JEONGHAN'S POV

I felt the rough feeling of metal etch into my skin as I was blatantly shoved against the locker. Pain shot down my left arm and I grimaced, instinctively grabbing my shoulder, trying to protect myself. Seungcheol leaned closer... I blinked carefully, and going against my instinct, I looked up. But I had no time to glare at my attacker, as his arm came down against the locker at the speed of light, right next to my head. I slightly jumped and squeezed my eyes shut. It was happening again. The torment that I was forced to endure day after day. My fists clenched, and I wanted to run- but I knew the consequences would be worse if I tried to escape his grasp. I felt his hot breath against my neck as he leaned closer to me, the mocking laughter of his cronies in the background. Humiliation flooded throughout my body.

"Hey, pretty boy," Seungcheol said, moving a strip of my long hair out of my face. "Did I say you could close your eyes?" Seungcheol chuckled. "Look at me."

Trembling, I slowly opened my eyes and looked up into the face of my perpretrator. Glossy black hair, deep brown eyes, and a smirk that made my heart beat ten miles a minute. How could someone so stunning be so truly horrible?

I felt his big hand grip my face, and he lifted my chin so that I was looking directly up at him.

"So, are you sure you don't have anything for me?" He asked, grinning evilly and tightening his grip on my face with every passing moment.

My face contorted into one of wry dissappointment. I knew there was no way out of this situation. Slowly, I took a couple dollar bills out of my pocket and handed them over to him. There goes yet another meal... he was the richest kid in school, but he just wanted to take the money from me out of spite. To make me even more humiliated.

He released my chin and took the dollar bills from me. I thought he was just going to slip the money in his backpack and walk away, but suddenly, without any warning, he began to rip the dollar bills into tiny little pieces. I gaped at him, seeing him throw the remnants of money on the floor. He smirked as he saw my bewildered expression. He wasted perfectly good money... money that I needed more then he would ever know. Tears welled up in my eyes, anger bursting in my chest.

He turned around to walk away with his friends after the humiliating act, laughing and high fiving his cronies, not sparing me a second glance.

I wanted to call out to him. Scream to him that he was just a little rich kid who didn't know the struggles of real life... The struggle of needing money to eat, to live. He didn't know anything. 

But I stayed silent.

Nothing good would come out of taking my anger out on him. I'd just be provoking him, asking him to harass me more.

And even if they couldn't see me, I had to set an example for my Dongsaeng's back at the orphanage. 

The orphanage...

I leaned against the locker, getting swept up in memories. For my entire life, I've lived at an all boys orphanage. I never had the chance to know my parents, and I'm not sure if I ever want to. They'd dropped me off when I was 6 months old, clearly either too careless or financially challenged to take care of a child that they didn't want in the first place. The owner of the orphanage was nothing but neglectful. He only cared about his alcohol, rather then giving us comfortable life until we got adopted. 

So I was the "Mother" of the younger children- they had no real parents, so I had to step in. Pampering them, washing the dishes, cooking the meals, doing the laundry, helping them with homework, and tucking them into bed- these sounded like chores, but it made me feel relieved that I could at least do something for these children who haven't had any other good memories. I was going to do my best to make them feel content in the orphanage until they were adopted.

And money was scarce, so I had to be wise about how I spent it. I had a part time job as a cashier, but it simply wasn't enough. I knew that soon I would have to look for a job that paid more.

I was suddenly brought of of my pitiful thoughts as the bell rung loudly, signaling for lunch. Knowing that there was no way I could get food without money, I made my way to the bathroom. Looks like it was going to be another lunch spent hungry in the dirty restroom stalls. 

SEUNGCHEOL'S POV:

He was beautiful. His face resonated in my mind. Even when he was trembling, fear evident on his beautiful face, his eyes squeezed shut, his fists clenched- he was beautiful. 

But there was no way that I could love a man. 

There's no way that my parents would approve. I know what they would say. I know what they would do. And it wouldn't be pretty.

