Holding my audition form, I sat down with my head hung low. Listening to whispers from other people, talking about my appearence and such.

“Look at her, she’s going to audition with THAT huge body?”

“What is she going to audition for, selling fats from her belly?”

“She is so short and look at that jeans she’s wearing, I think it’s about to tore apart!

“She thinks she’s skinny probably, Hahahahah,”

That’s how my life always has been. Whispers talking about my huge body. Before, my life wasn’t like this. I was skinny when I was little, and quite tall among my friends. Ever since I was in the top ranking in middle school, my friends grew jealous towards me and decided to bully me mentally. They stopped talking to me and they always frame me for stealing their erasers, mechanical pencil and even worse, their lunch money. I was already smart when I was little, and I figured, to stop them from getting jealous on my grades, I decided to make myself fat. That’s the reason why I have always been like this.

My name is Lim Sae-mi, a 16 years old from Yulcheon Highschool*. Yes, I’m fat. And I’m short too. Standing at 4 foot 11 inch weighing 68 kgs, I look like a midget and a pig in front of other people. People mock me for looking like this and having such huge dream that I will never reach makes them disgust me even more.

No matter what they say, I still won’t change my mind. Period.

I looked towards the two noisy girl sitting beside me who were murmuring about me just now. I flashed a creepy smile towards them when I turned my head to their side.

“I can hear that you fool. What, you think I don’t have any ears? Oh, you probably needed some surgery on your nose and eyes to pass the audition. Oops, and, uh, to actually fill the form,”

The two girls went straightly quiet and quickly sat far away from me. In their face for talking about my fat body. At least I have a better face than them. Hmph.

Today was the day, I’m finally auditioning for SM after long weeks studying for upcoming test lastt week. I gathered up all my courage to fill in the form, thinking all the consequences and what could go wrong. I am already used to be called ‘fat’ or ‘pig’ and even worse ‘elephant’ , so I am mentally ready. I practised Taeyeon’s “If” a thousand times now and prepare two backup songs if they wanted me to sing more. I hope my vocal cord was okay, because last night I sang the song more than fifty times and my voice became a little bit hoarse.

My train of thoughts stopped when the door suddenly opened. A man came in and asked for our form. There are about 6 person in the waiting room and we were told to enter the audition room.—

“WAIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!”

 

A voice could be heard outside, getting closer towards us each second. Suddenly the front door flew open, and it was my best friend, Lee Dahye grasping her weak knees, breathing heavily for oxygen. I guess she ran all the way here, until she was out of breath. Quickly, she handed out her form and she followed me inside.

There, they handed to each of us our audition number. My number was 0118 while Dahye’s were 0120. 2 number difference. Also, I’m the third person to be auditioned. We sat down waiting for our turns to enter the real audition room. I was so nervous and to lessen it I decided to talk to Dahye.

“Dahye, why on earth are you late? I thought you bet that you’ll arrive earlier than me yesterday?”

Dahye was still grasping for air. Her breathing becomes slower.

“I was—I practised until midnight—yesterday—I—I overslept,” she answered, fanning herself although it was cold.

Dahye was the only friend from the elementary school of mine that stayed as my friend up until now. She was the opposite of me—She was skinny and beautiful. She came from a rich family and she has a lot of talents. She can sing and dance, she can play the piano, cello, you name it. Furthermore, she’s tall, around 168 cm. She was also smart. You can say that she is the definition of perfect. She was the one who actually offered me to go to this audition today. Surprisingly, we had the same dream, which was becoming an idol.

I can say that we are best friend, because she is my childhood friend, and we’ve been through thick and thin together. She supported me when they framed me for stealing, although it wasn’t much of a help as they have fake proofs that I did them.

To describe her, she is truly a hardworking person and the nicest person you’ll ever meet.

“Ah, Froggy Saemi, I forgot to return this to you~  Thanks for lending it for me!” Dahye gave me my note book. I nodded, giving her a smile as a sign “it’s okay”.

“I practised hard just so I can reach our dreams of becoming a singer! I don’t want to continue with my father’s job, it is so boring. Being the manager of a car company. Ugh,”

“I’m sure you will, because you’re pretty and talented! You’re definitely the kind of person that SM looks for.” I gave her an assuring pat on the back.

“Really??! Kyaaa~~ I’m gonna be so happy if they did.”

Yeah they will. If we believe in our dreams, it will become real.

“So what song are you going to sing?” I asked.

“I’m going to sing... Taeyeon’s “If”,”

That made my heart struck a little. We have the same song, and this is a bad thing, if I sang the same song they will—

“What song are you gonna sing Saemi?”

What song—I can’t say the same thing, she’s going to suspect that I copied her—WHICH I DON’T—

“My song is... uh, it’s a rap actually. Beenzino’s “Aqua Man”,”

WTF did I just say—

“Oh! Cool Saemi!~ I hope you will do a good job~” Dahye continues to look at her papers to memorise the lyrics.

Back to my thoughts—If I sing the same song as her, they will compare me with her, which I don’t want. Since obviously, she will be chosen. I actually liked rapping more than singing, but since I can’t freestyle rap, and I only rap to guy’s rap song. I was planning to rap Eminem’s “Bad Guy” since it’s one of my favourite songs, but the rules stated that I can only audition with girls’ songs. Fortunately for me indeed, my number is earlier than her so I can sing Taeyeon’s “If”. Wait what—

“Audition number 0118!” The man from before came out from the real audition room to call out my number.

