The Means To Our End                                                       

 

It could have been that time in the past - the first time he appeared.

 

“Class, this is Jeon Jungkook who has moved here from Seoul” the teachers voice rang through the classroom.

 

It could have been the fact that they were so different, or it could have been that they were too similar.

 

Jungkooks parents were divorced, and Jungkook had moved to Busan with his mother, - with his mother’s belief that they could start a new life here, where her own roots had laid.

 

Jimin was no different either. He also came from a single parent home, his story being known to the whole village through and through. As it goes, Jimins father had knocked up his mother at a young age, soon after giving birth, she had run off in the middle of the night with the pharmacist son, - a -, that’s what his father called her, when both sober and drunk he always had to mention her, and even more how Jimin looked like that beautiful .  

 

Could it have been their first fight?

 

“Everyone heard about your mother, so why are you getting so worked about it?”

 

“Everyone knows about your up father” Jimin screamed back, just as loud and disgusted as the other.

 

“And yours is a ing drunkard”

 

Jimin had managed to throw the first punch, and actually land it quite sweetly on the others face.

 

-

 

“I’m so sorry” Jungkooks mother apologised continuously, without stopping, whiles Jimins father just sat there indifferent and clearly uninterested in the whole situation, as if it wasn’t for his own son that he was called out for.

 

The two were just as beat as each other, blood and bruises on their faces and knuckles, - of which were nothing compared to what will remain inside; the scar of the words received, the emotional pain that no one wants to speak out.

 

“As this is the first time for both of them, and it seems like there wasn’t one in particular who started it, this time we will punish them both equally with a weeks’ detention and after school chores, as a punishment” The headmaster proceeded, looking between both of the parents, as if to check it was a fine punishment that he had proposed, “But I must warn you, something like this must not happen again. Next time might lead to one of them having to transfer, which damages the schools reputation, and doesn’t set a good example to other students…”

 

The rambling went on, and to be honest Jimin didn’t care. His whole focus was on his father, and how much it looked like he wanted to leave already, as if this was none of his concern and merely an annoying meeting he had to attend. He shifted his weight back and forth impatiently, his leg bouncing quickly, as his fingers danced an intolerant beat on his thigh, as if to help him pass the time quicker.

 

-

 

That hand on the back of his shirt collar, dragging him with force, and Jimin knew what it meant.

 

“You think you can do this to me!?” He yelled, “Do you think I have time to come here for your stupid childish behaviour!?” his voice only kept increasing, and Jimin knew that it probably reached even those in classes inside the school building, through the open classroom windows. “Earn your own ing money, or go find that , and live with her”.

 

Ah, it was that, it was as if his brain waited for those words to set off that signal, as he abruptly squatted down, making his father tumble back, before he harshly let go of his grip.

 

“Crying like a little whenever you want to” he heard his mocking voice loud and clear, despite desperately covering his ears with his hands, “pretending not to hear me, won’t change anything in your pathetic life”.

 

He was forcing his eyes shut, as his breathing became more and more irregular due to his sobbing, only opening them after few seconds, to see his father’s footsteps get further and further away.

 

He was pathetic, and he must have been quite a sight, as he looked around the school yard for the possible audience. His eyes meeting Jungkooks, who along with his mother stood in the near distance, clearly having watched the whole show that was displayed for them from the beginning to the end.

 

“” he cursed under his breath, quickly getting up, and his hands shot up to his face, roughly wiping off the tears. It was humiliating and embarrassing, and out of all the people it had to be the other to witness it all.

 

It could have even been the others apology…

 

“I guess neither of us excel in normal functioning family” Jungkook laughed it off, as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and Jimin could only smile like a fool.

 

“So ed up” Jimin allowed himself to laugh, although somewhat reserved.

 

“At least you got one normal parent” Jimin tried to console the other, nodding at Jungkook, before glancing back at his own house, where a faded mumbling could be heard, from Jimins drunk father, sleeping away.

