Yongguk was scared. But he didn't know why. In a giant crowd in the middle of Seoul, the raven-haired man was just simply doing some shopping when he felt his heart race. His breathing was short and his vision was blurred. He couldn't understand what happened or why it happened. But he knew he was scared. It felt like the whole world was staring at him and he felt smothered. 

Yongguk leant against an outer window of a store whilst struggling to keep his groceries from falling out of his grip. 

His mind was racing, a thousand thoughts per second. But the same thought came to mind now and then. The same person came to mind now and then. 

Jongup.

It had been two years since their separation, and yet Yongguk couldn't let go of the younger boy. The suppressed emotions came back in dreams and in situations like this. Yongguk's condition only worsened day by day, but he refused to seek professional help. The attacks started out as short and maybe once in a while. After a few months they became regular and harder to handle. Yongguk would usually curl into a ball and wait them out but that had become harder and harder to do. 

And every single time he felt suffocated, he thought of Jongup. He missed him dearly, but dared not contact him. After all, Jongup was the one who wanted out of the relationship. It wouldn't make sense for Yongguk to suddenly meet Jongup as if nothing happened. As if he didn't mean anything to Jongup. As if Yongguk didn't love him. 

The raven-haired man thought that it would take a couple months to get over the younger boy, but after days, weeks, months, years went by, he still thought of Jongup. His gentle heart grew warm at the thought of the younger boy with his endearing smile. That was one thing Yongguk was happy about, he remembered only the good things, but this made it difficult to move on. 

Yongguk had been sitting on the street floor for about fifteen minutes when he began to feel slightly better. He slowly stood up, brushed the dust off of himself and walked home. 

---

Although it was hard to admit, there wasn't a day when Jongup didn't think about his lover— wait, his former lover. It was hard to fall out of love with Yongguk, such a genuine and loving person who only had authentic love to give. 

Jongup was now working hard for his father's company as the CEO. His father had passed away soon after Jongup cuts ties with Yongguk. Jongup was sad to see a father leave but at the same time he felt no remorse because this wasn't the man that raised him or cared for him at all. He was always focused on his business and left Jongup and his two older brothers for the nannies to take care of. After her husband's death, Jongup's mother settled for a nice, young American man who had a big company. She left Korea as fast as she could without saying goodbye. Jongup was last in line to inherit the family company, but his brothers had other plans that didn't involve sitting behind a desk for sixteen hours a day. 

So, Jongup did what he did best, he said nothing. He didn't argue against it nor did he tell anyone that he didn't know anything about the company. But he survived. After two years, Jongup found that being the CEO wasn't such a hard job and that it was a good distraction, from Yongguk that is. 

It was always awkward when their mutual friends asked them to come for a party or a dinner out. Jongup went only if he had time, and for the majority of the time that he went, he found Himchan scolding him with relationship advice and how his dad is 'dead, so there's not reason why you can't be in a relationship. You don't need your father's consent. JUST GET IN A RELATIONSHIP PLEASE.’ The older boy usually implied that he should get back with Yongguk but when he gave Himchan confused looks, the man changed the subject. 

Of course, Yongguk never came to any of these get-togethers. Jongup overheard Himchan's conversation with Junhong, Yongguk's little cousin, that Yongguk would 'love to come but he thinks it would be uncomfortable for everyone else if he was here. Not to mention that his condition is getting worse. And he won't listen to me, he doesn't want to get professional help.' Jongup was shocked, to say the least, when he heard this. Yongguk was suffering so much because of him. It was his fault that Yongguk was in pain and didn't go to meet with his friends. After hearing that, Jongup stopped going to the meetings. 

He hated to say it, but he missed him. He missed him so much it made his heart hurt. There were times when Jongup thought of calling Yongguk, but he chose not to since he thought it would only be awkward between them. He never spoke to anyone about Yongguk, since no one but Himchan brought him up. But the truth was he wanted to talk about Yongguk. And his loving eyes, his genuine smile and his tight hugs. Jongup missed those the most. He missed the nights when Yongguk came back from work late and Jongup would wait for him like a puppy at the front of the apartment. When the door finally opened, Jongup would spring up to Yongguk and the older boy would drop whatever he had in his hands to wrap them tightly around Jongup. 

Those were the good days. 

Jongup snapped out of his daydream and looked at the time on his watch, it read eleven twenty six. The brunet stood up, packed his bag and wrapped his coat around him. He walked out of his big office and took the elevator for to the ground floor. 

