Hansol is, undoubtedly, Jaemin's ideal type. He's tall, handsome, patient and kind. He always has Jaemin's favorite ice cream in his freezer and he never once complained about Jaemin hanging out at his place even though Jaemin's mom keeps scolding him for bothering the older boy too much. Jaemin is sure Hansol doesn't mind. They watch anime or play PlayStation games and it's always fun.

Jaemin is determined to marry Hansol when he grows up. He believes Hansol is a real life fairytale prince, and he wouldn't be able to find anyone better than him.

"More like a nerd frog prince," Yuta snickers when Jaemin voices his thoughts out loud one evening as they prepare snacks for a movie night. "Terribly lame." Jaemin narrows his eyes at that. Yuta says that but Jaemin can see the way Yuta looks at Hansol, like he's the first flower buds in spring or the first snow in winter. Yuta even has a special smile reserved just for Hansol— maybe Yuta thinks Jaemin is too young to notice, but Jaemin is not a baby. He's already (almost) eleven and he isn't stupid. He knows.

"Hey," Hansol pouts, poking Yuta's arm. Yuta's expression instantly softens.

"Frogs are cute," he says, ripping open a bag of peanuts and emptying its contents into a porcelain bowl. "And if you weren't such a nerd, who would watch anime with me?"

I would, Jaemin almost says, but he bites his tongue. He only watches anime with Hansol— Yuta just always happens to be there too. Jaemin only tolerates him because they can watch it on Yuta's TV since his father spends most weekends in Japan. And the TV is really impressive.

Don't get him wrong, it's not like Jaemin dislikes Yuta. It's just that, it had always been Jaemin and Hansol, ever since Jaemin can remember. One of his first memories is playing with Hansol in an inflatable pool. Their houses are so close Jaemin can look into Hansol's bedroom through his window, they see each other all the time. Sure, Hansol is a few years older but they're close, almost like brothers.

But last year Yuta moved into the neighborhood and snatched Hansol away from Jaemin, just like that. It's not fair; Hansol, after all, is Jaemin's. So no, Jaemin doesn't hate Yuta. He does consider him a rival, though. It's pretty clear Yuta wants to marry Hansol too.

"So you're admitting you're a nerd too."

Yuta just laughs at that, and throws a peanut at Hansol. He misses and it falls on the table in front of Jaemin. Hansol doesn't even notice, busy pouring orange juice into tall glasses.

"You love me that way."

Jaemin pouts at the peanut, wiggling on his chair. He hates when they do that. Communicate on some different level Jaemin feels he has no access to.

"What are we watching tonight?" he asks, mostly to get Hansol to pay more attention to him. Hansol smiles at him and Jaemin's mood instantly lifts.

"Well, we have Ice Age, Madagascar and Shrek."

"We won't have time to watch all three through. Jaeminie needs to go to bed at 10."

Jaemin's mood drops again. He hates when Yuta acts like that. How is Hansol supposed to see him as his future husband when Yuta keeps treating him like a little kid?

"I go to bed at 11," he protests. It's close to the truth. He's supposed to already be in bed quarter to 11.

"Well, your mom said..." Yuta pauses at the sight of Jaemin's pout and tilts his head. "Tell you what. There's no school tomorrow and I think it won't be such a big deal if you go to sleep a little later than usual, hm?"

Jaemin nods enthusiastically, gracing Yuta with a smile. Sometimes Yuta isn't that bad— and, well, Jaemin has to admit he has a great taste in men.

----

Yuta, Jaemin thinks, would make a completely useless spouse. His room is always messy and he can't cook to save his life. So when Yuta invites them for dinner it always means either take-out food or Hansol cooking. Hansol can cook well. One of the reasons Jaemin thinks he's the perfect husband material.

This time Hansol is making shrimp pasta and Yuta is supposed to help him out but Jaemin thinks he's just getting in the way.

"I can help too," he offers. He knows a little bit about cooking, his mom sometimes asks him to assist her. But, predictably, Yuta shakes his head. He also almost cuts his finger off as his knife abruptly slides off the onion he's chopping. Jaemin frowns— how utterly hopeless.

