The Means To Our End - Sequel Pt.2                                         

- A secret to keep others happy

 

“You should meet dad” the words came out of the blue, one day as they were getting ready to leave for a class and Jimin just stared at the other blankly.

 

How could Jungkook say something like that to him?

 

“He changed” Jungkook reassured him, as if predicting Jimins thoughts “He barely even ever drinks”

 

“You’re wrong” Jimin answered, his words soft and barely audible.

 

“Come with me during the winter break, you will see-” Jungkook nagged further.

 

“No!” Jimin shouted, with Jungkooks eyes widening in surprise at the sudden tone and behaviour.

 

“Believe me” Jungkook said, his expression turning to that of genuineness.  

 

Jimin didn’t believe. He knew what was going to happen, but it was Jungkooks request and the way he looked at him, that he had to pretend to believe for the sake of the other.

 

-

 

- Could he have blamed the other, when he knew himself what was coming?

 

It happened fast. The hits were so quick, and it could have been because the other was sober, which really was a change from the past as Jungkook had ensured him, yet Jungkook didn’t know, drunk or sober, Jimins father had always hit him.

 

It was just the two of them in the house, and it was only them two that shared a secret. Jungkook and his mother had left to do some shopping and although Jimin knew it was only an excuse to leave Jimin and his father together in hopes that they would console after all this time apart, he could still not stop the other from leaving.  

 

He was stupid for coming along, when he knew this would happen, yet he still came, and it sickened him, how he was still used to the beating, how it almost felt good to be beaten after all this time away.

 

“STOP!!!!!”

 

It was Jungkook, and Jimins eyes snapped open, and straight at Jungkook.

 

No. He didn’t want the other to see. Not again, not like this, not after everything.

 

He felt like a pathetic high schooler all over again. The same scene replaying over itself, as Jungkook pushed his father away and grabbed Jimins wrist, pulling him up like that same lifeless doll over two years ago.

 

Was Jungkook going to blame himself again?

 

- The right to no apology

 

“I’m sorry” the words kept pouring out of the other, “I don’t understand, it shouldn’t have happened again, it-… it shouldn’t have”

 

“Forget it” Jimin brushed it off, as if he had only tripped and fell, nothing more, nothing less to it “It’s nothing new. I knew this would happen, even more now that we will have a baby brother…”

 

“But-”

 

“I remind him of her” Jimin said, somewhat surprising the other. Jimin never really spoken of her, and whatever Jungkook ever learnt of Jimin had only been through rumours. “There are things you don’t know about her, and why he hates her so much, even more why he hates me now more than before, so don’t blame yourself”.

 

The words didn’t cut it, Jungkook still looked at him, with those same quilt ridden eyes as he did with before and he could only laugh. 

 

“I look like that too much; I always have… He wants to erase his past.” his voice was shaky, because it was only him who knew the meaning of his words, and it will always will be just him.

 

“I want to repay you” Jungkook almost sobbed, as he tried his best to hold back the tears “I told you to come when you said you didn’t want to, and this happened again…” he paused; Jimin finding the determination on his face overwhelming.

 

“Hit me”

 

The words, and the others tone took him by surprise. The words were clear enough, and Jimin could tell the other truly meant them.

 

“W-what?” he stuttered out at the sudden command.

 

“Hit me as much as you want. I want to be in as much pain as you are, I want to feel the pain that your feeling right now” he said, shutting his eyes tightly.

 

- Was it Jungkooks words, or the way he looked, that made him act the way he did?

 

He swallowed, as he raised his fist, which soon turned into a palm that was resting gently on Jungkooks cheek, and he shifted his weight forward, - meeting Jungkooks lips. It’s been so long.

 

This may have been crueller - than it would have been if he had just beaten Jungkook, as the other had asked. But the pain Jimin was feeling wasn’t so much physical, as compared to what he was feeling inside of himself. He was in mental pain, and his actions will cause the same mental pain to the other. Jungkook really should have picked his words more carefully, Jimin was a sly and cunning creature after all.

 

It was wrong when he kissed Jungkook, and even more when he felt Jungkook kiss back. He opened his own eyes in surprise, just to see Jungkooks still closed ones, - this was so wrong by all means.

 

=

 

Days flew by like nothing happened, and sometimes Jimin really did believe that perhaps nothing did ever happen. Just his imagination. There were no physical traces to confirm anything, only the pain left inside.

