My mind once told me, that all was fine just how it was,

Deep into the night, I found myself running.

The wind and rain, it crashes on the window pane,

Taunted by regets, I feel like I am trapped.

 

 

“Howon oppa, do you love me?”

“Of course I do, Myungeun-ah.”

“Howon oppa, do you love Mijoo unnie?”

“Of course I love her too, Myungeun-ah.”

“Then between Mijoo unnie and I, who do you love more?”

“I love the two of you equally, Myungeun-ah”

I did not even know how many times that question had been asked to me.

Lee Mijoo and Park Myungeun, I had known the two of them even before I could remember it. It had always been the three of us, together. And I used to think it would always stay that way.

But, as time passed, I realized how things started to change, I took notice of how both Mijoo and Myungeun gradually changed. Before I knew it, the two girls who used to cling onto me have turned into adults, into two grown women.

To me, Mijoo was the woman that every man would want to be with. Pretty face, nice body, and interesting personality. No one would ever get bored when they spend their time with her.

On the other hand, Myungeun was someone you would want to protect. She might not be the prettiest girl you ever met, nor the brightest, but she had her own charm, and there was something about her that would wake your protective instinct.

As they changed, I gradually changed too. The affection that had always existed and shared between the three of us also turned into something more. And that was when I found out that Myungeun had feelings for me.

“Oppa, let’s have a date this week!”

It was a tiring evening and I just arrived at my apartment when I received a phone-call from Myungeun. I found myself raising my eyebrow because of her request. It had been a while since the last time we met because I was busy with my job, while Myungeun was also preoccupied with some assignments as a college student.

“A date?” I started off with that short question. “You mean going out—the two of us, with Mijoo, as the usual?” I bluntly asked her as I had not yet realized what she actually meant by ‘date’ at that time. The next thing I heard from the other line was a sigh.

“Oppa, it is a date!” just by hearing her voice, I could tell that she was pouting as she answered me. “And date should consist of two people only. So it is only the two of us.” She ended off her explanation before letting me speak again.

“Ah—“ That was my only reaction even after I finally understood what she meant. Silence occurred between the two phone line until I heard Myungeun calling for my name.

The phone-call continued for a couple of minutes, and our conversation was almost nothing but Myungeun begging to me to go on that ‘date’ with her. It was not like I actually had a good reason or even excuse to refuse to go out with her since she already knew that I would be free on the weekend, so I had no other choice but agreeing her request.

Even though she said it was supposed to be a date, I expected it to be like our usual hangout, only minus Mijoo this time. Well, that was what I thought until I saw the way she dressed up while waiting for me in front of her house.

She was standing there, dressed in a kind of shirt and skirt I had never seen her wearing before while her feet were covered with a pair of high-heels. Then it became apparent to me that she had put on some make up when she approached my car. I could also see that her usual straight hair was curled.

“Howon oppa~” a bright smile was seen on her face as she entered my car. “Thank you for picking me up!” she did not waste her time to sit down on the passenger seat, her eyes never left mine. I could tell that she was very happy that I agreed to go with her just from the way she looked at me.

“It’s not a big deal.” I shifted my gaze to her and flashed her a small, yet sincere smile “It had been a while since the last time I came to this area, anyway. It changed quite a lot, huh?”

Myungeun, Mijoo, and I used to live in the same neighborhood. When Mijoo and I graduated from college, we both moved out from our family’s house. I rented my own apartment while Mijoo decided to live near to her workplace.

“So, today we are going to…” I did not get to finish my words before Myungeun cut it off.

“Bundang Jeongja-dong café street!” she uttered out the name of the place enthusiastically.  “There is this café I have always wanted to try out, but it would be sad if I go alone… that is why I asked oppa to go with me” I caught a glimpse of her cheeky grin before giving her a simple respond, a nod, were already focused on the road. Even with that plain reaction, Myungeun’s excitement did not seem to cease.

“I am sooooo glad you agreed to go with me today, Howon oppa.” Just by the way she spoke, I knew that she was still grinning widely. I thought that day would not end up so bad, after all, Myungeun had always been like a little sister so me, and if my little sister was happy, then I would also happy.

I could say that the ‘date’ went just fine. It was not awkward at all even though it was just the two of us. As we strolled around the café road, I took notice that there were a lot of couples on a date around there. Perhaps people viewed Myungeun and I as one as well? Not that it actually mattered to me.

After we came out from the café where we had our dinner at, Myungeun spotted a street stall which sold some accessories. The stuff there were pretty good and sold in quite cheap prices. Because of Myungeun’s persuasion, I ended up buying her a ring which she asked from me as her belated birthday gift. It was hard to refuse her because I had forgotten about her birthday 3 months ago. I felt bad about that especially because Myungeun always remembered mine. Never once she missed the chance to give me a present, even the simple one.

