IX. Too Soon

 

Friday night then. Let’s go to the carnival on the pier.

 

Her fingers drum nervously in her lap. Falling at a steady rhythm until the truck comes to a halt and the engine quiets. She can hear the pounding in her ears. Louder. Faster. Her fingers follow and tap at the accelerated pace. Deep in her gut, a bundle of nerves knots and knots. Slow breaths are drawn in and out.

 

In. Out.

 

In. Out.

But it does little to nothing to relieve her as the unsettling anxiety persists. She wonders if it’s too late to turn back. To just run away with her tail between her legs. Tell them she can’t make it. Leave. Run.

 

A voice in her head screams and echoes.

 

Don’t go.

 

Because, maybe, this is a mistake.

 

Maybe.

 

But, she has to--this has to be done.

 

A loud groan breaks her trance as Seulgi opens the passenger door and leans against its frame, staring at her. A rainbow of lights flash from afar. Red, blue, green, and yellow all dance and illuminate the heartthrob’s face, revealing her cold and unreadable expression.

 

Throughout the week, Seulgi was more quiet. She made no objections to the double date. She didn’t confront or question Irene about it either. But despite her silence, it was easy to tell from the way Seulgi’s eyes held hers--how they kept careful watch of her, observing, worrying--that clearly, the heartthrob was against the idea.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Seulgi asks.

 

And Irene nods with a small shiver from a passing breeze.

 

“Yes,” she answers, voice nearly drowned out from the nearby carnival music and the roller coasters roaring on their rails. But her resolve is much too quiet and halfhearted for Seulgi’s taste as the heartthrob narrows her eyes.

 

“Don’t push yourself, Irene.”

 

“I know. I just…” Irene trails off with a sigh. “I have to do this. Sorry, Seulgi.”

 

“Don’t apologize,” the heartthrob says, standing up straight and then offering her hand. “If this is what you want, then I’ll follow.”

 

//

 

She pants, running towards the front gate where a familiar silhouette stood resting against the railing. He smiles as she comes into view. Her lips curve upright to do the same.

 

“You know how long I waited for you?” Minho laughs as he smooths out her messy hair when she reaches him.

 

His hands are gentle. His touch, careful. And Irene fights the heat rushing to her cheeks. Averting her eyes to instead focus on all the attractions. The ferris wheel. Balloons. Game booths. Food stands. Roller coasters. Everything but his kind brown eyes and the way they seemed to look at her as if she stole his only view.

 

“Sorry, dance practice ran a little late,” Irene answers after recovering her breath.

 

He combs his fingers through her hair, then tucks it behind her ear. She can feel the blush on her cheeks reddening more and more.

 

“No problem,” he continues to smile before following Irene’s line of sight, looking out over the pier. “Pretty awesome, isn’t it? So, where to first?”

 

“Seulgi! Irene! Over here!” Krystal waves with one arm as the other stays interlocked with Minho. The latter offers a tiny wave of his own. And instinctively. Irene’s hands latch onto Seulgi’s right forearm.

 

Deep breaths. One. Two. She feels a slight weight in her chest. Just barely. Like a hand lightly pressing against her. But it’s not so bad. Not at all.

 

She can do this.

 

Irene throws on her best smile.

 

“Hope we didn’t keep you two waiting for too long,” she says, adding a tiny laugh. Her eyes briefly glance between the two, though she didn’t dare linger too long on Minho. “Parking was pretty awful.”

 

“No worries. We just got here ourselves but we should probably start lining up for some rides.” Krystal turns to gesture at the sea of people who just flooded in going every which way. “The lines are starting to get long.”

 

Minho nods his head in agreement, “That’s probably a good idea. Which one do you want to go on first?”

 

Krystal scouts the area, humming in thought until she finally points and settles on the huge wooden roller coaster in the back. “Oh, how about that one!”

 

And Irene resists the urge to shudder at the sheer sight of it. She hears the screams. The deafening sound like thunder as the roller coaster drops from its steep climb. A coldness sinks in her stomach. And of course, Minho notices.

 

He remembers.