"It's okay, Jaeminie. You can help us eat it later," he says, giving him a bright smile. Jaemin is still irritated— he's already twelve and Yuta still treats him like he's five— but it's hard not to smile back when Yuta smiles at you. His smiles are like rays of sunshine. Especially the ones he directs at Hansol, though. They're just different— his eyes get all warm and sparkly. It's honestly a bit gross.

"Actually," Hansol frowns as he examines the contents of the fridge, "looks like we're out of cream. You could go buy some, Nana."

Jaemin instantly brightens up. At least Hansol knows Jaemin can help too. "Sure!"

He takes care of his task quickly but when he comes back, the atmosphere in the kitchen feels different, as if something happened when he was gone. Hansol is stirring the sauce on the stove and Yuta is sitting at the table, quiet. There's nothing suspicious about it but Jaemin's gut is telling him something is off.

"Thanks," Hansol says with a smile when Jaemin hands him the cream. "That was fast. You saved our dinner."

Jaemin beams at him, happy with the praise, but once he sits at the table, opposite of Yuta, the uneasiness takes over again. Something isn't right.

"Hyung?"

Yuta looks up at him and gives him a small smile, humming questioningly. That smile can't fool Jaemin, though. It looks more like a regular person smile instead of the Yuta sunshine smile.

"I should tell you too, Nana," Hansol speaks up softly. "I've decided to apply to K-ARTS. So I might be moving to Seoul in February next year."

Hansol is talking to him, but he's looking at Yuta, concern painted on his face. It should upset Jaemin but in truth, he's worried too. After Yuta moved to Busan, he had to attend a language course for a year, so even though he's only a year younger than Hansol, he's two school years behind him. That means two years apart. And Jaemin knows how much Yuta loves Hansol. Hansol is Yuta's first storm in summer and his first golden leaves in fall.

Jaemin loves Hansol too, very very much. And he will be sad when Hansol is not around. But somehow, he has a feeling Yuta will be much sadder than him.

"You can't study here?" he asks, troubled. Hansol gives him a sad look.

"I could, but the dance course is much better at k-arts.”

Jaemin nods slowly. "I understand. But— you will come here often, right? For holidays, New Year? For summer vacation?"

Hansol laughs and reaches to ruffle his hair. "How could I not come to visit you?"

"Me and Yuta," Jaemin points out, glancing at Yuta. Yuta smiles at him warmly; at least his smile looks a bit more genuine now.

"Of course," Hansol assures. "Both of you."

----

Yuta is all smiles when he says goodbye to Hansol. He tells him not to get lost first thing in Seoul and calls him clumsy and hopeless, and in general, he's being his usual self. Jaemin can tell it's just a facade though. Yuta's eyes are bright but it's not the usual happy sparkle he gets around Hansol. He looks like he's barely holding back tears.

Jaemin tries his best to smile too, but he cries a bit when Hansol hugs him. It will be lonely without Hansol around. And so weird to look through his window and not see the light in Hansol's room. That light always cheered Jaemin up when he felt sad at night.

Now Jaemin really wants to grow up fast, not only so Hansol will finally acknowledge him as his future husband, but also so he can move to Seoul too and see Hansol as often as he likes.

----

After Hansol leaves, Jaemin doesn't see Yuta for quite a while. It was always Hansol picking up Jaemin, and then they went to Yuta's place together. It would be awkward for Jaemin to go there alone. He knows Hansol went to Yuta's place without him many times, but Jaemin never went there on his own. It's not far, only about 5 minutes on foot, but it suddenly feels like miles.

Jaemin has Yuta's number on his phone but he's never once used it. And he's not going to. In the end it's Hansol who Yuta wants to see, not Jaemin, and Jaemin has no reason to see Yuta either.

It's Jaemin's mom who changes his mind.

"I saw Yuta at the fish market yesterday," she says one Saturday evening, when Jaemin is helping her bake cookies. "You only seem to hang out with Jeno these days. It's been a while since you stayed over at Yuta's place. Do you guys not get along anymore?"

Jaemin frowns. "It's not that we don't get along..."

"He must be lonely in that big house. His father is hardly ever at home." She looks up from the dough she's kneading and smiles. "How about you bring him some cookies today?"

