Yunho just won’t ever believe that Changmin is now a fully grown up man.

Today, Yunho and Changmin, just finished their last day of TVXQ’s concert tour. They just finished singing their last song. So... there are lots of cheers... and tears... and sweats.

But there are also plenty of smile and laughter. Lots of hugging and high five, Yunho apparently lost count on how many time has he hugged and high five-d someone.

They are all still standing on the stage. It’s a habitual to do all this celebration onstage too for pleasing the fans.

The whole stadium filled with red lights everywhere, marking TVXQ’s fandom color. The lights were all so the stage is showered with bright lights. Everyone on the stage were shining brightly, filled with happiness and relief. The screen didn’t show only Yunho and Changmin anymore, but also the satisfied faces of the crews.

The band members, the back dancers, and the crews going around stages, bowing, thanking. The audiences are cheering and shouting for either Yunho or Changmin name. Surprisingly, and quiet thankfully, there are bits and pieces of shouting for the band member and the back dancers crew name.

Yunho can see from the corner of his eyes, that Changmin is currently laughing while hugging and playing around with several crew member. His eyes sparkles as he hugs one person to another and he let out a very melodic, but kind of evil, laugh that Yunho used as their alarm ringtone to Changmin embarrassment.

Nowaday, whenever Yunho see Changmin, he will feel a pang on his heart.

This Changmin, walking around the stage, shoving one person to another to his hugs, is no longer the Changmin that Yunho used to know.

Of course in a good way... kinda.

Yunho still remember clearly. That rumours has it of a fourteen years old boy from Seoul, passed the audition just by doing a plain army c.

And Yunho has never feel so... jealous.

It’s really hard to acknowledge that he was jealous of fourteen years old boy, just coming to audition unpreprared, did the army clap, and “Congratulation, you passed the audition!”

Yunho remember coming to the training room -- where his supposed to debut group training at -- which is actually a building basement, seeing a small chubby cheek kid with wide eyes staring at him. Yunho approached the kid, as the kid looks kind of terrified as he bowed down to Yunho.

“Hello, senior. I’m Shim Changmin,” said Changmin with a squeaky trembling voice.

Yunho glare at Changmin. Judgingly stare from his head to toes.

This kid seems to be well fed and well dressed. His training clothes seems to be a new clothes judging from how clean it is.

Yunho’s clothes? It has been torned everywhere. And become much gloomy looking because of the dusts and sweat. It also doesn’t fit on Yunho anymore.

Yunho raise one of his eyebrow, “So, you’re the new kid that passed the audition with a lame dance?”

Of course Yunho know, that he just said a harsh thing.

But a little kid like this need to be taught the hard way if he wanted to success.

That’s what Yunho thought. And even back then, Yunho know he was wrong.

Changmin’s head droop down even lower. His eyes were staring into the floor in awkward silent. His body trembles a bit as he heard Yunho’s question.

“I... yes... I’m wondering myself how I can even...”

“Listen, brat. Do you even have a single, just a bit, intention to actually join this whole entertainment industry? Be it a singer or a dancer?” Yunho remembered asking in a stern voice.

Changmin raised his head, he looks toward Yunho with a glistening eyes. Probably because Yunho kinda snapped at him earlier?

But when Changmin answered, he sounds certain, “I don’t. I never want to be a singer or a dancer. I can’t do both”.

“If so, then why do you bother actually auditioning?”

“I....” Changmin’s head droop again, “My mother... kind of pushed me... I tried to fail it though but i get through anyway!” said Changmin in a protesting voice.

Until now, Yunho always wondered why Changmin answer it like that. Does Changmin thought that Yunho didn’t want him on his upcoming group? Why did he has to tell that he don’t want to be idol, to Yunho that have to worked hard to be one?

That time, Yunho remember being taken aback. This squeaky little kid, even dare to complaining about how his parents seems to supported his career choice.

