A/N: Hi everyone I hope you're all doing fine. Please forgive me for this one shot. I hope to hear from you soon. Please enjoy.

 

“Stop!”

I said it already, for the nth time, but I didn’t mind. I was not feeling well.

“Kyuhyun are you okay? You seemed out of it. Do you need rest?”

I clearly do.

“I’m fine.” I replied taking a bottle of lukewarm water and slumping towards the couch.

I know that the recording is way off already, that the release of album might be delayed if I don’t cooperate. There is something wrong with me, I knew it.

“Please leave me alone. I’ll be fine in just a minute or two…” I murmured towards the apprehensive manager, but he knew me well, and I can’t sing if I’m not into it.

“Okay… we’ll just go grab dinner, you need something?” he asked and I shook my head, the door of the recording studio shut and I was left alone for a while. I closed my eyes.

“He needs a time out, he needs vacation. He is too exhausted. I’ll go ask his parents an appropriate place to relax.”

“Park Jung Soo-ssi. We are too delayed with the release. I don’t think we can-“

“Please make it possible. In the way Kyuhyun is now, he won’t be able to sing-“

I felt awful, being incompetent and unprofessional, but I can’t help it if I’m useless, I’ve been like this for quite some time now. Something is wrong with me…

“I think your voice is very beautiful, deep with a depth… would you want to try?”

I can’t remember who said those stupid words, but all I know is that I was made into a singer because of those childish suggestions and now I cause trouble, to everyone.

I want to doze off.

I want to leave to a place where no one knew me.

*****

 “Kyuhyun, stop sulking!”

I heard my mother over my earphones but there was nothing I can do about it, the rain was pouring outside the car window and everything , so, I decided to ignore the nag, she’s been at it for hours, from the car ride away from Seoul, to the ferry that will lead us to this small island, then again to the ride towards our ancestral home, she’s always finding a loophole on my rather peaceful reverie. Shuffling the playlist of my mp3, choosing a song from my rather limited playlist, and when I saw one that can cover up my mom’s voice I tapped on the button and turn the volume up.

The familiar line of trees came into view, and in a supposed clearing I saw a house, perched on top of the hill, half of it covered with tall trees. I sighed in defeat. We’re finally here.

I lie back to my chair and suddenly find the back of the driver’s seat more interesting than the scenery outside. It was supposed to be a summer to enjoy but somehow, after a few years my parents decided to torture my rather social summer on the warm city and prefer a remote stay on our grandparent’s house.

Less than a minute later, I saw what I remembered a rickety old bridge, now a cemented one. Glad they did that because it surely won’t hold up the weight of an SUV. Underneath that bridge is a clear stream; one that glistens beautifully when the summer sun is way up, then at the other side of the bridge is a large peach tree. One of those that bloom exquisitely, too bad it’s raining that day; those flowers will look good swaying to the warm air.

My eyes diverted back into my mp3, the song practically finished without me noticing it. I clicked on the playlist yet again find another song and much to my dread my mother spoke again.

“Kyuhyun stop trying to ignore me, your grandparents will dislike your inattentiveness.”

And I rolled my eyes clicking the next song. This is going to be a painfully long summer.

***

Unfortunately hotter days are much worse.

The guest rooms lack air-conditioning so the windows are kept open for better ventilation but for me who’s deeply annoyed by the raging cicada soundtrack, I have to keep half of it close to minimize the sound, especially when I sleep, meaning, I need to endure the steam.

I have nothing much to do when I go outside, I will just stare at the blank porch from the handmade wooden swing, but there was no shade near that one rest place. If I spend some time there I’m sure I’ll be a mockery when I return to Seoul.

So, I spend my days inside the house doing practically nothing. So, I can’t imagine what face did I make when my grandmother drop a bomb on me 2 weeks into the painful vacation.

“What?!”

My response was preposterous that everyone on the dining table looked at me crossly, especially my mother.

“Kyuhyun! That’s really disrespectful of you.” She started reprimanding me but fortunately my grandma wasn’t that offended, instead she smiled.

“It’s okay, it was a very sudden request after all.” My grandma’s voice shook from amusement and I’m a bit thankful about her being cool headed.

“I was just hoping you could do that for us, your grandfather and I would’ve done that if our backs are as good as yours.”

“B-But, I’ve never caught a shrimp before! I don’t know how-“  the protest came in an instant yet I was cut off again.

