X. Beside You

 

It’s Saturday mid-morning and it’s the time of the week when she usually catches up on sleep. Hours missed and wasted over the previous days spent slogging through homework, projects, and student council duties.

 

Saturday mornings are meant for resting, so says her body. Eyelids heavy and threatening to close, Wendy shakes her head, fighting the urge.

 

She should’ve opted for two cups of coffee instead of one, but at least the sight before her is enough to keep her awake.

 

Wendy sits on a small chair in the middle of the room. Arms crossed and lips tightly pursed into a thin line. Situated on the floor across from her is Seulgi, diligently scraping off wads and lumps of gum of all sizes on what Wendy counts is her fifth table so far.

 

Diligent.

 

The word hangs in her mind. An error in her thoughts. She would have never described Seulgi as such--at least, not until today.

 

Because today is different.

 

Today, Seulgi is quiet and does as she is told, absent of teasing remarks and complaints. Her hands work tirelessly with the scrapper, wearing an expression of precise focus, all in contrast to her usual smirk and unbearably careless attitude.

 

Yes, so unlike the Seulgi she knows.

 

And it’s enough to leave Wendy wondering. Questioning.

 

“Something wrong?” Seulgi speaks up with a huff as she removes another ball of gum. A blue and lumpy orb. “You’ve got that scary look in your eye, Ms. Vice,” she laughs. “Like you’re thinking awfully hard.”

 

No eye contact. No lopsided grin thrown her way. No casual shrugs given. Seulgi doesn’t move from her spot and she continues on with her task, waiting for an answer Wendy might or might not give. An old, white piece of gum falls from the table.

 

“You’re actually working hard,” Wendy answers. “It’s unexpected.”

 

Two more clumps of gum fall. One red. One yellow.

 

“Didn’t you know?” Seulgi pauses. She spins the scrapper in her hand, flashing Wendy a smile, all teeth and from ear to ear. It’s the first time she’s taken pause from scraping gum. “I don’t halfass anything, Wendy.”

 

Cocky.

 

This is more familiar.

 

“Oh, really?” Wendy scoffs.

 

Because, needless to say, she doesn’t believe Seulgi one bit. The girl skips classes. Carries an aloof and indifferent attitude. Rumors about her are always spreading like wildfire, never clarified and left to grow. And Seulgi wallows in it or maybe she just doesn’t care.

 

If anything, Seulgi is no diligent, hard worker. No. She’s a delinquent--a troublemaker for as long as Wendy’s known of her.

 

I don’t halfass anything, Wendy.

 

“What a lie,” the Vice President sneers, playing with the ring on her right pinky finger. Twisting it back and forth. “You’re always running around doing whatever you want.”

 

“Can’t say you’re wrong,” Seulgi tilts her head back and sighs. A small admission of agreement. “But you can’t ignore the evidence either. I’d say my grades are proof enough.”

 

For the moment, Wendy doesn’t argue back. It’s a valid point. Somehow despite everything, Seulgi is in the top fifteen of their class. A fact that frustrates the Vice President of the Student Council because it doesn’t make sense. How could it?

 

“It’s the best I can do but the results are pretty good, aren’t they?” Seulgi continues. “So then, what’s wrong with having a little fun?” And though Wendy doubts her--always doubts her, she still keeps her grin. Never letting it go.

 

Seulgi is always skipping but she’s near the top of the class.

 

Seulgi is said to play around but she’s dating Irene.

 

Seulgi is said to be a troublemaker--a slacker--but here she is working earnestly.

 

I don’t halfass anything, Wendy.

 

It repeats in her head once more. Her irritation grows.

 

“It’s doesn’t make sense. You’re contradicting,” Wendy’s eyes narrow. Scrutinizing the other girl, thinking of everything she knows about her, everything she’s heard. ”You say you don’t halfass anything, huh? Okay then, why? Because, honestly, I don’t believe you for a second.”