"Today?" Somehow the idea of visiting Yuta makes Jaemin nervous. "I can't just go there uninvited."

His mom clears . "I might have mentioned that we're baking cookies today, and that you could bring him some…"

"Mom!" Jaemin pouts at her. "What if I had other plans!"

"Like what? Studying?" she gives him a pointed look. "Anyway, it was just a suggestion. You don't have to go."

Her tone implies that she's going to guilt trip him for the next month if he doesn't go. He really, really doesn't want to go, but it looks like he has no other choice.

----

Yuta looks very surprised to see him.

"Jaeminie? What are you doing here?"

"Hi. Mom said to bring this," Jaemin says, pushing a paper bag full of cookies into Yuta's hands.

"Oh… thank you." Yuta beams at him. "I didn't think you'd really come. Want to come in for some hot chocolate?"

Jaemin thinks he doesn't really want to come in. But it's cold outside, and hot chocolate sounds lovely, and also, it suddenly hits him that he's missed Yuta more than he realized.

He also missed Yuta's TV, he decides later when they're sitting in the living room, watching the recent episodes of One Piece. Also, for his lack of cooking skills, Yuta makes surprisingly delicious hot chocolate. It wasn't such a bad idea to come here, after all.

But more than the big screen and the sweet drink, it makes Jaemin happy when Yuta laughs at his commentary as they watch. He wonders if Yuta really felt lonely all this time. The thought makes him feel awfully guilty. Yuta may still be his rival, but he's nice and funny and really pretty, and Jaemin doesn't want him to be sad.

"I'm sorry I haven't been visiting," he says later as he's getting ready to leave. He wouldn't mind staying longer but he has school tomorrow.

Yuta shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Just make sure to drop by from time to time from now on, yeah?" He smiles and moves closer to fix Jaemin's scarf. Jaemin's movements halt, his fingers glued to the jacket button he was fastening. He feels strangely warm. Well, it is too warm inside for the winter outwear, but he has a feeling this is not the reason. He looks up at Yuta and their eyes meet; Yuta's are crinkled from smiling. "Don't forget about me."

"I could never," Jaemin replies with a laugh, not stopping to analyze the sudden fondness that fills his chest.

----

Things are different when Hansol comes home for the summer vacation. Jaemin is not upset about all the time Hansol and Yuta spend together, even if it's without him. He can't be angry when he sees how happy they are. And besides; he has his own friends to hang out with. Donghyuck is very creative with ideas of what to do with all the free time, and Jeno, also an anime enthusiast, can always find something for them to watch together.

"Jaeminie doesn't want to spend time with us old people," Yuta comments when Jaemin finally does come over to watch a One Ok Rock concert with Hansol and Yuta. "We're too boring and cranky for him."

Jaemin is half lying on the sofa with his back against the armrest and his feet tucked under Yuta's leg, a perfect position to give Yuta's thigh a light kick. Yuta laughs and pats his knee, then reaches for a handful of popcorn from the bowl Jaemin is holding.

"I don't know, you still act like you're five," Hansol points out, his eyes focused on the screen as he's fiddling with the remote.

"Says the guy collecting anime figurines."

Hansol just smiles, not at all offended. Once the concert starts, it doesn't take Yuta long to rest his head on Hansol's shoulder and link their arms. Jaemin gives them a brief look; he doesn't feel irritated like he used to. Instead, he feels warm and just a little bit sad, though he can't tell why. He's not sure if he still wants to marry Hansol. And it's fine if Yuta does, in the future. Once it's possible, that is. He wants them to be happy.

----

Jaemin doesn't question why Hansol comes home less and less. Hansol's mom often drops by to chat with Jaemin's mom over tea and cookies. Jaemin hears her talk about high living prices in Seoul, Hansol's part time job, the amount of work he has to do to keep up with his classes. He understands.

He only finds out there might be more to it when one night he stays over at Yuta's place. They watch movies till late and Jaemin only wakes up around 11am. He gets out of the bed and pads toward the bathroom when he hears it— sounds of someone crying coming from the living room. Alarmed, he peeks through the door.

