anything when the man he loved most started kissing him like he was his world.

 

He was left completely speechless as they were tangled in the bed sheets, their bodies and sweaty as they made love, their skin brushing against each other’s.

 

The words still wouldn’t come out as he put an arm around Kibum’s small waist, pulling him closer and burying his head in the crook of his neck.

 

“I love you.” Kibum whispered then.

 

“I love you too.” Jinki whispered back, tightening his embrace and kissing the soft milky skin of Kibum’s shoulder.

 

He could almost feel his heart break at the thought of losing him, because he knew. He knew there was no way Kibum would ever believe him, and no way he wouldn’t hate him. He was bound to lose Kibum while trying to help Taemin. When he was sure Kibum was asleep, his steady breathing confirming it, he finally broke. He felt tears run down his cheeks, and he held Kibum closer, trying to bury himself in the man’s warmth to escape from the guilt and the fear killing him inside.

 

One day. Just one last day of being selfish.

 

And then he would tell him.

 

 

*

 

 

He had barely slept at all that night, too worried to get any sleep. He was lying on his side, an arm draped around Kibum’s stomach as the latter slept silently, lying on his back. He just let his eyes wander on Kibum’s face and body, engraving every single detail in his memory as if it was his last day seeing him.

 

When Kibum woke up, Jinki had stopped crying a long time ago, and his still slightly puffy eyes looked like they had been caused by sleep. Kibum stirred, scrunching up his nose in a cute way that never failed to make Jinki’s heart flutter. His feline eyes fluttered open and he looked around before his eyes settled on Jinki. He smiled and lied down on his side, propped up on his elbow with his hand flat against his head. His hair were a mess of blond locks and his eyes looked wide awake despite having woken up just seconds ago. He was beautiful.

 

“Hey there.” He said with a mischievous smile.

 

Jinki couldn’t help but smile in return.

 

“Hey.” He said softly.

 

“You’re already up ? Is it raining chickens outside or something ?” Kibum teased.

 

“Hahaha, very funny.” Jinki said, a small smile on his lips nonetheless. He opened his arms to beckon Kibum to come closer. “Come here.”

 

Kibum rolled his eyes at Jinki’s never ending display of physical affection, but he didn’t say anything. Jinki knew he liked hugs as much as he did, it’s just that Jinki had no self-control when it came to physical affection with Kibum. The blond slid closer and snuggled against Jinki’s chest, while the other put his arms around him.

 

“Seriously though, how long have you been awake ? It’s not like you.” He said, before pulling away to look at Jinki’s face with a small frown. “Did you sleep with your glasses on ?”

 

“I guess I did…” Jinki said, chuckling nervously.

 

“You shouldn’t do that you know, you might break them.” Kibum scolded him.

 

“Sorry. I won’t do it again.” He answered, fighting back a smile at Kibum lecturing him.

 

They stayed silent for a while after that, and after a few minutes Jinki even wondered if Kibum had fallen back asleep, but he knew it was unlikely. He was about to ask when Kibum said something.

 

“You love me, right ?”

 

The question caught Jinki off guard. There was a serious, uncertain tone to his voice, and Jinki wondered for a moment how in the world a man like Kibum could ever have doubts. Kibum was a strong, opinionated person. It was like confidence was seeping out of every pore of his skin. But he was human and under that very hard shell was a man who needed reassurance. It was easy for Jinki to forget that fact sometimes, because he found it hard for someone so heavenly perfect to have flaws.

 

He raised his hand to cup Kibum’s cheek, forcing him to look at him in the eyes.

 

“I’m madly in love with you. Don’t you dare doubt that, Kim Kibum.”

 

He leaned in to claim the blond’s lips and they kissed gently, lips moving smoothly against lips in a slow kiss. When they parted, Kibum smiled at Jinki.

 

“I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.” He said, a dreamy smile on his lips. “I love every little thing about you, even your clumsiness and your lame jokes, and your stupid old man habits.”

