He was dreaming… Right? He had to be dreaming. He could see himself, standing there, the place where Namjoon and himself had decided to spray paint a metal door once. It had been fun. Cops came, almost got arrested, ran off, laughed it off. They didn’t try again.

                But there he was; clear as day. He had something, he was scratching something out. He couldn’t read it. It was so… Blurry. And suddenly he was calling out to his dream self, telling him to run again; he couldn’t get caught this time. But he just turned, let them take him, and he smirked. Why?

                Suddenly he was at the station and the cop was asking questions and his mind was elsewhere. Why did he get caught, who could he call- Namjoon? He could tell that dream him was freaking out. Inside and out. He was stuck. And for the first time, all he could do, was hope.

                Then he was sent back. His father, he had caused him the most issues. Molding him into the angry, confused, blind boy he was now. And then there it was. The cage. It descended from the sky and he was trapped in the cage that he could feel in his heart already.

 

Then it was dark. He was home.

                Taehyung rolled over and wrapped his arm around his sister, holding her tight. Oh yeah. He’d hit her again. She had been crying. How had he fallen asleep? He couldn’t remember. He could hear the gulps from the man behind him, sitting casually, drinking once again, creating the constant stupor that he put his body into. Day and night, it was always the same.

                The man stood, walking away. So he sighed and sitting up, grabbing his jacket. He pulled the hood over his head and moved to leave. He was silent, slipping out of the apartment and heading off. He needed to get out, take a walk. It wouldn’t last long, he knew, but it was something nice.

                The city was so gray. It was so… Him. And suddenly he found himself across the bridge, completely losing track of time before he just leaned against the fencing. And the memories just overwhelmed him.

               

It was gray then too, something that seemed to always fill the sorry city. But everyone was there. Namjoon, Seokjin, Jungkook, Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi. All so happy. They were all so happy. And he couldn’t understand why he was still struggling.

                They were having fun, like always. Being dumb and just doing whatever they so wished. That was the joy of friends, he realized. You could do anything, be anyone, be anywhere, and still have these people.

                First it was the trains. Why they always were there didn’t make sense to him, but damn was it fun. Climbing on the solitary machines, running around, opening them, looking around for small treasures that may or may not be found.  Then came lots of running. God were they good at that. And then came food, laughter and jokes, teasing. Mindless behavior that you wouldn’t actually thing was entertaining. And it was liberating all at the same time. That was what they were good at, surprisingly. Such damned simplicity it was funny.

                But as the days turned to nights, Taehyung and the others all knew what would face them. The next day would arise and all their issues would suddenly come back. The day before would mean nothing because all it meant was that the real world was back and in full swing.

                For some time, they were all quiet around the fire. Yoongi had an arm around Jungkook, staring and smiling at the fire. In between Jimin and Hoseok sat Taehyung for a few moments before going and sitting next to Namjoon. Jin was sitting next to Namjoon as well. All quiet…. Until Namjoon threw something into the fire and everyone laughed, yelling out. It was amazing.

 

And there he was, laughing to himself on the side of a bridge, reliving one of the most amazing moments in his life and he couldn’t actually figure out why he didn’t just do this all the time. But as he remembered, the world would creep up to the edges of his mind and he would be taken from the happy, blissful world that he enjoyed so much.

                Then he was off. Had to go back, had to protect her.

                For some reason, the walk back to the ramshackle apartment was long and it made him tired. He looked at the door, listening to the world around him then came the very faint yelling from inside. Unfair. Why did he have to hurt her? So he moved in, shedding the leather jacket from his shoulders, dropping it. His hood was still up, sweatshirt ped. He peaked in and there it was, just unraveling in front of his eyes.

                He hit her. Pushed her. She went backwards and his body just stopped working.

                Taehyung looked over and grabbed the bottle, rushing in, blood boiling. The next few minutes were almost all a blur. There he was, slamming the bottle into the side of his head; creating the initial wound. And suddenly it was broken and he was stepping back. He was watching the man sway, body shuddering as he tried to get his bearings straight after the brutal hit. He swallowed, his mind reeling; there was another step and he slammed the broken edges into his abdomen. Over and over and over and over. Good lord did it feel liberating. The warmth of the blood on his fingers almost felt… Right.

