AN: unedited, i haven't proof-read this yet. so please pardon any mistakes, thank you. 

//

It was about time she dated.

Her ideal age to get married was 27 and Sejeong was already 25 years old. She wanted kids by the time she turned 30.

This time the man was tall and handsome. Sejeong had shown her pictures. He had dark hair that was always gelled up neatly, deep brown eyes and an attractively pointy chin. The man also had broad shoulders like a swimmer--a feature Sejeong openly adored--and he was funny. Sejeong always came back happy, her eyes curved into an eyesmile, and she never ran out of amusing things to recap on.

Today, Sejeong was on another date--their 4th one. And Chungha laid on the couch at home, eyes closed and quietly waiting for the phone in her hand to vibrate.

Bzzz--

She shot up from the sofa, propped her elbow on the armrest and thumbed through the screen. Details of the date came pouring down the screen in messages. It seemed like everything was going well, like usual. They had dined at a fancy restuarant and shared wine together. Sejeong sent her more pictures and Chungha waited for each one to load patiently.

A picture of the half-eaten dish Sejeong was eating filled the screen.

Salmon and avocado with eggs on the side, drizzled in cream sauce.

It looked good.

And Chungha's stomach growled at the sight. She hopped off the couch and dragged her feet to the kitchen. It was disappointing to find out that she had finished her last packet of sweet potato snacks yesterday. Perhaps she should ask Sejeong to buy some on her way back from the date. Chungha pulled open the fridge and pondered.

Then she poured herself a glass of cold milk and settled on that for dinner.

Bzzz--

More messages came through, informing Chungha of the couple's next destination. It seemed like they were headed for an amusment park next. Chungha walked over to the window with her glass, her lips lined with white milk, and parted the curtains slightly. The orange rays of a setting sun streamed through, causing the woman to squint her eyes in response.

Good weather for an amusement park today.

She felt less worried now.

As she sat back down on the couch, she wondered if it was necessary for her to know about every single detail about the date. Then again, she was the one who had insisted and Sejeong was enthusiastic to share. Sometimes Sejeong would call too, asking for advice on what to do on these dates. And Chungha liked being there to answer the phone, to hear her voice and to calm the former down as she guided the woman through her dilemmas.

It made her feel a little more important.

She kicked her legs about, waiting for the next stream of messages. But the minutes slipped by like the sun slipping past the horizon of buildings and soon a shade of purple and blue splashed itself across the sky.

Chungha parted the curtains again, milk glass now empty. The stars were beginning to come out.

'Are you coming home soon?'

She sent the text and returned to her place on the couch again. Allowing herself to fall back down on the thick cushions, she wondered if she should switch on the television and watch something. Back in the earlier days, she had always slept on the couch when Sejeong went out, even if she wasn't tired. But now it seemed hard to do that.

No reply.

Chungha chewed on her lip, checking her phone one more time.

Still no reply.

Eventually she concluded that they were having a blast at the amusement park and hence--Sejeong was too preoccupied to reply to her message. Nothing unusual, actually it's a good thing. The date would be more fun if Sejeong wasn't on her phone the entire time.

Chungha reached for the remote control. Her finger barely grazed it but she managed to drag the rectangular box by a button and pull it all the way to the edge of the table.

But it fell onto the carpet before she could grab it.

With a loud groan Chungha turned over onto her stomach and picked the remote from the floor. Then she switched on the television and watched the glare on the screen. A cooking show was on but it reminded her of her hunger and so she changed it. She settled on a nature documentary about penguins and ostriches.

Bzzz--

Chungha shot up from the couch again, attention shifted. She thumbed in the passcode quickly.

'I'm downstairs! Coming up soon~'

--the message read.

Chungha got off the sofa and paced over to the other window. This one had a view that looked over the front entrance of their apartment--they stayed on the eleventh floor. And there she was, Sejeong, with that man. Naturally, they did not depart immediately but spent some time conversing on the steps. Chungha could tell from the way Sejeong moved that she was interested, but also nervous.

This one was different. He wasn't quick like the others to kiss her on the lips. Instead they hugged and he left Sejeong with a peck on her forehead. Chungha watched closely as they waved, mute mouths moving, saying their goodbyes. Then she waited until Sejeong's shadow disappeared into the front entrance before heading back to the sofa.