 

“Are you alright with that, Irene?” Minho asks with obvious worry. “It’s pretty high.”

 

She hates it, the warm tone of his voice and the softness of his words.

 

“You’re afraid of heights, Irene?” Krystal frowns.

 

“Yeah, kind of.” Irene maintains her smile as best as she can and shyly rubs the back of her nape. “But I’m fine!” she reassures with feigned eagerness. “Let’s go!”

 

And for the first time since they met up, Seulgi speaks, prying her arm away from Irene’s hold to instead wrap it around the smaller girl’s shoulders.

 

“You heard her,” Seulgi smirks with unrivaled confidence as she pulls Irene in closer. So close, the latter’s head lightly bumped the bottom of Seulgi’s chin. “Plus, as long as Irene’s with me, she’ll be alright. Isn’t that right, babe?”

 

Minho’s gaze narrows and Irene finds herself looking away all too quickly.

 

“Y-Yeah.”

 

“See? So don’t worry too much,” the heartthrob sneers. “Go ahead and lead the way, Krystal!”

 

//

 

Breathe.

 

In. Out.

 

In. Out.

 

Take it in. Everything.

 

A little pain is all it is.

 

//

 

The ground sways as if the earth were seesawing back and forth. Each step is more unsure than the last, more unstable. Irene squints her eyes in concentration, attempting to ignore the growing dizziness after each ride.

 

So unsteady--she holds onto Seulgi.

 

Up ahead, Minho and Krystal chatter excitedly, pointing at which ride they should all go on next. Smiles permanently plastered across their faces. And the familiar scene stirs a dull ache deep within Irene’s chest.

 

But it’s bearable, she tells herself.

 

It’s not so bad.

 

“You good for another ride?” Minho shouts back at them, pointing at what would be their ninth roller coaster.

 

For a moment, Irene struggles to speak but manages to muster a trace of a grin, “Yeah, of course.”

 

“That’s the spirit, Irene!” Krystal jumps, still bursting with energy and Irene wonders what kind of iron stomach the girl has. “Alright, let’s go!”

 

Krystal pulls MInho along with her and they break into a run, leaving Seulgi and Irene to follow the trail of their laughter. With the afterimage of their bright expressions lingering in her mind, Irene bites the inside of her cheek.

 

“Do you want me to carry you?” Seulgi suddenly asks, teasingly. Only then does Irene realize the desperation in her grip with her fingers coiled so tightly around the girl’s arm, wrinkling the heartthrob’s sleeves.

 

She relaxes her hold just a tad.

 

“What, do I look that weak?” Irene tries to play it off with a listless chuckle, sounding more dejected than anything else.

 

“I didn’t say you were.”

 

No, Seulgi certainly didn’t. Not once since meeting up with Minho or Krystal has she said anything of the sort. But Irene could feel her stealing covert glances every once in a while. And that said enough.

 

“I can handle it,” Irene says with her eyes still set on the other couple. “I just need a little support.”

 

The heartthrob gives an affirmative nod before picking up the pace, “Come on then. They’re leaving us behind.”

 

//

 

It’s all too familiar.

 

//

 

At a small round table, under the shelter of a tiny umbrella, they sit across from each other. A light evening breeze carries the scent of carnival foods and desserts as they dig into their own meals. Savoring the taste of sweet fried dough, Minho wipes the powdered sugar from his lips and cuts a piece of his funnel cake covered in whipped cream and strawberries, he leans across, offering Irene a bite from his fork.

 

“Here, try this.”

 

Irene eyeballs it from an angle, takes a small whiff, and then eats it. Her eyes bulge from the unexpected delectable taste. Fried batter and sugar was a combination that just couldn’t be beat, despite how utterly unhealthy it was. Suddenly, she regrets buying just a plain pretzel with cheese.

 

“It’s good, right?” Minho beams.

 

And although, the look on her face was evidence enough, Irene gives three slow nods as she finishes chewing, relishing the flavor.

 

“See. what’d I tell you?” he chuckles, completely satisfied. He cuts another piece. “Here, have some more.”

 

With her last gulp, Irene shakes her head and points down at her food.

