Eli heard Kevin’s laughter in the living area of the dorm they were staying in and sighed heavily. Kevin’s laughter rang in his ears, but in a way that sent pleasurable chills down his spine.

It scared the ever-living out of him. He sat down on the edge of his bed and ran his hands through his hair.

For weeks now, Eli’s feelings for Kevin had grown increasingly confusing. He would have trouble sleeping at night because Kevin’s soft breathing a few feet away from him distracted him – it hypnotized him, but he wanted to stay awake and listen to it. For the first time the night before, instead of staring at the bedroom ceiling while Kevin’s soft breathing echoed in his mind, he shimmied to the edge of the bed and looked across the room at Kevin.

He was beautiful. Eli felt sick to his stomach the next morning when he thought about how he had just stared at Kevin’s sleeping face in awe for a good twenty minutes the night before. He was genuinely confused and didn’t know what to do. He wanted to talk to someone, but he couldn’t think of anyone who would understand.

His usual confidante was Kevin, but he wouldn’t be the best person to talk about when he was going to be talking about Kevin.

AJ was good conversation, and he liked speaking in English, but Eli didn’t like talking about Kevin around AJ, and vice-versa.

Soohyun was their leader, which would make him a good person to talk to – but Eli had a gut feeling that Soohyun just wouldn’t understand. The leader was much more open with his feelings, so he wouldn’t understand where Soohyun was coming from.

And Hoon was the exact same as Soohyun, which ruled him out.

Dongho was… Dongho. He was just a kid and was even less likely of understanding what Eli was talking about than everyone else in the group.

That left Kiseop and their manager, which was just as much of a bust as everybody else. Kiseop was good company – very easy-going, nice to talk to, and funny. He had a way of making all of the guys laugh and ease tension in a room. But Kiseop was good for helping the boys relax, not help guide them through some much-needed soul-searching.

And Moonsung was stressed out enough with everything the boys were doing – Eli swore, that man deserved an award for all of the crap he had to put up with. He didn’t need to be bothered by Eli’s confusion.

Eli flopped back on his bed and dragged his hands down his face.

His family definitely wouldn’t understand. And he didn’t really talk to any of his friends back ho-

Eli shot up and practically lunged off of his bed, scrambling for his laptop. As soon he had it out of the bag there was a soft knocking in his door.

“Eli?” Eli jumped at the soft voice and looked up, smiling brightly when Kevin stuck his head into the room. “Eli, we’re all going out for dinner!” Eli felt that ever-so-confusing bubbling in his stomach and rubbed it uneasily.

“I’m not feeling well, Kev,” he lied – partially. “You guys can go on without me; I can throw something together here.” Kevin frowned and Eli fought back his urge to stand up, walk over, and pull the much smaller boy into a tight hug. “I’ll be fine, Kevin,” he assured him.

Eli drummed his fingers against the computer agitatedly, thanking God that the guys were all leaving. He could guarantee that the conversation he was about to have – if he had it – was going to get pretty loud.

“Please be on, please be on, please be on…” he mumbled as soon as his computer was on, clicking the Skype icon. “Please be on, please be on, please be on…” he continued to chant to himself. There were three names, and one of them was on. “Thank God!” He sighed, clicking on the picture. Eli clasped his hands in front of himself and started praying. “Please God, let her be online -”

“Eli?” He jumped and looked back at the computer, grinning at the image of a girl’s face.

“Kate!” He exclaimed joyfully, straightening up his laptop. The girl’s eyes widened in surprise and she burst out laughing.

“Hey, Mr. Pop Star!” She laughing, waving at her computer as she shifted to sit up.

“I’m not going to stare down your shirt while we’re video-chatting, Kate,” Eli chuckled, leaning back.

“I’ve been sprawled out on my stomach for the past hour or two, I need to shift positions anyways,” she said, her voice fading in and out as she moved away from her computer’s microphone.

“Tumblr?” He said.

“How did you know?” She gasped, her words dripping with sarcasm.

“Because you’re always on tumblr!” He laughed, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

“And you aren’t,” she deadpanned, mirroring his position in front of her own computer. “So, to what do I owe this great honor? You haven’t messaged me in a longtime.”

“I need your help,” Eli said without missing a beat.

“Oh ,” she gasped while shifting closer to her computer, her eyes widening slightly with anticipation. “It must be a big deal if you’re asking me for help.”