For the first time this evening, her phone left her hand.

Chungha glanced at the clock and waited. She had done this enough times to know that it took roughly 3 minutes for one to walk up the steps and take the elevator. Last time it was longer because the lift broke down but it was fixed two weeks ago.

Then came the muffled sound of foot falls and twinkling keys. Chungha turned to look at the door, gaze steady on the knob. Then at the moment it turned, she returned her attention to the bright colourful screen of the television.

"I'm home," the familiar voice echoed from the doorway, painting a smile on Chungha's face.

It was time to greet and so Chungha hopped off the couch once more. She took a moment to fix her bangs before stepping out into the corridor.

"Hey, welcome back."

Sejeong smiled in response, showing off pretty rows of white teeth. A few bags of items--presents--dangled from her hands and Chungha helped the woman bring them all in.

"Your hands are cold." She commented, subtly peering into the plastic bags. The head of fluffy white bear popped out in one, perfumes and clothes in the others.

"Yeah, the weather's kinda chilly," Sejeong paused mid-way through the corridor. "You didn't switch on the heater? Aigoo, Chungha-ah."

Before she realised it, Sejeong had abandoned her gifts with a frown and was now crouching over the heater at the back of the kitchen. She turned the generator on and spun around with a disapproving look etched on her face. Chungha placed the bags at the foot of the woman's bedroom door, avoiding the latter's gaze.

"I'm not cold." She reasoned after a moment of silence, gesturing at the red skull sweater she was wearing. It was Sejeong's but Chungha was borrowing it in the meantime. The frown on the former's face did not disappear.

"Have you eaten?"

Chungha nodded her head slowly, sealing another lie.

Then Sejeong sighed, her shoulders relaxing, and she nodded to herself.

"Okay," she pursed her lips, thinking. "I'm gonna shower now...then I'll tell you everything later,"--another dazzling smile--"and don't you dare catch a cold before I'm out."

Chungha watched as the woman disappeared into her room. She walked back into the kitchen, her mind muffled with thoughts she couldn't read. The she pulled drawer open, hungry again, and forgot once more that she had finished her last packet of sweet potato snacks yesterday. 

So she returned to the couch again, hands empty.

//

"Do you like Sejeong?"

Chungha turned around at the question.

"What?"

Pinky frowned; she didn't like to repeat herself.

"I said, do you like Sejeong?"

They bent down, leaning into another stretch as fingers grazed past toes. Chungha pressed her lips together, distracted by the way sweat dripped down the sides of her face as she endured the sensation of soreness running up her calves and thighs.

"Why the random question?" She asked back, her voice going higher than it should. She blamed it on the pain.

They returned to standing position, the sensation of a good stretch spreading out through the limbs, bodies warmed up for practice. Pinky responded with a shrug and a crooked frown.

"I don't know, you talk a lot about her nowadays."

This time it was Chungha's turn to frown as they walked towards the wall of the room. She reached for her water bottle, throat suddenly turning dry.

"I do?"

"Yeah," was the reply.

"Well previously there wasn't much to talk about--I mean, she's going on these dates now. It's interesting and I don't have anyone else to tell." Chungha answered, aware of the way Pinky's eyes scanned her face for clues.

"It doesn't mean anything," she added, making a face. "And I don't swing that way."

Pinky raised her eyebrows, considering the woman's answer carefully as they made their way to the centre of the dance room. Chungha looked down on the floor, tying her brown locks into a pony-tail. The former's question echoed in her mind; another distraction.

"Mmm okay."

Then they started dancing, weaving through different formations, foreheads turning slick with sweat. And the topic was left at that.

//

Chungha didn't like falling in love.

It was a complicated, sugar-coated emotion.

She would know because the first time she fell, she fell smack onto the concrete for a beautiful girl named Yoojung.

But Yoojung was too young and Chungha wasn't old enough. Yoojung was loud and emotional, while Chungha kept everything locked tight in an bottle.

And Yoojung was a girl and so was she--that couldn't work.

So it broke apart. How they went through it was like how someone would tear through a piece of paper--clean and quiet, not a trace left and no one to know.

From then on it felt like it was impossible to fall in love again. It was as though a switch had been flipped and Chungha zero-ed out all her chances with other people before she even dared to try. Dating guys didn't feel right and thinking about girls as anything more than friends felt wrong.