 

“It’s okay, I still have my own to finish--”

 

“Say ‘ahh’!”

 

“Hey, that’s not bad,” Minho admits after taking a bite of Krystal’s burger.

 

She smiles. He smiles.

 

And Irene picks at her food, casting her eyes away. Tearing her churro into many bite-sized pieces. All left uneaten and littering her plate. Her stomach churns at the mess, so she tosses a napkin over it then sets the plate to the side--a complete waste.

 

“So Irene, you dance, right? How long have you been doing it?” Krystal asks with what seems to be genuine interest. Yet, it irks Irene.

 

Perhaps it’s the innocence in her voice, a friendliness that’s all too welcoming towards Irene--the girl who used to date her present boyfriend. Or maybe it’s her obliviousness to what feelings used to and currently do exist among them? Or could it be the way she looks at Irene? Because Irene can’t help but notice the gentleness in her eyes and the kindness in her actions as if Krystal were afraid to hurt her like she hasn’t already--like they haven’t already.

 

The thought seeps in and the knotting in her gut tightens until it seems to make its way to the center of her chest. With each breath, the dull coldness sharpens and pierces.The aching grows.

 

It’s not supposed to be like this.

 

It’s not so bad.

 

It’s not so bad.

 

“Since I was around eight,” Irene replies with forced calm.

 

Krystal blinks and stops mid-bite of her burger, setting it back down on her plate with utter surprise blooming on her face.

 

“Wow, really? That’s quite some time. You must be amazing!”

 

There it is again--her bright expression.

 

Irene shakes her head, “No, not really. I just enjoy it a lot. Although, classes have been cancelled for the past few weeks since the instructor’s been on vacation. That and I’ve been busy recently, so I’m feeling a bit rusty.” She her drying lips. Speaking was becoming more and more difficult.

 

“I bet you’re just being modest. Isn’t that right, Seulgi?”

 

And Seulgi barely bats an eye as she continues to devour her turkey leg with fervent hunger, not caring for the mess of grease along her cheeks.

 

“Actually, I haven’t seen Irene dance before,” the heartthrob confesses and then smirks, “But I bet you’re right, she’s just being modest.”

 

“She is,” Minho suddenly speaks up, wiping his hands clean on a napkin after finishing his food. “Irene’s amazing,” he reiterates, eyes meeting hers. “Take my word for it.”

 

A hush descends over them and Irene breaks away first, hands tightly gripping the hem of her shirt. But Minho seems to feel nothing as he casually carries on without a hint of awkwardness or discomfort on his face. A simple statement is all it was.

 

Why?

 

Irene grits her teeth in silent frustration.

 

It’s not fair.

 

“Ahem,” Krystal clears , “so Seulgi I heard you got lucky and you’ll get to do your track meet! When is it?”

 

“A little over a week or so.”

 

“That’s pretty soon. I’ve seen you…”

 

Their voices begin to muffle as if she were submerged, falling deeper and deeper underwater until Irene can hear them no longer. Staring at the center of her lap, she wonders how much more--how much longer can she last?

 

She concentrates on the steady rhythm of her heart beating.

 

I’m fine.

 

//

 

It crumbles little by little.

 

Her mask begins to collapse.

 

And it’s all falling apart.

 

//

 

Saliva falls from her lips and she breathes heavily over the bowl, spitting into it. With both hands on either side of the toilet, she feels another rise from the bottom of her stomach shoot up to and she dry-heaves. Long strands of saliva once again fall from her lips. And she internally curses herself.

 

Irene can’t remember how many rides it’s been now. Whether the last was the fifteenth or the twentieth but here she was, kneeling on the bathroom floor while Minho and Krystal were out there holding their spots in line for the next ride. She only told them she needed to make a quick trip to the bathroom. Nothing else. And yet, Seulgi knew.

 

Standing behind her against the door of the bathroom stall, she can feel Seulgi’s eyes casted down upon her.

 

“What did I say about pushing yourself?” the heartthrob quietly scolds.

 

Irene spits into the bowl one more time and then using the back of her hand, wipes her chin clean and dry.