They would yell. They would scream, ask me why I was going against the word of God, ask me why I hate them, why I WANT to make their lives even more miserable... Maybe even raise a hand against me. But worst of all, they would compare me. Compare me to my older brother, Mingyu. 

My older brother. He's 22 years old, and owns one of the biggest electronics companies in the world. He's tall, handsome, intelligent... And straight.

And my parents very obviously loved him more then they loved me.

Whatever I did, however I did things, they would find some way to compare me to him. To ask me, "Why can't you be more like Mingyu?" I scoffed just thinking about it. Because mother, father, I'M NOT MINGYU! 

I was swept out of my thoughts as a finger poked me. I looked over, and realized that it was my friend, Vernon, trying to get my attention. 

"Yo Coups, why aren't ya eating? Too busy thinking about what you did to that ?" Vernon started laughing. "His expression was priceless!" I ignored him. Instead, the beautiful man popped into my head once more.

Jeonghan. Did he have lunch? I ripped up his money, didn't I?  Guilt flooded through my body, thinking about his pained expression as I threw the pieces of money on the floor right in front of his eyes. 

I grabbed a granola bar from my plate. "Gotta go to the bathroom," I said, short and quickly, and got up from the lunch table. I looked back at Vernon's confused face. "Don't follow me." I commanded. Leaving the lunch table, I took quick strides to the nearest bathroom outside the cafeteria. 

The nearest bathroom was near the lockers- the ones I had shoved Jeonghan up against. I thought of how close I got to him... How close I got to those pink, beautiful lips... But I knew that Jeonghan hated me. Ever since the day I started harassing him, he's been terribly frightened even by my presence. I wished I could take back everything that I've done to him, but it's too late now. I can't do a 360 change in my personality right in front of my friends. I couldn't risk my parents finding out that I'd befriended a poor, low class boy. Not to mention that I loved him. ing hell.

I pushed open the door to the bathroom. Graffiti covered the walls, and the sink faucet was gently dripping water. I immediately heard sniffling in the farthest stall, and I had no doubt about who was huddled in there. This was his little hiding space.

I slowly approached the stall and looked through the crack. I saw a glimpse of long blonde hair, and I immediately knew it was Jeonghan. Swiftly, I slipped the granola bar under the stall and heard him gasp slightly. Then, without looking back, I rushed out of the bathroom and ran down the halls.

He couldn't know it was me. I loved him, but he couldn't know. It wouldn't be good for either of us...

JEONGHANS POV 

I gasped as someone slid something under the stall, without any warning. Not a second had passed, and the person who was just there was gone. I heard the bathroom door creak closed. 

Confusion filled my mind. I stood up and moved closer. I picked it up, and was surprised to see that it was a granola bar. I turned it around, inspecting it.

My hunger pushed any useless thoughts aside, and I opened the wrapper and greedily munched down on it. It didn't matter who, or why, all that mattered was that I was hungry, and I was given the opportunity to eat. So I gratefully took that opportunity. 

After another lunch of huddling in the bathroom and feeling bad for myself, school droned on as usual. Another boring day. Classes zoomed by, the bell rang a couple times, and finally I had made it to my last class. Geometry.

Our teacher, Mr. Jeon Wonwoo, was finishing up a textbook page in geometry before the bell rang. I wasn't listening. I stared out the window, thinking of Chan and Jihoon back at the orphanage. School got out earlier for them, so they always came home before I did. And I always worried that something was going to happen to them while I was gone.

I snapped out of my thoughts as the bell rang loudly, signaling for dismissal. 

"That's all for today. Have a good Winter Break," Mr. Jeon said, with a warm smile on his face. Kids swarmed out of the classroom. After the class emptied out, I got up from my chair and held my worn down backpack. I was walking down the aisles between desks when Mr. Jeon called out to me.

"Jeonghan, could you come to my desk for a moment?" 

