I.


 

11.10.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
Today is the first time I understood that I have a crush on you. Yes, my close friends have been telling me since the first time I saw you but I was always telling them that they were wrong. Like how can a boy like another boy? I mean, I have heard such things around me but I have never given it a thought.

However, today, I saw you with your broken arm in cast, my heart ached. I mean, I have been thinking about maybe liking you but when I saw you like that it hit me like truck. I realised that my friends were right, I had a crush on you for a long time but I have no one to tell. I am shy to talk about it with my friends (I still need time!) and I am afraid about telling it to my family. I don't even know how they are going to react to it! We have never talked about the topic at home so, I don't know their opinion on it. Do you think I am a chicken?

So, Mark Lee, since I have no one to talk about it, I am going to write my feelings to you! Of course, I am never going to send the letters to you.

The thing you will be reading right know is very important Mark Lee, you should read it carefully because I know that I won't be able to tell it to your face!

Mark Lee, I have a crush on you!

Love,
Lee Donghyuck.

 

13.10.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
Sorry, I couldn't write to you yesterday because I was busy with looking after my sister, Naeun. She is actually not a baby, only a year younger than me but my mum insists on me to take care of her. She thinks Naeun will learn a lot from me and our bond will develop. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate her but she thinks that she knows everything and even looks down on me sometimes. I want to kick her for entering my room without permission and taking my stuff but of course I don't, or my mum would kill me.

Also, don't expect me to write you everyday, it might not seem like it from outside but I am actually a busy person. I have to look after Naeun after school sometimes, or Jisung who is our neighbor's son. On Fridays I help Mr. Son to organize the music room since he has just moved to a new room but I think he will need my help for the whole year because there are always new things that he has to take care of. In return he gives me vocal lessons, so everything is okay. I also have to study and do my homework.

Oh, my life must be boring for you. I know that your life is colorful. You are one of the most popular kids in our school. Your friends are always the coolest ones. You play for school's basketball team, I pretty sure that you will continue doing that in high school because you love playing basketball! I wish I could come and see your matches in the future! You have practises after school, if not then you hang out with your friends. I don't know how you find the time but you also must be studying since you have great grades.

Now, I have to do my homework Mark Lee.

Bye,
Lee Donghyuck.

19.10.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
Today, I'm going to write about the first time I saw you. You didn't see me, but I saw you.

It was the third week of school and I had to find Mrs Park for some file my parents had to fill in. As a freshman, I remember that I didn't want to go upstairs to your floor because be honest you guys weren't that kind to us. Still, I had to go and it wasn't an option.

In the corridor, I saw you with two of your friends, you guys were talking loudly about something and then your friend tripped, almost falling down. I heard you and your other friend laughing loudly at him and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I mean, I'm sorry for your friend but, you have an amazing laugh.

Mark Lee, smile more!

Bye,
Lee Donghyuck

23.10.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
My mum saw the envelops and asked me what they were. I told her it was about some project and she believed me but I'm still nervous, I don't want my parents (or anybody else) to learn the fact that I have crush on you and I write letters that I will never send to you.

Today, I had to help Naeun to do her homework, she has difficulty in understanding Maths. She mentioned you (I told you that you were popular!) and I think I acted obvious. She might know about my crush on you but she still hasn't said anything about it. If she does know, what should I do?

I think I need your help, Mark Lee.

Bye,
Lee Donghyuck.

02.11.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
Mark Lee. This is your last year. How do you feel?

What I feel is more like sorrow because I won't be able to see you again. Seoul is a big city and we have no connection. For one and a half year, I have had a crush on you and I don't know what I'm going to do when you leave the school.

Today, someone said that you are going to go to Canada and study high school there. I don't know how to feel and what I should do, Mark Lee.

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck.

04.11.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
Can you take a look at the date again? Mark Lee today, I believe, is the first time you have seen me! I feel so different now. Somehow I feel like somethings are going to change or that's what I hope, maybe.

I was eating lunch in the cafeteria with my friends and we made an eye contact, I was sure I looked like a disgusting pig and you were going to act like you didn't see me but instead you gave me a big smile, even sone of your friends turned to see why you were smiling. It was an exciting moment for me, but I'm sure you won't even remember it tomorrow.

Isn't it the worst part of my crush? My best moments are just normal things for you.

But your smile was cute and couraging?

Like I said before Mark Lee, keep smiling.

Best Wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

09.11.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
Please don't laugh at me but today I thought about confessing you? I mean, I know my chances are zero but this is your last year, Mark Lee. I won't see you again.

Even if you reject me, I can just move on, right?

On the other hand, I want to remember you as a good memory, not someone that I will ignore talking about just you rejected me.

Am I being stupid?

I think I am.

Mark Lee, do you like stupid people?

Maybe you should.

Love,
Lee Donghyuck

13.11.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
I think I am really going to confess you. I don't want to regret anything in my life when I grow up.

I don't care if you reject me (I mean I will cry for weeks) but I don't want to say people that I have never confessed to my crush because I was afraid.

I want to try something new once in my life. I want to be happy. I want to man up! Maybe, I can be brave like you, Mark Lee.

I'm going to confess very soon, Mark Lee. When I do, please accept me!

Loves,
Lee Donghyuck






 

II.