One of the receptionists smiled brightly, 'You're going home early today, Sir.' Jongup nodded and replied, 'I've got a busy day tomorrow.' He found himself at his car but oddly enough there was a strange man in a white and black suit waiting for him. Jongup gave a brief smile to Himchan who urged him to open the car door as it was freezing outside. 

The two got in the car and Himchan said that he would drive, which was fine with Jongup, he had had a log day and could use some rest. 'What brings you here?' Jongup asked as if he didn't know the answer. 

'What do you think.' The was slight tension in the car during the drive. Himchan knew that Jongup was playing dumb, it was an art that Himchan was the master in. 

The road was silent for several minutes before Himchan spoke up again. 'I need you to do something for me.' 

Jongup was curious now. 'What?' 

'I need you to talk to Yongguk.' Jongup pursed his lips at Himchan's words. He was hesitant to reply. He wanted to talk to Yongguk, he really did, but he thought that it would only make the older man suffer more. He couldn't do that, he couldn't carry that guilt. 

'I don't think I can help you then.' Himchan pushed hard on the accelerator, stirring the engine to. hum. There was silence in the car but from the corner of his eye, Jongup could see Himchan furrow his brows. The older boy was determined. 

The car made a sharp right and Jongup could see where they were headed. He had come up and down this street for a thousand times, maybe even more. Himchan was driving to Yongguk's house. Jongup felt panic rush through him and he tighten his grip on his coat which laid on his lap. 

'Himchan, please.' Jongup pleaded as he felt his head grow hot. 

Himchan suddenly stopped the car right in front of Yongguk's apartment and leant over to unbuckle Jongup's seatbelt. 

'Look, you are going in there and you are going to talk to him, whether you like it or not.'

'H-Himchan I—'

'No. No buts. You're going in there and you're having a conversation with that man because you need to.'

'Himchan, I can't, I really can't—'

'Jongup!' For the first time in his life, Jongup felt scared of Himchan. The older man had always been intimidating but now, he was genuinely afraid. 

Himchan sighed before speaking again. 'Jongup please, just listen to me.' He waited for the younger boy's reply but received a simple nod. 

'Jongup.. Yongguk is suffering. And honestly I don't care if you don't want to see him. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for him. I haven't seen Bang this low since... well, this is the lowest I've seen him. He's had this condition since before he met you, but when you two were together, you made everything okay for him. He was able to cope in the world. But now that you're gone, it's come back. And it's worse now. Worse than it's ever been. And he thinks that he can last this, he-he thinks that he can go about the day and it's a normal occurrence. It's not normal Jongup, it's really not. Yongguk needs help, real help. But he won't listen to me nor his parents nor anyone else. But he'll listen to you. You need to—no,  you must talk to him. Otherwise things will only get worse and I don't think his body can take it anymore.'

Jongup's eyes were wet with tears but he held them back. After a few minutes, Jongup agreed to speak to Yongguk. But only briefly, just a simple conversation. That was good enough for Himchan. 

The two climbed the stairs to Yongguk's apartment, Himchan however walked back down once he left Jongup at the door. Once at the door, Jongup froze. On the other side, was Yongguk. The most perfect person he had met. The most understanding person he had met. 

The door suddenly flew open.

Jongup tripped a couple of steps back before landing on the ground. Behind the door was a tall boy with wide eyes. Jongup stared up at Junhong. 'Jonguppie Hyung, what are you doing here?' Jongup was startled, he didn't know what to say. But he knew that Yongguk would pop his head out of the door any second now. He had to make a plan.. for a conversation. Jongup thought of how the conversation would roll but his mind became blank when he heard Yongguk's deep voice. 

'Junhong, what's wrong?' The youngest boy was still staring down at Jongup who hadn't moved and inch. Before he knew how to react, Jongup saw Yongguk step out of the doorway. 

Both of them were shocked. However, Jongup was more embarrassed than shocked. To his surprise, Jongup found Yongguk smiling. 'Jongup, what are you doing on the floor?' 

'I... I..' The raven-haired boy chuckled and showed his gummy smile. Yongguk nudged Junhong a little, 'Give him a hand.' He said calmly and the youngest boy reached out his hand for Jongup to take. Jongup clutched onto Junhong's hand and wobbled a bit before standing up straight. The brunet looked up at Yongguk who was still smiling. 