                Then it was hitting him. He dropped the bottle and stepped back, mouth opening, eyes wide. He cried out and fell, back slamming against the wall. His hands came to his face and he cried, the shock setting into his everything. He couldn’t even think, hell he didn’t even realize that he had run.

 

Suddenly there he was, sitting in a back alley, staring at the wall. Back and forth from his hands to the wall, to his shirt. So much blood. Why was this happening? Why did he get stuck like this?

                He grabbed the bottle of water and poured it on his hands, wiping it vigorously at his shirt, the blood not washing off. Why wasn’t it washing off?! Why couldn’t it come off?!

                The tears flowed as he shakily grabbed his phone, holding in loud noises that he thought would be heard from the street.

                “Hyung… I want to see you…”

 

His head hurt.  The sun was out. He was calm. He hadn’t felt so calm in days and that was just amazing. It was amazing. Everything was… He felt something in his pocket then pulled it out, frowning to himself, it was a picture… Why the hell did he have this?

                Taehyung crumpled it then moved to lay back, dropping it to the ground. He sighed and closed his eyes.

                Seokjin had helped wonders. Let him stay with him for a day before sending out to this weird, secret place in the woods. He camped here for a couple nights. Today he was supposed to see the guys. Jin was supposed to show up first, but he hadn’t seen him since he shipped him off to here. Lots of text messages though, well when they would get through.

                He was dozing at this point, but the loud sound of laughter and scuffles against the cracked pavement made his heart jump in his chest. Then the sun disappeared and a familiar voice shook him awake. Taehyung just grinned then stood. They all just laughed and talked for a minute. Man was it nice to see them again. So nice.

                “Hey… It’s Jin!”

                They turned and grinned at the guy who was filming them so happily. Then the games began.

                Laughing and running and playing and joking. The teasing was back and it was like they weren’t in the middle of the forest, hiding away for a while. It was… normal. They ran and rushed around, jumping and playing. . His heart had settled in his chest so well. It was amazing.

                Suddenly, he realized, the day would be ending. He stood, watching Jin kneel over by the overhang, trying to grab a picture of Yoongi and Hoseok. He watched in silence as Jungkook ran over, bumping Yoongi and waking up Hoseok. They all smiled and Jin took the picture. Why was it so… Pleasant? Why were they all happy? Why wasn’t he happy? What was bothering him so much-

                And it came back like a hammer. The blood, the yelling, the curses, running, screaming, crying… Begging.

                He took a step back and then swallowed before turning and grabbing at the wall. It was distant. They were memories. They had to go away... He closed his eyes then held in a sigh before turning and facing the wall. He jumped up onto the overhang. Walking to the edge, looking out at the dimming, beautiful sky.

They were all gathered on the edge below. They were going to be leaving soon. New location to sleep, new location to forget the bad memories.

 

It was nice. A fire, warmth, his friends. They were all together again. But this time, they weren’t leaving him yet. And wow, did his mind just bubble those memories. They just became something stored in the back of his brain, able to be recalled. And as Jin showed them a picture of the ocean, Taehyung forgot again. He wasn’t in pain. He wasn’t hiding. They were ok. They had to be ok.

                “Want to go here?”

                Stares answered him. Hoseok nodded, smiling, Namjoon smiled, Jimin just smiled, beer in hand. Taehyung nodded. Then he looked over at Jungkook and Yoongi. Yoongi was fiddling with his lighter, not paying attention now. Jungkook leaned over and blew out the flame. And it was settled. The next day they’d go.

 

The drive was long but in the end, it was worth it. They slept and got up early, driving in the dark to get there for the sunrise. Jin drove smoothly through the small streams of water, racing towards the ocean, driving close, letting them yell and laugh. It was a blessing. They ran and chased each other. They dug in the sand and raced each other on the beach. At one point, Jin actually out ran Taehyung, which made them all laugh. It was nice. And then again, Jin out ran Namjoon, and they all . It was so typical.