“I’ll teach you how son, we will go at 8, right after breakfast. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.” His grandfather said with delight written all over his face, one that you can’t say ‘no’ to. “ I suggest you refrain from wearing that signature clothes of yours, it might get wet.”

“You won’t regret it. Someday, you might thank us for this.”

So I resigned, and 30 minutes later I found myself on the banks near the stream. The water glistening as it rushed pass rocks, the sound of the rustling leaves and the cool air. I must admit, was refreshing.

But, it didn’t remove the fact that I’m a looser, well in terms of catching shrimps on the rocks.

I was wet and still my grandfather didn’t bother to ask me to pause for a break, he showed me once or twice and that’s it. I’m on my own. With my hands grazed from the struggling dimwits, I bit my lips and held my pride. I’m not one to give up on task, but this one is testing my patience.

I don’t know what had brought me that melody, it must be the wind since it was so soft, barely there but you can still make up some of it, at least if you stop and listen carefully.

In another passing of the summer air I heard it again, a sound of beautiful strings, being plucked and played at the appropriate time and appropriate tempo. It was carried in by the wind and it sounded so magical, matching it up with nature.

I stopped and looked around. Who’s playing that guitar?

“Oh, you finally hear it too? It’s been playing for a while now.” My grandfather laughed from under the tree pausing to listen to the song the wind carries.

I turned towards him and paused once more to listen.

“Who’s playing that song?”

My grandfather closed his eyes for a while. Listening to the hum and strums then followed by a voice.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” he said swaying to the melody. “That boy’s so talented, that everything around him seems to sing with him.”

“That’s why we asked you to come here” My grandfather smiled. “We, me and your grandmother, wanted you to hear him sing.”

“Who’s he?” I asked curiosity eating me over when suddenly the music stops.

“Oh, you’ll meet him. Any time now…”

“Grandpa! Are you there? I saw-“ A raven haired boy, around the same age as me peeked from above the terrain, carrying a guitar on his other hand. His doe eyes were much like the summer, warm and bright, his milky skin reflects the blaring sun, his lips were parted slightly by the shock of meeting a stranger like me.

“Oh! You’re here? I though you didn’t noticed us... I brought my grandson.” My grandfather called over the other kid who closed his mouth and looked towards my grandfather.

“Hmm, that figures. I thought someone really stupid is trying to catch shrimp without even knowing how to do it properly.”

Stupid?

I was just called stupid yet the protest which usually comes up after belittling me were never heard when that boy tried to climb down the terrain all smiles. He balanced himself over a slightly eroded soil and then jumped towards the solid ground.

“Hi!” he cheered lending out his hand, the one that’s not holding his guitar. “I’m Sungmin… Lee Sungmin.”

***

The rest of the morning was consisted of mockery, ridicule and humiliation. Basically because that kid who’s older than me (despite his looks) knows a lot about things I didn’t. He caught most of the shrimps, and he strummed his guitar yet again to play my grandfather’s wedding song.

I, Cho Kyuhyun would’ve beat the out of this overly hyped boy with my remarks but whenever I tried to open my mouth to come back at him he would give me another remark which successfully shut the crap out of me. I never even had the chance to retort.

And then there’s his really annoying smile, it was like he didn’t say anything so offending and he would mock me with another joke and then I was left stunned again. It was the worst… probably the worst day of my life.

And then after all the pain of dragging me here and there by this lunatic, he would stop, catch his breath, took a sigh and he would sing. Acapella or with accompaniment, I must admit, it was the best part. He would sing so peacefully that the wind would carry it, softly dragging it towards my ears and I would stop and stare, how someone could put so much heart in just a song?

“Kyu?” He stopped singing and would stare at me annoyingly; unfortunately I was caught staring like an idiot.

“What?!” I asked going back towards the shrimps, sorting it just to avoid being questioned.

“Do you sing?” he asked skipping off a rock towards me. And I answered him with a blunt ‘No’.

“But I think your voice is very beautiful, deep with a depth… would you want to try… I think you’re not that tone deaf.”

What? What did he just say?

“I’m not tone deaf, I just don’t sing…”

“And why is that? Don’t you like music?”

“I like it. I just don’t sing.”

“But why?”

I sighed in defeat, he pouted in return. “Such a brat…” he murmured when I decided to ignore him, and he was silenced for a while that I thought he had walked out on me. Not that I care.

