Characters. Kai, Baekhyun, Haneul (OC)
Status. Ongoing
Description. A story about love, drama and an acting prodigy who finds her way to the top of the entertainment business
 

The story title is definitely different. Although it’s a word from another language, it fits with your storyline very well. I honestly don’t think there can be a more fitting title than this for your story - well done!
 

Your description is very effective - not only does it give an explanation of what the title means (since it’s in French and not every reader speaks that language), it also drew me into wanting to read more of the story. You didn’t give away too much information, but at the same time you’ve foreshadowed Haneul to be the star of the story.

Your tags seems completely fine to me, though I don’t think the character chart in the foreword is necessary at all, since you’ve introduced them quite nicely in the story.
 

The poster is very nicely made, the colours fit together well, and the general theme works nicely with the overall theme of the story. However, since I’m not a huge fan of fancy fonts such as the font used for the title, I can’t call this the perfect poster. Also, for the background image, it’s a little too much on the eyes, in my opinion. Since the patterns are so small, sometimes it can make your vision a little hazy, especially since we’re reading off screens.

The overall layout of your story is very clean and classy. The way you’ve kept it consistent throughout the chapters is also a plus point. Well done.
 

For the time being, you’ve only really scraped the surface of each character, so there’s not a whole lot of depth or development into them yet. Though, on the whole, each character already as a set personality and role in the story, which is good considering how early on you are in the plot. You have Baekhyun, the self-centred big star, who thinks he’s greater than everything; you have Jongin, who believes in Haneul when nobody else does, and he obviously has some hidden agendas we have yet to discover; and finally the female protagonist, Haneul. At the moment, Haneul is a little mary-sue, but I hope you can somehow switch that around and make it so she doesn’t fall into the same trap and pattern of every mary-sue character.

There are still room for improvement and development, but I think that’ll come later on as your story progresses. Right now, you don’t have to worry so much about your characters.
 

Your plot is interesting, though I wouldn’t say it’s completely original. I think I’ve read a couple of stories in which the main character strives to become a star in either singing or acting, but I don’t blame you for this since authors are writing about idols so it’s inevitable that this topic comes up. At the very start of your story, I thought about how it was slightly similar to a Japanese manga/anime called “Skip Beat!”, and I thought: “please don’t let it be the same” and thankfully, your plot is different to the manga!

Anyhow, you’ve started the plot nicely with a strong base to work upon, and I don’t think you’ll encounter much problems after this. What I do have to say is, writing about the entertainment world is extremely difficult - one, we don’t know what really goes on (unless you are/were in the industry); and two, it’s very easy to mislead people into thinking that the industry works the same way as you depict it in your story (please watch out for this!). Though, at the moment, you’ve done well with the plot and the details surrounding it. It sounds quite realistic in drama terms, and it looks like this could really happen in a television drama or movie!

How you write about the future of Haneul in this story will really decide on whether your story is successful or not. Bluntly speaking, if Haneul suddenly improves overnight and becomes a superstar in two weeks time, this story would be boring and dull. Therefore, I do hope you’re thinking through the steps and stages in which she goes through and hope that her journey is not as successful as she would like it to be (as harsh as that sounds, Haneul will need some kind of problems and troubles to make the story more interesting, right?).
 

There isn’t a problem with the speed of your story. To be honest, it does seem like everything is happening at a really quick pace, but I guess it’s supposed to be like that since things are supposed to come down like a wave for Haneul too.
 

There are no problems with your writing at all in this department.
 

I’d say your writing style is very narrative, with quite a lot of description and imagery. However, at the same time, I found it to be a little stiff, like you can’t really put yourself into the characters’ shoes. I’m not sure if this is just me, but I feel like somehow I can’t feel like I’m Haneul, or Jongin, or whoever in the story. I’m not sure what the proper term for this is, but I think it’s hard to relate to your writing and words.
 

The structure of your writing is good. You’ve used paragraphs correctly and there aren’t problems with paragraphing and speech.
 

The statistics for your story is very good! You have a huge number of subscribers and a good number of votes. The number of comments are good too; though I can see you’re replying to the comments, you’ve only started doing so very recently so please keep it up!

One thought - you made your story limited to subscribers only, but what if readers that don’t have an account or don’t want to subscribe want to read your story? This is a thought that I usually put out to those who have their stories limited to subscribers only because in a way, you are limiting the number of people who can read your story. Of course, this is only a thought of mine and therefore will not affect your score.
 

I actually quite enjoyed reading this! At first, as I’ve mentioned before, I was a little reluctant because of the small similarities between your story and the manga, but as I read on, I realised that wasn’t the case. The plot has definitely drew me in and honestly speaking, I’m more interested in Jongin than Haneul because I think he’s hiding something really big from the rest of the world and it’d be exciting to read what that huge secret is (if he really has one). Anyhow, thank you for giving me the opportunity to read your story and all the best to you!
 

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