It was around 6 in the evening when I woke up. The sun was lowering and the smell of soft, baked brownies had warmed up the apartment from the twilight breeze slipping from the opened balcony. I know this place, I thought. The brown basic couch, the pale walls, and that overly familiar jacket hanging lazily from the side of the table. Oh god, a holy curse has slipped from my chapped lips. Hastily, my fingers rubbed hard at my lower lip line and chin. I looked at it nervously. Burgundy lipstick…

“…” A curse settled along with the hangover, as I threw the covers to the side and tried to get up. It was a hard effort but the embarrassment was growing rapidly like a cancer on steroids.

“Why?! What’s wrong??” He ran out from the kitchen, concern shadowing over his usually sharp eyes. His shirt was stained with lipstick and chocolate and the brown apron was not even tied properly. Another deep sigh slipped from my lips as looked at him, defeated and secretly, charmed. “Hey…” the half hearted greeting was barely vocal as I slipped into my pants and outer jacket. The after effect of liquor was giving me no mercy as I stumbled my way to him. His worried face calmed into a disappointed look as he loosened the apron and shoved them away quietly.

“Leaving?” he asked, pausing his string of sentence looking for my eyes. “Already…” that last word sounded more of a statement than a plea.

“Yea, I’m sorry. I have to sober up and head back to my office.” I answered coldly, but in all honesty, he could have probably heard the hesitation that was building slowly in my chest.

“Seriously noona, after I had dragged you from your office’s bar?” He was finally retaliating, trying to rationalise my departure from his house. His sarcasm was beyond his age, his hidden maturity finally uncovering after all this time. I knew he was old enough intellectually but I had taken advantage of his young, soft heart and left anyway.

But I was as reckless with my things as I was with his heart. Foolish sobered and hung over, I had to run back into the apartment, cursing my purse that was probably left on the dinner table. And as I reached there, I reached out to the door and automatically turned the knob. It didn’t budge. I knocked on the door, anxious and impatient as I listened to his footsteps lazily approaching the front door.

“Yea?” he asked sarcastically. “Yea what? Open the door Jin Goo ya, I left my purse and the taxi driver is waiting okay.” I pleaded, this time taking the role of the one rationalising my leaving. Blood had rushed to my face when I heard him giggle, his muffled, satisfied voice had slipped from the locked door. “

Ya! Seriously, the taxi is gonna leave…” I scolded him, tugging on the doorknob with any sort of force I had when it opened.

My body was thrown from the inertia and as if he had planned the whole thing, he caught me calmly. His arms had wrapped around my waist firmly, and his eyes were as tranquil as an untouched lake. But there was a danger in the way he looked down at me and smirked, pulling me up silently and cornering me slowly to the door. And like a trained puppy, I followed all of his wordless orders

“That was the plan.” He smiled, holding up my purse from his back as he came closer than before. And he knew with every inch, despite the twitching pain in my head, my body would respond. I held my breath, unable to process any thoughts as his hot breath brushed over my neck. But like the devil himself, he backed away, derailing me like a lego train.

“I’m sorry. Here it is noona.” he helped me hold the bag as he pushed me gently out the door. My thoughts came back slowly and stacking in order as the heat from my face calmed and moved to my chest. This kid was playing with me and I was foolish enough for him to play along. I leapt forward and turned to face him, looking firmly into his unwavering eyes. Such assertion at a young age, what gave him so much confidence was a great puzzle. Of course with the exception of his godly looks and charisma. But he was so young, so how?

“Seriously, you think you've won right?”

“Win…in what game noona, we’ve been dating for a week. There’s no competition here.” His acting dumb skill was top notched, enough to a point where I had doubted those lousy articles saying he never dated before. No… this kid was a pro.

“Oh, well you’re definitely making a point that you’re in charge here, just now.” I had to spell it out to him, not because he didn’t know, but rather to prove that I was up on his strategy. He had always wanted to dominate the relationship, taking the lead in what we do. But he knew I was after the same thing, we’re head butting on who’s who and it was only our seventh day together. His smile grew wider, leaning on the door with such poise as he his lips.

“Ha… Looks like I’m caught,” he smiled, slightly embarrassed from my non-filtered frankness. But those sweet, innocent eyes grey darker in seconds, heavy as they looked at me with dominance. “And I’m asking you to stay.” He said those words lightly but they were as loud as thunder and as solid as the walls surrounding us. There was no give. He wanted me to stay and he wanted me to listen. And I was so confused, by his sheer being at that moment. His red ears were screaming innocence but that gaze was not a look of youth and purity, no it was a look of ages of desire and longing. Once again, I was defeated.

“Fine. You’re lucky it’s Friday.” I walked in, annoyed to the bone at how he had me wrapped around his young fingers.

“Good, now sit down,” he said giddily and closed the door.