 

It was late at night, and it was to Jungkooks luck that Jimin was still awake, or the next stone he was prepared to throw at Jimins father bedroom window, would of waken up the drunkard from his sleep. Hearing the sound of something hitting the glass startled him, and when he walked into the room, finding his father passed out sleeping, and the sight of Jungkook standing past the window, near the gate, glowing under the bright moonlight, he knew he had to go and see the other.

 

“Wouldn’t call her exactly normal either” Jungkook disagreed, “You’ve seen her” Jungkook said as casually as one could, “She was begging and begging. I can’t stand that sight, it’s pathetic. She was like that to my father, no matter how much he had ed up, until that time…”

 

Was it that hateful announcement of their parents wanting to live together?

 

He didn’t care who his father had chosen, it could have been anyone, - young, old, female, male or even both, but why did it have to be Jungkooks mother?. The village was small, so it was no surprise they were seeing each other often, but for it all to come to this, was never something that Jimin could have foreseen.

 

He didn’t want the other to see how he lived, and how pathetic and small he was under his father beating.

 

“Stop” Jungkook screamed, running in through the open door, and grabbing the arm that was in the air, ready to swing down, at the figure curled up on the floor. “Don’t ing touch him again”.

 

“Let go” Jimins father shouted, trying to shake out of Jungkooks grip, “I can do whatever I like with him”

 

Jungkook shoved him, and it could have been the load of alcohol consumed, but Jimins father fell backwards easier than Jimin could have ever imagined, and Jungkook took the chance to grip his wrist, pulling him up, and dragging him along, and out of that cursed house.

 

 Or that time when everything was unclear?

 

“What now?” Jimin said, it was pathetic of him to ask, wanting to rely on Jungkook and putting that pressure on him was disgusting of Jimin, but he always longed to rely on someone at least once.

 

“I don’t know” Jungkook admitted after a while, and his defeated voice in that moment had always remained with Jimin.

 

“Ok, let’s go” Jimin said after a while, getting up and wiping his trousers. They had been sitting on the stones by the small lake near their house, and the temperature had significantly dropped since they got here, and the night’s air was starting to get noticeably colder by seconds.

 

“Where?” Jungkook answered surprised, and slightly scared. Jimin knew that there was no way Jungkook would leave his mother behind, nor did he want to leave just like that into uncertain.

 

“Back home stupid” Jimin said, forcing a wide grin.

 

“But your father-”

 

“He’s probably sleeping by now anyway” Jimin cut him off, turning carefully on his heal, to face the direction of their home, before looking down at Jungkook “Don’t worry, he won’t remember it in the morning”

 

This may have been the first time he felt like an adult, making a sensible decision. Despite the difference in their appearances and built, Jimin was slightly older than the other, it was because of problems his father had in submitting the papers that Jimin had to start school late, compared to those his age.

 

Was it seeing Jungkook kissing with a girl?

 

It was a school festival. The whole school had been preparing for it for the past month, staying behind after school countless of times, and squeezing together all of their efforts for a grand finish. Each class had their own projects to present and it was fun… despite so many people around, Jungkook stuck to him majority of the time.

 

He hated it, seeing those girls act all fragile and weak, and Jungkook helping them out of kindness, till it struck him solid and hard that this was Jungkooks nature, - to help all the pathetic and frail little souls, like Jimins own. He was being pitied like a fool that he always had been. It was a thought that he had found hard to fight off for a long time after.

 

After finishing their final class activities, they agreed to meet by the main festival attraction, - the burning of the huge hay shaped heart.

 

Jimin had looked everywhere, but he couldn’t find the other, and when he did he wished he never seen what he had, - the girl had her arms wrapped around Jungkooks neck and they were kissing.

 

At that time, it was hard to describe the feeling, or rather why he was feeling it at all. The sickness and betrayal from that time still haunted him, and the tears that dwelled and blurred his sight remaining in his memory.  

 

He went home that evening, suddenly everything around him - all these happy people - becoming a hateful sight.

 

He seen the end to his short happiness, just like that.

 

It could have been the graduation day, that one really did stick in his memory the longest.