Yuta is sitting on the sofa hugging his knees against his chest and crying. Jaemin freezes at the sight. He's seen Yuta cried before, he cries rather easily when watching movies and anime. But he's never seen him cry like this, his face wet from tears, sobs shaking through his body. It scares him. At first he wants to back away discreetly, pretend like he never saw anything. But then he remembers he's not a little kid anymore. He's 14 and he can't just run away when a friend might need him.

"Hyung?" he says softly, walking into the room. Yuta looks at him, startled, and hurriedly wipes his face with his hand— a rather futile attempt as more tears fall from his eyes.

"You're up," he mumbles, averting his eyes. "I'm sorry, I— I just need a moment to calm down."

It hurts to see Yuta like this, hurts more than Jaemin would have guessed. Whatever happened, all he wants right now is to be able to fix it. He sits down next to Yuta and gently touches his arm.

"Hyung, what's wrong?"

Yuta shakes his head and hides his face in his knees. He's still crying hard. Jaemin notices Yuta's phone on the TV table, blinking with an incoming call. He leans forward to check it— it's Hansol calling.

"Hyung, your phone—"

"I don't want to talk to him right now."

It takes a moment for it to sink in— Yuta's tears, Hansol calling and the way Yuta says /him/, like he's been hurt, betrayed. He doesn't know what happened exactly but he can make a guess.

"Did you two fight?"

Yuta is quiet for a moment. Jaemin thinks he's not going to reply at all but then Yuta raises his head and wipes his cheeks with the sleeves of his hoodie, sniffing.

"Not really." Yuta's voice is thick with tears. "I just. I never told him that I... And now it's too late."

Jaemin doesn't know what to say to that. He always assumed they both knew. It was so obvious to him, that they liked each other. He really thought they were together.

He doesn't say anything. He just shifts closer to Yuta and takes his hand in his. He wishes he could do more, wishes he had the ability to always, without fault, bring a smile to Yuta's face, like Hansol did. But he can't do that. All he can do is stay with Yuta until his tears stop falling and his breath evens out.

He wonders what it is, the feeling that makes his skin tingle when Yuta squeezes his hand, the feeling that makes him want to protect Yuta from whatever is making him sad, the feeling that causes frustration to rise inside him— he's angry with himself because he's so helpless. He's just a kid, he's clueless and there's nothing he can do to help.

----

Hansol doesn't come for the summer break. He does visit on New Year, though, and he doesn't come alone. There's a girl with him— a pretty girl with long wavy hair, full lips and a beautiful smile. Jaemin can tell she's cute, but he doesn't understand why Hansol picked her over Yuta. It's not that he's judging, though. He doesn't know what really happened between them. Yet he can't help but think that if he were Hansol, he'd stick to Yuta no matter what. Although he knows that being a boy, it's much safer to date a girl.

Jaemin still remembers when he first learnt that. How his mom reacted when he declared he was going to marry Hansol. "Don't be silly. Hansol is a boy and so are you, you can't get married." Jaemin was scared back then, he couldn't understand why she got so upset. He now knows he probably should be grateful for that life lesson. Thanks to that he knows it's not safe to talk about his attraction to boys even around people he loves.

It was different with Hansol and Yuta. They laughed at it, dismissed it as a silly puppy crush but they never judged. And… they liked each other. Jaemin thought that since they liked each other they'd be happy together, that it was this simple.

But as you grow up you learn life is rarely this simple.

Jaemin still loves Hansol and he's happy to see him and seeing the light in his bedroom still makes him smile. And Hansol's girlfriend is the sweetest person, Jaemin can't find it in himself to blame either of them for hurting Yuta. But Hansol feels so distant now. So… grown up. And Jaemin worries, because Hansol and Yuta don't meet up at all, and all their common friends are busy catching up with Hansol now, and Yuta didn't even go to Japan for New Year's even though his father stayed there and— okay, he is just a little bit angry with Hansol, for not being there for Yuta.

"You're worried about me?" Yuta grins at him when Jaemin asks if he's been doing okay. "How cute. Don't worry, I'm fine. But," his expression softens, "I'm glad you dropped by."

Jaemin is not sure to what extent he can believe those assurances. He thinks Yuta's house feels cold and empty, especially in winter.

