Monday Morning

It’s almost 8:00, and I’m lounging on my bed. While I am ready for school, I’m trying to think of a good excuse not to go. Maybe I can pretend I’m sick—I really don’t want to face the music.

However, until I started getting dressed today, I had almost forgotten about the whole horrifying incident because the rest of my weekend turned out to be pretty great. Amazing even, I remember with a smile.

As arranged, Taemin came over to play GTA on Saturday. We headed upstairs and took up our usual positions on my bedroom floor. From the day we met, I don’t think we had ever had trouble making conversation. Quite the opposite—we never shut up. But as we put the disk in and waited for the game to load, my best friend and I struggled to make small talk. Eventually the game was running and we gratefully selected a street race.

As we waited at the start line watching the numbers count down, Taemin spoke up. “So, are you in love with my neighbour all of a sudden?” At that moment, “go!” flashed on the screen, and the cars took off.

“Wha—?” Already in dead last, I hit the gas. “In love! Taemin, no. Nothing like that.” Chevrons appeared on the screen, and I swung my car round the corner.

“Well then, what were you doing?” Taemin passed a white car in front of him.

“I don’t know. I just...I figured he’s probably a playboy,” I explained. “With those looks, and he’s so smooth.”

“Jonghyun, Eunhyuk has been dating Donghae since high school. How could you not know that? Everyone knows.”

I spun my car into a streetlight. “Everyone does not know, Taemin,” I retorted, reversing and getting back on the road. “Those who live next door to him know. I just met him this week!”

“Oh...right.” Taemin’s car appeared behind mine.

“Why didn’t you stop me?”

“I thought...I just thought we were ogling him together. I had no idea you were planning on doing anything about it. And besides...” Taemin leaned left as he drove his car past mine and over the bridge.

“Besides what?” I asked, catching up and trying to pass him.

“It’s dumb,” he replied, blocking my attempt. “It’s just…”

“Well…just what?” We came to a bend in the road, and I drove left into the grass to cut the corner and come out ahead of him.

“I just thought that you and I were…something...” Taemin pulled up behind me and tapped my left bumper, spinning me off the road.

“Something what?” I asked, desperately trying to salvage my run.

“Not ‘something what.’ Just something.”

“What?”

Taemin crossed the finish line, with my car still spinning in the dirt one turn back. “Taemin, you’ve completely lost me.”

“That you and I were a thing, OK?” He laughed again and waved his arm in the air as though the notion was a pesky bug that needed a swat. “Just forget it,” he said smiling. “I told you it was dumb. You know how I am—I always misread things. It’s fine.”

But there was something about him, the slight slouch of his shoulders and the lack of humour behind his smile, that said otherwise.

Suddenly, I felt sick. That feeling when you realize you’ve carelessly hurt someone you care about and you can’t undo your stupidity. Like I’d been punched in the gut. Like I’d do anything for the chance to go back and change that whole night, but this time not for my sake.

“Taemin…I don’t know what to say.” My car slowed to a halt.

“Nah, just forget it. Hey, let’s play something else.” He began rifling through my stack of games.

“No, Taemin, I don’t want to forget it. You know I’d never hurt you on purpose, right?” I put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face me.

“Yeah, stop it,” he said, pushing my hand away. “You’re being weird.”

“I’m not being weird. I’m trying to apologize. I just didn’t realize you felt that way.” I waited for him to look at me. He didn’t.

“Well, duh.”

“What do you mean, ‘duh’?”

Taemin stopped rifling through my games and finally looked up at me. “We hang out all the time.”

“Yeah, we do,” I nodded.

“Well, boyfriends do that.”

“OK, but friends do that too,” I said in my defence.

“And you’re always playing with my hair or touching my .” He raised a thumb and finger to emphasize these two points in his favour.

He had me there. I do do that. “OK,” I conceded.

“And I sleep over a lot,” he said shyly, adding another finger.

I tilted my head and looked at him, trying to absorb the idea, to see how it felt to think of him like that.

“Boyfriends do that, you know.”

“Yeah, I guess they do.”

“And I cook for you. And you clearly think I’m cute.” Taemin was on a roll now, his whole hand extended in the air. “And we’d be good together.”

Taemin gave up the idea of a different game and sat back on his and selected another race instead.

I leaned back against the foot of my bed and watched him while he waited for it to load. Maybe he was right. Not so much about the cooking thing, but I do think he’s cute. He’s my favourite person in the world—I’d just never thought of us...in that way. And it never occurred to me that Taemin felt like that about me. I felt an odd mix of pride that he liked me and shame that I hadn’t noticed.

I picked up my controller and pulled my car beside his as the countdown began. Taemin glanced over and flashed me a smile. I felt a sense of relief that we were going to be OK, regardless of what came next. Plus, Taemin’s smile always makes me feel good.

When the game started, I took off and swung past the driver in front of me, as Taemin did the same on the other side. It wasn’t long before we were in second and third, bearing down on the leader. Things were going along like normal when, out of the blue, Taemin put his controller down and pivoted to fling his leg over mine and sit on my knees.

“Um...what’s up?”

“I’m going to kiss you,” Taemin stated outright. Then before I could come up with a response to that, he put his hands against the bed on either side of my head and leaned all the way forward until our faces were closer than they’ve ever been. I just sat there, stunned. A moment later, he pressed his lips against mine. Not tentatively either, for a full couple of seconds.

I had totally expected it to feel dumb, but actually something stirred in me. Not just in my pants—although that too because is all it ever thinks about—but somewhere in my soul I felt warm, moved. I found myself kissing him back, and when he sat up, I pulled him closer and kissed him some more.

Taemin grinned at me when we stopped. He hopped off my legs and picked up his controller. “See. I told you we’d be good,” he said.

“Yeah,” was all I could think to say as his car left mine in the dust.

It was at that moment I realized it: Taemin’s not the clueless loser. I am.

********

Taemin and I spent a lot of time talking, and kissing, over the weekend, and we decided we’re going to take things slowly. He’s threatened to distract me with his charms while we’re playing video games, so it looks like I’m going to lose a lot of races from now on.

I can’t say I mind.

So, I actually feel great...except for the fact that I shortly have to face an entire school body that has no doubt heard all about the incident Friday night.

“Hey !” a voice calls from outside, breaking me from my thoughts.

I pull the corner of my curtain aside just enough to see out. Down on the street in front of my house are Key, Minho, and Taemin. Great. Let the heckling begin.

I grab my phone and text Taemin.

Tell key to shut up. My mom’s still asleep.

I pull the curtain again to see Taemin reading his phone and then talking with Key. Then Taemin holds out his hand for Key’s phone and messes about with it before handing it back.

My phone buzzes. I swipe it and retrieve the message.

Hey !

Geez.

Lets go! Time for school.

Idk key. Im not feeling great.

Bull ur just scared.

Ok fine. I just dont think im ready to face everyone yet.

What happened to ‘as long as you have a good group of friends, youll survive’?

I sigh and look back out the window again. Key waves at me to come down. Seeing me hesitating still, he goes back to his phone.

If anyone dares to say anything, ill glare at them until they turn to stone ok? U know i can do it.

I laugh and signal that I’m coming. I let the curtain fall back in place, grab my knapsack, and head down the stairs, where I throw on my coat and sneakers.

On my way out the door, I realize that, yes, it will be a while before this dies down. But sooner or later, someone else will do something idiotic and I’ll become ancient history.

Until my next dumb scheme, that is.