 

“I’m not.”

 

Seulgi scoffs, “You have your face over a toilet.”

 

A minor setback. Just a small struggle but nothing she can’t handle. At least, that’s what she tells herself. Irene rises to her feet and swallows hard.

 

“I’m fine,” she says a little too shakily as her hands curl into fists. Try harder. “You’re with me, aren’t you?” And she tries to laugh a bit, sound confident and untroubled, but tears begin to brim her eyes and she blames the nausea and all the dry-heaving for it. Why else would tears arise? She wipes them away with the edge of sleeve just as fast as they came before turning around to face Seulgi. “I’m fine.” She repeats once more.

 

The heartthrob doesn’t say a word and stands like a statue blocking the door, scrutinizing her with dark eyes.

 

“Let’s go,” Irene commands with a small sniffle.

 

A long moment of silence settles between them and Irene waits patiently.

 

Twenty seconds.

 

Forty seconds.

 

A minute.

 

And then Seulgi finally steps to the side, allowing Irene to leave first.

 

//

 

It’s not so bad. I’m fine.

 

It’s not so bad. I’m fine.

 

Say it enough and those words will ring true.

 

Won’t they?

 

//

 

“Wow! Nice job, boy!” The man behind the counter claps. “What prize would you like?”

 

Minho turns to Irene, nodding his head towards the shelf of stuffed animals.

 

“All yours,” he grins.

 

Irene scans the shelf up and down, humming in thought, trying to decide which one she liked most. At the right corner of the highest point, sits a white bunny that looked to be about half her size. Her eyes linger there long enough for the man to get the hint as he reaches for the bunny and hands it over to her.

 

“Here you go miss.”

 

Irene gratefully accepts and then hugs it close.

 

Beside her, Minho nods to himself, “It suits you.”

 

Krystal excitedly jumps up and down as Minho hands her the giant tiger plushie he just won. It’s the third prize he’s won so far tonight. On the other hand, Seulgi chucks another baseball at the pyramid of bottles, knocking only a few and failing to collapse the entire thing. She clicks her tongue and ruffles her hair from frustration.

 

“Not my kind of game,” Seulgi huffs.

 

Irene musters up a tiny smile, thankful for the effort. Seulgi decides to give the next booth a try and Irene mindlessly follows but her attention drifts away. Soon, she finds herself staring back at Minho and Krystal. Laughing. Hugging. Hanging on each other’s arm.

 

She brings a hand to her chest, fingers knotting at the collar of her shirt.

 

It’s a curious thing. The more she watches, the more she aches. The throbbing intensifies. The coldness grows. Piercing and shattering from within. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

 

It was supposed to be better.

 

Breathing was supposed to be easier. Being near them--being near him, it should’ve been easier by now.

 

A number of harsh whistles shoot into the sky and bursts of light explode into flowers of all different colors. Everyone seems to stop and stare, pointing up at the fireworks overhead, mesmerized at the riot of red, blue, green, and yellow. As soon as one fades, another is lit and shot, illuminating the night once more.

 

“Wow,” Irene gasps in awe. She jumps a bit from every new firework that goes off but she doesn't mind. Not when the view is so beautiful.

 

“It’s great, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah,” she nods, unable to say anything else.

 

They stay quiet, gazing up at the show of lights that seemed to go on forever. His hand finds her and automatically their fingers interlock. He’s warmer than usual. He holds on a little tighter. And Irene looks back to find him staring at her, wanting.

 

“Minho?”

 

Slowly, he leans in.

 

Beneath the sky filled with flowers of lights and carnival music, Minho presses his lips against Krystal’s and Irene can’t tear her eyes away. She freezes at the sight, trembling.

 

One step back.

 

Two steps back.

 

And she breaks into a run.

 

How wrong she was.

 

 

//

 

“Finally!” Seulgi shouts triumphantly, squeezing her newly won hamburger plushie before tucking it underneath her left arm.

 

It only took about ten different games and a good amount of cash but honestly, who’s counting? At least, she didn’t come out empty-handed. Though, the fact that Minho won three prizes did irritate her. He probably won more by now, she thinks.