Shocked, I stuttered my response. "U-uh yes sir." I walked up to his desk, shifting weight from foot to foot. "What is it, sir?" 

He closed his textbook, sighed, and looked at me. I noticed his eyes showed hints of worry. "Jeonghan, lately you've been even more distracted then usual. Is everything alright?"

Oh. Not again. A teacher pretending to care. I faked a smile, standing up straight and looking directly at him. "I'm fine, Mr. Jeon. Thank you for asking."

He clasped his hands together and I could tell he didn't believe me. But he didn't say another word about the matter. "Alright. Have a good day Jeonghan." 

"You too, sir." I immediately rushed out of the classroom, sighing in relief as I stood in the hallway. I wasn't fine- but there was no way I could tell the school staff that. There was nothing they could do for me. And I couldn't leave Chan, Jihoon, and the others kids all by themselves at the orphanage. 

Taking one last look into the geometry classroom, I began to walk down the crowded hallways. This was one of the worst parts of my school. The small hallways were constantly clogged with people during dismissal - trying to navigate through them was like trying to get past a stampede of angry animals who wanted to be ANYWHERE but there.

I eventually pushed past enough people to make it out of the entrance of the school. I sighed, relieved to be out of the claustrophobic and crowded hallway. I pushed my bangs back from my face and began to walk, following my usual path. 

Until... I heard eerily familiar laughter resonate behind me, dangerously close. I turned around, my bangs flying back into my face. I pushed them away and my eyes widened in fright. Choi Seungcheol and his cronies were walking right in my direction. They hadn't noticed me yet, but I wasn't going to give them a chance to. I was not going to deal with them again today. Without another thought, I took my cue, and began to run as fast as possible. 

After running for a good 5 minutes, I began gasping for breath as I had finally gotten far enough to feel comfortably away from them. I leaned against a wall, trying to catch my breath. I had escaped from another possible encounter with Seungcheol. My only destination now was back to school, or to the orphanage. As much as I didn't want to go back today, I knew it wasn't fair to Chan, Jihoon, and the other youngsters I had to look after.

Without any other dangers in my path, I started walking. Sweat droplets fell down my face and blurred my vision, but I ignored it. The only thing on my mind right now was Chan and Jihoon. I prayed that they were okay.

Once I arrived at the worn down, small orphanage, I immediately noticed something different. Scarily different. The window was broken, and shards of glass along with a broken vodka bottle lay on the dirt. Fear immediately flooded through my veins as I thought of the possibility that someone might have gotten injured. There was no telling when the orphanage owner was going to lash out.

I rushed inside the musty household and gasped at the sight infront of me. Jihoon, the second oldest, (15) was cradling Chan, the youngest. (Age 7.) Chan had an extremely large and noticeable welt on the side of his forehead, and blood was lightly pouring down his cheek. Tears stained his face and he clung onto Jihoon. The owner was nowhere in sight, but it was obvious that he had something to do with this situation.

I ran over to them as they huddled in the corner.

"What happened, Jihoon?" I said, worry evident in my shaky voice. Chan's eyes were tightly closed, but he heard my voice. Without opening his eyes, he reached his small hand out to me. I kneeled down and held his hand as he cuddled into Jihoon.

Jihoon was trying not to tremble as he comforted Chan with a light rub on his back. "M-Mister drank the whole bottle," Jihoon stuttered, pointing to the broken window. "Chan... he just wanted some food... he's been so hungry, Hyung." Jihoon hiccupped, and tears threatened to fall from his swollen eyes.

"Calm down," I whispered, and sat down next to both of them.

Jihoon nodded. "He, he just went into the hallway, and caught Mister at the wrong time. He finished his bottle of vodka and aimed it at Chan, b-but thank goodness only a shard hit him. The rest went through the window. I heard screaming so I rushed out of my room. By then, M-mister had went back to his bedroom and passed out."