“Well, it’s something that only I can trust you with,” Eli told her. She smiled and rested her chin her hands, looking at him through the camera expectantly. “I’m really confused about my feelings for someone -”

“Is it Kevin?” She deadpanned. Eli froze and stared at his computer screen in shock.

“Wait, how do you know?”

“Because, although we grew up together, Eli – I’m still a KissMe,” she declared, gesturing at herself. “I still watch your performances and fancams, I still watch your interviews –”

“I didn’t know you were a KissMe,” Eli cut her off. She heaved an overdramatic sigh and her shoulders slumped, implying that she had also rolled her eyes – that was something she always did when she rolled her eyes.

“That’s beside the point of our conversation, Eli. The point of this conversation is that you’re unwilling to admit that ElVin is more than fanservice.”

“Wait, ElVin?” Eli repeated in disbelief.

“I would tell you that you need to get on tumblr more, but I’m pretty sure you’d be scarred for life,” Kate said while nonchalantly waving her hand in the air.

“And I’m too busy,” he chuckled.

“And you’re too busy,” she repeated, smiling fondly at her webcam. “Now, what do you want me to help you with?”

“You’ve always been good at giving advice,” Eli told her, shifting uncomfortably and putting his laptop down on the bed so that he could just sit on the floor and be at eye-level with it, adjusting his webcam. He watched her lips twist into a pout as she crossed her arms, raising one hand to tap her chin in concentration.

“Have you tried asking yourself how you feel?”

“What?” He couldn’t help but reach up and scratch his head in confusion. “Kate, that doesn’t make sense.”

“Shut up, that’s some deep right there – you’re just too much of a derpy pigeon to see that,” she deadpanned. “But I mean it, Eli – have you actually tried asking yourself ‘what the hell is this that I’m feeling?’ or have you just worried your pretty-little-head over an unfamiliar feeling and haven’t taken the time to reflect on it?” Eli opened his mouth to object and realized that she was right. “Yeah, I thought so.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He cried out indignantly.

“I can see your face perfectly, and you just had your ‘oh , she’s right’ face.” Eli chuckled and shook his head.

“We haven’t seen each other in person in years, and you can still read me perfectly over a webcam,” he stated.  She just shrugged one of her shoulders and smiled.

“So, do ya know what you’re going to do about Kevin?” She asked. Eli took a deep breath and thought for a second.

“I guess…” he paused and sighed, “I need to think about it some more.”

“It’s understandable,” Kate assured him. “You’ve been a manly-man for so long, and you’ve never felt like this for a guy -”

“Kevin a guy in body only!” Eli laughed. “And even then he’s still really pretty -”

“But you love him anyways,” Kate deadpanned. Eli froze and stared at his computer screen in disbelief.

“I don’t lo -”

“I’ve seen how you get when you’re with someone you’re in love with, Eli,” Kate pointed out. “Trust me, you’re in love with this boy – you just haven’t admitted it yet. Think about it Eli, reflect on it – because it’s not fair to Kevin if you keep lying to yourself.” Eli frowned and thought for a second before he nodded slowly.

“You’re right, Kate,” he sighed before smiling weakly, “again.”

“Of course I am,” she said nonchalantly. It was silent for a moment before a thought suddenly struck Eli.

“Holy , Kate! I’ve been so busy ing about my problems I haven’t bothered to ask you how you’ve been!” Eli laughed and crossed his arms on the bed. “How’s that Henry-guy you were dating when I left?”

“Henry?” Kate frowned and then scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Eli, you’re way behind – I dumped him well over a year ago!”

“What? Why?” Eli frowned. He had been a nice enough guy – and very pretty. He looked a lot like Cillian Murphy, if Eli remembered correctly.

“He talked about Kpop one day,” Kate told him brusquely, “es don’t diss my Kpop – I don’t care what our relationship is.”

“You said you wouldn’t mind dating a guy who wasn’t in the same fandom as you,” Eli pointed out. “I remember you saying that when I was telling you that you would never get a boyfriend if you kept raving about Lee Donghae and Super Junior.”

“No, I said I wouldn’t mind dating a guy who wasn’t in my fandom – as long as he didn’t bash it,” Kate reminded him. “He said that Super Junior’s music is terrible – and then he randomly called you an .”

“But I am an ,” Eli deadpanned.

“Only sometimes,” Kate smiled.

“So, besides dumping the Cillian Murphy-lookalike,” Eli laughed, “what else have you been up to? Still working in my dad’s restaurant?”

“Yes – oh my God, I have to tell you this story about what happened last week while I was waiting tables…”