I panicked. For the whole time I was thinking about Dahye and now I think it’s a bad time auditioning today, I need to lose weight a-and do some surgery on my eyes—

“It’s eonnie’s turn! Kya~~ Goodluck Saemi~ Are you wearing the lucky charm that I gave you for your birthday?”

“Ye-ye-yeah, yes I’m wearing it,” I stutterred as I stood up.

“It’s okay if you don’t get it though, you can try again. But I’m pretty sure you’ll get it~ Now go, they are waiting for you.”

My body was completely not under my control. I was shaking, as I stood in front of door. Took a few breath, then exhaled. I’m not ready, I’m not ready. But Dahye’s predictions are always right. Maybe I will get casted as soon as I auditioned?

I turned the door knob, stepped inside and silently closed the door. This is probably the worst idea yet. Pft, me? becoming an idol? No chance. I should apologize quickly and—

“Please stand in front of me and introduce yourself. Don’t be nervous.”

The room was dimly lit, and is pretty plain. There was a stage in front of me. I walked towards it and faced the lady. An old lady, probably around her 40’s, sat in front of me while jotting down some notes. She got that evil look like a step-mother in “Cinderella”. A camera was set up in front, rolling, probably to tape my audition. I think I’m about to puke.

“Hi, my name is Lim Sae-mi. I’m sixteen years old, from Suwon. I’m 150 cm tall, and 68...kgs....”

My voice trailed off, talking about my weight. As soon as I mentioned my weight, she kept the same pose but her eyes darted towards me.

“What are you going to audition today, Saemi?” she asked. I couldn’t tremble harder than this. She’s asking me to sing.

“I’m going to sing.. T-Taeyeon’s, “If”,”

“Please sing when you’re ready.”

I thought there would be a background music, but it turns out it doesn’t. I took a last deep breath, and begin to sing.

“Manyageh.... naega gandamyeon...” I coughed.

My throat turns out to be dry. Oh no, NO, I forgot to bring a water bottle with me!

“I’m sorry, can I try again?” the lady nodded.

“Manyageh.... naega gandamyeon,

Naega dagagandamyeon

Neon eoddeogeh saenggakhalgga

Yonginaelsu eobtgo..”

I coughed again.

“I’m sorry can I—“

The lady didn’t smile. Her lips formed into a frown.

“It is clearly that you didn’t prepare for this, aren’t you?”

“I did.. I prepare d for a we—“

“You see, Saemi, an idol is a hard occupation. A difficult profession. A risky job. When you became an idol, you will have to fullfil the society’s necesitties in order to be loved by them. You need the talents, the looks and you need to take care of your appearance.” She looked at me from top to toe.

“I’m sorry Saemi, looking at your, ‘appearance’, you can’t fullfil their necessities. Their needs. The harsh truth is, you can’t be an idol. Plus, you’re short. Nowadays, people want an idol girl group when small aint waist, tall, and long slender legs. You see what I’m saying here?” She added while tapping her fingers.

My heart broke, like not just a glass being thrown at the wall, but it’s like, a whole building’s large mirror getting hit by a baseball. Tears formed in the corner of my eyes. The harsh truth, society wants beautiful people. Not girls like me. Suit for me to get this kind of insult for dreaming of becoming an idol. I clenched my fist tightly, holding my anger and tears.

“Thank you for your opinion. I’m sorry for wasting your time,” I quietly replied, bowed and left. There I ran while crying. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.  The door behind me that was closed created a loud noise.

I ran until I reached the outside of the building. I was clearing the tears that ran down my face. I can’t believe that my first audition turned out to be like this. The biggest humiliation of my life. I knew that I never had the chance to become an idol. I knew I should’ve lose weight years ago! What was I thinking?

I wore my jacket and covered my head. If only I knew this would happen.. If only..

I regret doing everything today. I regret not bringing my water bottle with me—Tche. What am I kidding? Even if I do all the things that I regret not doing, they would probably still choose the prettier one than the talented one. SM is known for their qualification of beauty before talents anyway. What a ty company.

While thinking hard, I came across a 5 person surrounding a guy.

The guy was wearing a black hat, with sunglasses and a mouth mask. They were swarming around him and he just stood there doing nothing to protect himself. I noticed that the two girls that were whispering about me earlier was now attacking that guy.

“Hey what are you doing there?” I asked while pointing my index finger towards them. They looked at me with sharp eyes—and they were holding a camera.

“What does it look like to you, fatty?” One of the girls asked. She has a brown hair, and she smirked.

“At once, stop! Look he’s shaking!” I demanded.

The guy was literally in a condition where he doesn’t know what to do. I stepped near to them and pretended I have a knife in my jacket.

“Let him go! Or you’re going to regret this.”

“Why would we, huh ?”

All of them paid their attention towards me and left the guy alone at their back. He looked at me, still trembling. I thought that he was stupid, that he was going to stood there until I got beaten up, but fortunately he ran before they even notice.

The brown-haired girl stepped closer towards me and pushed me away.

“What are you going to do about it?” She sneered.

“I have a knife under my jacket,” I said acting all like it was real.

“Oh really? Then what you’re going to stab us with it?”

It was all acting until I found out that I did bring a knife with me.

 

+

 

*Yulcheon High School is a real school in Korea. I went to Korea last year, so I decided to use the school xD

A/N: Sorry for the long chapter! I haven't written stories for so long that I forgot most of the words I knew. And sorry for the grammatical errors xD I need to shower now, I don't have enough time to poof read this :D Thanks for reading~