 

Amusement plays upon Seulgi’s face. A look Wendy has always found annoying but her desire for an answer is enough to look past it.

 

“Well,” she hums, still twirling the scrapper in her hand. Two seconds pass. Three. Four. Then, the twirling stops. “Have you ever been moved by something? Enough to the point where it stuck with you--changed you?”

 

Wendy blinks. Not quite sure of what kind of answer she initially expected but it certainly wasn’t that. Maybe a snarky remark. Perhaps a sarcastic comment. But the question is serious and catches her off guard.

 

The Vice President continues to twist the ring on her finger, feeling the metal slide as she pondered. Many moments in life have affected her, inspired her, influenced her. From personal experiences to books and movies--even historical events. It’s the reason why she joined the Student Council. A stepping stone in pursuit of bigger goals and far off dreams. And those pieces of inspiration are a part of the reason why she’s the person she is today.

 

The answer is easy enough.

 

And the answer, she imagines, is the same for everyone.

 

“Yeah, I have.”

 

Seulgi nods her head, satisfied. “See? That’s all it is,” she says with a shrug before continuing to remove the last few remaining pieces of gum on the table, putting Wendy’s inquiry to bed.

 

But such a vague answer will not suffice. Not at all.

 

Another lump of gum falls. Green.

 

Then, two more after. Pink and yellow.

 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Wendy speaks up again. The fact that Seulgi had little to say previously is indication enough that there is more. There’s always more. So, she probes further. “If that’s all it is then tell me, what is it that moved you?”

 

And it might be her imagination or maybe not, but for the briefest of moments, Wendy notices the way Seulgi’s shoulders stiffen. How her hand freezes, hanging in the air as the last wad of gum falls.

 

The heartthrob sighs and gives a soft chuckle, “Ah, it’s a secret.”

 

Immediately, Wendy scoffs. Inwardly cursing herself for being slightly optimistic. This is Kang Seulgi after all.

 

“I knew it,” the Vice President rolls her eyes and then crosses her arms once more. “You’re just a liar saying nice words.”

 

Seulgi rises to her feet. Stretches her legs and then her arms. “Actually,” the heartthrob says, taking a deep breath before turning towards Wendy with a tiny smirk plastered on her face, “I’m just selfish.”

 

And the confession is strange. Seulgi’s smirk is almost out of place. So unlike her usual expression somehow. Lacking in cockiness and other things but Wendy can’t quite put her finger on it.

 

“Shall I move onto the next table, Ms. Vice?”

 

Though she asks, Seulgi proceeds without an answer. Walking over to the nearest table and flipping it on its side to begin scrapping.

 

The Vice President remains silent.

 

Observing intently.

 

Contemplating deeply.

 

Because today, Seulgi is different.

 

Or maybe, she was never the person Wendy thought she was.

 

//

 

She lays her head against the truck window, feeling a bit of the evening chill. Her key rests in the ignition and the engine is quiet. And in that stillness, Seulgi watches the remaining moments of the sunset. Letting herself relax from all the tasks Wendy put her through the entire day. Not that they were difficult, just tedious--incredibly tedious and boring to say the least.

 

Moments pass and the sun finally leaves before Seulgi checks her phone for the time, noticing a missed text message from earlier in the afternoon.

 

Annoying Cutie: Irene’s home now. I even kept her company and rode the bus to her neighborhood with her. You owe me~

 

A small smile tugs at the edges of Seulgi’s lips. Maybe she’d get Joy flowers in return. She always liked that. Or perhaps a free lunch this time around instead.

 

Her thumbs hover above the LED screen, ready to reply, but she stops. Seulgi drops her phone in her lap and sighs, sounding more exhausted than she really was. Her fingers comb through her hair and again, she sighs.

 

I’m not fine--the words Irene uttered with a broken smile creep up in repeating whispers. It had never left Seulgi since this morning. Constantly there in the back of her mind, it lingered.

