“Babe, I gotta go okay?” Sunghwa call me while putting on his shoes ready to go. I’m still in my bathrobe and rush out from bathroom to say goodbye. I hug him from behind and he chuckle without looking back to me. I snuggle deeper to get his attention so he turns back and hug me after done with his shoes.

“What’s wrong baby girl? Isn’t it too early to be this clingy?” He put my chin between his fingers and pulls it up. Make me looks straight into his eyes.

“Because I know I’ll miss you until we meet tonight.” Sunghwa smile at my answer and cupped my cheeks.

“Don’t make me change my mind to skip today’s meeting and cuddling with you all day. You know how much I want to spend my time with you, but I have to make money to feed you.” 

“And you’re actually afraid that Kiseok oppa will hunt you down if you don’t coming right?” He’s smile at my joke and caressed my cheek softly.

“Exactly. If you still want to see your boyfriend breath after today you should have let me go to the meeting.” I smile understand what his words mean. He moves his face closer to me and I begin to close my eyes, expecting a kiss. I can feel his soft lips on my forehead and then my nose. I keep my eyes shut and pucker my lips, but nothing comes.

“Baby girl, I really have to go now. I’m getting late.” My eyes shoot open when he said that. He patted my head and disappears behind the closed front door. He’s doing it again. 

Sometimes I doubt with his feeling towards me. How can he love me without having any desire to touch me? Does he just pity me? Or he already has his own release place beside me? For one year dating him, he never touches me like a boyfriend should do. He’s sweet and all but when it’s come to skin ship, he always has his own way to run away. 

He kisses my forehead, nose or cheeks but not my lips. We are holding hand, hugging and cuddling but never gone to next level. I sometimes sleep over at his place but all we do are just really slept beside each other. Honestly it’s hurting my pride as a girl. Am I lacking in any way so he never gets aroused around me? Am I not attractive enough than the girls in the club that he meets? If he is the type that doesn’t really interest in skin ship then I’ll accept it. But he always does light skin ship with other girls that he said ‘friends’ and even with fans.  He put his arms on their shoulder or sometimes waist. He put his face closer to the girls when they talk as if he doesn’t hear the girls clearly. He also allows any girls to link their arms with him. The worst is he didn’t bother does it in front of me. He said it was nothing and he doesn’t need to hide it from me. In the beginning of our relationship I always give a strong oppose about this. But he really didn’t have any intention to cheat on me and make me think that I am the only one that overprotective. 

So many times I gather me courage to ask him why he never touch me. But when I meet his eyes, I can’t even bring myself to ask. He’s too precious. I’m so dependent toward him. If I ask him why and he then answer it. Will it hurts me even more? He must has his own reason which is won’t be good for me. I don’t want to lose him. Not now. So I decide to endure it even this tutor me so much. Of course I still hope he’ll change someday. 

Babe I'll come home late. Still have so many works to do. If you're sleepy don't wait for me, okay?
 

He’s texting me this evening to inform me that he’ll going home late or maybe sleep over at studio. Lately he does it often. I’m sure he really has many things to do since Jay’s album deadline is next week and he also preparing his own album next month. Actually we have promise to get dinner tonight but I think he just cancel it with that text. I just finish from work and on my way home when I think maybe I should sleep over at his home tonight. If he’s this busy then the only way to see him is sleep over. I don’t bother to take my clothes since I still have some there. I park my car on the basement and go straight to his house.  I take a shower and change into my comfy clothes before I reply his text.

Okay babe. Just don't force yourself too hard. Don’t skip dinner too. I sleep over at your place okay? 
 

I don’t get any reply from him so I assumed he already drown to his works by now. I’ll also work on some documents that haven’t finished from office while waiting him. It’s already mid night but I too catch up with work until door bell ringing. I look at my phone, it’s 2.00 AM. Who’ll ring the bell at this time?

If it’s Sunghwa then he’ll just barge in since it’s his house. I’m getting scared since the bell doesn’t stop ringing.  My imaginations got wild as the bell ringing change into knocking the door aggre