I was awake but I refused to open my eyes.

 

I tried to feel her presence. I reached over the other side of the bed but touched nothing.

 

I was alone. Again.

 

I opened my eyes and was welcomed by a dark room with a trace of light peeking through the window.

 

I got up and searched for her. Just maybe, she was outside waiting for me. But unfortunately, she was not here.

 

I looked for my phone and dialed her number. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ri-

 

She picked up.

 

“Jessi? Where are you?”

 

“Tiff. I went outside for a while and won’t be back ‘til night. Sorry I didn’t wake you up in your slumber. Make sure to eat the whole day okay? Don’t wait for me. I’m hanging up.”

 

“Wait Jess!”

 

“Yes tiff?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Me too. Got to go.”

 

She ended the phone call with that.

 

 

 

 

Jessica and I were married for five years already. She was so heartbroken when I met her. She was in a bar, drowning herself in alcohol. Coincidentally, I was a bartender in that same bar.

 

“I let go of her. It hurts so much. But I love my best friend more.”

 

She repeated those words throughout the night. Those words, I could not understand so I just listened to her words very well. She was so drunk I took her to my home. I didn’t know her address.

 

I laid her to my bed. I tucked her in my blanket. I was going about to leave her in my room when she held my wrist. She pulled me down and held the back of my neck, firmly. Then she murmured these words.

 

“I love you Taeyeon. Please be happy. I love you so much.” These words were crystal clear to me.

 

Then she kissed me. Unknowingly, I kissed back. I knew it was wrong. She had mistaken me of another person, probably her ex. So I pulled back from the kiss. But she held me tightly.

 

“Please. Just one last time. Please.” She begged.

 

I couldn’t deny the fact that I liked her. But it was so wrong to give her what she wanted.

 

In the end, I did what she wanted, even if it hurt my ego, we did what we did.

 

There was a voice telling me I needed to fix her. That same night, I told myself, I would help her.

 

I would make her forget.

 

 

 

 

Two months after I met her in that bar, we became official. I fell deep for her yet I knew, it was unrequited.

 

We got together because she wanted to try again. She was trying. I could feel it.

 

We dated, kissed, lived together, made love and a lot more like what a normal couple should do. She was giving her best to make me feel she was happy in what we had.

 

I was happy she was sticking with me. Though I knew our relationship was nothing more than just a pretend. Maybe she was just doing this because she owed me something.

 

I kept believing that one day, she would love me the same way I loved her.

 

After two years, she asked me to marry her. It kind of shocked me. I thought I was the one who was going to drop that question.

 

‘Does she love me already?’ I smiled at the thought of her falling for me.

 

I didn’t think twice. I said yes.

 

We got married. It was a road to forever, with her.

 

I promised her, I would do everything to make her happy.

 

I promised her a marriage full of happiness, and happiness alone.

 

I promised her I would take care of her ‘til we get old.

 

I promised her we would grow old together.

 

I promised her that I was hers fully.

 

Those vows for her were full of hope and I was determined to fulfill those.

 

 

 

 

Those vows brought us here. I stayed in our marriage holding onto those.

 

Staying married with her was never easy. For I knew, deep in her soul, after all these years we were together, she never learned to love me.

 

 

 

 

Lately, I found out a photo album, hidden in her closet, photos of her and Taeyeon.

 

When I looked into those, tears dropped from my eyes continuously. In eight years of our relationship, she never smiled like that to me.

 

A smile reaching her eyes, a smile full of love, a smile only for Taeyeon.

 

Then there was a particular photo that caught my attention.

 

They were inside a tent. It seemed like they were hiding. But the happiness was both visible in their eyes.

 

They were looking at each other, laughing and hugging at the same time.

 

‘Never did she laugh at me like that. Never did she hug me like that.’

 

When I was about to place the picture back, it fell. Then I noticed some words scribbled at the back of the photo. Words that were written clearly.

 

I will never stop loving you. You are the one for me. Someday, when the time is right, our paths will cross again. Wait for me. -your Jessica

 

I cried for the nth time. How much more could I take?

 

She would never stop loving her. She never even told me she loves me. Not even once.

 

It was always ‘me too’.

 

But since I loved her deeply, I never complained. It was just one time, I accidentally brought that topic.

 

“Some feelings are better not spoken.” That was her answer. I never asked her again since then.

 

 

 

 

My thoughts of the past were interrupted when my phone rang.

 

Yuri

 

I was contemplating whether to answer or not. It took five rings before I picked it up.

 

I waited for her to speak first.

 

“Fany what took you so long to answer?”

 

“I just woke up Yuri. Anyway, what made you call?”

 

“Is Jessica there?”

 

“She isn’t.”

 

“Figures. I just saw her walked out from the airport… with some girl.”

 

“…”

 

“Fany you still there? Hey fa-“

 

“How does the girl look like?”

 

She started to describe the girl. Unfortunately, she fitted her descriptions.

 

I should have never asked.

 

‘She’s back.’

 

Tears fell, involuntarily.

 

“Fany are you crying? I’m sorry I should have not said it. But I thought you needed to know it. I’m really sor-“

 

“It’s okay Yuri. Are they still there?”

 

“No. But I think they walked in a café nearby. Are yo-“

 

“Thanks Yuri. I’m hanging up.”

 

“Wai-“

 

I ended the phone. I went straight to the bathroom and fixed myself. I had to see them together.

 

Maybe this was the moment

 

The moment I never wanted to happen. The moment she was waiting for.

 

I needed enough pain.

 

Enough pain to let go.

 

 

 

 

It took thirty minutes to get there.

 

Thirty minutes to see them. Thirty minutes to find them. Thirty minutes to see Jessica’s smile, the smile I never saw since the moment I met her. Thirty minutes to break my heart once again.

 

She was my first love. She was the only one I loved. I saved my heart for her. She was the one for me.

 

Too bad, I was not enough for her. Too bad, I was not the one for her.

 

I remembered promising to myself that I would help her.

 

That I would make her forget.

 

That I would never give up.

 

It hurt to see them laughing and talking non-stop, together. Like they were in their own little bubble.

 

I was never the main character. I was just the third party.

 

This was enough for me to let go,

 

I was just standing there, staring at them, while making another set of vows to myself.

 

I promised that would be the last time I would cry.

 

I promised this time, I would let go.

 

I promised before that I would do everything to make her happy. I would let her have her happiness.

 

I might not protect her for ‘til we get old. I might not grow old with her. I might not stick with her ‘til the end.

 

But at least, I was able to be with her for eight long years. I wished she was thankful. I wished she would never forget.

 

I smiled at the thought of Jessica finding her light again.

 

I picked up my phone and called Jessica.

 

I saw her excused herself from Taeyeon then went outside the café.

 

“Tiffany?”

 

“Hey. I will be out for a while. Take care of yourself. Always.”

 

“Tiff-”

 

“I got to go Jessica. I love you. Bye.”

 

"Me t-"

 

I hung up. I was still looking at her. She was just standing there. She looked confused probably because I never hung up on her. I saw her typed something in her phone then held it to her ear.

 

Suddenly, my phone rang. It was from her. As much as I wanted to answer it, I chose to ignore it.

 

I took a final glance at her. With that, I turned around and started to walk away.

 

I held my smile. Ready to start anew.

 

Just by myself.

 

From now on.

 

 

 

___

Hello there! This is actually a one shot. Should I add a sequel?

 

Anyway my other story, please bear with me, I am really going to update that. I'm just so busy in school so I have to drop it for a while but I'll update that (:

 

I was really craving for a jeti story. No updates from my subscriptions so I made one hahaha so there.