 

Last night, Irene tried so hard. She pushed herself. Testing the waters and enduring the pain, seeing how far she had come and how much farther she needed to go. And Seulgi did what she could, what Irene allowed. But…

 

How do you do it, Seulgi?

 

I wish… I wish I could be like you.

 

Seulgi takes the keys from the ignition and stuffs it into her coat pocket. The truck door groans open as she grabs her phone and then hops out.

 

//

 

Irene lays on her bed, absentmindedly staring at the ceiling with her arms and legs sprawled out. She takes one deep breath and then another. Slowly, her eyes shut, feeling the comforting hush cradle her.

 

And she stays there.

 

Just like that.

 

Unmoving and tranquil.

 

That is, until moments later when she recognizes the sound of her phone ringing. She reaches over to her night stand, fumbling around for the device, and then answers the call.

 

“Took you awhile to pick up,” the familiar voice teases.

 

“Seulgi?” Irene blurts in slight surprise. “Why are you calling?”

 

They usually only ever exchanged text messages. Calls were infrequent or in their case, there never was the need or the desire to do so. Not when typing back and forth was sufficient enough.

 

“Is it so strange for me to be calling you, babe?”

 

And without fail, Irene cringes from the pet name, rolling onto her side and clutching a nearby pillow closer.

 

“Gross,” she replies, pretending to gag. To which Seulgi laughs in response. Always so amused.

 

But when her laughter subsides within the next few seconds, a sharp inhale of breath follows, catching Irene’s attention. A pause--just a small gesture but Irene can sense Seulgi’s concern. It’s always so subtle, just enough to tell and faint enough to overlook.

 

But Irene knows. She’s learning.

 

“I wanted to ask how you were doing,” Seulgi says, keeping her voice steady.

 

Irene breathes in the scent of lavender lingering on the sheets, composing herself for a decent answer. Yet, one word is the best she can muster.

 

“Better.”

 

The word hangs heavy in the air.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Yes.

 

No.

 

Maybe.

 

She wants to hear Seulgi’s thoughts.

 

“Do you think I’m lying?” Irene asks in a whisper that barely leaves her lips.

 

“Actually, I think you’re stubborn. And I think you try too hard. But you’re no liar. You’re a very honest and sincere person, Irene. So if you’re not okay, you don’t have to force yourself to say so.” Seulgi stops and she sighs. “At least, not with me. I just wanted to remind you that’s why I’m here.”

 

It isn’t hard to imagine the heartthrob’s grin at that moment. Not the cocky one she usually wears but the rare sight of warmth and reassurance that Irene’s sure Seulgi’s shown to her more than anyone else.

 

And it isn’t hard to guess that Seulgi’s known all along how Irene felt--what she was trying to do during that disastrous double date. How she was measuring the lingering pain, hoping she’d finally gotten past a broken heart.

 

But no, Irene might be doing better but she’s still incomplete and the pieces lie at her feet slowly being collected. Slowly but surely mending.

 

“Somehow, I can never fool you,” Irene realizes.

 

Not last night. Not since the moment they spoke.

 

Not like most people.

 

She begins to trace nonsensical patterns on her pillow. Her finger gliding across the soft fabric. Back and forth. Back and forth.

 

“Of course not,” Seulgi scoffs, sounding jokingly offended. “I am your girlfriend after all--well, fake girlfriend but close enough.”

 

A small bit of laughter bubbles up out of Irene, washing over her like a wave of relief. Her lips curve into a tiny smile,

 

“Thank--”

 

“Don’t,” the heartthrob gently cuts in. “You thank me too much.”

 

And it’s Seulgi’s way of saying not to bother, not to worry. But even so, Irene is grateful. She only wishes that Seulgi would let her show it some way or another.

 

Then, the sound of what seems to be cars honking and speeding by in the background catches her ear.

 

“Where are you right now?” Irene asks, though she’s already guessed.

 

The background noises become more distinguishable.