Yunho, has to fight with his father. He has to lost his grandfather on his way here. Yunho has to sleep outside, on a park bench, on a cold winter night with only thick coat that is getting thinner. He remembered having to clean the snow on early freezing money so he could eat breakfast. And sometimes, he still has to share to other trainees that spend their live with him on a crumpled apartment room.

This kid, will have his mom coming over every weekend, bringing him new pieces of clothes and bunches of foods for him to keep a living. And, he still complaining how his mother, pushed him?

Yunho remembered, that hearing Changmin’s answer, he don’t know what to say back to him.

But Yunho remembers, being very angry, overwhelmed with jealously that he hates very much. Turning his back, Yunho remembers letting out a very vicious snarl and whispered, “You don’t deserve to be here. Just go out, go home, now,” before he slammed the door upsetly, and run outside.

Leaving the small, young Changmin, b with tears on his eyes as he tried to hold them and a shivering shoulder.

Ever since that, everytime Changmin saw Yunho, he will bow down very low. Changmin will also started using a very polite words when he talked and barely share the opinion that he has.

The other member will try to persuade him into talking, but Changmin will just bow politely and say that he has nothing new in mind. Sometimes, Yunho will feel very upset at the affection the other member offered Changmin, feeling that this spoiled kid didn’t deserve that. At that time, Yunho will sneered at Changmin. Saying things like, “If you are a smart kid like you seems to be, you will actually have something to say at this time” or “If you still want to work with us, you will actually share your view about this” and “don’t stay if you don’t have anything to say”.

Changmin however, proved that despite all the attack he got from Yunho, he stay strong with the group and actually try his hardest to debut.

Despite being very afraid of Yunho, Yunho remembers, Changmin will try to talk to him everytime. Trying to get advice from Yunho on this thing and that.

At first, Yunho will answer indifferently, but as time goes by, Yunho can see the hardworking attitude on young Changmin.

His sparkly bambi eyes was a plus.

Without realizing, Yunho started to feel addicted to Changmin’s eyes. He will let him talk nonsense in front of him for hours, only for Yunho to enjoy Changmin’s eyes.

It only took Yunho shortly before debut, to finally sold onto Changmin.

And it only took them a while to be a close pair of brothers.

Yunho remembers, Changmin will always nudge at Yunho. Wherever Yunho are, Changmin will be around, poking fun and loves at Yunho.

As the awkwardness between them slowly gone and Yunho’s jealousness toward Changmin has finally drop down to none, both Yunho and Changmin were starting to show the most affection toward each other.

At time to time, Changmin will caught Yunho from behind and gave Yunho the warmest backhug he ever felt. Yunho can still remember clearly the warm breath of Changmin on his ear as Changmin laugh on Yunho.

Another time, Yunho remembers Changmin kissed him on Yunho’s cheeks and giggles cutely afterward. Yunho can still remember the feeling of Changmin soft lips and chubby cheeks when Yunho pinched it amusingly. Yunho also still remember as Changmin let out a cute squeaky laughs when he did that.

Also, Yunho remembers the time Changmin has to answer an interview by himself. He speak very nervously, causing all the other members to tease after him. When Changmin done answering, he hugged Yunho afterward shyly, just like a cute kid searching for protection.

And that time... that time...

That time when it was the worst time for the future of TVXQ.

Everyone thought that, Yunho, has the worst breakdown.

That’s wrong. Yunho wasn’t. He actually kinda expect the time will come. So to put it harshly, Yunho was actually sitting down, watching, as he wait for the time to finally attend.

But Changmin didn’t. He was too young to understand. Changmin just didn’t get why. No matter how many time Changmin’s parents, or Yunho, try to explain, Changmin just couldn’t get it. Changmin just will never get why money and fame can changes people.

Yunho remembers that Changmin will hides like he will hides forever on his room. Never showing sign that he will actually get out. Dropping off of college. The smart Changmin dropping off of college! And started collecting huge collections of wines.

And Yunho, from behind the door, can listen to Changmin desperate cry.

At night, Yunho remembers running toward Changmin room because he heard shoutings. Yunho thought a thief just break through their dormitory, but it was just Changmin, calling out people names.