“Oh, now you’re ordering me what to do?” I looked at him astounded but he flustered so obviously and waved his hand like a kid. No, no, he repeated. Laughing a bit, probably as startled as I was as he walked to a cabinet and pulled out an emergency box. My heart skipped a beat when he silently kneeled on the floor and lifted my left leg. Pushing the denim upwards, a small dried up scratch was revealed on my lower calf, so he was especially gentle with his touch when he saw the slight cut I had. Embarrassed, I tried pulling my pants down but he immediately pushed my hands away.

“I asked you to sit down so I can fix this, we can’t let it be you know… it might get infected.” He was seriously concerned, and of course, in a realistic relationship (basically my lack lustring previous ones), one would just hand out a plaster for something so trivial. But he was different, he did everything with great care, and it showed just how naive he could be at times. Acting like his age as he blew carefully on the ointment stained injury. I asked him how he knew, noticing such a small scratch on my body was not one of my expectation of him honestly. He was already so caring as he is.

“I noticed it when you were sleeping and I wanted to plaster it right away, but I was scared might wake you and well… it’s a bit weird to do it while you were asleep.” His flustered grin was adorable, just like how his ears burned up the whole time he was ‘treating’ me. I hummed contently as I watched him got up and put the box where it belonged.

Then, he sat beside me, a bit distant as the awkwardness in the air never really dried up from the first time we kissed. He was surprisingly quite shy. And he would steal peeks, looking at me who’s a year or two older than him, and just as flustered. We ran out of things to say, and there was nothing interesting on television too. But honestly, they could play a leaked footage of Infinity War, and I could not care less. He was the type of man that had demanded attention just from the way he breathed and it was such a mystery how he managed to stay humble from all the compliments and admirations he had received. But as my thoughts wandered, he broke the silence with a question pulled out of a textbook.

“So, do you want to watch a movie?”

I giggled a bit, wholly amused by his peeking innocence. I clicked my lips and looked around the house, admiring its mundane state; so much success but so little luxury.

“I thought I smelled some brownies when I woke up just now, was it the alcohol or did you make some dessert?” I asked him, engagingly as I held his thigh. His eyebrows lifted and he ran back to the kitchen, only to walk out holding onto a pan of baked brownies. His eyes light up as he showed me what he made, pride slipping out from his heart from his wide dummy smile.

“Wanna help me ice this?”

I walked over, but the sweet smell of chocolate was gone. It smelled like char. My eyes widen as I leaned closer to the pan and analysed the cake. Just as I thought.

“Ya… It’s burnt.” I told him, laughing as I peeled off a piece of crust off the cake. His expression grew sullen as he looked it and like a kid, he pouted and started to poke at his work. My amusement didn’t stop as he kept whining, taking a knife and pulling out a big piece of the cake. I sat on the counter as I waited for him to eat it, expecting something bit more than cuteness and I did get what I wanted. His face scrunched up like our pizza bills, and he immediately gagged at the first bite of the brownie. I tried my best to hold in my amusement, but end up breathing loudly from detaining my laughs.

“I’m really good at baking okay, just…” his sentence trailed off into a long sigh as he threw the warm pan into the sink. His head hung low, sheer disappointment colouring his face. Adorable, that one adjective that could sum up this young man perfectly despite his overflowing masculinity and I use it a lot in my head.I reached out to the hem of his shirt, that was still smelling like my perfume and hot chocolate.

“Awgugu uri aegii~ … you wanna try and bake it again?” I as I pulled on his shirt. He looked over his shoulder, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. And in a blink of an eye, he was cornering me again, both hands firmly gripping each side of the counter with me sitting in between. The counter top was tall, but he seemed taller as he leaned in intimidatingly.

“And who’s fault is that?” He looked sharply into my eyes, leaning up and closer and closer. I could see the two shadows under his eyes, narrowed and two tones darker than his usual pigmentation. And that view itself was enough to make me choke on my own spit.

“Aw come on, I said I wanna help you bake it again.” I pleaded, pulling on the gaps between the buttons of his shirt. He smiled as he leaned much closer, expecting for a kiss but I had a different idea, so I hopped off and shuffled to the other side. I the pipe and started sprinkling water at his back. The cold splashes surprised him enough to make him squeal. His deep voice did him no justice and from the way his mouth hung, I could see that his ego was injured. Deeply. And the long sigh he gave was much deeper as he walked towards the living room. It was clear that he was exhausted.

It was quite concerning, was he so tired? Was he tired of me? All thoughts had rushed in and with all of those questions racing in, I scampered to his back and hugged him from the behind. He hasn’t showered and he had worn the same shirt since morning, it was an aching sight.

“I’m sorry…” a sad apology slipped from my lips instinctively. He was silent for a while, frozen in my arms as the sound of running water started to fill the room.

But slowly, he pulled off my grip and turned around. It was nerve wrecking, trying to look into his eyes. What if I didn’t like what I saw? What if… he didn’t like what he saw.