 

Louder.

 

Passersby talking. Buses stopping. A chain fence rattles and feet hit the concrete with a stomp that echoes like faraway thunder. Seulgi exhales, “I’m just walking around.”

 

Irene knows better.

 

“Wandering about, huh?” Irene’s hand falls flat on the pillow, no longer drawing invisible lines. “Be careful while you’re out there. It’s late,” she tells the heartthrob as her fingers curl, lightly grasping the pillow. Truthfully, she wishes to tell Seulgi to go home. It’s not safe to be out so late and alone. But the plea would only fall on deaf ears.

 

Seulgi does whatever she wants after all, despite everyone and everything else.

 

“Don’t worry. I can handle myself,” Seulgi reassures her.

 

An all too predictable response.

 

“Even so, be careful, alright?”

 

Momentary silence filters in between them. Cautious. Uncertain. Seulgi uncharacteristically takes longer to respond than usual. And then, absent of any quips or traces of playfulness in her voice, she finally says, “I will. Good night, Irene.”

 

“Good night, Seulgi.”

 

The call drops and with a wisp of a smile, left all alone, Irene whispers, “Thank you.”

 

//

 

Yeri stares, bewildered. Eyes wide and mouth agape when she enters the Student Council room, as if she’d just seen the most baffling thing.

 

Wendy isn’t sitting at her desk.

 

She isn’t ruffling through papers or sorting folders with her brows knitted together.

 

No, she’s on her feet, gathering her things, like she’s actually about to leave the room.

 

Yeri never thought it possible. Wendy Shon, Vice President of the Student Council, ranked first in her class--Ms.Works-Too-Much-For-Her-Own-Good--is doing... something else?

 

“Oh my God, are my eyes playing tricks on me?” Yeri blurts, dramatically putting a hand to her chest, faking a gasp. “You’re not working during lunch?”

 

The Vice President rolls her eyes and grabs her bag.

 

“Ha ha. Believe it or not, I’ve actually got other things to do,” Wendy cooly remarks, dusting eraser shavings off her desk and then pushing the chair in, ignoring the teasing glint in Yeri’s eyes.

 

“Other things?” The treasurer can’t help but snicker. “What, like study in the library? Go run errands for Seohyun? Organize your locker?”

 

At this point, Yeri struggles to stifle her laughter as she hides her face behind the back of her hand. It’s just so hard to imagine Wendy doing anything less serious, less productive. The Vice President has always been, in her opinion, uptight--and sure, she’s fairly nice and kind but definitely too stuffy for Yeri’s taste.

 

Wendy stares at her with narrowed eyes, completely humorless.

 

And once again, Yeri can only think of the word: uptight.

 

“I have to go keep an eye on a certain someone who I am currently responsible for,” Wendy explains as she walks towards the doorway where Yeri stood.

 

A wide grin emerges on the younger’s face and she releases a bottled up laugh. She’d been right the entire time.

 

“So, you mean you’re still working.”

 

“I’m always working,” Wendy admits matter-of-factly.

 

Yeri shakes her head, “Ah, how boring.”

 

//

 

“Wendy.”

 

“Joy.”

 

They say to each other. Seulgi keeps herself from looking up. Busying herself with the lunch Irene made her, she picks at it with her fork.

 

There’s more broccoli today.

 

“Don’t you usually sit with your friends over there?” Wendy asks.

 

“I used to, yes, but now I sit here,” Joy answers in her usual cheerful tone.

 

Seulgi’s hand stops for a moment as her brows furrowed together.

 

“Since when?” Wendy follows up with a question Seulgi had been wondering herself.

 

“Since a minute ago.”

 

The heartthrob reluctantly bites into a piece of broccoli, scowling at both the taste of it and at Joy’s reply. Their table’s already too crowded for Seulgi’s liking. After all, having Johnny and Mark around was equal to sharing the company of ten children.

 

Loud, hyper, and messy.