 

It had been a month since the festival, and it was now the last day of school, - the graduation day.

 

Nothing was the same since that day. Jungkook never mentioned his kiss with the girl from the classroom next to theirs, and it only made it worse, because Jimin knew about it, and not being told about it, felt like he was excluded from Jungkook’s life. Jungkook knew Jimins life in and out, all of the pathetic details he wanted to hide, the other knew them all, but it wasn’t the same for Jimin, - Jungkook never fully opened to him.

 

To say that Jungkook didn’t try would have been a lie. Jungkook did try to make amends, despite not knowing why Jimin was angry. The only reason he ever believed it to be to that day, was the fact that Jimin got badly beaten up by his father when he came home early from the festival, with Jimin answering back, only aggravating him to him harder, but it made Jimin feel satisfied and alive in that moment. Little did Jungkook know, how used to it Jimin was, and how little did it affect him.

 

Jungkook blamed himself for that time, for not protecting Jimin, for not being there, but reality was, it wasn’t Jungkooks duty nor responsibility to protect him, and Jimin had made it clear through his storm of screaming and yelling, - that the two of them were nothing.

 

“Just because we all live together, it doesn’t make you my brother, you’re not my family, you’re nothing, so stop acting like you care!”

 

It was pathetic of him to treat Jungkook that way, but that was the only way he could think of at that time to distance himself from the other, without pouring out too much of his true emotions.

 

-

 

Today was the final day, they had all received their diplomas, and took those fake and frozen in time pictures.

 

“Stand together” Jungkooks mother nagged them, and they did, they awkwardly stood next to each other, posing, as the flash went off.

 

It definitely could have been the last time he saw him, frozen in time of his own.

 

As per Jimins request, they both stood behind the schools building. The commotion had already died down long ago, with families leaving to celebrate together, some parents going their way, leaving the children to celebrate by themselves, and so, his father and Jungkook mother had joined some other parents at the restaurant to celebrate.

 

Funny, because Jimin knew that his father wasn’t there to celebrate his graduation, he was there to get drunk, it’s not like he ever cared about Jimin.

 

“Are we going to fight?” Jungkook asked sarcastically, at the setting they were in.

 

“Possibly” Jimin answered, the possibility of such happening being a likely outcome he had considered, and Jungkook raised an eyebrow, unsure if Jimin was being serious or sarcastic.

 

“It will be quick” Jimin said, as if promising something that will be a short term scar for the other, before stepping forward.

 

“What?” Jungkook said, despite it all, standing still and closing his eyes. It was clear, that Jungkook was prepared to get hit, and let it go just this once. He must have still felt pity and quilt from that time, and thought of this as a perfect way to get rid of it, to make them equal again.

 

Jimin took another quick step, lifting himself up to stand on his tip toes, before grabbing the others collar and pulling him down, for their lips to meet. It was one sided, but that was enough, he just wanted to feel the others lips just once, and they had felt better than he had expected them to.

 

He pulled back, surprisingly Jungkooks eyelids still closed, as he stood there hunched forward and frozen, frozen in time and in the memory of Jimins mind. Jimin didn’t wait, despite his short legs, he was still quick, and with fast strides he found himself home.

 

He walked into his room, pulling out a small luggage from underneath his bed, which he had ready from a while back, and glancing one last time around his room, he gave out a sigh. Despite how painful it had been over the years, he would still miss this place, surprisingly even years from now.

 

He walked to the door, the photos from earlier messily scattered on the counter by the door catching his attention. They must have dropped by home to leave their stuff, before heading for the restaurant. He didn’t look through them all, he knew he didn’t have the time, so he grabbed the one that his heart told him to, - him and Jungkook standing side by side, for the last time.

 

It really must have been one of those moments in his life through which he found love to be the happiest and most painful thing in life.

                                                                  

 

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This is probably very confusing and unclear, not to mention the grammar mistakes, but I just suddenly felt like writing this, and so ended up writing this in one sitting, so could not be bothered to proof read...

I hope at least someone will like this...