Do I Wanna Know?

Mino wants to kiss Taehyun. That much he knows.

He feels it whenever Taehyun is too close to him – even if there would be no such thing as ‘too close’ if it was up to Mino, because he feels like holding the younger to his chest all the time. But Taehyun doesn’t really like being touched without permission.

Actually, Taehyun doesn’t like many things, and Mino hopes not to be one of them. It’s hard to say when Taehyun likes someone. It’s hard to say anything about Taehyun.

That’s exactly what makes Mino so eager to find out more about him. They’ve been in the same team for a few months now, not enough to become best friends for sure, but every passing day Mino finds himself realizing he’s not interested in that kind of relationship with the young one anyway.

He wants to hold him. He feels it whenever Taehyun speaks, sings, laugh, or just looks at him with his deep brown eyes. Sometimes those eyes form two half moons while staring at Mino, and the rapper feels his heart racing in his chest. He wonders what it means. Taehyun doesn’t easily like people, so why would Mino be any different?

Mino doesn’t know, but he keeps torturing himself with the thought every night, before going to sleep with Taehyun’s voice singing softly in his ears. Lately, he can’t fall asleep without listening to Taehyun’s mixtapes. The younger let him listen to some of his first compositions because Mino is the leader and he’s supposed to know what kind of music every member is into. At least, that’s the excuse Mino uses not to admit that he just likes to listen to Taehyun’s voice before falling asleep and dreaming of a certain boy with parted hair. He hasn’t had any other dream in days.

Mino just hopes Taehyun doesn’t turn into his worst nightmare.

I dreamt about you nearly every night this week

'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat

Until I fall asleep

*

“Hyung.”

Mino doesn’t turn around, even if there’s no one else in the room. He’s not used to be addressed like that, except by his sister maybe. He was never anyone’s hyung and it’s weird to hear that word leaving the mouth he wants to taste the most.

That’s the real reason why he doesn’t turn around. He’s sure that his face is displaying his feelings for everyone to see, and he doesn’t want Taehyun to see. He doesn’t want him to see how much he has been thinking about the two of them alone in the studio, how far his mind has been wandering the whole afternoon and how little he has accomplished for the next battle. It’s ridiculous – his future is at risk in that competition and the only thing Mino can think of is how much he wants to push his teammate against a wall and savor his lips with the most violent delicacy.

Taehyun is not making any sound behind him, but a moment later Mino hears his soft voice again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see that you were busy.”

. He would slap himself if he could. They barely exchange a word during the whole day and now he’s even refusing to speak to him. Mino has no idea how to deal with his feelings, but this is certainly the worst one. He doesn’t want Taehyun to think he hates him.

“No,” he swirls around on his chair, making a scene of looking exhausted. And he does feel that way, but not because of work. “I’m not busy. I think we worked enough for today, should we go grab dinner somewhere?”

The invitation is not even that subtle, but Mino hopes Taehyun doesn’t notice how eager he really is to spend some more time with him. It’s not a date, it can’t be a date, but Mino guesses that dreaming is free.

Taehyun’s long earrings swing around whenever he turns his head, his black snapback hiding his messy hair after a long day of practice. He looks doubtful at first, but then his lips stretch into a smile. Mino loves that gummy smile and the way his front teeth make him look like a bunny. Concealed innocence.

“It’s the first time you ask me to eat together, hyung. I was starting to think you didn’t like me at all.”

A laugh, two half moons under droopy eyebrows. Mino suddenly feels very brave and maybe he shouldn’t, because a single mistake could cost him more than he can endure.

“I actually think we match well.”

He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, but he also feels accomplished, somehow. His words wouldn’t hold any special meaning in another situation, what makes them special is Mino’s awareness of his own feelings. Taehyun isn’t probably going to pay attention to such a clumsy confession.

Or so Mino thinks. He doesn’t know how to read the expression on Taehyun’s face. It doesn’t express anything. He’s just staring back at Mino and the smile has disappeared from his lips. It doesn’t look good and Mino glances down at his shoes, wondering if he should just turn around and pretend to go back to work.