 

Add Joy to the mix and that would only double.

 

“And what about you, Wendy?” Joy smiles. “Aren’t you supposed to be cooped up in the Student Council room or some office or whatever?”

 

“Usually, yes, but circumstances require I sit here.”

 

Circumstances? And Seulgi mentally face palms, knowing exactly as to what Wendy is alluding to. That’s right. She’s currently the Vice President’s responsibility.

 

“And since when?” Joy poses the same question.

 

To which Wendy cleverly replies in the same manner, “Since a minute ago.”

 

The cheerleader laughs, pleased and amused. Enjoying their little exchange. But Seulgi finds it’s too loud. There’s too much talking. She just wants to eat and peacefully rest during lunch.

 

“Ah, you’re so funny, Wendy--”

 

“Excuse me,” Seulgi finally cuts in, interrupting Joy, “hate to interrupt and all, but there’s a perfectly good table right there on the side,” she says, pointing to her left. “Empty, too. You guys should sit over there.”

 

The suggestion, of course, flies over Joy’s head as the cheerleader defiantly sets her tray down and takes her seat at their table. Exactly what Seulgi didn’t want. And the Vice President follows suit without a single trace of emotion on her face, simply acting on what her job required of her--to keep a close and watchful eye despite what the heartthrob wants.

 

Joy glowers at Seulgi, obviously offended, “Wow, Bear Seul, how rude. Do you not want us sitting here?”

 

Was her request not clear?

 

“No,” Seulgi answers bluntly. “This table’s already loud enough with these two.”

 

Immediately, Johnny and Mark turn their heads, insulted. With their mouths full they exclaim, “Hey!” As bits of food fly onto their trays and the table.

 

“Don’t listen to Seulgi,” Irene laughs, laying a hand on the heartthrob’s shoulder. “She’s just grumpy because she actually stayed in class today instead of taking a nap on the rooftop or something.” And she passes a small knowing smile to Wendy, earning a nod of approval from the latter.

 

“Yeah, don’t listen to Seulgi,” Johnny agrees, stuffing more chips into his mouth.“The more--”

 

“The merrier!” Mark finishes.

 

Three against one. Outnumbered. Too much effort to argue back anymore. So Seulgi pouts, stabbing into another broccoli and quickly consuming it. At least it’s not as difficult to eat as it was before. She’s never been fond of the taste and don’t get her wrong, she still isn’t, but it’s tolerable now.

 

“Can you even remember the last time we had lunch together?” Irene giggles.

 

“I think it was a few days before we left to study abroad,” the Vice President hums, slowly opening her lunch pack. “It definitely feels like forever though.”

 

“So, Joy, what the hell happened to you and Sungjae?” the boys nearly lunge across the table from their curiosity.

 

“Ugh,” Joy rolls her eyes, groaning in disgust. “He’s a jerk.”

 

It’s loud. The conversations intersect and jump from one topic to next, never ceasing. Never a moment of quiet. And Seulgi can feel a frown pulling at her lips.

 

Perhaps, Irene is right and irritation is all it really is. Class was boring. The teachers agonizingly drawled on. Her peers were even less attentive than she was, whispering and goofing about. It would’ve been more productive for her to skip as she normally did. Relax on the rooftop, enjoying the breeze or reading a book. Or even leave the school for a few hours and take a stroll. But she made a deal with Wendy, one that she fully intends to keep.

 

Still, it’s not something she liked--being locked up in a classroom for an entire day and the feeling of suffocation that seemed to haunt her till now.

 

Her fingers drum along the edge of the table. Steady then restless. Her patience slowly waning. She could leave right now. Escape to the roof for a nap. Even for just ten minutes. No one would notice, not when they were all so busy conversing. No one would probably care either and if they bothered to ask, well, in the end, she’d go anyway.

 

It’s just what she does.