"Why don't you have any pets?" he asks later as they sit in the kitchen. Yuta is making hot chocolate again; the rich, sweet scent makes the house feel more like home. The kitchen almost feels cozy; Jaemin thinks it's his favorite place in Yuta's house.

"My father doesn't like animals," Yuta responds. "Why, are you worried that I'm lonely?" Jaemin can't see Yuta's expression but he can hear the teasing smile in his voice. "You worry too much. It's convenient that I can invite people over whenever I like. My classmates sure appreciate it."

"Yes, but—" Jaemin pauses, frowning. He's not sure what he wants to say. That New Year's is a time to spend with your family? He doesn't know Yuta's family situation but it can't be that good if he's here and not in Osaka. Maybe— the idea suddenly hits him— maybe they know about his uality and they disapprove. Or maybe it's something entirely else. Jaemin suddenly feels sad that Yuta never told him anything. But of course, to Yuta he's just a child.

Things were much simpler when he was younger. Yuta always being home alone only meant he and Hansol could come over and watch anime anytime. Now Jaemin realizes it can mean many other things, and none of them are something to be happy about.

"…but what if you get lonely," he finishes lamely.

"Well, then I can always call you and you'll come over, right?" Yuta smiles at him, placing a mug of hot chocolate in front of him. Jaemin doesn't like the tone he's using— it feels like Yuta is babying him again.

"Are you ever going to make up with Hansol?"

For a second, Yuta stills with his hand gripping the back of the chair, then he sighs and sits down. He wraps his hands around his mug, expression thoughtful. "We haven't fought. And I know he wants to see me. I just... I'm not yet ready to see him and— and his girlfriend."

Jaemin nods. He can't fully understand how Yuta must feel right now, he's never experienced anything like it. But he can guess it must be difficult.

"Aren't you sad too?" Yuta is smiling again. "Weren't you planning to marry Hansol? Isn't he your prince charming or something like that?"

Jaemin feels his cheeks burn. Trust Yuta to bring up something embarrassing from the distant past. Okay, maybe it was only three or four years ago but Jaemin was a dumb brat back then.

"No way," he grumbles. "I never said anything like that."

Yuta chuckles, propping his cheek on his hand. "You've sure grown up since then. Maybe you can become someone's prince charming instead."

Jaemin swears his face turns even warmer at that but he tries to cover it with a smile. "Like yours?" he asks daringly.

Yuta looks surprised for a moment but then he laughs. "You're so cute," he coos, reaching to pinch Jaemin's cheek.

"Ow," Jaemin whines, pushing Yuta's hand away half-heartedly. Yuta is treating him like a kid again but for once, Jaemin doesn't mind that much. At least he's really smiling now, and for the first time in a while it's a smile that reaches his eyes.

----

Jaemin thought he was sad about Hansol leaving but it was nothing compared to the jumbled mess of emotions he feels about Yuta leaving to study in Seoul.

"Honestly," Jaemin mutters when he meets up with Yuta a few days before his departure, "what's wrong with Busan universities?"

Yuta just laughs in response. "You're free to choose one in Busan. Although," he tilts his head, his eyes twinkling, "I'd be happy if you moved to Seoul in the future."

"That's four years," Jaemin points out flatly. "The world can and before that."

"Are you upset because I'm leaving?"

Jaemin pouts, looking away from Yuta's sharp gaze. "How could I not be?"

"I will visit as often as possible. Hey." Yuta pokes his arm. "Stop making that face."

"Hansol promised to visit often too." And he doesn't, even though his family lives here. For Yuta it's just his friends, and Jaemin. Some kid he hangs out with for some reason. Doesn't sound too important. There's nothing keeping Yuta here, nothing significant for him to come back to. "But he doesn't come, not even for you."

Jaemin knows he's sulking and he knows that it's very childish but he just doesn't want Yuta to forget him.

Yuta doesn't respond and when Jaemin looks up at him, he regrets his choice of words. Yuta's eyes are downcast, his lips pressed together into a thin line. He looks— sad and tired and stressed, all those things he must've felt for a while but would never show around Jaemin because Jaemin is just a kid.

Well, he sure was acting like one right now.

"Sorry," he says quickly. "You're you and. Um. I know you're going to meet a lot of people and everyone will love you just like they do here and just. I was worried."