Chan began to cry at hearing the story being re-told, and more tears flooded down his already wet face. I stood up and gently took Chan from Jihoon's grasp. I picked him up and held him in my arms, lightly his head. I then looked down at Jihoon, still huddled on the floor.

"Jihoon, I'm going to go get him cleaned up. Thank you for caring for him," I said. "Go to sleep now. You deserve rest."

He just shook his head. "Why couldn't I have protected him," he muttered, and buried his face into his knees.

I sighed deeply, wishing I could comfort Jihoon. But there was nothing more I could do. He was already damaged. God only knows he didn't deserve to be here- but neither did Chan, or me, or any of the other boys that were unwillingly forced to live here until some family came by and decided that they would take them in. It's been seventeen years at this orphanage, and not one family has requested to adopt me. And I knew exactly why. Whenever a family came to visit, I pretended to be cold and distant, knowing very well that no family would want a quiet and introverted teenager. Though I wanted desperately to find a loving and caring family that would take me in, just one thought of my younger dongsaeng's who would have to endure the rage of the owner all by themselves- well, I forbid myself for wishing for such a luxury upon myself. I was no better then the children. They deserved a good life, much more then I did. Life has already branded me with a cruel imprint- but they were still young. They still had time and the chance to live a happy life. That's the thought that kept me going day to day.

I made my way down the hall and walked to the bathroom with a crying Chan in my arms. "Don't cry, darling," I whispered, trying to soothe him with calming words. "You'll be alright. I'll protect you from now on." Chan sniffled and snuggled into my chest, grabbing a piece of my shirt. Though he didn't say anything, I knew he had calmed down. And although he was still a bit jittery with fright, he ceased his weeping the moment I consoled him.

I sat him down on the toilet and took out disinfecting wipes from the cabinet. Unwrapping the pack, I slowly wiped it on the welt, cleaning up the dried blood. Chan winced, but didn't say anything. I didn't say a word either. After cleaning up his wound and wrapping it with a bandage, I slowly looked at him. He looked back at me, his once bright eyes now filled with pain and suffering. He was too young to endure this. I saw the distraught look that shone in his eyes, the sadness, the loneliness. I wondered, even at his young age, if he could see the same things in mine. We didn't say a word, just waited there, for the longest time, looking at each other. I suddenly moved forward and embraced him.

"Everything will be okay." I whispered in a firm voice, hugging his small body against mine. I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him... Or convince myself. 

He paused for a moment, but finally whispered, "I... believe you, Hyung."

I nodded. "Off to bed now, Chan." I kissed his forehead, and he gave me one last look with those pained eyes of his. Then, without another word, he scampered off to his own room.

I didn't leave the restroom for the longest time. I stood at the sink, looking at myself in the mirror, wishing I had someone to console my pain. What had my life become?

I pulled my light blonde hair out of my ponytail, and watched as it came down in light waves and framed my face. I looked perfectly normal, so why was my life the exact opposite? Why was this world so cruel? 

Anger bubbled up inside me. I hate the owner of the orphanage, for torturing and paining the children that just wanted a loving home and family. I hate my parents, for leaving me on the doorstep of this orphanage when I was a mere 6 months old, leaving me to get picked up by an abusive home.

I hate Choi Seungcheol, that snotty, rich bastard, thinking he can get away with anything in life. He didn't have a care in the world, but simply liked to torment others to make his life more interesting. What about my life? What about my feelings? What about me?

I stood there and gazed into the mirror once again, realizing that I was stooping to a new low. I was pitying myself. Shaking my head, I forced myself out of the bathroom, and turned off the lights.

As I made my way to my own small, enclosed room in the darkness, I couldn't help but think about whether God truly existed or not.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Thank you for reading the first chapter! Please do comment your thoughts below, anything would be appreciated. Subscribing, commenting, and upvoting motivates me to write more and more :) 

I have many plans for this story, so I hope you'll continue to love and support it. Any requests or constructive criticism can be commented below or you can message me!