The errand was to buy ingredients for dinner and thankfully Sungmin had settled with just walking beside me for a short while. The store manager recognized Sungmin, they exchanged greetings and some weird enthusiasm that I almost snapped at them for taking too long.

Finally.

“Kyuhyun are you free next week at this time?”

Biting off a piece of the Popsicle ice cream I managed to buy due to the unusual delay, I glanced at the unknowing idiot beside me. “Why?”

“Let’s go out, the star gazing festival is on that day and I know the best, I mean the best-est spot for that.”

“And you want me to go because?”

“You’re my new friend.” He smiled heartwarmingly and I stopped. “You need to see how beautiful summers should be.”

It must have been the low dim light or the silence of the rural life or maybe the summer air. But, at that moment, I felt happy.

With that innocent smile, I felt that this summer isn’t so bad after all.

***

Sungmin, that idiot, became a push-over at the following days. He would drag me anywhere and never let go until I fell exhausted with his enthusiasm. I am not a very sociable person and I’m really not outgoing, so this kind of activities, exhaust the hell out of me.

“Where are we going now?”

“The highest spot!” Sungmin screamed happily.

“Sungmin I’m not built for this kind of running, please slow down.”

“You complain but you kept on running after me… keep up grandpa!” He laughed and I rolled my eyes.

The air felt light, the morning sun was warm but welcoming, and somehow, following him and running out of breath is refreshing.

Determined, I shout.

“Wait till I caught up! You’ll regret it!” A laugh escaped my throat and I sped up.

His chimed chuckle echoed to the summer trees.

He was already a couple of steps in front of me when he stopped, just above the clearing, the sun on his face, the breeze on his hair, a wide smile on his lips.

I wondered how could a boy be so unearthly beautiful, how can he show that expression? Realization hit me like a truck at that moment, but I can’t stop, I should’ve but I didn’t. I ran, faster, just to shorten the distance between us, I wanted to reach him, these feelings…

Panting, I huffed and pulled him towards me.

This can’t be it right?

It can’t be… right?

“Kyuhyun?” He asked with those big eyes staring at me, a smile on his lips.

“What- Wha- What are you doing to-“

“Kyuhyun look over there?” He whispered and he pried his eyes away from me towards the horizon, and I followed.

The small town was like miniature houses, the river lined through the bridge, through the hills and through the houses, towards farms then to the huge ocean, glistening under the sun. The breeze caught with a scent of saltiness and flowers that are all in bloom.

“It’s beautiful, right?”

He asked me but it was more than that, it was breathtaking.

And the moment I looked at him, it was complete.

It wouldn’t matter. May it be spring, summer, fall or winter, at that moment I thought that I must be crazy? I must be out of my mind but to hell with the world.

“Kyuhyun? Are you okay?” he asked and I know I’m not. I will die of curiosity, I will die of regret. If I don’t do it now, I may not be able to do it later…

“Sungmin…” I called and he looked attentive as ever.

“I think… I’m in love with you.”

**

“I’m going out!!”

I rushed towards the door just after I took a bite; I was more than happy and no matter how hard I tried to hide it, it was inevitable.

“You seemed livelier Kyuhyun, where are you going?” grandpa called out and a laugh came out from my lips.

His name.

Just saying his name brought laughter.

“I’m meeting Sungmin today; he’s teaching me a few songs…”

.

.

I think he’s flawless. The way he hums, the way he strums his guitar, those annoying comments… everything was adorable.

“You’re not listening Kyuhyun. I said sing this part like this…”

 “Why don’t you sing it, you’re better than me at this.”

“Stop being a smooth talker, I’m older than you…”

“Stop being a pushover… I don’t like that about you.”

The red that tinted his cheeks was cute, and his embarrassment made him look more attractive than possible. I must be crazy, I must really be crazy.

“Hey Min, do you like me?”

And his face got even redder.

“What are you talking about?”

“I told you I like you right? That I might be in love with you…”

“Are you sure you meant that you like me and not the view…”

I sighed at his stubbornness. It was hard enough to admit that my preference is a little bit unusual, and this pumpkin head is making me all sorts of stupid and cheesy at the same time.

“Oh yeah- I must’ve mistaken your face for the view.”

The upturning of lips that came after my sarcasm was to die for, and I just found out that he always did that, whenever he’s upset or forcing back a retort.