 

Jinki chuckled and so did Kibum.

 

“You understand me like no one else ever did. You just... get me. It’s like you’ve known all about me before we even met.” He continued, chuckling.

 

Jinki smiled sadly, ignoring the guilt forming in his stomach.

 

Kibum heaved a sigh, suddenly looking very sad.

 

“But…” He trailed off, his hand gently running through Jinki’s hair. “I don’t deserve you. I never will.”

 

Jinki frowned.

 

“What do you mean ? Why wouldn’t y-”

 

“There is something you need to know about me.”

 

Kibum sat on the bed and Jinki did the same. The blond looked down at his lap, fiddling with the white bed sheets covering his lower body nervously. Jinki waited patiently, noticing how his boyfriend seemed to be mentally gathering courage to speak up.

 

“I… I had a brother… before…” He said, still not looking at Jinki’s eyes.

 

The older man was relieved that he did, because if he looked up to see his reactions he would probably wonder why there were no trace of surprise in his eyes whatsoever. He had known everything before he had even met Kibum, he was familiar with the story now, although he was a bit curious to hear about Kibum’s perspective on the matter. He wondered why Kibum brought up the subject all of a sudden. It wasn’t like he was often speaking of his past.

 

“Taemin.” Kibum said with a sad but proud smile.

 

Jinki felt his heart sink when Kibum’s smile faded.

 

“One night, my family came to our house for Christmas but we were bored so we asked our mother if we could play outside. She said yes and she told to keep an eye on him, and we went out to play.”

 

It was getting difficult for Kibum to speak and his eyes were welling up with tears. Jinki reached out to take his hands in his and squeeze them once. Kibum squeezed them in return, although a bit weaker, and Jinki started his hands with his thumbs to soothe him. It seemed to work, since he relaxed a little.

 

“We played for a while in the snow, we even made a snowman...” He said, smiling a bit at the memory though his tears. “But he got cold. He wasn’t wearing his gloves and mom always told us to wear them when we played in the snow so… I told him to stay there while I went back in the house to get them. And...”

 

It was painful for Jinki to see him like this, and it must have been even more painful for him to speak about it.

 

“Hey,” Jinki said softly, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek and leaning in to look at him in the eyes. “Don’t, okay ? This is obviously bringing up too many bad memories, you don’t have to do this.”

 

“No.” Kibum said, sniffing and pushing Jinki’s hand away. “I need to tell you, you have to know. I’ve never told anyone before but you… you need to know. I need to tell you.”

 

“Okay.” Jinki said softly. “Okay, I’ll listen.”

 

Kibum brushed his nose with the back of his hand and heaved a sigh.

 

“T-there was a noise and when we went outside he was… h-he was… lying on the ground and there was blood all over and…” He cried, still not looking Jinki in the eyes.

 

“Listen.” Jinki said, taking his head in his hands. “This was not your fault.”

 

“Y-yes it was.” Kibum said weakly, tears running down his cheeks. “She told me to look after him and I left him alone ! H-he was just eight, I shouldn’t have left him alone !”

 

“This was not your fault. You were just a kid ! You hear me ? You are not responsible for your brother’s death. You never have been.”

 

He couldn’t believe Kibum had been blaming himself for Taemin’s death all these years.

 

“She said I was.”

 

“Who ?”

 

“My mom.” Kibum said, his voice breaking. “She said it was my fault. I was his older brother, it was my responsibility to protect him and I… I left him alone. And she was right.”

 

“No she wasn’t. Look at me, Kibum.” He said, pulling him closer. “She was wrong. She was in pain because of her son’s death, she didn’t mean that. It’s not your fault.”

 

Jinki didn’t know who she was, but he suddenly hated her for making her son think things like this. From what Taemin had said, Kibum had just turned ten at that time. Children were so easily influenced, it was easy for adults to make them believe things, no matter how ridiculous. The death of his little brother must have been a traumatic experience for Kibum, but hearing his mother’s harsh words must have made it even worse.