“I think so too.”

Taehyun is back at his desk when Mino turns around, but he can see the corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. He’s too scared to ask why he looks so happy for such a silly thing because the answer might not be the one he hopes to hear.

Do I wanna know

if this feeling flows both ways?

Baby we both know

that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day

*

Jinwoo is good at reading people and Mino is especially readable. That’s why when his teammate asked him to go out for some drinks with that grumpy expression of his, Jinwoo immediately knew something was wrong. And he has a feeling it has to do with Taehyun. Mino is always looking at the younger as if he needs to protect him from the world – he doesn’t do anything in particular, but as said, Mino is extremely readable.

“So, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” is Mino’s predictable response, even if his face tells a whole another story. “Why do you keep asking?”

“Because you keep lying,” Jinwoo sips from his bottle after the words. Just beer, because he doesn’t really bear alcohol that well, unlike Mino. “You never ask me out to drink unless there’s a problem.”

Mino shrugs. “Well, I see that we’ve known each other for just a few months, but you already know me very well.”

“What is wrong, Mino?” Jinwoo repeats, exhausted. They practiced all day and he wants nothing more than to drown in his bed for at least four hours. He’s always the first to arrive and the last to leave the practice room.

Mino swirls his glass, elbows on the table and glossy eyes.

“Is there something between Seungyoon and Taehyun?” He finally asks. He’s been wanting to ask that question for the whole night and Jinwoo is the only one who can satisfy his sick curiosity. Sick, because Mino knows the truth will hurt him.

Jinwoo raises an eyebrow. He expected something from that night, but the conversation is taking a turn he couldn’t foresee. “What do you mean? They’re teammates.”

“It doesn’t look like it’s just that,” Mino murmurs behind his glass before gulping it down. He immediately asks for another, even if he looks already halfway gone.

“What?” Jinwoo is not sure if he heard well. If Mino said what he thinks he said, the implications could be way more twisted than he expected.

Mino thinks about that morning, when Seungyoon’s hand was on Taehyun’s shoulder like it belonged there, and how he was whispering in the younger’s ear something that made Taehyun smile one of his brightest smiles. He had never smiled like that in front of Mino.

Out of all of them, Seungyoon seems to be the one who understands Taehyun the most, or maybe it’s Taehyun who lets his walls down in front of him. Either way, Mino doesn’t like it. It’s irrational, childish even, but he doesn’t want Seungyoon around Taehyun. If there’s someone who could succeed where he’s failing, that’s Seungyoon. Mino can’t let that happen, but he can’t really do anything about it either, except watching and drowning his frustrations in a glass.

Jinwoo is watching him closely. He swirls his bottle around and pretends to be focusing on the liquid dancing inside of it as he speaks. “I don’t know what you saw, but this is what I know: Taehyun was pretty lonely when he first came to YG. People tended to avoid him because he was so not YG style,” at that, he made air quotes. “Seungyoon was the first one who approached him without any kind of prejudice and I guess he appreciated that. They’re good friends.”

“Friends,” Mino repeats, looking at the liquid in his glass. His voice is lower than usual. Maybe he would believe it if he heard it from Taehyun himself. He wants to hear his voice, actually. It’s the alcohol, of course. He always thinks about Taehyun when he’s drunk, he has the wildest daydreams about him when he’s so little in control of himself. That’s why he always leaves his phone at the dorm when he goes out to drink. He would surely call him in the middle of the night and dump his heart content in the receiver without caring about the consequences, and he can’t afford that.

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?

'Cause I always do

Crawling back to you

*

Mino feels like he shouldn’t be there. He’s just not in the mood and everything about that morning upsets him. Everyone is gathered in the practice room to decide on the song they will use for the next battle and his mind is completely empty when it shouldn’t. He’s the leader, he’s supposed to guide the others, but he feels dizzy and hungover and overall he’s hating how close Seungyoon and Taehyun are sitting today. It’s stupid, he’s fully aware of it, but it bothers him to the point of making him truly upset.