“But maybe… I like you more than the view…”

He never replied. He was just amazingly strumming, his music being carried by the wind.

“I’m sure that I’m being weird, but I really do like you… stop making me say it over and over again its embarrassing…”

“You don’t need to say it over and over again if you’re not comfortable with it.” He smiled reaching out his hand, placing it on top of my head, playing with a strand of my hair, tracing its length till it reach the side of my face.

“I might like you too easily if you repeatedly say that…” his lips curved.

Damn! “If you say that, I might say it in every sentence.”

He resigned the conversation with a sigh and continued his music, occasionally sparing me a glance every now and then. 

We didn’t last long on that place, the rain, once again started to cut off our conversation and we took shelter in an old cabin near the river, it was a small tool shed bin between the foot of the mountain and the river.

This place, as Sungmin said was the best spot for the star gazing, because the light would be the one provided by the tool shed unlike the ones at the town proper. We settled in and he took a few towels he reserved for use.

“Dry yourself up.” He threw me one and I think that at that moment it’s okay to pull a joke. I removed my shirt and hang it near a small fireplace and his eyes widen.

“What are you doing?”

“What? You’re flustered? I’m drying my clothes?”

“Stop what you’re doing?! Are you harassing me Kyuhyun?!” His face flushed was undoubtedly the prettiest expression I’ve seen.

I walked closer and trapped him against the door; he was breathing fast, almost trembling and looking at me with those big doe eyes.

“Come on, remove your shirt, it’s dripping from the rain.”

“N-No way! I won’t stupid.”

I laughed and walked closer, leveling my eyes, looking at his quivering ones.

When I met his eyes, that’s when I realize, that I shouldn’t have done this stupid thing, I shouldn’t have provoked him because I was the one, I am the one affected by it the most. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, this is serious.

Not a simple crush, not a simple want.

He stopped fidgeting and he looked at me as if he understood that these feelings shouldn’t be belittled, that this is really…

“Kyuhyun…” he whispered and his hand reached towards me, caressing the side of my face and my heart lost it for a moment.

“Sungmin, I’m not joking. I think-“

“I think I feel the same.”

And I couldn’t suppress myself.

I kissed him, right there and then. His lips were like pillows and he taste of apple pies and home. It felt so right to be with him, to have him against me, to have him kissing me. It’s a burst of feelings I will never have the idea I could feel.

We never stopped kissing, pausing for breath and continuing once more, deeper, intimate not lustful, Just innocently kissing, not letting the each other go, it was perfect. That moment was perfect.

*

*

*

Do you know the saying that when you’re too happy, it will all came crushing down by the next minute. I didn’t know how true it was until now.

“W-what? I thought we have three weeks more in this vacation?”

“Kyuhyun, your dad needs to go back to the company, he there were specifics that’s need to be taken care of, we-“

“Can’t I stay, for those three weeks, I’ll return by myself.”

“I thought you wanted to leave this place as soon as possible? What’s gotten into you?”

Sungmin.

I need to stay with Sungmin.

“I am like this vacation, you’re the one who said I should, and now that I’m enjoying you want to cut it off too easily?”

“Stop being sarcastic Cho Kyuhyun. I will let you stay if possible but-“

“When will we be leaving?”

“Tomorrow at dawn. The ferry to main land will have their only route at the morning. They said that there will be a storm coming and the rain this morning is a premonition.”

“What the hell is that?! Tomorrow morning are you-?!”

My chest hurts with the boiling anger I cannot quite let out. I wanted some time, no, I needed time I can’t leave Sungmin just like that? There’s no way I would.

“Kyuhyun, you need to come with us, there will be storms in the following weeks, and you know that we can’t assure that you can come back on time, this… is actually a great chance…”

I gritted my teeth and stormed my way towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m saying goodbye! I still have time right?”

I was furious and I need to see Sungmin.

*

*

“Kyuhyun what-“

“Wait for me here, tomorrow, I’ll come see you.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’ll be leaving Min, and I don’t want to go. If I’m not there they will go without me so, I- I’m meeting you here tomorrow, we will see the stars tomorrow night I promise…”

“But Kyuhyun…”

“Trust me on this…”

It was raining heavily that night, so heavy that I thought we will never leave when morning comes but it suddenly stopped at midnight. Like a miracle, it stopped. You can hear the cicadas again, the sky was clear and I was in a hurry…

I rode my grandfather’s bike before the dawn break, carrying my stuffs, I hurried towards our meeting place, I will be with him, it will work out.