 

The drumming slows and then it ceases. Her hands grip the edge of the table, ready to leave. And just when she’s about to stand, Irene catches her eye. Gazing at her and tilting her head, as if to ask her a question amongst all the noise. On reflex, Seulgi flashes her a grin. Easy and practiced. Telling her not to worry.

 

And that should be the end of it.

 

She should be walking away from the table now, heading for anywhere else but here.

 

But Irene places her hand over Seulgi’s. Her small fingers curling around it, giving a gentle squeeze. She smiles back at the heartthrob ever so carefully. Softly. Knowingly. Then, she turns back to Wendy, resuming in laughter and giggles once more. And her hand stays right where it is, keeping Seulgi warm.

 

For a moment, the heartthrob hesitates, frozen by Irene’s touch.

 

It’s nothing though--simply a kind gesture.

 

Seulgi should just go.

 

There’s still time.

 

It’s just what she does.

 

But somehow, she remains unmoving.

 

For some reason, she stays.

 

 

//

 

Irene takes her seat on the city bus, out in the far back by the window. Her dance instructor had returned over the weekend and so classes were to start up again. Of course, Seulgi offered to drive her to the studio but with the track meet only days away and only so much time left to practice, Irene insisted it wasn’t necessary. She digs into her bag, searching for her earbuds, when someone scoots in beside her.

 

“Seems like we just keep running into each other.”

 

Irene pauses and turns to the familiar voice to find Joy sweetly smiling at her. Caught off guard, Irene blinks and slowly replies, “It... definitely seems like it.”

 

And her voice must’ve been trembling or maybe she looked a little too startled because Joy laughs and pats her on the shoulder.

 

“Relax, Irene. I promise I’m not stalking you. I’m actually headed to the mall to buy some supplies for the cheer team.”

 

It’d be a lie to say Irene isn’t relieved hearing that. It’s not that she’s afraid of Joy per se but she’s just a little more wary of the girl, especially after discovering that the cheerleader knew of her agreement with Seulgi.

 

Spending lunch with her though and seeing her interact with Mark, Johnny, and Wendy--Joy isn’t so bad. Just a bit intimidating at times if Irene is to be honest. And so she can’t help but be initially spooked at the sight of her.

 

“You didn’t stay after to watch Seulgi today?” Joy asks, tucking stray locks of hair behind her ear.

 

Irene shakes her head as she zips up her bag. No need for earbuds today. “I can’t. My dance classes resume today.”

 

And the cheerleader claps her hands together in excitement.

 

“That’s right! I almost forgot that you dance,” Joy grins, pressing a thoughtful finger to her lip. “You know, next time there’s auditions for the cheer team you should try out. Because I swear,” the cheerleader pauses and moves in close to Irene’s ear, as if to whisper a secret, “some of the girls on the team have two left feet. It’s embarrassing.”

 

And Joy backs away, rolling her eyes. To which Irene chuckles in response, finding herself relaxing in the girl’s company.

 

“So which dance studio do you go to? KW? Orange? Studio 801? Beat--”

 

“Studio 801,” Irene cuts in with a smile before Joy continues on with her list.

 

The cheerleader hums thoughtfully and the curve at the corners of her lips tighten as if she came upon something wondrous. “Studio 801, huh? It’s a pretty good place from what I’ve heard which means you must be quite the talented dancer.” Then, there’s a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. “You should definitely try out for the cheer team next time. I think you’d look cute in a cheerleader uniform. There’s no doubt Seulgi would say the same thing.”

 

Irene quickly waves a hand in dismissal, ignoring the faint blush that painted her cheeks.

 

“Sorry, but I think I’ll pass.”

 

“Ugh, you’re just like Seulgi,” Joy huffs with a pout. “Never letting me have my fun.”

 

The next couple of minutes carry on in casual conversation. Easy and enjoyable, much to Irene’s delight. A new topic comes along as many times as the bus stops. Smooth and effortlessly. Irene finds that talking to Joy isn’t forced or awkward, at least, in this very moment it’s not. Actually, it’s rather enjoyable.