Her life was a half-lie--part construction, part truth. It got her through things so that was okay. But it'd be another lie to say that it wasn't uncomfortable to be someone that she's not.

The majority of her friends would assume Chungha to be out clubbing or hanging out with her girlfriends. But in reality that was the thought that ran through Chungha's mind as she sat here on the couch, waiting through another evening for Sejeong to come back home.

Pinky was the odd one out. They weren't terribly close, not yet. But she had the knack for reading people like a book, even when Chungha made sure her expressions were sufficiently inscrutable; but apparently it wasn't enough.

And nowadays Pinky seemed to be catching onto things that Chungha wouldn't want to decipher herself.

To say it was scary would be an overstatement. The emotion that trickled under her skin was more akin to a sense of nervousness of anxiety--the apprehension before one caught red-handed. But it wasn't like Chungha was doing anything wrong--she wasn't.

She just preferred telling half-truths.

Still, Pinky was a little too close for comfort.

Chungha bit down on a sweet potato chip and glanced at the clock.

The previous man left, just like the others. This time the cause at hand was a rebound issue--a confession through text that she was a rebound and that he couldn't do it anymore.

So Sejeong was on a new date today and as like usual, Chungha found herself preoccupied with messages buzzing through her social media; questions about every minute thing. It wasn't in her demeanor but Sejeong was tactful person who liked to invest too much time overthinking and reflecting. And Chungha liked being there to help when she could.

She hung her legs over the armrest, thumbing through another hurriedly typed message--typos everywhere--from the woman.

The incessant tick from the wallclock echoed through the walls of the living room, rippling softly through the silence.

Ever since Sejeong became her room mate, Chungha found that nights were lonelier but less quiet.

//

"What do you feel like eating?"

Chungha blinked, breaking out from her trance; she was listening to the sound of Sejeong's sock-covered feet shuffling against the carpet.

"Anything."

Sejeong looked over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. The woman was clad in a baby-pink apron--which looked adorable--and her brown locks were tied up into a slightly messy pony-tail.

"Nothing? Are you sure?" Her question was lined with doubt.

Chungha looked to her mediocre nails, passing by the curious gaze shot her way. She mused for a moment then nodded her head.

"My appetite's been wacky nowadays--I'm not sick, don't worry. Anything you make is fine."

"Well... but I want it to be tasty," Sejeong paused before breaking into a playful grin. "Tasty enough for you to come back begging me for more~"

Chungha rolled her eyes.

"Also you can call me Unnie when that happens," she added.

"In your dreams."

"Okay, then dream about me later~" Sejeong turned back around, wiggling her shoulders, and reached for the drawer. Chungha turned around instantly, acutely aware of the way her cheeks grew warm. She frowned to herself and sank deeper into the couch. Then she grabbed the remote and changed the channel, shoulders tense.

In the end, Sejeong settled for beef ramen and cooked up servings for two.

The food was good. The kimchi was great. Eating with Sejeong was more than wonderful.

Chungha appreciated the company and Sejeong always had funny stories to tell. 

It was almost like--Chungha dared to imagine, watching as Sejeong broke into laughter--like they were a married couple, or something. That thought lingered on for a moment, her immediate attention captured by the sight of Sejeong's lovely smile, caught in a trance. 

She wondered what Sejeong would be like as a wife. 

And there was nothing better than sitting at the table, with their feet occasionally knocking into each other, laughter ringing out between them, surrounded by delicious home-cooked food. It felt warm, comforting and wonderful all at once. Chungha imagined happiness to feel like that. 

Then--

Ringgggggg!

"Whoops, sorry." Sejeong smiled sheepishly, reaching for her phone on the table. She unlocked her phone and then beamed upon seeing who it was, a thousand-watt smile plastered on her face. Chungha paused, no longer chewing. A bubble of uneasiness rose in her chest. 

"Oh oppa!" Sejeong's voice was so unbelievably sweet that Chungha suddenly felt sick. Tension gripped her entire frame, rendering her frozen in her seat. She looked down quickly, unprepared for the look on Sejeong's face, eyes glued to her half-finished noodles. Oh dear god, no. 

"Yah, what am I going to do with you~" 

Honey-coated words. Sickeningly sweet. 

