Kyungsoo's POV

I’m already a third year student in a private university here in Busan, major in Digital Arts. I live alone in an apartment near the said university while my parents are in the United States for business. My parents always brings up my studies and how lousy my grades were but I didn’t care much since I know I can do it. They almost have no time for me since I started attending high school and as the result, I managed to handle my personal stuffs alone. It’s also normal for me to be locked up in my room doing arts or going to a dance studio during my free time.

I was walking lazily at a Saturday morning to attend my one and only class for the weekend. Feeling so lifeless and lazy more than ever. I walked through the hallway looking for my classroom. Upon finding the room I sighed and opened the door. Everyone was noisy and chattering while I just looked for an empty spot at the back. I looked around but to no avail the back row was already occupied so I just decided to take that one empty seat in the front row. I looked around to observe my classmates and saw this one guy who wears glasses and has a really white skin. He looked like the type of a guy who’s active in class and friendly. I found him really cute while talking thinking that how can someone look so friendly and nice like that.

“Kyungsoo!” A familiar voice called me from behind the class pulling me out of my deep thoughts.

I looked at my back and saw Dahye my friend.

I thought that I’m still really lucky that I know someone in this class.

She walked towards me and hugged me. I felt really shy to her gesture but did nothing anyways.

“So did you pass Communication’s Theory last semester? Oh my gosh, Professor Kim failed me! Along with that guy beside me!” she complained.

“Really? Im sorry to hear that!” I said trying my best to look and sound worried as possible. It’s not that I don’t care I’m just really bad at showing emotions.

Shortly after, our professor entered the class and started the lecture. As the lesson goes on I can’t help but to glance at the guy’s direction.

We were instructed to count from 1-7 for our group report. I kind of felt lively since there might be a chance that I might be grouped with him. As the counting goes on, I felt a little disappointed that he didn’t become my group mate.

The class that felt like it took ages finally ended. I went home still thinking about the said guy.

The whole week went normal and boring for me since I was really anticipating to see him again for Saturday. God, I never felt this lively to attend a weekend class.

I sat at the back of the room because I kind of went to class 10 minutes earlier so I found an empty spot at the back. I grabbed my phone and waited for hi…err. I mean our professor. After couple of minutes, a guy in a yellow, lose shirt entered and it was him. The guy that I kept thinking about for the couple of days. I felt my face burn and I’m trying my best to hide my smile because I’ll look like an idiot smiling with no apparent reason.  He sat in front of me and I noticed he has a well-shaped chests upon removing his bag. I blushed even more and tried my best to keep my cool.

Once our professor arrived, she mentioned “Jongin?”

The guy in front of me stood up and that’s the day I knew his name.

The lecture started and I just keep on staring at the guy in front of me. I felt so lucky to be even this close to that seemingly perfect guy… this close to Jongin.

The day went by fast and I realized one thing. He isn’t as cheerful as before. He seems quiet and timid. And he looks like he doesn’t care about anyone either. He won’t even bat an eye for the people around him. He looks like the type that wouldn’t talk to you if he doesn’t want to.

I felt down and tried to stop my growing feelings for Jongin. I know nothing’s gonna come out of my illusions.

I then started to focus more about other things rather than wasting my time thinking about him. Until the next Saturday came and it’s my group’s turn to do our presentation we prepared for a week. Upon entering the room I saw his head turn and stared at me for a couple of seconds.

“Hey! Is your report ready?” Our leader, Ayoung, asked me making me snap out of the mini staring battle Jongin and I just had.

“Uh..umm..yes.” I answered trying to regain my composure.

While standing at the front, waiting for my turn, I steal glances at him only to catch him looking back at me too. I quickly avert my gaze around the classroom to make it look like I’m staring at the whole class. Once again my eyes landed on him only to see him looking at me then laughing silently. Embarrassment and regret took over me as I looked down not even daring to look anywhere but the floor.

It’s finally my turn to speak.

I took a deep breath. “Good afternoon, I’m Do Kyungsoo and I’m going to be reporting about equipment of photography.” I began.

As my report goes on I’m stealing gazes at him and I noticed that he wasn’t even looking at me when I speak. I shrugged it off and wrapped my report up.

The class ended and it’s our turn to sign the attendance sheet. He stood right beside me.

My heart beat was rising and I felt my face burning.

“What the… Oh my god, I need to calm down….ah! Being this close to him.” I thought to myself.

“Hm?” Jongin hummed handing me his ballpen.

I didn’t look at him and just looked down but accepted the pen murmuring a thank you.

I signed the sheet with my hands shaking.

“Thank you!” I smiled and tried to remain composed.

He smiled at me and took back his pen touching his palms.

My face burned more at the sensation of me having skin contact with him. I was smiling like an idiot until I went home. I still can’t believe that he would actually pay attention to me. I was still thinking about him and that simple interaction until I fell asleep.

Ever since that first day I was attracted to that tall guy. I've wanted to know more about him I secretly stalk his profile which only showed pictures of him in the past. Even so, I still find him really attractive.

“Aigoo. I’ll still probably like this guy in the past if I met him few years before.” I silently murmured to myself while smiling.

Every day, I go to his profile to stare at his most recent picture which is uploaded a year ago. I find him really cute but I keep telling myself not to dive so deep or I’ll be the one hurt in the end.

I keep thinking that he won’t like me back or even bat an eye for me. He looks like a composed and talented guy while I’m just that guy in the background who’s awkward and won’t talk to anyone if they don’t talk to me. I just felt sad everytime I think of it. But one thing’s giving me hope…his stares. Those stares as if he already knew my feelings.

It’s been almost a month and I still keep stealing glance from him. After the day went by I’ve decided that it’s finally time to know a little more about him and added him on Facebook.

“Even if it’s just a little…I want to know more about him.” I thought to myself.

I, myself, know that there’s only a slim chance of him noticing me but I still tried. I’ve waited for hours and hours and got paranoid. I just hoped that by tomorrow morning he would accept it. I just tried to play online games with my friends and entertain myself. After our session ended, I finally decided to check my SNS once again but to no avail, nothing. I still got nothing and that’s when I decided to check on his profile once again, but after doing so, reality just slapped me on the face. He changed his profile picture. He became active and replied to comments as he ignored my request.

I felt shattered. I felt humiliated and embarrassed. And I felt empty.

I knew it from the start that it will end up like this but due to little bits of hope, I still tried. I felt that bittersweet feeling of being silently rejected but in the end it’s neither our loss. It’s just that from now on, I’ll just never try to make friends with someone like him. Or add someone like him on Facebook.

Why?

Because…

HIM.