"Han Jinhae..."

My smile froze... That's her name. But the person I was looking at didn't look like her. I don't remember her looking like this. And I would have done something to confirm my theory, if she wasn't crying. But then, slowly, my brain began to process it. It was her. The same chinky eyes, pointed nose and the mole at the tip of it, that I could remember. But her cheeks weren't the same chubby ones anymore, they're thin. Her lips weren't the same pales ones, they're covered with a coral pink lipstick.. She's lost a lot of weight. She's slim. I never expected her to look like this when I finally get to meet her again. She's beautiful. And she's crying... What do I do?

I stayed rooted on my spot. She was too, kneeling and bowing her head down. From my chair, I could hear her faint sobs, and I watched her tears fall from her eyes to the floor of the stage. Until Manager Hyung had to step forward and whispered to me. "You need to sign, there are about 60 more people after her. She's just an overwhelmed fan. Weren't you taught about how to handle this?"

 Back when we were still training, we didn't only learn how to dance, sing, and project for the camera. But we were also taught how to handle fans. From doing anything they would want us to see do, to the number of ways we say thank you. From meeting them in concerts, fansigns and events, to meeting them at places we never expect them to be at. And for this case, I could recall I was to say something like, "I'm very happy to see you, too. Thank you very much for supporting us. Please don't cry or my heart will break." And I might also have to hold her hand, pat her head or anything that will make her heart flutter until she stops crying.

But I did none of those. Instead, I just signed her album. Where is the speech you've longed to say to her, Lee Taeyong? I barely could remember any.. Except for one thing. And I wrote it down above my signature.

"To: Jinhae

I'm sorry.

/signature/"

Manager Hyung must have been looking at me while I signed, because the moment I finished writing the short message, he signalled Jinhae to move to Taeil Hyung. She was still looking down and her tears haven't stopped.

I suddenly found it hard to breath. And I didn't notice my heart had been beating too fast until Jaehyun nudged me to say the next fan was waiting for me to take her album and I tried to breath to collect myself but I barely was able to.

"Hello, Oppa. I'm Lee DoEun. Please draw lots of hearts for me," she said with a giggle.

"Okay," I nodded and beamed as unawkwardly as I could. But while I signed, my eyes darted to the left side to check if Jinhae's still crying. But she was no longer there. In a span of about three seconds, both Doyoung and Taeil Hyung were able to sign her album.. Or did she not finish all six of us? I looked at  Taeil Hyung and Doyoung next to me instead, and they were both looking at one direction, perplexed. She must have really run away. I followed their gaze and for a fraction of a second I saw her back figure walk fast away from the place, but the fan in front of me looked too and Manager Hyung kicked my chair. So I turned to her again. "May I know what's your number in the line?"

"I'm thirty-eight. Three and eight are my lucky numbers really. I was born on August 3rd. Just a day after Mark's birthday. Aah~ so handsome," she added and giggled while covering her lips with my palm.

I was smiling the whole time but I wasn't really listening. Thirty eight, that meant there were still 62 people until this ends. Will I still be able to find her? Dang it. You had your chance Lee Taeyong.

"To #38:

Thank you very much.

/signature/"

And after her, I just kept counting the albums I signed. I barely even talked to the fans today. Instead, I kept recalling the things I had planned to say along with my apology.

"To: XXX

I love you.

-TY"

"To: XXXX

Thank you very much.

-TY"

"To: XXXXX

I love you. Thank you very much.

-TY"

My brain just couldn't think of anything else to say to them.

It's been 6 years, and I thought I was the only one unable to move on. I thought she was already okay, that maybe she'd forgotten about it.. But I thought wrong. She was crying, she definitely wouldn't have had I been correct. And it may or may not have made me feel terrible of myself.

"Oppa, are you okay? Are you sick?" Fan #89 asked. She must have noticed I was off, barely saying anything, flashing a smile that never reached my eyes.

I'd be okay if you all go home so I could run after her. If I was the same person who I was six years ago, I would have said that loudly. But I wasn't. "Oh, ne. I'm fine. Not sick. Just... Hungry," this I answered instead. And I let out a practiced soft giggle to make it sound true and cute. Eleven more... But I for one know that this event doesn't just end right after we finish signing all 100 albums. Please don't leave the place yet. Please let me find you.