 

“Hey, Irene--” The heartthrob turns and sighs. “Now where did she go?”

 

--

 

It didn’t take long to find her given how fast Seulgi ran as she practically made her way around the entire perimeter of the pier. She slows to an easy walk, catching her breath as the wood creaks beneath her footsteps. At the railing, looking over the sea, Irene’s small frame rests against it with her arms wrapped around herself.

 

Seulgi sets her plushie down on a nearby bench as she approaches the other girl.

 

“Hey,” she calls out and Irene jumps from the sound of her voice. The latter hastily turns away, trying to discreetly dry her cheeks.

 

“Seulgi, I…” she croaks, exhausted and defeated. “I’m sorry.”

 

The heartthrob sighs as she stops herself from moving any closer, planting her feet about two feet away from where Irene stood cradling her own body.

 

“How many times do I have to tell you not to apologize?”

 

“Right,” Irene replies weakly at the end of a quivering breath.

 

And it pushes Seulgi to take one step forward--just one, as she finds herself unable to move any farther. For the sight before her is almost too fragile to go near. Too frail to touch. That even the closeness of her presence may unravel Irene further into tiny pieces.

 

Better to stay back.

 

Let her be.

 

Seulgi asks just one simple question. The purpose of Irene’s self-torment.

 

“Did you do what you needed to?”

 

It takes time to answer. There’s no rush. And it’s obvious to see from the deep breaths Irene inhales and exhales, that she’s struggling to say it out loud. But even after minutes pass and she finally speaks, the cracks in her voice can’t be missed.

 

“It’s harder than I thought,” Irene laughs sadly to herself, pitying the sound of her own vulnerability. “I thought--” She pauses and shakes her head. “I thought it wouldn’t hurt as much anymore... but I guess I was wrong.”

 

Slowly, Irene turns to face the heartthrob. Streams of tears wet her cheeks and in the moonlight, one could see many more tears threatening to fall from her shimmering eyes. A broken smile makes its way to her lips. One last confession.

 

“I’m not fine.”

 

All is exposed and Seulgi’s not sure what’s come over her. There are lines she told herself not to cross. Safe distances she needs to uphold. For her and for Irene. But for some reason, it’s thrown to the wind as Seulgi quickly eliminates the space between them, wrapping her arms around Irene’s shoulders, bringing the girl close and tucking her head underneath her chin in a desperate embrace.

 

She feels tears at the base of her neck, soaking through her shirt. Nuzzled against her, Irene lets it all pour out.

 

“I know,” Seulgi whispers. “I’ll take you home.”

 

//

 

In the passenger seat, Irene sits with the plushie Seulgi won resting in her lap, tears finally dried out. She didn’t accept it at first, worried Seulgi spent too much money just to win something for her sake but the heartthrob insisted. After all, who goes to a carnival without winning a single prize for their date?

 

“Why a hamburger?” Irene mutters, staring down. Hands mindlessly kneading it.

 

Seulgi spares her a glance and then smirks to herself, eyes returning to the empty night road.

 

“Our contract,” she answers. “We negotiated while eating burgers, remember?”

 

It’s a bit sentimental, Seulgi admits. Not really her kind of style but Irene seemed to like things like that. So, it was the best choice. None of the other prizes seemed to catch her eye anyway.

 

“Hey, Seulgi.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Irene looks out the window, pressing her forehead against the cool glass.

 

“I don’t want to go home right now. Can I stay at your place?”

 

Seulgi stills from the sudden request. Fingers curl tighter around the steering wheel. She knows what she should say but her voice doesn’t come out. And the line seems to have disappeared. She can’t go back.

 

“Sure.”

 

//

 

Seulgi quickly cleans her room, picking up any scattered clothing and throwing them into the closet as well as tossing any garbage that was lying around. But most importantly, she carefully picks the sticky notes that covered her bulletin board above her desk, securing them within the front drawer along with Irene’s list and locks it. She gives the drawer a sharp tug, making doubly sure it was safe from Irene’s eyes.

