Seokmin looked at the face on the mirror. A long face and sharp nose. Thick eyebrows and high cheekbones. Black hair cut short, leaving the forehead exposed. Eyes akin to those of dead fish.

He didn’t hate that face anymore, but that didn’t mean he likes it.

“Seokmin!” A voice reached him from outside the bathroom.

Seokmin didn’t bother to take one last glance at the face on the mirror before walking through the door.

**

Seokmin was sitting at a corner of the park, his back facing a wired fence. He was rummaging the insides of his shoulder bag when he sensed someone's presence. A young man walked in front of Seokmin and sat on a concrete across where he was sitting. It was that guy with the long blonde hair.

The guy had his usual carton bag on his side. He took out a sandwich from the bag and was about to take a bite when his eyes met Seokmin’s.

The guy put down his sandwich and smiled.

“Got some apples today?” he said.

Seokmin shook his head. The guy shrugged.

Then the guy took his carton bag and walked towards Seokmin. When he arrived right in front of Seokmin, he raised his sandwich towards Seokmin.

“Want some?”

Seokmin nodded. The guy took a seat next to him and divided the sandwich.

They talked while they ate the sandwich. Seokmin didn’t think he could just have a chat with some stranger, but there he was.

“The duck looks comfy and the water looks so fresh,” said the guy after he showed Seokmin a photo in his phone. Seokmin had asked him why he took the photo and that was the answer.

The guy put his phone back in his pocket and turned to face Seokmin again. He looked at Seokmin for a while before saying, “You should smile more. You have a very nice smile.”

Smile?

Seokmin thought that the guy must be seeing things, but then he felt it. He could feel his face relaxed, the edge of his lips pulled right until the very sides of his face.
He couldn’t see his own face and still doubting it a little bit, but yes, apparently Lee Seokmin was smiling.

When Seokmin got home to his small apartment room, he washed up, changed his clothes and laid on his bed. His mind drifting to the blonde guy’s words and memories of angry voices. The angry voices scolded him and told him to stop smirking, that he annoyed them. They are voices from when he was five or so, and yet Seokmin could hear them ever so clearly.

Seokmin laid on the bed, thoughts wandering from the blonde guy’s words to the angry voices and vice versa. In the end, the blonde guy’s words won and became the last thing that filled his mind before he fell asleep.

**

They were walking side by side, each one carrying a plastic bag. Jeonghan were on his left side, talking animately about the crab they saw at the market earlier. Jeonghan said he wanted to save some money so they can buy it and have a feast someday. His eyes gleaming, like they always do. They made Seokmin’s lips curve up a little.

Seokmin was giving Jeonghan a side glance and he noticed something. Jeonghan’s eyes opened wide in surprise. Seokmin turned his gaze to the front and saw a skinny young man. Jeonghan might be as skinny, but this man’s pale complexion, hollow cheeks, and sunken eyes made him looked unhealthy and skinnier than he probably was.

The man looked at Jeonghan with his dead eyes.

Seokmin glanced at Jeonghan who was taking a step towards the man, astonishment still on his face. The man stepped forward too. Seokmin didn’t think. He extended his arm and pushed the guy away. The man looked startled. He didn’t put up a fight and staggered backwards.

Seokmin managed to put some distance between Jeonghan and the man, but Jeonghan ignored his effort by walking closer to the man.

“It’s okay,” he said as he extended his hand towards the man’s. But the man slapped it away. Jeonghan tried a few times to take the man’s hand until the man walked away. Jeonghan followed right behind.

Seokmin watched Jeonghan walked past and grabbed his wrist. Jeonghan only ce to free his wrist and walked away quickly.

And then he was gone.

**

Seokmin looked at the face on the mirror. A long face and sharp nose. Thick eyebrows and high cheekbones. Black hair cut short, leaving the forehead exposed. A pair of trembling eyes.

He didn’t hate that face, but he didn’t like it either. He wanted to though. He wanted it and his chest ached.

So he lifted the corner of his lips. Bit by bit until they reached high almost to his cheekbones. This is how he liked it.

Seokmin looked at the new face on the mirror. He looked and looked. The ache in his chest didn’t go away. He couldn’t like the face.

No.

Why.

He liked it.

Why couldn’t he?

“Why...”

Seokmin heard a faint voice in the room. Something in the corner of his head told him that it was his own voice, but it felt distant that Seokmin just couldn’t bring himself to believe.

He was forced to do so when he felt something warm and wet on his cheeks. Seokmin looked at the face in the mirror. It was crying.

Couldn’t bear the sight, Seokmin closed his eyes.

After who knows how long, a beep reached Seokmin’s ears, making him open his eyes. He glanced to a small space made of plastic at the bottom of the mirror, hovering above the sink. The phone lying there was flashing a green dot.

Seokmin took the phone and pressed a button on the right side. The screen came to life and showed a pop up.

From: Jeonghan
I’ll be back late. Don’t wait up.

Somehow Seokmin felt like letting out a sigh in relief and screaming in pain at the same time. Instead, he sat down and leaned against the cold ceramic wall, burrying his face on his knees and basking in tears until his consciousness slipped away.