But soon enough he hugged back, tighter than ever. It was almost suffocating as his shoulders closed in and his chin pressed snugly on my shoulder. It took a few seconds before I could respond and like turning tables, I had to comfort him. ‘What’s wrong?’ , I whispered to his ears, cold but blushing red like flames on a dark midnight.

“Nothing. I’m sorry…” he said softly.

“I don’t know enough you know. I’m sorry I’m not like the other men, that I’m too young and clueless. I just wanted to make you feel better. When I saw you at the bar this morning, I was lost and that stupid cake was the only thing that had crossed my mind.”

He admitted as he hugged me even tighter. It was starting to hurt a bit, but the pain was the last thing on my mind. He was right, my heart was broken and for some foolish hours, I thought I could not be comforted. I lost the promotion, lost a lifetime chance to become a much better person at my dream company. Two years of hard work lost in ashes because of some chaebol son who had no clue how things worked. It felt like I had lost everything and I stayed at the bar from the moment I heard the news until he came in the afternoon; drenched in sweat and terrified. Drunk, devastated and in rage, I had barfed out all of it to him in ways that were well…

“But you did a good job. You were wonderful, that cake was wonderful. I don’t need experience, I just need you.” I confessed, face flaming with embarrassment but fuelled by desperation to bring him back. But he let go, and for a second I was sure I had failed. Then, he held my arms and looked more confused,

“But why’d you leave. I thought… I thought I did something wrong?”

My eyes widened. I lied, maybe experience was a bit more pleasant in a relationship. Now I have to walk him one by one on why I insisted on leaving.

“Oh god… Do I really have to tell you?” He nodded, still concerned and clueless. It took one solid minute for me to string out a sentence that would make sense. That would not embarrass me more. But it was a vain effort, there was no way for me to avoid the inevitable.

“Well…because I basically jumped on you, all drunk and angry. I mean, how inappropriate was that… we’ve only started dating and well…oh lord…” my face was burning hot, so embarrassing it felt like they were melting off my bones,

“who does that seriously…” I backed off, took about three steps behind and lowered my gaze.

And then, like a nightmare, he was laughing. Not cackling, no but in small giggles, as he came closer and bent lower to meet my eyes. I tried looking away but he called me, and like a darn puppy, I had to answer.

“Noona…” his voice was low, almost like a whisper but it was deeper than the sea; overflowing with admiration and surprisingly confidence. I barely answered, hitting him back with a dry ‘what’ as I looked at his face. His dumb grinning face, ears to ears with those sparkling soft eyes. How the hell did he get so fluffy?

“But I liked it though.” He smiled, reaching out to my face and slowly standing straight up again. He looked down and ran his thumb gently across my cheeks. My stomach shrivelled knowing that he could feel how embarrassed I was from the sheer heat of my skin. But he did not let go and after a long, painful pause,

“I loved it. I loved the fact that you immediately ran to me, cried in my arms, held me, and then slept like a baby.” He said those words like a chant, slowly and rhythmically. He said that he was happy, to be the one that brought me home, safe and sound. “I loved every second of you here.” He whispered gently, pecking my lips softly, lingering a bit too long. Such a saccharine touch made my head all dizzy, and he seemed just as bothered as I was. Eyes sharp and engulfing, but cheeks coloured with tones of pink and red.

“So do you want to try again?” I asked, barely standing straight with my head spinning, hung over and butterflies rampaging my tummy.

Epilouge

The cake was rising up greatly, I could see it clearly inside the oven. And as its scents started to rise, I could see her smile slowly widening. Just like the cake, she started to bloom again, standing quietly infront of the oven. Her hair was slightly dishevelled, unshowered and smelled of vodka and hints of floral perfume. What a pretty sight, I whispered, barely gaining any attention from her as I walked closer. Foolishly, as I got closer, my heart was beating madly, and there was nothing for me to do to calm it down.

I could see traces of flour on her cheeks, fluffy like marsmellows as I reached out automatically to her face to rub it off. She was suprised, like always, with her eyes glistening bright and cheeks tinted with pink. I smiled as my thumb gently wept off the access flour from her face; the heat of her skin conforming to my touch as my heart raced faster. 

"Eo, thanks." she said, pulling away shyly. 

But I wanted her closer, I needed her in my arms while these words came out. So I pulled her closer, grasping her waist tightly as I stared into her brown eyes, wide and awake with love... it was as if our hearts were merged, I could feel her heart running along mine. I pulled away a strand of hair from her forehead, silent and patient as the thumping in my heart muted away my thoughts. But I wanted her to know really bad that...

"If you ever wake up here again, clueless and confused noona... Don't worry..." 

"Don't get embarrased.." 

I could feel the heat on my face, my hands laced with tremor as I held her close... tighter...

"Don't go."