15.11.2013

Mark Lee,

Look at the date.

Today you broke my heart for the first time.

-Lee Donghyuck

29.11.2013

Mark Lee,
You must be surprised, right? That's normal Mark Lee. You know nothing. I'm happy that I didn't have chance to confess you.

I really want to hate Kim Yerim, but she is so nice and kind so I can't.

I really want to hate you but since you don't know anything and I love you, I can't.

So I'm just going to hate myself.

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck.

03.12.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
I'm sorry for bothering you. You are a nice boyfriend to Yerim. She is nice to you, too. So just be happy.

I'm sorry.

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

06.12.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
I'm really sorry but I can't stop writing you. It's not because I'm expecting something from you. I have never expected anything from you. Maybe for the last week... I just hoped. It was stupid, I know. Me writing letters to you(!) is also stupid.

However, Mark Lee, I'm in so much pain and I have no one to tell it. There is no one can understand me right now. You look so, so happy that I can't even get angry at you.

I always want to blame you for being flawless, for making me fall in love with you. For dating Yerim. However, I can't.

I knew this was going to happen, actually. I was always preparing myself to something like this. After your smile, I guess, I started being stupid and I started hoping.

I'm sorry, Mark Lee, for hoping.

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

12.12.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
Never pity me.
No one pities me.
Don't feel sorry for me.
I will do great.
I'm doing great.
I'm great at acting.

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

21.12.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
It just hurts so much. I'm sorry. I realised that it wasn't because of your smile, it was because of you. I think I always thought like maybe we could be together. It was my fault.

Don't be sorry!

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

31.12.2013

Dear Mark Lee,
20 minutes later, it will be the new year. In 2014, I will never write to you again. So, for the last time, I just wanted to say you some stuff, because I know, I will never be able to tell it to your face.

1. You are an amazingly good person. I fell for your character even though I was amazed by your smile at first. Please keep being the Mark Lee I know. So I can tell people proudly that I had a crush on you in the future.

2. It's not your fault that I'm upset. I have been doing pretty good actually. You didn't know anything, right? Maybe I should have at least tried being friends with you. It's all my fault because I'm a loser.

3. In all of my previous letters, I kept telling you that I had a crush on you. Mark Lee, I lied. I think I love you. Please keep it as a secret.

And... Mark Lee, I know you will never ever get my letters, but if you do, please don't laugh at me or show my letters to anyone else please.

Dearest Mark Lee, I love you, without expexting anything in return from you.

Please, please, please, be happy.

Love,
Lee Donghyuck

P.S: And happy new year! Or.. years, since I won't write to you again!




 

III.


 

16.06.2014

Dear Mark Lee,
I know that I said I won't write you again and that I was starting a new life... But soon, very soon, you are going to graduate from high school. The rumors that I heard are true... You are going to go to Canada and study high school or maybe even collage there.

It feels weird. I'm not going to see you in the corridors again, well you won't even be in the country but... It's just...

Mark Lee, I never had you, but it is so hard to let you go.

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

19.06.2014

Dear Mark Lee,
Today I learnt that you have broken up with Yerim a month ago. She offered to wait for you, but you said that you didn't want her to wait. I think it just broke her heart a lot.

And I understood that you are not planning to come back.

So, this is my last letter to you, Mark Lee.

Take care.

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

20.11.2017

Dear Mark Lee,
Something interesting happened today. I saw your best friends, Lee Jeno and Na Jaemin. It felt really weird to see them.

I have never spoken with both of them when we were in middle school. Actually, I haven't even met with them. I only knew their names because I was crushing on you. However, we were in a cafe waiting on the line and they recognised me so we had to have a little conversation. Without you being next to them they looked strange to me. (or maybe it was because I was seeing them for the first time after almost three years.) They said something about you but I couldn't catch it (they changed the topic.)

They looked like nice people. I also saw Yerim, Jeno and Jaemin said they were supposed to meet with her actually. So apparently they are still good friends. Yerim said she is dating with a guy who is two years older than him so you don't have a chance with her. (Of course it is not like I care.)

I'm also doing great. I go to a high school different than the others' but I have made new friends in my new school. They can't believe when I tell them how I was in the primary because I make them suffer all the time. My best friend is a Chinese guy named Renjun, he is really nice and only we can deal with each other so we are good couple. Oh, I'm not dating with him. He is dating with another Chinese who is a year younger than him, Chenle. (I adore Chenle but I never tell him that.)

I hope you are doing well too.

Mark Lee, it was weird how your friends knew my name and recognised me so easily. Maybe I was not really a loser as I thought?

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck

31.12.2017

Dear Mark Lee,
I have seen Jaemin, Jeno and Yerim a lot after our first meeting in the cafe. They are really good people but I don't want to see them anymore. They remind me you.

I don't want to remember you. Mark Lee, I swear, I am not crushing on you anymore.

I am really not going to write you again. Sorry. (Not really?)

Best wishes,
Lee Donghyuck.








 

IV.

[30.05.2018]

Mark Lee breathes the familiar, warm air of Seoul after 4 years of break. He smiles as he sees the familiar faces of his middle school friends, Jaemin and Jeno. He is really happy to see them after 4 years, however his heart looks for someone else.