Yongguk tapped Junhong's shoulder, 'You're mum's waiting. Tell her thanks.' The youngest boy nodded before saying bye and jogging off. 

Which left Jongup and Yongguk. The older boy spoke, 'Would you like to come inside?' and Jongup replied with a shy nod. 

Yongguk's home hadn't changed much. But it somehow looked more gloomy. Yongguk told Jongup to take a seat while he prepared some tea. The younger man found himself sitting in his usual seat where he'd wait for Yongguk to come home. Oddly enough, he found comfort within the walls of the room. They had shared so many fond memories there. Although he was comfortable, Jongup's heart raced. He didn't know what to say to Yongguk and he didn't know how he should say it. 

The older man placed the tea in front of Jongup and sat parallel to the boy and placed his own cup in front of him. Yongguk was oddly calm. Jongup thought that he would've at least shown some emotions of sadness, but he couldn't detect any. But then again, Yongguk had mastered hiding his pain.

Minutes went by and the two stayed silent until Yongguk spoke up. 'I assume Himchan brought you here.' Jongup nodded. 'And I assume you know of my condition.' The younger man stayed still for a while before nodding. 'Well, that's good. At least I don't have to tell you now.' Although the he seemed calm, Yongguk's heart was pounding so loudly and he found it uneasy to breathe. He just wanted Jongup to say something, anything would do. He was sick of the silence. 

'Y-Yongguk...' Jongup spoke in a soft voice. 'Himchan said... he said..' 

'That I need help, yes I know. He's been telling me for a long time.' Jongup suddenly became frustrated. 

'Then why don't you get help! If you're suffering so much then you need help! Yongguk please, you can't keep living like this, it's not healthy and Himchan said its only going to get worse! Please, Yongguk... I.. I can't see you like this.. it hurts... it really hurts Yongguk..' Jongup faced his head down and found tears in his eyes but he didn't fight them. He let the tears fall down his cheeks and land on the table. 

Yongguk stayed silent. His elbows were propped up on the table and his hands were linked together in front of his lips. Jongup's whimpers echoed throughout the house. The older man fought the urge to hug crying boy. 

'Please..' Jongup mumbled. 'Please just find help... any help... I can't bare to see you like this... I don't want you to suffer because of me... and I hate myself for making you hurt so much.' Jongup lifted his chin to face Yongguk which startled the older man. 'Please tell me.. tell me what's worrying you. If you won't seek help, then tell me Yongguk, please tell me.. tell me how you feel, Hyung.' Jongup sniffled and wiped his tear with his sleeves. 

'Say that again.' Yongguk spoke to Jongup but stared and the table. 

'Huh?' Jongup croaked softly. 

'Say it again... say 'Hyung'.. again.' Yongguk slowly looked up from the table and met Jongup's eyes. 

Jongup blinked quickly before smiling. 'Hyung.. Yonggukie Hyung..' Yongguk smiled at Jongup. 

'I feel... happy. I'm happy because now that I see you, I know you're okay. And I know that you're worried about me.. and that makes me happy because it means you care. I'm happy because I finally got to see the lovely Moon Jongup today, who I haven't seen in a long time. Not only did I see a successful CEO but I also saw the man I love today.' Yongguk paused for a few seconds when he saw the tears running down Jongup's cheeks. 'I'm happy, because the person I love finally called my name again. And that makes my heart explode into a thousand colours... 

'Jongup, today I felt happy, because I got to see you.' Jongup stood up suddenly and ran to Yongguk's side before hugging him tightly. 

Yongguk leant his head on Jongup's chest and wrapped his arms around the younger man. Jongup cried and tangled his fingers in Yongguk's hair. The brunet felt Yongguk shaking and tighten his grip around Jongup's jacket. His heart was pounding and his head was spinning, but he didn't want to let go. He would never let go. The older man spoke quietly. 'Jongup..'

'Hmm?'

'Please don't leave tonight.. please stay.' 

'I'll stay for as long as you want, Hyung.'

A/N: Yay. it's finished. I wrote this in one sitting so please excuse it's tiness. Okay disclaimer. I did NOT take advantage of Yongguk's situation nor did I have any purpose of harming anyone with this work. It was simple based off a dream I had about Bang and Jongup. 

This is part three of the 'Him' series. But it can be read as a single thing. But if you haven't already checks out the other two oneshots of 'Him' please do so. 
I hope you enjoyed?