 

Sometimes he wanted to ask Jungkook why he took up the invitation, despite knowing Jimins true intentions. He must have known, because there was no way he couldn’t after what Jimin did before leaving. The thoughts came and gone as often as he closed his eyes.

 

-

 

“He’s been madly studying since a while back now” Kyung made the remark, as they watched the person in the distance, flipping through the bunch of books on the table, - at the corner of the library.

 

To say that he wasn’t happy to find the other preoccupied with something like this, rather than what he had been fearing of all this time would be a lie. Seeing the other like this made him feel at ease. He had been scared, with Jungkook being so awfully quiet. Jungkook would claim that he was tired after coming back at late hours, and just fall right into bed, without Jimin having a decent chance to ask what the other had been doing lately.

 

He was left with his own thoughts and imagination. One that created and painted Jungkook in a world, where he had a girlfriend, where Jimin didn’t exists, and one where Jungkook left his side as if he was merely an object of the past. It frightened him.

 

- It was the day Jungkook got a job as a lawyer, that all had changed.

 

“I can protect you now”

 

The words echoed through his head, his mind still not fully able to grasp their meaning.

 

“Jimin?” he called out, somewhat worried now, as he studied his face.

 

“Oh? O-Ohh” he nodded, snapping back to reality.

 

“Did you understand what I said?”

 

“No” Jimin answered honestly, “I mean, I understand what you said, but not the meaning…”. It was rather he was scared he misinterpreted the meaning.

 

“I’m going to protect you from everyone now, no-one can harm you anymore”

 

“Because I’m your stepb-” Jimin said the words drily.

 

“No” Jungkook shook his head, “Because you’re my lover”

 

=

 

It had been Jungkooks idea, and through Jungkook that he got the job in his company. He never thought he would regret it as much as he did, to this day.

 

-

 

They lived together. If not for the fact that they were step-brothers, Jimin was sure the stares would have still be different.

 

When they first moved in, ladies from the apartments would speak about them continuously, and Jimin had even heard their accusations. The accusations of them both being lovers, which was true. Jimin was fine with the stares, and their continues rants, but he hated the idea of them badmouthing Jungkook and looking at him each time he was passing by as if he was different, as if there was something wrong with him.

 

-

 

“Hello, have you happened to see my brother passing by?” Jimin asked, faking concern.  

 

“Your brother?” One of the ladies questioned, as the others around her, tried to ignore Jimins words and presence all together, as if he was to infect them with some sort of disease.

 

“Yes” Jimin nodded, “Jungkook. We share the apartment on the 10^th floor. Your next door neighbours” Jimin explained, feeling the other ladies eyes curiously find their way back on him. “He had left his phone behind, and didn’t take a spare key with him. But I got called out for a business meeting, so I might be gone for a whole day. I didn’t even realise he had left and I was hoping he was still somewhere around”. Would they believe in such non-sense? It sounded stupid and unrealistic to himself, but he had to try.

 

“But you look nothing alike” One of the ladies pointed out almost accusingly, and Jimin knew what she was really trying to say by it.

 

“Ah, that” Jimin laughed slightly “We are actually step-brothers. Our parents got married after we finished high school. At our age, we ended up having a little baby brother” Jimin said, as if showing off, - yet the words feeling disgustingly unnatural as they left his mouth.

 

=

 

“What did you do?” Jungkook asked almost immediately after he entered the apartment.

 

“What?”

 

“Those gossiping old women just greeted me for the first time and asked me how my ‘brother’ was doing”

 

So Jungkook also heard their gossips, just as he had.

 

“What’s wrong with that?” Jimin asked, feigning innocence in the matter.

 

“’What’s wrong with that?’” Jungkook repeated the words, his voice bitter and Jimin could feel the anger within it.

 

“I didn’t lie” Jimin pointed out, “And it will keep them quiet”

 

“Your right” Jungkook agreed sarcastically, “You didn’t lie, you just forgot to mention what happens in the bedroom”

 

“What did you want me to do?” Jimin questioned, not understanding what he had done wrong, “They spoke about us every day, they insulted us behind our backs, they insulted you” Jimin said, unable to hide the sadness in his voice “I hated it”.