 

“She died because of me too…” Kibum whispered, but Jinki still heard him.

 

“Don’t say that.”

 

“But it’s the truth ! After Taemin’s death she was not the same, i-it was like… she didn’t want to live anymore… It broke her. She died only a few years after Taemin. It’s… It’s all my fault.”

 

“What about your father ? What did he say ?”

 

“He took care of me after mom’s death. He said he had already lost one son, he didn’t want to lose another. He said it wasn’t my fault, but I don’t think he believed that.”

 

Jinki felt his heart sink upon hearing Kibum’s story. Taemin had told him his brother blamed himself for his death, but Jinki had never really realized how guilty Kibum felt until now. He couldn’t believe Kibum would blame himself for that. He felt sick.

 

He couldn’t wait any longer. He couldn’t let Kibum blame himself for something that wasn’t his fault forever and Taemin… Well, Taemin deserved to be free. It was time.

 

“I have something to tell you too.”

 

Kibum looked up with teary eyes, wiping the tears running down his cheeks. When he saw the serious look on Jinki’s face, he frowned.

 

“I think it might be better if I show you.”

 

 

*

 

 

They took the bus to Jinki’s house - Kibum had never liked cars since the accident, Taemin had told Jinki - and walked in the empty streets.

 

“W-why are we here ?” Kibum asked, frowning.

 

He recognised the neighbourhood, he must have, nobody forgot the house they spent their childhood in.

 

“When we first met, I… I lied to you.” Kibum frowned, and Jinki continued. “I don’t live in your neighbourhood, I never have. I live here.”

 

“Why would you lie about this ?”

 

They stopped walking in front of Jinki’s house and when Kibum noticed, his eyes widened in shock.

 

“W-what are we doing here ? What is this ?” He said, his voice breaking. He took a step back and Jinki grabbed his hand in his. He walked towards the house, pulling Kibum with him and opened the door. Kibum looked at him with wide, teary eyes. “You live here ?”

 

“Come on, we need to talk.” Jinki said softly, pulling him inside. “We can’t talk outside.”

 

“No ! N-no I don’t want to-”

 

“Please.”

 

The seriousness in his voice and his pleading eyes seemed to convince him, since he reluctantly took a step forward and went in, closing the door behind him. Jinki mentally heaved a sigh and gestured for him to follow him in the living room. They sat on the couch and Taemin suddenly appeared, standing in front of them with wide eyes.

 

“You brought him here ?” The little boy asked, smiling. “You’re going to tell him ?!”

 

Jinki turned to Kibum with a heavy heart. Please, believe me.

 

“When I came in town about six months ago, I was looking for a place to stay and… I stumbled across this house. I didn’t think I could afford it at first but I actually could because… Well, because the price was ridiculously low. I didn’t know why but when I moved in, I realized that the house was actually… haunted.”

 

Kibum, who had remained silent since they had entered the house, scoffed.

 

“What are you saying ? Jinki-”

 

“There was a little boy in the house,” He explained quickly, his heart hammering in his ribcage because he knew Kibum would not take it very well. “A ghost, named Taemin, I didn’t believe it at first but then I did and he told me to go see you-”

 

Kibum suddenly stood up and frowned, his eyes welling up with tears again. Jinki stood up too.

 

“Is this some kind of joke ?” Kibum asked coldly, his voice shaking. “You think this is funny ? So I tell you my darkest secret and you just… joke about it ?”

 

His eyes were throwing daggers at Jinki, and the hurt tone in his voice broke Jinki’s heart.

 

“N-no, of course not, I would never-”

 

“I loved you. I trusted you, I told you what I never told anyone and you do this to me ? I thought you were… I...” Kibum sobbed, slapping Jinki’s hand away when the elder reached out to take his hand. “Don’t touch me !”

 

“Kibum, please !” Jinki said, his eyes welling up as well, his heart clenched in fear and a panicked look in his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you, this is the truth, I swear ! I would never joke about something like that, please you have to believe me !”

