I have been really determined in taking this step but why all of sudden, the fear come through me, the consequences of our actions, when the media find out, am I ready to face it,  all of those haters, beside Seunggi Oppa has this kind and clean image that he need to protect, this decision may tarnish our future. Drawn in to my thought alone… Ding…

From: Seunggi Oppa

I’ve arrived at the parking lot; do you want me to help you with the bag?

He’s arrived already, it’s too late to feel regrets, I grab on my luggage and started walk away, few step before the door, I froze thinking that if you take few step ahead there will no other option, no turning back, caress my tummy ,” Omma do it for you, so that you wouldn’t feel unwanted and less of love from someone called Appa, let’s fighting together my byeol and I take that first step, first step of  the long journey.” Bringing my luggage and my Leon and

Oppa, mianhae, It’s take a long time is it?

No, It’s not, are you okay, you look so pale?

I am having nausea and keep vomiting till morning, I am hungry but I can’t eat. “Hyorin ah, till when that you know to grumble, you being to pamper right now”.

Really? We should go and see the doctor.

No , it is okay, but right now I really wanna eat crab porridge at the Itaewon, they have the best carb porridge ever, it was so tastefull and yummy, Oppa you should try too.

You are craving on crab porridge now,” I didn’t know that she has this kind of faces too, cute and full of aegyo, I always knew her as the fierce, confident and assertive woman especially when on the stage, kyeopta…”.

Before I’ll forget, can we go to Soyu house too, after being pregnant I am having an allergic to cat fur so I need to sent Leon and Simba to Soyu house for a while. Poor them…. “I am so sad actually, they have been my companion for so long…”.

Arasso, call her first saying that we will come by. “She look so sad, that it bothers me seeing her so sullen, why is that?” Uhm.. after that why don’t we go to the Itaewon and buy your crab porridge and maybe some Turkish ice cream…

Really… I love too…. Crab porridge… crab porridge… ice cream… ice cream…” me being silly again, I don’t know why but I already feel comfortable with him that my aegyo started to shown without I am notice, it’s just happen that I am way to loosen up when I am with him.

Go..go… “She’s being cute again, that shy face when she realized of her action is priceless, more adorable, it is relieved that she’s smiling again”.

………………………………………………………………………………..

Lee seunggi home

His house was so big, it has three bedroom, a mini bar and what I love the most, a large kitchen. After finish arranging my stuff, I am started to prepare dinner, heating the crab porridge that we bought this evening, opened up his huge freezer, surprised “EMPTY”, it has nothing except a bottles of plain water and uhm let see an expired peanut butter and I don’t know for how long that kimchi has been there, but it does look rotten.

Oppa, you don’t have anything in your freezer?

Oh.. mianhae.. I don’t usually cook or eat at home, that is why? What do you need, I’ll go to buy it.

No, it is okay, we can go buy tomorrow, let’s eat first.

Arasso, give me 10 minute I am finishing up my demo first.

Uhm.. okay…. “Why does it feel like a married couple, are we? It’s all a new feeling but I don’t really hate it, sharing a personal space with a man which is complete stranger for the past a week ago. But it does look like he’s been preparing in welcoming me, the decoration in my room, it has a picture of cats, there are new set of mug, plate and even hand towel in the bathroom, very particular this man.” Oppa, come out now, it passed 10 minute already….

Haha.. Arasso.. you are so hungry aren’t you?

Uhm.. very very much hungry… “ without looking at him, I started to eat, It was so delicious, it make me crave for more, but I already finish my bowl, suddenly he psuh his bowl towards me , untouched while smiling at me, ask me to eat it.” Are you not hungry?

No it is okay, I have eaten kebab right? You eat it. “Seeing her stuffing her food, make me so relived, I was so worried that she’s not feeling well.” Hyorin ah, eat a lot, our baby has to much more to growth…

Oh… Arasso Oppa… “Our baby? Why does it sound so endearing, my heart is fluttering”.

