Morning broke and so did Yongsun’s fever. Her entire being was still aching, especially her head, but she managed to slowly pry her eyes open.

Byul…

She turned over to find a sleeping Byul resting by her side. A little smile crept across Yongsun’s lips but it quickly dissipated. She was certainly happy to see Byul but she was also sorry that she had bothered Byulyi yet again. She pulled the blanket from herself and draped it over Byul.

You idiot…

Yongsun slowly shuffled closer to Byul and gently swept loose strands of Byul’s hair back. No, she was definitely happy to see Byul but she refused to let herself enjoy the moment too much, just in case Byulyi happened to wake up. Nevertheless, Byulyi’s presence gave Yongsun a sense of calm and reassurance, especially when she wasn’t feeling well.

But Yongsun was burdened with guilt. Although Byulyi thought she had been hiding her feelings for Yongsun well, even the blind could see through Byul’s façade. Yongsun was well aware of Byul’s feelings for her as well but she had convinced herself that it was best to keep silent. It wasn’t that Yongsun had no feelings for Byul. In fact, she adored Byul, she even loved Byul but she couldn’t be absolutely sure that she could love Byul the way Byul loved her. Therefore she could never accept Byul’s feelings for her because she was afraid of what might happen if it turned out that she was unable to return those feelings for someone so dear to her. However, she couldn’t reject Byulyi outright either in fear of losing her best friend. Moreover, Byul has never confessed so Yongsun never really had a chance to choose either way.

It was a dilemma that had been eating at her for a while.

Over time, Yongsun found herself becoming more and more attached to Byulyi. When she first realized that perhaps she and Byul were becoming a little too inseparable, Yongsun tried to keep Byul at a distance but the repercussions left both her and Byul butting heads and frustrated with each other. The truth was that Yongsun missed Byul whenever they were apart but she knew that it was selfish of her to keep Byul by her side so she would never let herself admit it. Unfortunately for her, or maybe fortunately, Byul was persistent.

For some time, Yongsun thought that Byul had not noticed that she was slowly isolating herself. In fact, she had started to believe that perhaps Byulyi might very well have started to feel differently about her. It was exactly what Yongsun had wanted… or was it? Whether Yongsun wanted to admit it or not, she became slightly bitter, bitter because she couldn’t believe that Byul had so easily given up on her. Or perhaps, she was upset that Byul had given up on her at all. Or maybe she was wrong about Byul’s feelings for her. Perhaps it was really just friendship. After all, every relationship is different and some just can be defined by conventional means.

Deep down, Yongsun really couldn’t be sure that she actually wanted Byul to give up on her, to actually not have any feelings for her, for them to just be completely platonic. Was it possible for them to just be friends? It wasn’t a question she could answer confidently even when she had decided to distance herself. Tension built between the two but it would take more than a misunderstanding to break the two. Byul was incredibly understanding and Yongsun could never be mad at Byulyi for too long nor did she enjoy not having Byul around. So, that failed miserably.

That experience, however, had the complete opposite effect to what Yongsun had hoped for, after which both her and Byulyi became unhealthily inseparable. She wasn’t even sure when exactly it happened but they both eventually accepted that they were much happier when they were together even though the repercussions of their odd relationship was quite the quandary. And as more time passed, the emotional bond between Yongsun and Byulyi became inextricable, something that was just part of who they were - just best friends of course.

But you see, the problem, and this problem lurks at the back of the mind of both Yongsun and Byulyi, is that eventually there will come a day when they will have to let go, or at least one of them will be compelled to. Yongsun, for a long time, had thought that when push came to shove she would be happy for Byulyi, that she would want Byul to be happy. However, there had been a slight shift, one that only now is she beginning to realise. One that Yongsun can’t seem to shake and it was beginning to scare her. Oh and terrified she was, or perhaps more accurately she felt at a loss for what to really do. After having convinced herself that it was better to keep things as they were for so long, after having gone through that mess of a phase between the two of them, and after finally having reached a place where they were both happy or at least in relative terms, her heart decided to act up? No, she refused to let herself feel anything other than whatever it was they already had going.

Although, it was certainly trying when Byulyi looked so peacefully beautiful sleeping right beside her. Yongsun had always thought Byul was absolutely beautiful when the latter wasn’t busy being a goof. But then again, she also very much adored goofy Byul; Byulyi always somehow managed to make her laugh even when she thought she wasn’t quite in the mood for laughing. It was something that annoyed her at times but that did not diminish her love for her best friend.

Why do you have to make me feel this way?

One would imagine that after all these years Yongsun would be able to say for certain what her true feelings for Byul were but unfortunately for her, there was always a little voice inside her head making her doubt herself one way or the other. There had certainly been once or twice where she nearly said something but she knew… she knew that it just wasn’t right to complicate matters if she wasn’t completely sure, like Byul was sure. It was selfish of her either way but she had hoped that this way, she’d at least be doing the lesser of two evils. Funny thing was, as ridiculous as it may sound, Yongsun sometimes wondered to herself if she felt the way she felt about Byulyi was only because of Byul’s feelings towards her. The fact of the matter is that Byul made her feel… loved. Adored. Cared for. It was like she was the brightest, nay, the ONLY star in Byul’s galaxy. It was impossible for Yongsun to ignore Byul’s impact on her.

Yongsun’s thoughts were momentarily interrupted when Byul shifted in her sleep. Just in time. She wasn’t quite in the mood to drown in another one of her overthinking spirals. Afterall, she still felt unwell.

So she sighed. She sighed, snuggled even closer to Byul and drifted back to sleep.

Worry and contemplation was for another day.