“I need to talk to you.”  I told him, he stopped abruptly, making me stumble.

    “Why?  So you can ruin my marriage?”  He stabbed my heart with his harsh words, my heart stopped beating, his eyes were piercing through my skin.  What could I have done?  I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I feel pathetic but I couldn’t help myself.  I looked down and tears started to form in my eyes, there was nothing I can do, I turned around and continued walking.

“Why did you leave?”  Jinyoung suddenly asked, “Why did you leave me alone?”  I slowly turned around, tears started to form in his eyes.  He was hurt and has always been hurt.

     “I just wanted to be on the same level as you.  You were an actor and what was I?  I was only a fan, a fan dating an actor.  What was people going to say about you?”  Tears fell down my eyes, “I yearned for you everyday of every minute, I missed you so much and when I heard that you were getting engaged, it was like my world was crumbling down.  I tried so hard and worked so hard just so one day, maybe just one day, I can act with you, meet you at the same level in hoping that you were waiting for me too.”  tears fell down.

    “Why?  Why would you care so much about your position versus mine?  Did you even think about what was going through my mind when I found out that you left without even saying a word to me?  Cutting your phone line, I couldn’t contact, I didn’t know how or even who to contact.”  He said in an angry tone. I don’t want to change your mind.  I don’t want to ruin your marriage, I wanted to tell you about everything, explain myself, but I didn’t know how, I didn’t know when but when the time came, it was already your wedding day.  My face was hit by a hand, a hand that was familiar, Bae Suzy, Jinyoung’s soon to be wife.  She repeatedly hit my face, I didn’t do anything to stop it, because I knew I was wrong.  But suddenly, she stopped and my heart stopped, I opened my eyes and there was Jinyoung in my embrace, tears uncontrollably came down from our faces.

    I was standing on the top floor, looking down at the groom, making eye contact with him, as the bride was walking down the aisle.  A tear came down my face and I can see in his eyes that he was hurt.

     I can walk away right now, it’s not too late. - Jinyoung

    I’m so sorry.  - Me

     Are you going to walk away from me again this time?  -Jinyoung

    My heart weeps in pain, but I just look away and continued to walk.  Tears continuously run down my face as I walked away.  Finally reaching a place where no one could find me, I ran my back down the wall and crouched down with my knees against my chest and weep in pain.  I cried like there was no tomorrow, because at the end of the day, Jinyoung and I, could never be at the same level, from the beginning to the end.