Yuta looks up at him, surprise painted on his face. Jaemin bites his lip. Yuta must be nervous about moving, of course. Even people like him, sociable and popular, get anxious about big changes in their life. Jaemin does too.

"And— I meant— it doesn't matter if you don't come often but just, don't forget me."

It takes a moment but when Yuta finally smiles, it's warm and genuine and it makes Jaemin's heart jump in relief and... something else.

"I could never," is Yuta's soft reply.

----

Jaemin doesn't cry when Yuta leaves. He doesn't cry for the next few days, he doesn't cry until his phone buzzes with a notification and when he picks it up it turns out to be a message from Yuta.

How are you Nana? ^^ I miss you!

Jaemin grins when he sees it but the next moment he's crying and it's a dumb reason to cry but he's been thinking about messaging Yuta but he didn't want to bother him and the stupid message makes him too happy and he misses Yuta and just- he hates being a teenager and not understanding all the things he's feeling.

He wipes the tears away and quickly types a reply. Yuta responds almost immediately and just like that it becomes a thing, them messaging each other to talk about various things that happened throughout their days.

And even though Yuta isn't able to visit as often as Jaemin would like him to, he keeps his promise— he doesn't forget Jaemin.

----

Jaemin notices Hansol first; it's not difficult with how tall he is. He waves at him enthusiastically; when Hansol spots him, his face lights up in a smile and he immediately heads in Jaemin's direction.

Then he sees Sooyoung— Hansol's girlfriend— trailing after him and behind them, finally, Yuta.

He doesn't even get to say anything before Hansol pulls him into a tight hug. "You've grown so much!" He pulls away and looks Jaemin up and down, his eyes wide. "You got much taller! Aren't you taller than Yuta now?"

"Hey, no way!" Yuta protests with a laugh. "Your perspective is off because your eyes are way up there."

"Either way I'm still growing," Jaemin points out.

"Your voice got so deep!" Sooyoung exclaims in surprise. Jaemin is not sure what to say to that— his voice has been like this for a long time now— so he just gives an embarrassed laugh.

"It's good to see you," Yuta says, tugging lightly on the sleeve of Jaemin's jacket as if to get his attention. He doesn't move in for a hug and once Jaemin looks at him, he can't bring himself to initiate it either. He wants to but— but Yuta looks so pretty and it makes him unreasonably nervous. They saw each other half a year ago, the impact shouldn't be this big, and yet Jaemin's heart keeps pounding in his chest.

"You too, hyung," he says with a smile and congratulates himself for managing to sound calm and casual.

As they move to the station's exit, Hansol and Sooyoung start telling him about all the things he should know as a university freshman. They keep interrupting and teasing each other and it makes Jaemin smile— they're really cute together. It's easier to be happy for them when he notices Yuta is completely comfortable with the two, any traces of sadness and bitterness long gone.

They stop at the exit and Hansol pulls out his phone to figure out the easiest subway route to Jaemin's dorms.

"You need help with that?" Yuta asks, pointing at Jaemin's bag.

Jaemin shakes his head. "It's not even that heavy."

The conversation is simple but his heart keeps racing like crazy. How ridiculous, he thinks, is it ever going to stop?

"Okay, I've got it. Let's get on the yellow line," Hansol says.

Once they resume walking through the crowd, Jaemin gathers all of his courage and reaches for Yuta's hand. Yuta glances at him, eyebrows raised.

"You're not a kid anymore," he points out with a chuckle— but, despite his words, he gives Jaemin's hand a warm squeeze.

"Glad you noticed."

The reply seems to surprise Yuta. For a moment he studies Jaemin's face; Jaemin can only hope his complexion and the lack of daylight make his blush less noticeable. And then Yuta smiles and Jaemin almost forgets how to breathe because he knows that smile. He's seen it before, just never directed at him. He remembers back then, when he was a kid, thinking of first flowers in spring and first snow in winter and— how silly of him, really.

There are so many things he wants to say, so many feelings he wants to express, but— not yet, he thinks. Right now he can't even bring himself to keep the eye contact for long.

Yuta doesn't let go of his hand and for now, that's more than enough.

*

i know it's an unusual ship but i hope you enjoyed the fic!

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