And then it all became a blur…

I remembered seeing lightning, I remembered it hitting the peach tree by the bridge, I remembered a flood, and the water was so huge destroying the bridge, I remembered it hitting me…

****

“Kyuhyun? Are you okay?”

Huh?

“Where Am I?” I asked confused towards the dim light of a music studio, confined and suffocating. My manager’s face looked worried.

“You’re at the studio. Are you okay? We’re waking you up for quite a while now and you never responded… what happened, why are you crying?”

“Studio? I-“I looked around my eyes were blurred and there were tears I didn’t know where it came from It’s as if I really had a bad dream and I can’t remember… there were the familiar faces of my crew and my producer and there was no mountain tops, no sparkling ocean, no river. No…

What’s his name again?

I jumped awake looking around like a mad person, I was certain, I’m holding his hands, his black hair almost covering his eyes, his features, I remember… every inch of it but…

No matter how much I pictured him it seems he was fading slowly. Slowly…

“Kyuhyun you’re tired. You need rest.”

“No Hyung- I- I can… I mean I have to remember him, to write his name or else I will forget him… “

“I have to remember, I lost something hyung I-“

“Kyuhyun… KYUHYUN!”

And the world once again turned dark.

***

I got the vacation my manager proposed. I was hospitalized for a few days, waking up in the middle of the night crying, but I can’t remember that dream. I am singing a song I don’t remember hearing.

“Kyuhyun there will be a star gazing festival at your old home town, want to visit?”

Kyuhyun let’s go see the star gazing festival…

My heart jumped at my manager’s proposition. I don’t know exactly what is it that made me agree because I hate rural life but it seems that something is calling me, that star gazing festival.

“What did you say?”

“The star gazing festival will be four days from now, I think that you will find relaxation on that old place of yours, plus, I heard that you haven’t seen your grandparents for almost 10 years right, you should visit them.” My manager said with a smile and I can’t argue. How can I? When all the fiber of my being tells me that I have to go.

So I agreed.

And the moment I stepped out of the ferry boat I looked around.

Actually I can’t remember the last time I was here, my mother said that we came for vacation and that a heavy storm hit the island and I was involved in an accident that’s why I might’ve erased it in my memories, she never told me in detail and I never asked.

I rode the car we brought towards the island and see the trees, the summer air, the familiar lined up of trees, the clearing and the bridge. They built a new one; the one near the peach tree was destroyed by the flash flood.

The flash flood.

A lightning.

“Kyuhyun?”

“Kyuhyun, were here.”

 The old house looked worn down by time but it hasn’t lost its vintage beauty, the heat made my head hurt and I want to find a shelter immediately, I caught glimpsed of the old swing and a smile came across my lips, it feels like home somehow.

“Oh Kyuhyun! How are you my grandson, I’m so glad you pay us a visit.” My grandma’s old age was seen through her skin, but her smile was beautiful.

“Hey, It’s been so long…”

My granddad greeted me next, now in his wheelchair, he was tearful and I was awkward. He held me tightly, as if he was apologizing for something yet I don’t know what it was. They ushered me inside and we settled down.

Like a rural life, there’s nothing much to do. I mostly listened to my songs and reviewed the new ones. I played my guitar every now and then and my grandfather always turned away right after he smiled. My grandmother clapped her hands softly before thanking me for that song and following my grandpa, comforting him.

“You know Kyuhyun, I like that song, the one you’ve been humming? Did you compose that?” My manager asked as we were driving to town 2 days after our arrival.

“I don’t know, I think I picked it up or heard it somewhere, It’s just stuck on my mind.” I replied.

“That’s a waste, I think It suits you, that song…”

“Really?” I laughed at the preposterous comment and looked out of the window and saw the small hill where my grandfather used to take me.

“You know I used to catch shrimps there, my grandfather forced me into doing it, and I would curse over and over again because I didn’t know how… and then there was this boy who kept calling me idiot-“

I stopped.

A boy?

“Really? I never heard you mention a boy you met here? That’s new… I thought your memories from here are mostly all blurred…”

“Y-Yeah… I thought so too…” I trailed off. There was a boy, I know there is, and I have forgotten him.

“What’s he like?” hyung asked.

“I don’t remember…” I said dejected.