……………………………………………………………………………………

After finished our dinner, Oppa continued his work, his preparing for a new album I think, well it is not actually his having a dinner, he’s accompany me to dinner, poor him, I am being spoil so much right now. My byeol, Omma reading in the internet that it is good to read a story to the baby, so do you want to hear Omma story telling? What kind of story do you wanna to hear? Uhm… how about snow white?

“Once upon a time in the middle of winter, when the flakes of snow were falling like feathers from the sky, a queen sat at a window sewing, and the frame of the window was made of black ebony. And whilst she was sewing and looking out of the window at the snow, she pricked her finger with the needle, and three drops of blood fell upon the snow. And the red looked pretty upon the white snow, and she thought to herself, would that I had a child as white as snow, with lips as red as blood, and hair as black as the wood of the window-frame. Soon after that she had a little daughter, who was as white as snow, her lips were as red as blood, and her hair was as black as ebony, and she was therefore called little snow-white. And when the child was born, the queen died.” Oh it was so sad byeol ah , she lost her mother, but that is the mother love byeol ah even if they are died, the love is everlasting.

……………………………………………..

Oh my god, I was so tired, decided to make  a coffee, but then I hear some voice, it was her, telling a story maybe? To the baby? Byeol? Who is byeol?

Hyorin ah, who is byeol? “Oh.. am I startled her, she look surprised.”

Oppa, you surprised me, byeol is the name that I give to my baby, cute is it?

Our baby…. Cute.. I love it, that name.

Oh.. mianhae, our baby… I am telling her story, Snow white…

Let me continued, “Naturally I grab the book, and places my hand on her tummy, and caress it, It give me warm feeling, I like it for whatever reason, I like it, this!”.

“After a year had passed the king took to himself another wife. She was a beautiful woman,vbut proud and haughty, and she could not bear that anyone else should surpass her in beauty.vShe had a wonderful looking-glass, and when she stood in front of it and looked at herself in it, and said,“looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall, who in this land is the fairest of all.”The looking-glass answered,“thou, o queen, art the fairest of all.” I keep telling the story, then I realized that she already fall asleep while holding on my hand, our hand together on her tummy, it does feel like we really gonna have  a baby together, without notice, I low down my face and kiss her tummy, stare at it for a while then I whisper “ Anyeong.. my byeol, this is Appa, Omma is already asleep, don’t be naughty okay, if not Omma will be tired, Appa and Omma gonna protect you, so don’t be afraid and growth more and healthier, Arasso?”. I carry her to her bedroom, lay her down, sit down beside her, watching her sleeping, she looked so compose and in peace, she look beautiful with that dim light that cover half of her face, “ I’ll protect you, don’t be afraid!”.

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Morning after…

She’s still sleeping, too tired maybe? Uhm.. what for breakfast, well what do we have from my morning grocery shopping, bread and toast. So I decided to make French toaster and a milk, will she like it?

Oppa, what are you doing?

Oh.. wake up? I am making you French toaster and a milk, sit down first.

Oh.. I love it, thank you Oppa, did you carry me tonight? Am I heavy?

Uhm.. I wouldn’t say you are lighter… Hahaha…” The feeling of wanting to , but I can hear that she’s sobbing, What? Did she cry? I am just joking? Turning my back towards her, facing her face, and freaking yes, she is crying.” Why are you crying, it’s just a joke.. you are not heavy at all.

I will be heavier, my body gonna be double in size. And I am…. I am… “Sobing again and again, what the hell is I am doing, it’s so embrassing”. I am gonna look like Hippopotamus….

Haha… hyorin ah.. well if it is like that never in my entire life I have seen such a beautiful hippopotamus.

Really?

Uhm… you are still beautiful in whatever you may be…

Arasso…. I am hungry… “ I finish up six toaster and 2 glasses of milk, if it is continued like this for sure I am gonna be a Hippo. Me , Kim hyo jung a freaking Hippo!”.

………………………………………………………….

I don’t have any schedule today, so I just decided to stay cozy at home, watching some documentary and learn to knitting, maybe? I love to make you some stocking, my byeol but my knitting talent is zero. I am gonn abe alone today, Oppa is preparing to go out, have work maybe.