 

She scans over the room once more, deeming it appropriate and then invites Irene in. With languid steps, the girl makes her way to the bed and gently sits herself, clearly exhausted, more emotionally than physically. And Seulgi knows how weak that sort of tiredness could leave a person.

 

The heartthrob walks past her, grabbing one of the two pillows off the bed and then proceeds to leave the room.

 

“Good night, Irene.”

 

But before she even reaches the doorway, Irene’s small voice calls her back.

 

“Where are you sleeping?”

 

“The living room.”

 

“Why do you have to go there?” Irene asks innocently. “You can sleep here, it’s not like the bed isn’t big enough.”

 

Perhaps, if this were some time ago, it would’ve been plausible. But now--right now, in this very moment, no. Seulgi turns with a sigh, a slight grin upturning her lips.

 

“I can’t do that.”

 

And it’s a mistake meeting Irene’s eyes. Because they’re bare and they’re pleading, saying everything without a voice. They tell her not to leave. Seulgi ruffles her hair in frustration, knowing she’s already given in.

 

“Fine,” she huffs, closing the bedroom door behind her. “But I’m sleeping on the floor.”

 

“Are you sure?” Irene asks, her brows knitting together in concern.

 

Seulgi throws her pillow onto the floor near the bed.

 

“Yes.”

 

This was as close as she’d allow.

 

--

 

They lay in quiet and Seulgi can’t remember how late it is. Only that it’s been a fair amount of time, maybe almost an hour since she’s shut her eyes but sleep still hasn’t made its visit. Then the sound of ruffling sheets and bed springs next to her stirs the silence and Seulgi peeks one eye open. Having scooted to the edge of the bed, she catches Irene looking down at her.

 

“Hey, Seulgi,” Irene whispers with hesitation. “Are you still awake?”

 

“Yeah,” the heartthrob answers with eyes shut. Just in case.

 

No words are furthered exchanged but Seulgi knows there’s more. Her ears concentrate on the sound of Irene’s shallow breaths. Thoughts hanging at the tip of her tongue as she thinks of what to say and how to say it. She fidgets underneath her blanket.

 

“How do you do it, Seulgi?” Irene asks, lips pressed against her pillow, slightly muffling her voice. “How is it so easy for you to pretend?” she continues as she seems to lose herself, inhaling sharply. “I wish… I wish I could be like you.”

 

“No, you don’t.” And it sounds harsher than it’s meant to. A bite Seulgi failed to hold back. She calms herself and eases her tone. “You just need time and a little bit of help, that’s all. Being like me isn’t the answer.”

 

Being like her wouldn’t solve a thing.

 

The heartthrob rolls over to her side, hiding her face away from the feeling of Irene’s lingering stare.

 

“Hey, Seulgi,” Irene calls again.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Thanks for being with me today” she says in the softest voice, “and thanks for letting me stay.”

 

Silence engulfs them once more.

 

//

 

An unfamiliar warmth wakes her. Her eyes flutter open, confused to see a blanket thrown across her body and beside her, the sight of Irene’s sleeping face mere inches from her own. Seulgi sighs and wonders how long Irene has been there.

 

“What’s the point of offering you the bed if you were just going to end up down here with me?” she asks her.

 

Light snores are her answer. The subtle rise and fall of Irene’s body as she breathes. Such a peaceful expression marred only by the red puffiness around her eyes, evidence of all the tears she shed that night. Tears and hurt that could’ve been saved if only the girl wasn’t so stubborn and impatient.

 

But perhaps, Seulgi was at fault as well.

 

The heartthrob peels the blanket from her body and grabs her phone nearby to check for the time.

 

7 a.m.

 

It’s about time to leave, she supposes. Gently, she lifts Irene off the floor, careful not to wake her, and then sets her on the bed. She lays the blanket back on top of her, ensuring she’s fully bundled in warmth with pillows protectively surrounding her. And Irene continues to sleep, undisturbed.

 

Staring down at her, Seulgi can’t help but recall the sight of Irene’s broken smile. Wounded and shattered. It continues to linger in her mind.

 

It wasn’t fair.