Yunho remembers having to hold Changmin on his bed, calling their manager because apparently one people wasn’t enough, because Changmin started rampaging on his sleep.

Yunho remembers Changmin crying non stop. Shouting. Yelling out names. And yelping for helps. Yunho also remembers that Changmin passed out from too much crying and even unable to breath one day.

Yunho also remembers spending out days, hugging the nonstop-crying Changmin eventhough he is sleeping. And Yunho remembers, softly wiping out the tears on Changmin’s messed up face. Kissing the trails of tears on Changmin’s cheeks. Before Changmin finally able to sleep calmly on the fifth day as Yunho hugs him into his body warmth.

After that catastrophic days, Changmin stopped being the affectionate him.

Changmin stopped giving Yunho hugs and leaving his melodic laugh on his ears, stopped slipping on Yunho’s blanket at night to sleep next to him, and stopped giving Yunho a peck on his cheeks followed by a cute giggle.

Changmin, even politely rejected Yunho when he pats him on his head. Saying that he isn’t the kid he used to be.

Yunho tried not to become much disappointed. Thinking that this is indeed not because of last year incident. Thinking that this is just Changmin growing up.

But Yunho, also couldn’t lie to himself, missing that old affectionate Changmin.

So today, on their last day of concert before their impending enlistment, Changmin doesn’t even bother hugging Yunho.

All Yunho had was a moment of high five and a single pat on his back before Changmin started going around, high five-ing the crews.

Yunho wouldn’t lie.

He wished that Changmin will do more than that.

He wished that Changmin will took him into his hugs, into his now broad shoulders, into his wide abs and whispering some supporting words to Yunho’s ears as he will be enlisting earlier.

In short, Yunho, missed Changmin’s hugs and kisses so much.

Yunho feels that he put too much expectation on what will happened today.

The ever growing up Changmin, doesn’t seem to will be ever giving Yunho a caressing on his longing hairs.

Changmin, has indeed growing up too much, way too much.

Changmin is now currently still walking around the staffs. His body is now much more huge than Yunho’s. His muscle carved perfectly on his body, eye candies for all their fans. And Changmin, now able to flirt on camera. He couldn’t even remember a word on his solo interview nine years ago!

But, Yunho seems to just have to accept it.

If Changmin stuck forever in his past, he will hates his job to the fullest and also leave Yunho as instant as he could.

And if Yunho stuck forever in his past, he will never be able to see the good in Changmin.

Changmin finally noticed Yunho, he then walks toward Yunho dashingly. Seeing that, Yunho smirked toward Changmin and Changmin smirked back.

Changmin offer him his hand, he laughs toward the awkward Yunho that is only standing in confusion. Yunho take Changmin’s hands, and Changmin shook it steadily.

Changmin then nods toward the backstage, “Let’s go backstage now. I’m very tired already,” he said, snarkily as usual.

Yunho shakes his head, he stares at Changmin judgingly, “the fans still want us”.

Changmin also shakes his head in return, “nope. It’s enough for today. Let’s go out,” said Changmin, his hand now grabbing Yunho’s, trying to drag him backstage.

Yunho smiles while letting out a resigned sigh, “Okay, okay, you win. Let’s go out,” said Yunho.

Changmin raises one of his eyebrows, seems to never understand the older colleague of his as he walked out.

When Changmin walked, he let go of Yunho’s hands.

Yunho is a bit surprised. He still wants to have that hands. He still want to feel the warmth of Changmin’s palm.

So he reached out for Changmin’s hand again and try to walk out while holding it.

Changmin stares at Yunho confusingly,

“Why?”

“Nothing”. Yunho answered cheerfully.

I just want to have you for the last time, said Yunho quietly on his mind.

Changmin still glares confusingly, but he still let Yunho holding his hand.

And Yunho, stare at Changmin’s back, as he try to understand and accept the fact.

That his ever cute youngest brother, has now fully grown into a grown up man.