Until the last of them finally came. She was bringing with her a yellow paper bag as she approached my space. Her shirt said "JULY 1ST."

"Hello," I beamed warmly as I took the album. Warmly, more because she was the last and I finally could look for Jinhae.

"Hi. We were born on the same date, the same year," that explained the shirt. "That was the first reason why you're my favorite member. But now, it's really more than that."

She might have carried on with the other reasons why she liked me but I didn't really quite hear what she said after that because I just proceeded right away to signing her album, without even asking where she wanted me to sign. But I kept my smile and pretended I was actually listening. Please don't leave COEX yet. Please let me talk to you.

And at some point she brought up the paper bag to the table. It actually was a spongebob paper bag and she said in it was an imported Spongebob plushie that talks. "Wow. That's really cool. I love spongebob. Thank you. And thank you for supporting us." I said as I handed her the album back. And then she proceeded with Taeil Hyung.. And then Doyoung. And it was over.

It took a huge amount of energy for me to stay up to the last part of the event and not run away immediately. Doyoung was the one who talked to everybody, because he is really good at it. He thanked everyone for the unexpected support, which probably was the 101th time he had said it today. He glanced at me and gave me the do-you-want-to-say-something-to-them look. I just answered him with a thumb-up signalling I was good. Because I was in a hurry. Because there's someone I needed to run after. And while he was talking, my eyes where rooming around the venue, hoping she might have gotten back. But she was no where, and on the third row in the audience, a seat remained blank.

"Hana, dul, set.." That was the signal.

"To the world, yeogin NCT. Kamsahamnida~" We all did our tag together and waved our fans goodbye. Normally, there would be a lot of waving, almost endless waving, but for today, I was the first one to exit the stage.

I rushed to the backstage and was greeted by a puzzled Manager Hyung. "I have to go to the bathroom. This instant." I took the cap off his head and dashed away. I gave him one last glance first as I transferred the cap to my head and gave him a smile that says, "Sorry, Hyung."

Good thing, I was out first. All of the fans' eyes should still be on the stage. This cap should at the very least keep me from getting recognized. But where should I look for her first? I went to the direction where Doyoung and Taeil Hyung were looking at earlier. But then through it, there are a lot more corners where she could have turned. And I don't have the slightest idea where she could have went. To make it all worse, I couldn't even remember what she was wearing... How was I supposed to spot her..

Please don't leave COEX yet. Please let me talk to you... Did fate just let me taste a small fraction of the chance I was asking for? I just kept guessing which hallway she would have turned to. At times I would get in a shop and look for her in there, but only ended up going out again because she wasn't.

Until my tired feet brought me to the rooftop garden. It was quite full. I stopped running and made a 360 degrees turn to look for her but I barely saw anything. Maybe I did, but I never really realized it was her because what did I know about her but her name and face?

Perhaps I should give this one up. I couldn't help but bend as I catch my breath. And while I did so, I looked down and noticed the garden's patterned floor. It had squares in series and the square I was looking at looked like a maze. My eyes focused on the a dead end. I am here. Maybe it still wasn't the right time to talk to her. But certainly, I'd be able to find my way to get that chance. And be free. So I straightened up, with plans of returning back to the backstage or to the van in the basement.

But five steps forward and my peripheral sight caught a side view of a girl slouched on a bench and I turned my attention to her. From where I was, her hair was covering her face but at some point, the air blew it away and revealed it. It was Jinhae.

"I know that how I behaved in the past is unconsiderable. I know that you were having a very bad day and I probably made it the worst. I know I shouldn't have said it.. I know I'm probably the most terrible person for you right now. But Jinhae, for a very long time, I've always wanted to apologize to you personally." I started to practice inaudibly the most important things I have to remember to say as I took steps to the bench where she was. And as I got closer, I realized why she was slouched. She was still crying... But anyone not giving attention wouldn't really notice because of her long hair that's hiding it.

Uhh, how do you approach someone who's crying? Or how do you approach someone who's crying because of you? Maybe you have take out your handkerchief. Maybe you have to sit next to her but with a ruler and a half distance first. Maybe you have to offer the handkerchief so she could wipe her tears. Maybe you have to wait until she stops sobbing so she could hear what you're about to say... I did all the maybes. 

A/N:

Very sorry it took me awhile to update. I hope you enjoyed this one <3