 

Because of that, Seulgi wavered. She held Irene. Sheltered her. And no, it's not the first time Seulgi's done such a thing for the girl but this was different.

 

It's becoming dangerous.

 

“Why did you have to show me such a face?”

 

//

 

“I’ve got an appointment with Ms. Vice in about an hour so I need you to take care of her when she wakes up.”

 

“Don’t tell me you two did something last night--”

 

“Sooyoung.”

 

“I’m just kidding. Don’t worry, I got it.”

 

Joy had always enjoyed surprises. The delightful kind that sparked mischief and curiosity, of course. Not the dreadful sort that ruined her mood. So imagine her delight receiving such a request from Seulgi so early in the morning. An incredibly pleasant surprise to say the least. An even better surprise was the look on Irene’s face upon awakening, lazily walking into the kitchen, eyes wide and confused when Joy was the one to greet her and Seulgi was nowhere to be found.

 

“Good morning,” she smiles sweetly at her friend’s fake girlfriend, waving her over to come join her at the counter. She points to the bag of breakfast sandwiches she picked up on the way earlier. “Let’s eat.”

 

Clearly apprehensive, Irene hesitantly walks over with slow mindful steps and then pulls out a stool to sit on. The two of them eat without conversation, which Joy doesn’t mind as she waits for Irene to grow more comfortable in her presence, more than aware of how cautious the other girl was around her. An effect Joy was quite accustomed to.

 

Joy finishes her sandwich first. Wipes her hands clean on a napkin and then tosses it along with the sandwich wrapper into the trash. In the corner of her eye, she catches Irene stealing a quick glance before turning away causing Joy to grin from ear to ear.

 

It’s about time.

 

“Um,” Irene clears as she sets her breakfast down. “Where’s Seulgi?”

 

Joy folds her hands over the counter, leaning forward just a bit. She bats her eyelashes.

 

“Upholding her end of the deal with Wendy. Something about community service or whatever. That’s why I’m here,” she smiles playfully, “So you didn’t wake up lonely and wondering.”

 

Irene nods to herself, seeming to have briefly forgotten the arrangements Wendy made for Seulgi. Her lips form a pout as if she were weighing a number of questions to ask. But Joy has been patient all morning, twiddling her thumbs for her chance and now that it’s finally here, she’s quick to seize it.

 

“So Irene, we’ve never really had the pleasure of talking--just you and me. ‘Hello’ and ‘how are you’ don’t count by the way,” she smirks, running her finger along the counter, drawing circles as she regains Irene’s attention. “And as Seulgi’s closest friend, well, there are some things I’ve been dying to ask you. You don’t mind, do you?”

 

And Joy sees it, the way Irene’s shoulders relax and how her eyes soften upon hearing her say, ‘Seulgi’s closest friend’. A subtle change in her demeanor that Joy takes note of. For the girl is just as soft-hearted as she predicted.

 

“No, go ahead,” she answers quietly with a tiny smile.

 

Joy beams as she claps her hands together. Perhaps, this would be easier than she thought. She leans more onto the counter, minimizing the distance between her and Irene. With sparkling eyes and excitement in her voice, she says, “Perfect, so tell me, how did this thing happen between you and Seulgi? I’m a er for confession stories.”

 

Irene gives a casual shrug.

 

“Nothing special really. I just asked her if she would go out with me.” Her tone comes out even and steady, a bit of a surprise to Joy. Though the answer was short and simple, Irene maintained a rather neutral expression. So even in a one-on-one situation, Irene could pretend fairly well. Not as well as Seulgi, Joy’s certain, but to some degree.

 

Interesting.

 

A low hum rests at the base of Joy’s throat as she gives it more thought, pondering how much more she could push. Even if Irene is adamant on keeping up her facade, there are still things Joy could learn.

 

“Hmm, so you’re the one who asked her, huh? And that’s it? Are you sure?” Joy further questions, raising a brow, hardly blinking as she focuses on observing the girl before her. “Nothing spicy or scandalous?”

 

And the girl doesn’t entertain the possibility, swiftly denying all of Joy’s inquiries with the shake of her head.