“That’s sad. If I was that childhood friend I will be extremely pissed off at you.” He laughed but I didn’t. I felt sadness and loneliness. Why can’t I remember him?

“Do you know that this town suffered major loss when the storm hit them back in 2006. There was this storm that poured and all of a sudden it disappeared, it just stopped the night before the star gazing festival and at dawn, the morning of the festival, a flash flood came from the mountains down towards the river bed to the ocean, everyone living near the river was swept away by it, more or less a hundred died and missing. It was so tragic that instead of the star gazing festival it became a prayer to those who were lost that day.”

Wait for me here, let’s meet at dawn

We will see the stars tomorrow I promise Sungmin…

“Oh I forgot, you were here that day, right?”

I looked up perplexed and confused, I was here? Why was I here?

“I was?” I asked confused and my manager looked at me questioningly and then he opened his mouth as if he had forgotten something.

“Oh yeah, it was a blur right, you don’t remember. Your mother told me that they avoided bringing it up then because you were too shock, it was the same day as your accident. Don’t tell your mother I blurted it out okay.”

“Let’s go back home Hyung…” I said eyes wide and heart frantic. “What? Why?” My manager asked.

“I need- I need to speak with grandpa, he know something, my memories from then Hyung, I know he knew what I was missing… please… let’s go back.”

***

“Grandpa! Grandpa where are you?!”

I slammed the door opened shaking in fear and my grandma looked at me worriedly.

“What is it Kyu?”

“Where’s grandpa, I need to ask him some-“

“Yes child…” Grandpa emerged from the study room in his wheelchair, fear is in his eyes, as if he knew that this will happen yet he was afraid it will.

“10 years ago, I encountered an accident right? It was here… what happened that summer grand pa? No one else would tell me and I know you knew… please…”

My grandmother clapped her hands to , tears threatening to fall on her eyes and my grandfather sighed, pain on his worried face.

“You run away that dawn, you and your parents were returning to Seoul that day and you didn’t want to go. You met an accident when the flash flood came and the bridge broke, there was lightning and the tree was hit and by that bridge it fell. You were there, you survived and…”

“Where was I going? Why did I ran away, I can’t remember grandpa, where am I going?”

“I don’t know…” he said shaking. “I think the only one who knew where you were heading off to was-“

I’m afraid. I’m scared. I’m actually shaking. My knees felt week but somehow, that missing piece were about to be complete… I know, I just need a name… his name. The name I forgot.

“He’s…” my grandfather sighed hesitantly. “Kyuhyun, I don’t think-“

“Is he the boy by the river, I- I can’t remember his name, I can’t remember his face- who is he? I need to know… I need to meet him. I-“

“He is… He is Lee Sungmin.” The tears my grandfather shed were unexpected and my heart stopped beating.

Images.

Like a projector images were flashed before my eyes. That smile, that stupid remarks. His skin, his black hair, his lips, his eyes…

Kyuhyun…

That voice.

“I think I‘m in love with you,  Kyuhyun…”

My knees gave in and I slumped at the floor, I didn’t know there were tears blurring my vision, I didn’t know I was in pain, It hurts… remembering Sungmin hurts.

He was my memory, my missing memory.

“W-Where is he, I need to see him… I-“

Grandfather handed me a newspaper, it was old, dated on August 20, 2006. I turned the front page and the news of the flash flood was the head line, I looked at the images, destroyed houses, buried in mud, destroyed lives…

And below was a picture of a house near the river, unrecognizable by the layer of mud, broken to pieces.

“Why did you give me this?”

Grandfather didn’t speak, he was quietly crying.

I searched the pages till my eyes landed on the lists of the victims, dreading to read the names of those who didn’t survived… but I continued not sure what I was looking for.

Until finally, I stopped.

Lee Sungmin’s name was on it.

This must be a sick joke.

It can’t be right.

My heart was tearing pieces to pieces.

“No, this is just sick. It can’t be- right?”

“So you’re all saying I can’t see him now because he’s dead? No… that- that is impossible, he can’t be dead right? Because I just remembered him, I have forgotten him for ten ing years, I haven’t been able to make up for those lost time and yet- you’re telling me… he’s dead? No. No. NO!”

“He was on that shed, near the river, it was the site were the flood hit first, he’s body was-“

“It can’t be… because we’re meeting that day, we will see the stars together, we promised, I was running towards him… I made him stay there…”

And it all came back. The way I desperately asked him to stay there, I desperately asked him to meet because I can’t say goodbye back then, I can’t let him go.