 

It’s then she begins to realize that there’s a similarity between Joy and Seulgi. The teasing. The playfulness. The bold overconfidence. But more interestingly, there’s a fundamental difference between the two friends who are so close and alike.

 

The emotional transparency.

 

Joy is more expressive, more open as she doesn’t bother to mask what feelings her voice carries. What new lit curiosity sparkles in her eye. Or the frustration that wrinkles her brow. And it only makes Irene think of how much Seulgi is the opposite in that regard. Showing less and hiding more.

 

The thought is a little saddening.

 

The bus slows again for the upcoming stop, its brakes hissing as it comes to a halt.

 

“Can I see your phone, Irene?” Joy suddenly requests. The passengers rise, exiting the vehicle in a snail-like pace.

 

Irene reluctantly complies and the cheerleader fiddles with the phone as she begins to stand. It takes her only three seconds before she tosses the phone onto Irene’s lap, causing the latter to jump.

 

Of course, the reaction has Joy snickering.

 

“I know I come off as strong and I’m sorry if I scared you in anyway before but I’d like for us to be friends,” Joy winks, giving Irene a tiny wave as she departed. “See you tomorrow.”

 

//

 

She stares at her reflection, inspecting the two bruises on her face that had faded from a deep purple to a sort of pale yellow. She grazes a finger over the one on her cheek, applying the slightest bit of pressure.

 

A dull ache. Tolerant.

 

Better.

 

Her finger then moves down to the bruise at the corner of her lip and she presses it, causing her to wince and air through her teeth. Seulgi clicks her tongue.

 

“Ow.”

 

Still painful. Somewhat bearable.

 

The impact of Sungjae's punches remain fresh in her mind. So easy to recall the way his knuckles felt against her cheekbone, roughly digging into it. The cracking noise it made as it struck her across the face. Seulgi smirks at the memory. For he certainly did a number on her but he was in, more or less, worse condition than she. And that was extremely satisfying, especially after what he said about Irene and Joy.

 

Overall though, she’s recovering well. Just a few more days and her face would be rid of these unflattering blotches.

 

The heartthrob exits the bathroom and walks back to her bedroom, feeling her way through the dark. She turns on the lamp at her desk, bulb finally replaced, and leaves the rest of the room in shadows. At her desk, she sits, resting at the very of edge of the chair as if she can’t decide whether to remain there or stand. Move. Walk around. Lay down. Sleep.

 

Her leg shakes, restless. Over and over. And soon, her hands dig into her drawer, finding the now-worn purple parchment that was oh so familiar to her touch.

 

Irene’s letter.

 

Seulgi doesn’t open it. There’s no need to. After all, she’s read it how many times now?

 

More than enough.

 

More than necessary.

 

More than she wanted to.

 

Still, every time she looks at it, it never fails to surprise her just how much Irene had written. The words her memories and feelings transcribed, drowning the page in ink, barely leaving any space untouched. Her fingers hesitate, deciding whether or not she should glance over it one more time. Until finally, she tosses it back in the drawer with a sigh.

 

On the bulletin board above her desk, she plucks a note different from the others. One of the very few she didn’t write so hastily. Careful and neat. Important to read and remember. She flattens out the bent corner.

 

 

Remind her not to rush.

And eventually, time and laughter will heal the hurt.

 

Seulgi reads it again. Once. Twice. Thrice. And crumples it up, tossing it in the trash.

 

Then, the sound of her phone ringing cuts through the dark silence like a knife. She brings the device to her ear, unconcerned with who it might be. She guesses it’s Joy. Or maybe even her parents phoning in. But most likely, neither, perhaps a telemarketer--there never seemed to be a shortage of them after all.

 

“So what are you guys trying to sell me this time?” Seulgi takes the initiative to ask, running her fingers through her hair.

 

“Um, what are you talking about, Seulgi?”