                So much time was spent filming everything. Videos and pictures and more videos and even more pictures. All day, the camera was passed out, pictures being tossed into the truck one by one. They promised to look at them all at the end of the trip. Because that’s what they always did.

                Taehyung yelled and gathered everyone together, grinning as they took a group photo, laughing to himself. The sun was suddenly setting and the day had come to a close, quicker than he expected. Why did the day end so quickly? A question that made him think all night.

 

                They laughed, all sprawled out in the living room. Well, except for Yoongi and Jungkook, who happened to need to go get more drinks. They smiled and looked at each other, covered in feathers and god knows what else. Taehyung had closed his eyes for just a moment, listening to the soft voices and interesting laughter. Then came yelling.

                He opened his eyes and sat up, looking over at the others. The laughter had stopped and suddenly they were all aware of things being thrown and broken outside of the living room.

                Yoongi.

                They heard some drunken laughter and then it shattered. Taehyung’s heart jumped and he sprinted from the couch and rushed to find them, hurrying to get in between his two friends.

                “What is wrong with you?!” he yelled, pushing back Yoongi, only to see the anger appear in his darkened eyes. . That was stupid.

                “Do you really wanna know, Kim Taehyung?! Really?!! The world isn’t revolving around you for once?! You wanna notice something? Notice this!”

 

Taehyung gasped awake and he sat up in the bed of the truck. Everyone was getting up now. They were sitting at the docks. Well, old docks, not used now. They found this place while looking for a place to camp out in the truck last night. He blinked and jumped out, heading to the edge, walking with them towards the water. He stopped and stayed behind, looking out over the water then up to the large structure. It was calling for him.

                And there he was. He found himself walking over and starting to climb. Habits die hard, he supposed.

                But as he climbed, he knew there were things racing through his head. And he grew… Frightened.

 

He hadn’t meant to see that. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. He wasn’t supposed to see him take them. He wasn’t supposed to stop him. But he was screaming and holding onto him, yelling at him to throw up, to hurry and get out of the bathroom.

                “Stop it!!!” That was all he would hear. And suddenly he was getting his wish and he was dragging Hoseok away from the pile and he was holding him in his arms and the tears were becoming apparent and he just couldn’t stop them. Why….

                “I… didn’t want you to see this….”

                Of course he didn’t. Because Hoseok didn’t show people his weak sides. Jimin must have known. Right? But Jimin wasn’t here. And the one time their friend wasn’t there… Hoseok had been tired.

 

Jungkook had been stumbling home. He hadn’t meant to see him like that. The younger hadn’t meant to be careless and walk the busy streets back home. But he did and Taehyung never slept, so he saw it. It wasn’t right.

                “Don’t tell them. Don’t tell him.”

                He promised and then wrapped his arm around his waist and lifted him up before walking slowly, going to the other’s home, making sure that he didn’t fall or stop. He wanted him safe. Because he needed to be safe, because he needed to see him again. Because… He…...

 

And suddenly there he was. Standing at the top of the world. It was gorgeous. The sky was pink and blue and it just looked… riveting. Like a blessing in disguise. Something you forget about while you sit and watch the world go by. Taehyung knew that was his problem. He had sat and watched the world go by, let the people he loved get hurt, and hurt those that hurt the people he loved. Because he was a coward. And that’s what cowards did. They hurt people.

                He smiled, looking over at the others who were ushering him down. He just looked and then looked forward, taking a deep breath and suddenly, he was off. It was a few split seconds before he started to fly. And the only thing he thought of as he fell towards the water was-

                “I’m sorry.”

 

Seokjin gasped and sat up, his heart beating in his chest. He looked at the doors, then to the small charred petals on the ground. He put his hand to his chest and then looked at the bed. Taehyung... I’m sorry. Tears dripped down his face.