CHAPTER ONE

I feel alone.

My heart feels alone.

Nothing feels safe, nothing feels warm, nothing feels comfortable. 

And that is why I hate wintertime. I have always tried to like the cold weather. But it never happened. I could never like wintertime. Ever. The quiteness of the neighborhood in the midnight, or the reddish sky just above me makes me feel unsafe. Everthing seems empty. Or that is what I think every year in the winter. There is no one that will hug me to sleep in the cold nights, nor no one to keep me warm and safe. 

As I walk down the neighborhood, I notice a girl sitting on the bench of the bus station. I heard from my cousins and uncle that they recently have moved in to this neighborhood. I've been seeing her a lot for the past days. The girl's nose and cheeks are always in the slightest tone of red, almost pinkish, due to the cold weather. Her pale skin and pink cheeks makes her look like a porcelain doll. And I realize how much I get mesmerized just by looking at her. She suddenly turned her head to where I was now standing at and I couldn't get my eyes off her brown orbs. She smiled shyly looking at me. I blinked blankly at her and got in the bus right after it arrived, thinking that the girl will also use the bus. 

When I took a seat beside the window, however, the girl was nowhere to be seen. Without thinking furthermore, I leaned my head to the window and closed my eyes. 

After reaching my destination, I quickly took off my coat and put on the spare shirt and sweatpants I had brought with me. I then get in the mirrored room and closed the door behind me. I the music, volume so high that people might even hear it out from the hallway. The sun started setting and the sunlight is passing through the huge windows of the building hitting the mirror, added more effect to my feelings and while dancing. 

And just like that I start dancing carelessly, releasing the stress out of my body and mind. 

What pushed me to dance were my parents. I was just 10 years old and they were going to divorce. My mother had breaked the news to me in the first snow of the season. And after the divorce my father had full custody of me and being the careless person he is, he had sent me to my uncles house in Beijing for good.
And like that, I discovered that dancing is something I wanted to do.

I abruptly stopped dancing when someone opened the door. The person was the girl I saw earlier this morning at the bus stop. She obviously have sensed that I was annoyed, because she looked terrified. Since the room was surrounded with windows, I could easily see the people passing the hallway. But I haven't seen her because I was busy dancing, letting my feelings out.

"I'm really sorry! I didn't know this room was occupied!" She apologized, in a panicky voice while she bowed several times.

"How the hell can't you see that this place is occupied?!" I snapped at the young girl, my hands on my hips.

"I couldn't see who's inside okay? I had my earphones on and that's why I couldn't hear the loud music you opened as well!" She spat back while folding her arms across her chest. 

I totally forgot that the room couldn't be seen from outside. Great. Now I look like a fool in front of the stranger girl. Whatever. She's in the wrong. Not me. 

"Don't you know how to knock a door." I state, walking over to my duffle bag to take out my water bottle from it. I then turn off the music that was tuning loudly from the speakers.

"Urgh! Like I said, I'm sorry alright!" 

 "Be careful next time, others might not be as understanding as I am." I remind her, smirking.

"Pfft! Understanding my ." She muttered and shut the door after getting out of the room. I smiled and started laughing quietly. Hoping to see her again. 

I of course had my happy times. Who didn't? But I mostly focused on the blues of my life. Maybe growing up without the love of a mother or a father have made me like this. My uncle and his wife, of course, didn't even make me feel left out even though they had a daughter and a son. They made me wear whatever my cousins did. They sent me to the same school my cousins had. They took care of me just like how they took care of their own children. 

But I always felt like I was being a burden to them. My uncle would always tell me - and he still does - that I was never a burden to them and never will be. I don't want to believe him. Why would they show me affection when I'm not even from their blood. I know they did - still do - this because they feel sorry for me. They feel sorry because my parents divorced and my father carelessly left me. 

And I don't want nobody's pitying. 

First few years after the divorce, my mother used to send me letters every month or at least she used to call me on the phone. She'd always apologize for leaving me. 

But on a snowy day - Christmas Eve to be exact. I heard my uncle talking to his wife. I had just finished reading the letter my mother had sent me. I normally wouldn't even listen their conversation. But uncle was talking about my mother. I couldn't help but listen. He said that my mother wanted to take my custody on herself. I remember a big smile plastered on my face. I was going to be with mommy forever, I thought. However, when I heard his next words, my smile fell. My mothers new husband had rejected when my mother told him about it. He threatened to divorce my mother if she'd bring that topic up again. 

After that Christmas Eve my mother never sent me another letter, nor did she call me again.

Authors note;

Hello there! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my new story. I would like to apologize if you spot any kind of mistakes. 

The title of the story is named 'Catch Me When I Fall' obviously the name of Luhan's new single. I watched the video and listened CMWIF, and I was purely inspired to write this story. The video together with the song, It had an angsty-slice-of-life kind of feels -or at least I felt like that.  

The word count of the chapter is 1k and plus, excluding authors note. I actually don't know what else to write here. I'm so new to this LOL. Thank you for reading my story! 

Sincerely, 

rscream