And now he’s gone.

“ I- It’s all my fault… Sungmin…. Died because he’s waiting for me…”

I remembered piece by piece, hitting me like a bullet straight to my heart.

My heart shattered.

I loved him. I love him so much.

I didn’t recover from that position, I held on to the newspaper so tight, I cried and cried and cried.

It may be stupid, but I needed to cry, because I missed him, his memory, his smile…

And it’s more painful that I will never be able to have the chance to turn back time.

*

*

*

“Are you sure you’re okay now?”

I didn’t respond. I smiled dejectedly.

I asked my manager to bring me towards the place where we were supposed to meet, the cabin that was once there were now just a small remnants of wet wood covered in moss, a bunch of soil eroded now with small wild flowers. It’s funny how fresh it was in my memories, this is where we kissed, where he confessed and where I last held him. This is also the place where he breathes his last.

“I just need a moment hyung… I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

He understood and excused himself, while I sat down on the cold grass and looked up.

We never get to see the stars that night.

It’s funny how you forget those who were important to you and then one day, when you remember them, it was too late. I think, we’re not meant to be together; maybe it was destined for us never to meet again.

But isn’t this fate cruel?

“Hey Sungmin, are you looking at the stars right now? Are you up there?”

Silence followed my question.

“Can I be selfish? Can I ask for a miracle?”

“Can I see you again?”

The sky was clear, I’m sure of it. There were no signs of rain, no thunderstorm, it was quiet.

Until a lightning suddenly hit the water and I was blinded for a moment.

*

*

“Kyuhyun?”

That voice.

The light disappeared but he illuminated the night.

He was sitting beside me, looking up at the stars, I must’ve been dreaming again, the lightning knocked me up good.

“Sungmin?”

He smiled warmly; he reached out for my hands and took hold of it. I can feel his warm palm against my skin. He was so alive, breathing, feeling…

“Do you sing Cho Kyuhyun?”

I nodded.

“Will you sing for me?”

I nodded again.

He rested his head on my shoulder and I sang. My tone was broken, it wasn’t beautiful but he listened, tapped his fingers at the beat, and like a fool I was crying.

When I finished he remained silent, and with tears in his eyes he whispered.

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone.”

“I can’t be with you anymore but, I will always be watching over you, so please don’t be sad, don’t cry anymore, and don’t suffer.”

“It was never your fault. Please keep that in mind…”

“Sungmin. I don’t want you to go, I need you… please.”

“I love you, Kyuhyun. I’m so lucky to have met you before I die, you are my dream…”

I don’t know why I can’t reply, why I can’t stop him from leaving, why I can’t argue. All I did was cry, sob, and heaved my breath.

His lips landed on mine and I can feel his tears in my cheeks, I can feel him, like he was there. Just like before…

He held my hand tightly and I know this is goodbye, I know that after this we won’t be able to see each other again, that after this, I will only meet him in after life.

“It’s time for you to wake up now…” he said in a voice broken with cries.

“Wake up and live for me…”

“Goodbye Kyuhyun.”

And I open my eyes.

****

Even if thoughts of you just pass by faraway

I would toss and turn for many nights

So to say that I’m alright is wrong

Because I’m not alright

So again today, I’m sorry

 

But really

If you take yourself away from me

Would that really be me?

 

Days and nights without you

Endlessly connect

That means that I have to breath

Without the air that is you

Love that clearly sparkled

And all of you is scattering

It hurts but goodbye

 

If I suddenly remember your laugh

I wouldn’t be able to do anything for a while

Time is building up

The moonlight is on your shoulders

And we have stopped like that

 

But for me

Outside of your world

I don’t think I can last a day

 

Days and nights without you

Endlessly connect

That means I have to endure

Without the comfort that is you

Love that was clearly engraved

And all of me is breaking, is disappearing

It hurts but here’s a warm goodbye

 

If you take yourself away from me

I won’t be me anymore

All of us that clearly sparkled

It’s scattering

My love

I hope you will always be well

 

 

“Are you listening?”

I asked and the crowd turned and looked around, but I wasn’t addressing someone from them.

I looked up.

The one who knows this song is long gone.

He’s there on the sky, hair blowing with the summer wind, smiling at me, waiting for me.

And I will come home.

One day, we will meet again.

And on that day we will never be separated.

END