"Oh, wait what? Like right now?" Sejeong lowered her voice to a whisper, speaking in hushed tones now. "No sorry oppa... I can't, not today--" 

Chungha poked around her noodles with her chopsticks, suddenly wishing that she was anywhere else but here. She already knew what was gonna happen without Sejeong needing to tell her. 

"You can go." Chungha looked up from her bowl, forcing a bright smile upon her lips. "He asked you out for dinner right?" 

Because that was only the right thing to do. This was what she was supposed to do, as a friend. And it was what she will do, always, as a friend. She hopped off her seat and then helped Sejeong to get ready.

"Don't forget your wallet." 

"Remember to bring your jacket." 

"Did you take your keys?" 

The reminders tumbled out so easily, already part of her routine. Chungha ushered Sejeong out the door, promising to finish her noodles, and to clean up, accepting more apologies and sheepish smiles, before closing the door behind her. Her heart sank when it closed with a heavy thud. Then she walked back into the kitchen, standing at the table, staring into the bowl of beef ramen, the soup now cold. 

Drip. 

Her tears fell into the broth and her head began to hurt. 

Chungha dragged her feet over to the couch, sinking into the cushions, feeling numb. 

She couldn't bring herself to eat anymore.

//

"What's wrong?"

Pinky paused in mid-motion, watching her friend carefully.

Chungha had broken out of the dance routine, panting heavily, and her hands propped against her hips. Sweat dripped down the strands of her bangs and Chungha ran her hands through them, inhaling deeply.

"Nothing, sorry. Let's start over."

But Pinky didn't move.

"No, it's not just nothing. You've been out of it since we started." She remarked. "...Do you want to talk about it?"

Chungha shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. Her head grew hot and she clenched her fists together.

"Are you sure? It's better to--"

"--No."

"But--"

"I said No!" Chungha snapped her head around, clear agitated. She caught onto Pinky's surprised gaze. "Now stop it will you?"

Pinky levelled her stare for a moment and silence ensued.

"Fine. Be like that if you want. From the top, again." 

//

It wasn't suppose to happen.

This one was supposed to be the one. But he wasn't and Sejeong was here in her arms again, crying. Chungha could feel the warm wetness seeping through her shirt, spreading out on her skin. The sound of Sejeong's cries grated her ears. 

She wasn't supposed to be here, or to be the one here for Sejeong. But she was.

And Chungha didn't know what to do.

She had arrived home in a fit of anger, sweaty, guilt from lashing out at Pinky stirring in her gut. Frustration lined her face, turning her lips taut and darkening her expression. 

But then she saw Sejeong, curled up against a wall in the corridor, her shoes still on and her face buried into her knees. And she dropped everything. The jumbled mess of thoughts in her head gone, the soreness in her body forgotten. Chungha kicked off her sneakers and rushed forward, sliding on her knees, hands reaching out to pull Sejeong into her arms. 

And thus they were here, Sejeong sobbing and Chungha dumbfounded, sitting in between the gap of silence and muffled weeping. Chungha already knew that this would be the sound that would haunt her in her sleep. She listened to it and dreaded it. 

"We were supposed to celebrate today--" Sejeong managed to croak out, finally raising her head from her knees. Chungha held her breath, drinking in the sight of pink tear-stained cheeks, glistening brown eyes. She wiped away the girl's tears with her thumbs, careful, still listening.

"I was waiting, for a very long time." She paused, inhaling deeply. "He didn't reply to my messages. I was worried." 

Chungha nodded, smoothing out the tangled edges of Sejeong's hair, her chest aching, still listening. 

"So I went to find him, at his work place. I was worried, thinking--maybe, he was sick or something." Sejeong gestured, tilting her head towards the plastic bag in hand, lifting it off the parquet floor. "I even bought him medicine." 

"But then I saw him--" Suddenly her voice grew hard. "I saw him with her. Holding hands. Laughing. K-Kissing--" 

Chungha blinked at the sight of Sejeong narrowing her eyes, the intensity of her expression surprising her. She imagined that the memory of betrayal had replayed itself in her mind. It was almost like Sejeong had transformed, in that instance, into someone else Chungha couldn't recognise. A certain sadness rippled through her body.

She pulled the girl closer, locking her chin over Sejeong's shoulder. That look--she couldn't bear the sight of it. But she didn't know what else she could do to erase it. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, in the warmth of each other's embrace. 

