“Jiminnie. My Jiminnie,” somebody whispers so sweetly into my ear.

The voice sounds so sweet, lazily sweet but surprisingly securing. There is a firm tone in the voice that makes me think I’m its own. Every syllable it murmurs gently beats along with my breath. I wonder if it’s just me calling myself and hallucinating. That would be so funny because I’m having romantic goosebumps right now. Funny and cringingly scary, actually.

I open my eyes, half-expecting to see no one beside me and getting ready to laugh at myself. Instead of seeing no one… I see him and his thin, pink lips leaning in to give me a morning kiss.

I don’t move. I can’t move.

“Yoongi hyung…why…how…”

He leans in a little more and holds my face and I totally freeze. “Sshh, shhh, it’s okay. I’m here now,” he calmly tells me then smiles. He then smoothly glides out of the bed and draws the curtains.

I gently sit up, only to realize I’m half-. “Did we…” I stutter. I’m out of words now. Everything’s like all I want it to be but somehow I find this feeling really unknown and familiar at the same time. It’s gripping my heart to a maximum level of pain but I resist and drown in that pain instead.

“Did we…what?” He smirks. His eyes playing with mine. “Did we make love all night? Yes.” His playful smile now showing. “And you were so good. You hit me right on spot and it made me so weak….” He’s talking and talking and I can barely register every word he’s saying. I stand up and I quickly pull him into a hug. I hold his face, tears streaming down my face. I don’t know why I did what I did. All I know is I just have to do it.

“Yoongi.” I whisper into his ears. He smiles and touches my lips and goes on to tell me how he loves hearing me say his name. “I can’t stop crying. I don’t know why. I’m–” He shuts me up with a gentle kiss then goes off to wipe my tears. And we stay like that - hugging - for more than a moment.

And I smile.

I have always been happy but never this happy.

I am so lucky to find someone with whom I can share my silence with. I am so lucky to find someone who can make me feel secure without feeling like I’m trapped inside four walls. I am so lucky I found him, my 24/7 heaven.

He pulls me into the bed and we cuddle and kiss and cuddle and kiss and kiss. Suddenly, I’m sweating and burning and holding on tight to him. I feel the burning sensation expand into every part of my body. It feels so good and dangerous but I like it. It’s the kind of pain I somehow long for.

I feel the tingling of every kiss he plants on my body, devouring me, leaving me breathless. I am panting too hard but I don’t care. I grab him and I kiss him–real hard. I can see him smile through our kiss. He’s a really good kisser– not that I have comparison because I’ve never had any relationships other than us. I just know, with all that tongue. And after all, he’s a rapper.

He parts, his breathing real fast, resting into my arms. “That was really good,” then he looks into my eyes. “I missed this. I missed you.”

“Missed me?”

“Yoongi, what are you saying? You…..missed……this?” My brain is taking me into overdrive. Why is he saying that? We have always been together. We are boys in love and inseparable.

I don’t know what’s happening but everything’s becoming so fuzzy. I grab his hands but he’s slowly fading and I’m screaming to him not to let me go. To hold me. Tight. I’m scared that he’s being taken away from me…

AGAIN.

Why is this letting go and getting hurt suddenly became more intense and more familiar?

“Yoongi, I need you,” I whisper in between my broken breaths. “Fight this. Don’t go.”

x

I see my Yoongi stand up. He’s fuzzy but he’s still there. He’s still there. That is what matters the most. I scream to him but I can’t hear my voice. I cup my neck, forcing for sound to come out but my voice just ran out, just like that. JUST WHEN I NEEDED IT THE MOST.

I engulf into my own despair, crying and shaking, when I see a silhouette of a man….with a gun. The man slowly points the gun to Yoongi. He’s screaming but I can’t hear him. He’s so mad at my Yoongi. I know now that there’s nothing that could stop him from killing Yoongi.

I stand up and I slowly walk to Yoongi to protect him. He looks at my direction and my knees weaken when I saw the look on his face. Completely resigned. This is so unfair. Does he know how broken I’ll be when he leaves me?!

I don’t give up. I run into him but bullets run faster than me.

xx

“Jiminnie. My Jiminnie,” somebody whispers so sweetly into my ear.

The voice sounds so sweet, lazily sweet but surprisingly securing. There is a firm tone in the voice that makes me think I’m its own. Every syllable it murmurs gently beats along with my breath. I wonder if it’s just me calling myself and hallucinating. That would be so funny because I’m having romantic goosebumps right now. Funny and cringingly scary, actually.

I open my eyes and I laugh. I laugh with tears flowing down my cheeks. It took everything to make myself stop from feeling the agony. I try to suppress the tears.

I see the drawn curtains and the black suit lying on the far side of my bed. It’s time.

xxx

I graze my hand across the cold marble and I gently put the flowers down.

It’s been a month. And I don’t hold back now. I miss him. I miss him so much. I feel so irreparably broken. And then my mind run back again to that moment, thinking all the dozen things I could’ve done to save him.

“If only I could be with you for just one more day,” I whisper. “Just one more day.” I’m crying so hard I couldn’t think or keep myself still. It just hurts so much to lose him.

Then I hear footsteps.

“Jiminnie, you’ve grown thin. Hyung wouldn’t like that you’ve been starving yourself for a month.” I turn to the sound of the deep voice.

“You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone.”

His eyes are red now and I know he’s fighting the tears back. “I do know, Jimin. I knew the feeling the moment he took YOU away from me.” His hands are curling into a ball, trying to suppress all the feelings. “And you know what’s worse? You let him take you away from me.”

Silence. Long silence.

I break the silence and I look up to him, our eyes locking. “Well, are you happy now?”