“Are you alright?” Jinwoo whispers by his side. Mino is busy doodling on the papers pretending he’s writing something and he doesn’t even answer. The tension in the room has grown considerably since he walked in. He just can’t help it – it’s not his brightest day.

Taehyun opens his laptop and clears his voice. He’s always the most nervous when he needs to express his opinion, because he never feels like his ideas and compositions are the best ones or the most appreciated, and everyone knows that. It’s kind of an unwritten rule to look encouraging when the youngest speaks.

Mino is doodling black spyrals when Taehyun starts talking.

“Maybe it’s just me, but mixing three songs… isn’t it too much?”

Everyone feels a little discouraged, mainly because Taehyun is right but they don’t have the time to change their song completely.

Mino feels something building up in his stomach. It’s ugly and disgusting, but he can’t stop it. Seungyoon looks at Taehyun as if he’s something to eat. It’s in Mino’s imagination, of course. Like the fact that Taehyun is fully aware of it and still does nothing to prevent it. Taehyun is not even facing Seungyoon, but in Mino’s mind, still dizzy and twisted, the younger should do something about it. And that darkness just keeps building up, like a bottle left under the stream in the sink. No one is there to stop it from overflowing.

Mino brings the pen to his lips in a vain attempt to block the words that are about to come out.

“What do you suggest, then?”

He’s taken aback. Is that really his voice? It sounds full of hatred and disdain. Everyone stiffens and Mino can see the shock in Taehyun’s eyes.

“Well… I… I don’t know, but…”

“So what are you trying to say?” Mino sees Seungyoon’s hand reaching out to touch Taehyun’s shoulder and something in his mind goes blank. “Fix it up and tell us.”

He can see the light leaving Taehyun’s eyes immediately. The younger looks almost betrayed. Of course, Mino has never spoken like that to him, or to anyone. It’s shocking even for him. He’s truly loathing himself and the worst thing is, he’s already gone too far.

The silence that falls between them soon after is the most deafening sound Mino has ever heard. Seungyoon tries to pick up the pieces, begins to talk about a new idea, but Mino’s mind is in a bubble and everyone’s eyes are on Taehyun as he quickly leaves the room without a word.

And Mino knows. He knows that he ruined everything.

Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift

The type that sticks around like something in your teeth?

Have you no idea that you're in deep?

*

“If you had been with us for three years, it would be different. But no matter what, you came in last.”

Mino wishes Seungyoon’s lips would just stop moving. He doesn’t need to listen to what he’s saying, he’s always nagging at everyone and he loves to use the ‘you came in last’ card against Mino whenever he sees fit.

Mino knows he ed up. He doesn’t need someone to point it out. Taehyun has disappeared the whole afternoon and he’s sure he’s hiding in Team B practice room or somewhere else in the building. He wouldn’t go home, he wouldn’t want to be alone with his thoughts when he’s upset. Mino knows him.

Which makes everything even more enraging to him. He knows Taehyun so well and he still went and hurt him. He spent days and nights picturing a thousand ways in which he would take care of him like no one else in the world could, but he did all the contrary. And now he’s being scolded by the last person he wants to see that day.

“I understand,” Mino says. He doesn’t. He hasn’t heard a single thing, but makes sure he looks guilty just enough for Seungyoon to let him go.

“If you have something to say to Taehyun, I think you should just tell him.”

The words catch Mino by surprise. He was all ready to go, but all of a sudden Seungyoon’s voice has changed. He starts paying attention.

“What?”

Seungyoon crosses his arms and looks like someone who knows more than he should be allowed to. He even has a little smirk threatening to break from his lips. “No one here is blind, Mino.”

Mino gets defensive. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Neither does Taehyun,” Seungyoon says. “That’s why you should tell him before it’s too late.”

Mino’s shoulders deflate. “I thought…”

“You thought?”

“That you liked him.”

Seungyoon doesn’t even look surprised. He just sighs. “I figured. We’re just friends, and if you’re all assured now, please go and solve this problem before it affects the whole team once again. Just do me a favor: keep your private life and your career separated. We need to win this.”