 

“I’ve had enough.” Kibum said, pushing Jinki away when the latter tried to prevent him from leaving.

 

Taemin was witnessing the scene with wide, teary eyes, panicked. His eyes were going back and forth from Kibum to Jinki, and his mouth was parted as he tried to say something but didn’t know what. Silent tears started running down his cheeks, and it all made Jinki panic even more because everything was going wrong, so wrong, and there was nothing he can do except try to convince Kibum of the truth.

 

Jinki followed Kibum in the hallway, pleading for him to stay and believe him but the other wouldn’t have any of it.

 

“I can’t believe I fell for you.” Kibum snorted, a mixture of sadness and anger in his voice.

 

“No, no please, Kibum don’t leave I-” Jinki begged, crying. He was aware that he probably looked desperate now, but he didn’t care. He sniffed, glancing at the little boy following them. And an idea suddenly popped in his head. “I can prove it !”

 

Kibum stopped dead in his tracks, taking a deep breath and turning around, crossing his arms. There was a betrayed, hurt look in his eyes, but there was also something else, a glint of… hope ? Maybe Jinki still stood a chance.

 

“How ?”

 

“Taemin talks about you all the time. That’s how I knew about your favorite wine, and that night when I called you, it’s because he told me of your fear of thunder. You two were scared because Mrs Park’s house was hit by thunder and it caught fire.”

 

“That… doesn’t mean anything. It was in the newspaper, and the wine could be just a lucky guess. It doesn’t prove anything, except maybe the fact that you are a stalker.”

 

“Kibum, come on… How would I know about what was written in a newspaper twenty years ago ?” Jinki justified, still trying to convince Kibum.

 

“Tell him to ask questions.” Taemin said, wiping his tears. “Things only I would know.”

 

“Ask me something.” Jinki said, sniffing. “Something only Taemin would have known. Anything.”

 

Kibum seemed to think about it, tears still silently running down his cheeks.

 

“Tell me about the cookie box.”

 

Jinki glanced at Taemin and the little boy’s eyes lit up.

 

“Oh ! Grandma always had that big cookie box hidden in the kitchen cupboard, but we were only allowed to have one cookie every time we visited her. So one time she was out in the garden I stole the box and ate all the cookies under the kitchen table. Kibum-hyung saw me and he helped me clean so she wouldn’t notice but she did, and Kibum-hyung said it was him who ate all the cookies.”

 

Jinki looked back at Kibum and told him the same story. Kibum’s face was unreadable, but after ten long, unbearable seconds, he started crying again and his eyes softened. Jinki heaved a sigh of relief.

 

“Tell him about the colored pencils ! Like, once I lost them and I didn’t want to tell mom because they were expensive and I lose a lot of things, so I told Kibum-hyung and he bought new ones for me with the money he got for his birthday so mom wouldn’t find out.”

 

“Also… You bought him new colored pencils with your own money because he lost them and he didn’t want your mother to know.”

 

Kibum sobbed, and Jinki carefully took a step closer, reaching out to touch his arm. He didn’t stop him this time and Jinki felt relief wash over him. He put an arm around his waist and Kibum leaned against him, his head resting on Jinki’s shoulder. His body was shaking from the crying and Jinki held him tight.

 

“He told me to go see you because he had something to say to you and he couldn’t do it himself.” Jinki whispered. “He wants you to know his death was not your fault, none of it. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

 

“Tell him I love him.” Taemin said, a sad but happy smile on his face.

 

“He says he loves you.” Jinki repeated. Kibum pulled away, looking at Jinki with teary eyes, red and swollen from all the tears he had shed.

 

“Is he here now ?” He asked softly, sniffing. “Why can you see him and I can’t ?”

 

“I don’t know… He said it’s like you were blocking him, somehow…”

 

“I want to see him.”

 

Taemin’s smile widened at that.

 

“I want him to see me too.”