Things still continued to go well until I drove her back to home. Even after we reached her house, Myungeun did not make a move to get out of my car. She remained on her spot while looking at me, which made me feel slightly puzzled.

“What’s wrong, Myungeun-ah? Is there anything you want to say?” I hesitantly asked her as she still did not move from her seat. For some reason, the way she stared at me so intensely made the atmosphere a bit awkward.

 “Oppa…………… do you love me?” Myungeun’s sudden question did not surprise me at all. After all, it was a question that had been asked by her countlessly.

“Of course I do love you, Myungeun-ah” just like always, that answer naturally came out from my mouth.  But somehow my answer did not seem to satisfy her as I saw a frown appearing on her forehead.

“Do you love Mijoo unnie too?” I had to refrain the urge to let out a sigh as I heard that question again. I knew she would ask it as well, but it was getting irritating that she kept asking the same question repeatedly although the answer was obvious.

“Of course I love Mijoo too, Myungeunnie.” Once again, I casually answered her question with my usual answer. However, the way she reacted to my answer the next second, surprised me.

“You cannot!” I noticed how she looked almost furious as she told me that.

I raised my eyebrow, giving her a questioning look. “What do you mean by that, Myungeun? You know that I always love you b—“ before I could finish my words, I felt Myungeun throwing herself at me, her arms were wrapped around me tightly, to the point it almost got hard for me to breath.

“I love you, Howon oppa….” I heard a barely audible whisper while her face was almost buried against my shoulder. “I really love you……..” I noticed her moving her head before looking at me. She looked like she is on the verge of tears as she fixed her gaze at me. “To me, it has always been you! I look at you as a man and I only look at you! To me, it can’t be anyone but you…” She did not even give me any chance to speak, not even a word.

“Please, be with me…. “ I suddenly felt her cupping my cheeks, and when my eyes met with hers, I noticed that she was already leaning forward, about to plant her lips on mine.

Before I realized it, I had pushed her away in order to avoid her lips. The sight that greeted me the next moment was Myungeun’s teary eyes. Disappoinment was very apparent in her gaze

“I---“ I find myself holding my breath, unable to say what I actually want to say. “I am sorry, Myungeun—please, don’t cry—“ But it was too late, the girl had already begun sobbing, hiding her face with her palms.

“I am sorry, Myungeun-ah. I am really, really, sorry….” Trying to remain calm, I took a deep breath before leaning closer to her. The next moment, I already had her being pulled into my arms. It was the only thing I could do to comfort her.

I still had not heard from Myungeun even after a week since she confessed to me. I was not able to tell Mijoo about it either, since i—Back then, I tried to deceive myself by saying that I could not tell her because I was afraid that she might get mad at me for hurting her bestfriend, her little sister—our little sister.

But, the real reason why I did not want Mijoo to know what happened between Myungeun and I was something else. And it was Myungeun’s continuous question about whether I love Mijoo and her more which made me realize that one reason.

I saw Myungeun as a little sister. She was a precious person whom I want to protect. But I never saw her as a ‘woman’, I just could not see her as one. On the other hand, there was a different feeling everytime I looked at Mijoo. I wanted to hold her in my arms everytime our eyes met. I wanted to pull her into me and plant my lips on hers. It was a desire which I never had towards Myungeun.

My thought was broken off when I heard the bell to my apartment ringing. To my surprise, the person in front of the door was the one whom I had been thinking about just a couple of moments ago. Mijoo was standing there, right in front of my apartment. Since it had been a long time since the last time I saw her, I could not help but notice how she had gotten prettier.

“Long time no see, Howon oppa!” That was the first thing she said after she saw me. I did not even waste my time to let her in. From the look of it, it seemed like she had something to say to me. Mijoo, after all, became very busy ever since she started working. That was also why Mijoo and I did not contact each other often as Myungeun and I did. But somehow that did not become a reason for us to grow distant.

“I heard from Myungeun about the other day…” she did not hesitate to speak up as soon as she was seated down on the couch in my living room. Damn, so she knew it already

Not hearing any answer from me, Mijoo carried the conversation on.  “So, oppa, you really don’t love Myungeun?”

I did not even bother to focus on her question, I remained silent while fixing my gaze at her instead. When I saw her right in front of me like that, i finally came into a realization of my own feeling.

After a couple of moments passed, I eventually responded to her. “To me, Myungeun is like a little sister…” I trailed off for a moment, letting out a sigh before speaking again. “I am in love someone else, Mijoo-ya…”

Mijoo only looked at me in silence. No words were exchanged between us for a couple of seconds, until I moved away from my spot. Before I realized it, I already had her in my arms, and the next moment, my cold lips were pressed on her warm ones.

That was the night when I realized what I actually wanted—whom I actually wanted, whom I loved more between Lee Mijoo and Park Myungeun.