 

“Fine” Jungkook said, his anger melting in seconds, as he walked towards him, - embracing Jimin in his arms. “Don’t do something like this again. I don’t like it”

 

=

 

- They were found, and revealed to the whole world.

 

It must have been all that attention that got him suspicious and curious.

 

He walked uneasily into the office, feeling each and every stare, their judging eyes staring back at his. They knew something, and that something was brought up to the surface.

 

It could have been the fact they were caught by Jungkooks mother the other morning, whiles sleeping together in bed.

 

She had come to visit without saying a single word. It had been a stupid idea from the start having the door passkey as Jungkooks birth date, but who could have known that this would happen?

 

Her disgusted and grossed out stare, was carved into his mind. Had she told his father?

 

- What was it?

 

The company chat rooms. He sat on the closed toilet lid, searching the newest posts on the company’s staff website. He paused, his finger hesitantly hoovering over his phone screen, before his fingertip finally touching it.

 

It may have been half an hour before his mind came back. Jungkook. He had to protect him.

 

‘Stay home!’

 

‘Don’t come in today!’

 

‘You can’t show up to work today!!!’

 

-

 

They sat there in silence.

 

“I ruined you” he finally spoke up. It wasn’t a simple sentence; it was a matter of fact. He was ruined, all due to Jimin.

 

“If you never met me-, no, if I had been normal, no, if I hadn’t-”

 

“We would still be in the same situation as we are now” Jungkook spoke up, giving out a heavy sigh, as Jimin looked up at the other blankly, with Jungkook just sliding further down sofa, looking far too relaxed and comfortable for this kind of situation.

 

“Jimin, it hadn’t even been you who approached me from the beginning, you do know that right?”

 

He stared at him, with eyebrows furrowed, not sure how this suddenly came to matter.

 

“On my first day of school, I heard tons and tons of rumours about you. I’ve seen them gossiping about you so close to you, as if they really believed that you couldn’t hear them, but you did nothing.” His smile disappearing “It pissed me off” he said the words annoyed, as if the memory was playing in his head, “You and me were too similar, and I wanted to show them that we were different from them” he sat up now, his elbows resting on his thighs as he stared him right in the eyes, “I wanted to show them how strong we were. I wanted them to see what would happen if they messed with us. It wasn’t me who was your target, it was you who was the target from the very beginning. To say that you wish something about you in the past changed, means nothing, because I would have still have done something to make us come back right to this. I would have brought us right back to this. Jimin” he called the name softly, “Do you wish that I was different?”

 

 “No” there was no hesitation in his answer. There wasn’t a single thought, just a straight answer.

 

-

 

It was sleep that was meant to make everything better, switch them off from all the painful thoughts of reality, but it was a lie. He couldn’t make himself sleep even the slightest, his eyes remaining wide open, as thoughts ran through his head.

 

What was of their future?

 

What was of Jungkook’s future?

 

If he disappeared, could he take away at least some of the blame?

 

- All of his life may have been what had caused the others downfall, it was him and his choices that had led Jungkook to where he was now, and it was only Jimin and Jimin alone who could be blamed. No matter what Jungkook says, it was Jimin who brought destruction to Jungkooks world, and made it come crashing down like his own had been many years ago.

 

The edge never felt closer than it has now, maybe because he was actually standing on one for a change, - the building rooftop feeling so much higher than it did when he would look up at it from the ground.

 

Everything below looked so small and animated, almost like small busy ants making their way around their just as busy lives.

 

All he had to do was to lean forward, it was as easy as that, but it felt so hard to do so in person. It was scary. He was scared. He was shaking and trembling. He would never get to see Jungkook again.  

 

Hands encircled his waist slowly, yet firmly, without a single word, and he felt his own tears come crashing down, as he leaned his head back, to rest on Jungkooks shoulder, his hands soon covering his own face in shame at what he had planned to do.

 

He wanted to live, and this was a reminder why.

 

He was in love.

 

They were fine. All it has ever been was that –

 

They were lost in the present and stuck in the past for a short while.

Not anymore.

 

The means to our end, can turn into a new start.

---                                                                                                                                                                                              --

I’m actually writing another story, it’s half based in prison, and is taking me quite a while to come up with an ok draft to follow through – otherwise I take years and years to update.

 

I will post a link here, and on my other Jikook stories, when I’m finally ok with where the story will be going.

 

Thank you to those who subscribed and commented!