"Chungha..." Sejeong mumbled, voice hoarse, her name coated in a long breath. Chungha pulled away, their gazes meeting. "Am I going to be alone forever?" 

Her breath hitched at the weight of the question. 

No, no, no--don't think like that--please--

"Everyone I date, they always leave, they never stay." Sejeong cracked a sad smile, hot tears springing to her eyes once again. "Nobody wants me. There's probably like something wrong with me." 

"That's not true--" 

"I'm not good enough." 

"Don't say that--"

"Nobody loves me." 

Sejeong raised her head slowly, once again eyes glistening, tears catching onto the light like gems. Her cheeks drenched in hot pink, lipstick slightly smeared on parted lips. Her hair was in a mess, tousled bangs, strands falling down in all the wrong directions. Chungha froze, the sight burning into her mind. Broken but beautiful. The way Sejeong looked at her, it had gripped her, once again she was caught in a trance. 

The way Sejeong looked at her, eyes pooling with desperation, sadness and hurt all at once. Chungha gulped, staring at the girl in her arms, vulnerability spilling out for only her to see. It compelled her onwards, like a spell. 

"Nobody loves me--" The words rang out in Chungha's head, over and over again. "--Nobody loves me, nobody loves me, nobody loves--" 

Then she leaned forward, not realising what she was doing, and then tasted strawberry on her lips. 

Caught in a trance. 

It was soft, unlike anything she had ever imagined, and a sudden notion of clarity overwhelmed her mind. Then turned it to slush. There was nothing else she could think of, nothing else she wanted, there was nothing else on her mind but Sejeong's lips. Soft. Dream-like. Pressed against her own. Chungha didn't know what to do with this sensation. 

Sejeong had stiffened, and then gradually relaxed. Her tears had stopped, from the shock or whatever else it was, Chungha didn't want to think about the reason why. Their lips moved together, both tasting uncertainty and shyness on each other's lips. 

"Nobody loves me." 

Chungha sank deeper into the kiss, her lips spelling: That's not true.

"Nobody loves me."

Sejeong wrapped her arms around Chungha's neck, melting, heart pounding against her chest, her lips reading: Don't say that. 

"Nobody loves me." 

They fall to the ground, Chungha on top, bodies pressed against each other. Then she broke the kiss, her dark hair falling down past Sejeong's face like curtains, eyes fixated on the flushed girl between her arms. Their breathing was unsteady, but in sync with one another. Then Sejeong felt something hot on her face and her eyes widened, realising that Chungha was crying. 

"I--" Chungha bit her lip harshly, choking out the words as the truth crashed down between them. "I love you." 

Then it came like a wave, pressing Chungha onwards. She needed to say it, she needed to get it out. 

"I love you--I love you--I love--" 

Today, it was her turn to cry. 

//

"Did something good happen?" 

Chungha took the water bottle from Pinky gratefully, taking a moment to soothe her parched throat. 

"What do you mean?" 

Pinky made a face then grinned. She nudged Chungha playfully, obviously having an idea in mind already. 

"Uh, you know exactly what I mean." She grabbed her friend by the shoulders and started to shake the girl lightly. "You've had that stupid smile on your face since the moment you stepped in." 

Chungha looked away quickly, feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks. But nothing could escape Pinky's sharp eyes. Her friend hollered, surprised by the shy expression etched on Chungha's face, and she started jumping around excitedly. 

"Who is it?"

The interrogation had begun. 

Chungha pressed her lips together, determined to not spill a word. But Pinky was persistent, and very good at guessing. 

"Is it Sejeong?" --a pause, then an audible inhale sounded out in the room-- "Oh my god, I was right! I knew it!" 

Pinky squealed, and Chungha gave a faux-scowl, covering her ears in response. The former pulled her into a tight hug and dragged Chungha around in enthusiastic twirls. 

"Now, I want you to tell me all about it." 

"No--"

Chungha turned away quickly. 

"I'll buy you sweet potato snacks for a month." She turned back around, a frown drawn on her lips. Then she relented with a sigh, her expression turning soft under Pinky's bright gaze. 

"Promise?"

"I promise." Pinky grinned, gesturing an 'OK' sign to Chungha, her ears ready to listen. 

Then Chungha began to speak.

//