 

“Irene?” The heartthrob utters her name in surprise. “Sorry, I didn’t check who was calling.” She pauses and then straightens in her seat. “So what’s the occasion for this unexpected phone call? Not that I mind, of course. Always a pleasure to hear your lovely voice.”

 

An audible scoff filters in from the other end and Seulgi grins, trying to suppress any laughter on her part. Irene is always so fun to tease.

 

“You should know, your sweet-talking is starting to lose its effect,” Irene sneers.

 

“Is that so?” the heartthrob hums, a smirk curving her lips. “Guess I’ll just have to try harder then.” And she can already imagine Irene shaking her head.

 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Kang Seulgi. So how was track practice earlier?”

 

Irene’s voice is more firm, filled with less melancholy.

 

“Good as usual,” Seulgi says, casually leaning back in her chair. A long and overly dramatic sigh passes her lips. “Though I was so lonely every time I looked at the bleachers only to remember you weren’t there. Honestly, I almost started crying.”

 

Muffled laughter catches Seulgi’s ear and somehow, she finds the sound oddly nice.

 

“Well, I’ll be there tomorrow.”

 

“Oh?” the heartthrob tilts her head. “No dance classes?”

 

“Nope, it’s every other day. So I’ll be there to save you from your loneliness tomorrow.”

 

And Seulgi can hear Irene smiling.

 

Playful back-and-forth is all it is.

 

Nice words. Nice lies. Pleasant things to hear but only a fool would truly believe. So why is it, that for that brief moment, Seulgi’s body stiffens. Her voice struggles. Short, wordless breaths. A witty reply should’ve been given by now. Something. Anything. And yet, it takes her time.

 

Half a second to remind herself not to take it to heart--don’t take anything to heart. One more second to regain her composure. Inhale. Exhale. And one last second, to find her voice and force a laugh, “My hero.”

 

Playful back-and-forth is all it is. She tells herself one more time.

 

“I was actually calling to ask you something, Seulgi,” Irene reveals, sounding busy and preoccupied on the other end. Fiddling with what sounds to be plates and silverware.

 

Don’t get it mixed up for anything else.

 

Seulgi grabs a pen from her drawer and sets it on the nearby pad of sticky notes, writing each letter carefully.

 

Because thoughts like that can only end in disappointment.

 

“And what’s the question?” Seulgi asks, managing to maintain her lighthearted tone.

 

She finishes writing and takes the newly written note to hang it on the bulletin board. Dead center where her eyes will always find it.

 

Both reminder and warning of her place and role.

 

“Would you prefer beef or chicken for lunch tomorrow?”

 

Seulgi stops.

 

She shakes her head and then sinks in her seat with a short and helpless laugh at how unexpected the question is. So normal and casual. As if… She puts a hand over her eyes.

 

“Beef,” the heartthrob answers softly. “And less vegetables this time, please.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that last part,” Irene teases amidst the sound of meat sizzling in a pan.

 

They laugh.

 

They talk.

 

And against her better judgment, Seulgi stays on the line for a little while longer.

 

--

a/n: it’s been foreveeeeerrrrrr OTL i’m sorry for the super long wait. I wanted to update this a lot sooner but i was trying to update You Mistook Me for the Stars first and that took me a while. And then I got occupied with some other things but finally, this fic has been updated! Better late than never LOL even tho this felt like forever OTL

 

But wow, 10 chapters. I finally hit double digits lol It’s been quite the journey here so thank you to everyone who’s been reading this fic and continually supporting it. This fic has received so much love over time, I’m just in awe. With that said, more progress is happening little by little. So I’m curious about your thoughts and what you guys think will happen.

 

As always, thank you all for reading! Thank you to all of the subscribers, to all of those who upvoted, to everyone who commented, and even to those who silent read~ you guys are the best and i hope my next update doesn’t take another three months or so. I’ll work on being more timely lol well, until next time~