 

Kibum’s body suddenly stiffened and Jinki frowned. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were wide, and when he slowly turned his head, his eyes met Taemin’s. Kibum gasped and shakingly put a hand in front of his mouth as he started shedding tears again. When Jinki finally realized what was happening, he was speechless. Kibum’s eyes wouldn’t leave Taemin’s little form and the little boy’s eyes widened in realization.

 

“You can see me… You see me !” Taemin shouted, jumping around in happiness.

 

Kibum fell on his knees in shock and Jinki crouched down beside him, his back reassuringly.

 

“T-Taemin…”

 

“Kibum-hyung ! You can see me now ! Awesome !” Taemin said, with a bright happy smile.

 

Jinki couldn’t help but smile a bit and Kibum sobbed.

 

“Don’t cry, hyung.” Taemin said, a little frown on his face. “You can see me now ! And I can tell you what I wanted to tell you, so listen carefully, okay ?”

 

Kibum weakly nodded, and Taemin smiled.

 

“Good.” The little boy took a step closer, now only a few feet away from them. “I love you, hyung. You have to stop thinking that it was your fault that I died, alright ? Because it wasn’t. You’re the best brother ever, and you never did anything wrong. Promise me. Promise me you’ll stop blaming yourself for what happened to me.”

 

Kibum nodded, and when he noticed that Taemin was still looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, he took a deep breath before answering.

 

“I promise.”

 

“For real ? Because you won’t be happy if you keep thinking it’s your fault, and I won’t be happy either.”

 

“I promise to stop blaming myself for what happened.” Kibum solemnly swore, staring straight into Taemin’s eyes before wiping his tear-streaked cheeks.

 

“Pinky promise ?” Taemin said, holding his hand out in a fist except for his little finger. “I can’t touch you but we can still pretend I can, right ?”

 

Kibum scoffed, a small smile on his lips. He raised his own hand to hook his little finger with Taemin’s. He shivered at the cold sensation.

 

“You have to respect your promise now. Even if… I won’t be around anymore...”

 

Taemin started glowing, like his entire body was diffusing a bright, white light. Jinki’s eyes widened, knowing what was happening.

 

“What do you mean ?” Kibum asked, confused.

 

“I have to go now.”

 

Kibum started crying again, and Jinki also couldn’t fight the tears welling up in his eyes.

 

“I won’t be here anymore, but that doesn’t mean I will stop looking out for you.” Taemin said, smiling happily. “I’ll go now. Mom and dad are probably waiting for me.”

 

“Don’t go.” Kibum pleaded, trying to hug Taemin but only going through him when he tried. He sobbed harder and Jinki put his arms around him. “I love you, Taemin-ah. I miss you, I miss you every day.”

 

“We’ll see each other again one day, don’t worry. I promise.” Taemin said softly, before turning to Jinki. “Before I go, you have to promise me something too, hyung.”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Please take care of him for me.” Taemin asked. “I know you care about him as much as I do. You’re good for each other. You make him happy and he makes you happy.”

 

“I will, I promise.” Jinki said, sniffing but smiling a bit.

 

“And hyung.”

 

Jinki looked up to stare at the little boy questioningly.

 

“Thank you for your help.” Taemin said in a sincere voice, so visibly grateful.

 

He took a step back and Kibum cried harder, holding out his hand in an attempt to keep him from leaving. Jinki knew Kibum must have felt devastated at that moment, because it felt like he was losing his brother all over again after only a few minutes of seeing him, but Jinki knew it was time for Taemin to leave. He had been waiting for so many years, and now, he was finally free. He was finally going where he should have gone years ago.

 

“I’ll be keeping an eye on both of you.” Taemin said, taking a step back and the glowing intensified. “I love you both very much.”

 

And on these last words, his whole body turned into a white, blinding light. Slowly, the light faded, and the space where stood the little boy a few seconds was now empty. But that was okay, because Taemin was finally resting in peace.