Hyorin ah, let’s discuss something first.

Wae, Oppa?

About us and byeol, I think it is much better if we tell our company first, we need to take cautious action but with them knowing beforehand it will help us a lot in the future. So , what do you think?

I am scared…” Telling my company, how am I supposed to face them, CEO Kim, Soyu and Dasom, Staff unnie and Oppa?” Soyu and Dasom gonna be mad, I think?

Don’t worry, let me meet him, your CEO, I’ll handle everything. “She does look afraid, I understand her feeling, being a burden and disappointed for other people is really a pathetic feeling, so I am gonna try my best to ease that feeling”.

Arasso.. “I believed in him, I really wanna believe in him, he gave me solace.”

Arasso, I’ll go meet him today but for Soyu and Dasom, What should we do?

I’ll tell them myself. “Let’s face it, sooner or later they will know…”.

Arasso, I’ll go out first, if anything happen do call me.

Uhm.. Itabayo… “Seeing his leaving, why do I feel a little lonely?”.

………………………………………………………………

Night time..

I was sitting alone at the sofa… thinking of nothing… wandering too when he will come back… Is he okay? How is the meeting with CEO Kim? Lots of thing going through my  mind, but if he already told him, why does CEO Kim didn’t call her yet? Suddenly, I heard a door opened, He is here…

Oppa, welcome back. “He look so tired, Oh my god , did he had a bruise on his eyes, it look swollen and blue. Seolma, did CEO Kim hit him?

Uhm.. “she look so surprised maybe due to seeing my eyes, she look worried too.” Don’t worry I am okay.” She walk herself to the kitchen and pack me an ice, to cool down my swollen ice, I love it, her gesture, it full of concern, and loving.”

Oppa, did he hit you hard? “I am worried and sorry seeing him like this, feel like crying, suddenly he grab my hand take the ice bag put it on the table, then holding on my hand, caress it slowly, later he moves to touch my shoulder, slowly lead me to lean on his shoulder, his patting my head and give me  a kiss on my forehead, finally I cry, sobbing in his hug, using his finger, he is wiping my tears away, and started to sing….

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too) 

Don’t be scared Hyorin ah, put your trust in me, I am gonn use all power that I have to protect you, we are in this together, you are not alone, you got me with you, so don’t cry , it is not good for our Byeol.

I am not crying because of me Oppa, anything that concerned me didn’t shaking me up but I am scared for you, that you will lost everything that you have, your career, your image, your family, what will happen with your family? That is the reason that I am crying, I don’t wanna it, seeing you stumble and fall, it will frustrated me . But what did he said, our CEO?

Shh.. you don’t have to think about anything tonight, just sleep. “Everything will be fine, in god I put my trust in.”

Uhm.. let us get some sleep..” I am cuddling into him, and his patting my head, holding me tight, trying to give me comfort and peace that I need, If Oppa is willing to fight and not afraid, I am gonna do the same, together let us protect each other, I tighten the hug, settle down on his shoulder and close my eyes, it was a peace and quiet sleep accompany by Oppa essence, it smell good, Oppa smell so good.” Oppa, I’ll protect you too, so don’t be weary, I am here with you.

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Dear My byeol…

Anyeong… How is my byeol doing? Did you love the toaster that Appa make? It is delicious is it? Did you like it the Snow white story? Appa also read you some.. Appa said he is going to protect us and ask us to stay strong, so uri byeol don’t be afraid and just growth more and more… Omma and Appa will be thankful for that.. Today  It was a hard day for Appa, but he never grumbling anything to Omma, your Appa is an amazing man byeol ah. So Omma decided that I am gonna be Appa shelter, a place for him to run away from the rain or the thunderstorm, a place that given him solace like he give mines. Omma love you so much byel ah… Ah.. even if Appa didn’t say that he love you, he love you byeol ah.. he really do… trust him like I do… go and take a sleep my byeol.. nae sarang

Enjoy reading and thanks in advance