Mino feels ashamed for the first time since that morning. Has he been making up non-existent enemies all on his own? Maybe the only real enemy to his own happiness has always been himself. Will Taehyun be willing to listen, even after all of that?

I don’t know, he resolves. But it’s time to find out.

So have you got the guts?

Been wondering if your heart's still open

and if so I wanna know what time it shuts...

*

Taehyun is in the locker room, changed and ready to go home, when Mino walks in. Their eyes meet and Mino quietly locks the door behind him. That’s when Taehyun feels a first shiver running up his spine.

“What are you doing?”

Mino doesn’t take any step forward. He rests his back against the door and looks down at his shoes.

“When I said that I think we match well, I really meant it.” His heart is racing in his chest, the loud beat is almost making him deaf. He can’t hold Taehyun’s stare, not yet. He’s scared of what he would find.

Taehyun freezes in the middle of the room. He expected Mino to come and apologize sooner or later, but this is a whole another story and he’s not sure as why his chest is hurting.

“But I think that what I actually wanted to say is that… I like being with you. I like being with you more than anything else, actually. You’re one of the reasons I think getting into this company has been a good idea.” Mino shrugs, as if what he has just said has no importance. Taehyun knows he’s just trying to play it cool like he always does, but it’s not going to work this time. He can see his blushing cheeks, he can see the way his eyes desperately avoid his own. Mino is pouring his heart in Taehyun’s hands for the first time.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a some time now. When we first met, you told me I looked scary and it bothered me for a long time because I didn’t understand why you would think something like that. But then I realized…” Mino finally looks up and stares into Taehyun’s eyes, deeply. “I guess I was kind of shocked. Because from the very first moment I laid my eyes on you, I thought you were beautiful.”

Taehyun holds his breath. His head is spinning and he’s not sure if it’s because of the long practice, the heat of the room or Mino’s eyes and his deep voice. He doesn’t even know if he’s supposed to say something, but his mouth feels completely dry.

“For a long time, I was not sure if I wanted to know how you felt about me… But I really overdid it this morning and it’s all because I’ve been trying to hold everything in. I don’t want to do it anymore,” his eyes shift in Taehyun’s, “I tried to get you out of my mind, but I can’t. It’s always you. It’s only you. I’m sorry,” he takes a deep breath, “but I… like you a lot.”

The words hang in the air for a while, as neither of them dares to make a move. Taehyun looks small in the oversized shirt and Mino wishes he could disappear into his own large clothes as well. He doesn’t know if silence is a good thing. He never liked long silences, but the absence of sounds takes a whole new meaning when it comes to Taehyun. It could mean many different things.

“I’m sorry, I was all over the place,” his voice threatens to break at every word. He feels satisfied because he succeeded in conveying his feelings to Taehyun, but he also feels doomed because nothing will ever be like before. “I guess you don’t feel the s–”

Taehyun has suddenly walked up to him and pushed him against the wall. Mino is glad he had the wit to lock the door, because a moment later Taehyun’s lips are pressing against his mouth and if anyone was to come in, there wouldn’t be a good enough explanation for that mess.

Mino’s hands find their way down to Taehyun’s waist and he doesn’t dare to go further because that moment is too important to risk ruining it. He does reverts their positions though, and pushes Taehyun against the door, their bodies colliding as hard as their lips.

Mino doesn’t understand, can’t understand, but does know that this is not a dream, this is not one of his tormented nights, sleeping with Taehyun’s voice in his ears and the fantasy of his body against his own. It’s real, it’s all real, and it’s terrifying, glorious and shocking at the same time.

Taehyun’s lips are as red as his cheeks when he pulls back just enough to let the both of them breathe.

“Do you know how many times I fantasized about kissing you like this when we were alone at the studio?” he says, smiling and panting at the same time. “I thought I would go crazy dreaming about you every other night.”

Mino is as ecstatic as him. He crashes their mouths together again and makes sure that this time, they won’t part until all his dreams have come true.

And indeed, Mino does know.

Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

Crawling back to you.