 

“No, it was a simple confession.”

 

The grin on Joy’s face begins to morph into something more mischievous. Irene was cutting the answers too short.

 

She wants to get away from the subject.

 

Which is only natural as Joy remembers there was no simple confession. Only a contract. Yes, the girl certainly isn’t as good as Seulgi. But perhaps if Joy didn’t already know the truth, then she would’ve been fooled.

 

“I see,” Joy says with a singsong tone, failing to restrain herself. She runs her fingers through her hair, moving it away from her face. She decides to push some more. “So Seulgi didn’t come onto you first after you broke up with Minho? You know what they say about Seulgi and her reputation for playing around, pouncing at such rare opportunities with pretty girls and boys.”

 

“No,” Irene replies, this time much faster as she nearly cuts Joy off. “Like I said, I’m the one who asked her. Seulgi didn’t try anything with me.” And the last sentence comes out strong and loud, as if she were defending Seulgi. No lies. No pretend. Sincere words as far as Joy could tell.

 

Such a pleasant surprise.

 

The girl is genuine. The girl is soft-hearted. And the girl could decently keep up a facade.

 

But is that all it is? Is that why Seulgi accepted?

 

No, there’s something more. There has to be. But Joy decides it’s enough for now because she can no longer hold back the wide grin spreading across her face when she takes notice of Irene’s hardened eyes.

 

“And how did you ask her?” Joy eggs her on, flipping her hair and overacting. “Did you say, ‘I like you, please go out with me?’ Or was it more like, ‘I’m a heartbroken mess who needs help, please go out with me?’”

 

Immediately, Irene’s expression falls as she blinks in disbelief.

 

“You know.”

 

And it’s a statement that sounds more like a question but Joy answers it all the same.

 

“I do.”

 

“Have you told anyone?” Irene asks in haste, looking a bit panicked.

 

“Of course not,” Joy scoffs. Sure, she loves gossip, hearing all the latest news, knowing every new rumor that popped up but she was never the first to spread secrets, especially when it came to those closest to her. “I promised Seulgi I wouldn’t.”

 

Relief washes over the other girl and her shoulders slump as she sighs.

 

“If you already knew, then what’s with all the questions?” Irene asks, looking utterly confused by Joy’s antics.

 

And it’s a simple reason, really.

 

“Curiosity, of course. Because, honestly, I’m still trying to understand,” Joy admits, staring hard into Irene’s eyes. “Accepting this contract between the two of you is a decision Seulgi made on her own and she’s free to do whatever without my approval but... I still don’t get it.”

 

What makes you so special?

 

It’s convoluted. It doesn’t make sense. But Joy isn’t one to give up. Eventually, she’ll find the answer. And Irene will be the one to lead her to it.

 

Irene tilts her head, hair falling to frame her face.

 

“You really care a lot about Seulgi.”

 

Joy smiles. That was one way of putting it.

 

“Let me just tell you one last thing, Irene,” Joy pushes herself off the counter, standing up straight, casting her eyes downward at the other girl. And this time, she doesn’t give a question but a warning. “Even if you two aren’t really together, make sure you take care of my Seulgi. Otherwise, I may not be able to forgive you.”

 

--

 

a/n: can you believe how unbelievably slow i am? Sorry for the wait but yes! I finally updated again. A lot of things happened since i last updated. Both this fic and my oneshot Looking Through the Glass got featured and i just wanted to thank all of you guys for that.

 

Now, for this update lol hmm i don’t really have much to say except here it is! Sorry for any errors I might have missed! I know it took me some time but i hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you as always to everyone who read, whether you’re a subscriber or a silent reader or someone just passing by. Thank you as well to everyone who left comments from the last update, i’ve responded to those and a future thank you for any comments you may leave for this update. As usual, i’ll respond to those shortly before my next update haha thank you guys for all your support. You’re really the best and you’re all so amazingly patient with me, it seems like i’m the only one kicking myself to write faster lol

 

Anyways, i’ll be working on my update for You Mistook Me for the Stars next because that is long overdue. Sooooo, until next time~