Hansol was now sleeping in a bed made of heliotropes ; deep purple heliotropes.

Heliotropium amplexicaule, usually called blue heliotrope, his brain recited at the sight.

Eternal love, the pain of love.

This time, it's Seungkwan who informed him of the meaning.
The vocalist was passing most of his free time, already rare as it is, for anything that would help Hansol.
Of course, he found nothing that could cure him, but he would still stubbornly search for it.

However, it seemed like Seokmin definitely didn't reciprocate his feelings.

It had been almost three weeks by now. Yet it was nothing but worse.
The rapper could literally feel the branches growing higher and higher inside his respiratory system the feeling only coupled with the flower blossoming.
He wasn't even throwing up anymore, his throat was too dry for that. He was only coughing flowers and trickles of blood now.

It hurt. It hurt so bad.

He couldn't even muster the energy to rap anymore. Firstly, he was lip-syncing, the fan took notice, of course, but they said nothing.

He had to explain himself several times to the company and especially their CEO. Hansol was coerced into briefing him on what was going on.

How lucky for him, the surgery wasn't even safe enough for the director to oblige into okaying the procedure. Indeed, he knew that any noticeable complication during the surgery wouldn't pass by unnoticed by the members, the fans and even the media.

The director probed Hansol countless times for hints on who it was but the latter only willed himself into divulging the indication that the target of his self-destructive love was a member of his own group. For the sake of the band and the whole company, the chief had declared, as Hansol put into a forced hiatus. Hansol vowed to have the surgery if it enventually didn't get any better in a week.

Even Seungkwan had begun pressuring him into getting the operation "Before it's too late." he'd explained. The rapper still answered negativetely, but at his point, he was truly dead tired and his only desire was to die during the surgery so he couldn't experience the loss of these feelings.

The director lied to the member along with Seungkwan, claiming Hansol only had pneumonia and needed to rest.
Fortunately, no concert tours had been scheduled. So the rest of the members' schedules were reduced to fan signings, which was quite good. At the least, they had more free-time and were much less exhausted at the end of the day.
The fans gave tons of encouraging messages destined, with priority, for the sick rapper : Letters, sweet words, even fan-arts of him showcasing him smiling as he usually did.

One of their room had been cleared of its occupants just for Hansol. He was sick, the member unanimously agreeing on the fact that he needed peace in order to rest. The leader had forbidden anyone except Seungkwan to enter the room in an attempt to make Seokmin keep his distance.
The others members yelled at him, claiming it was unfair but the leader cleared it on the pretense of it being a warning from the doctor.

"We have to stay away from him for the time being. Do you really want to lumber him with bacteria ?" Seungcheol had countered.

Hansol didn't really get suspicious since Seungkwan assured him that everyone, aside from the CEO and himself, truly believed that he was down with pneumonia.
It was so weird but maybe they honestly were that blind, or he was that good at lying and playing hide and seek.

He was grateful for Seungkwan's silence though he knew that it was unhealthily doomed. At times, he found himself preferring that the older had informed their leader, at least. He didn't know how to feel about that. Sometimes, he wished that he could only feel love and not that pesky sharp pain in his rib cage.

What Hansol didn't know was that the red-haired boy actually had debriefed their leader on the circumstances. Hesitantly of course, but he did so, shortly after his friend had rested his confidence in him.

Seungcheol was deeply pained to hear the true meaning behind it all, feeling incredibly guilty for his obliviousness. Seungkwan expected him to be mad at the rapper but surprisingly, he wasn't at all.
He understood, in a certain way, why Hansol hadn't confided in anyone but Seungkwan.

Nonetheless, he made Seungkwan promise not to peep a word to the rest of the members and especially not Seokmin. So, few people of the staff, their manager and Seungkwan, plus Seungcheol knew the truth behind Hansol's current state. They did their best to hide it and work towards making Hansol comfortable with his situation.
Seungkwan would go everyday to his friend's new assigned room to feed him as possible but mainly helping him to drink water since the latter couldn't eat as much anymore.

Seungkwan told Seungcheol about Hansol's promise to their director, concerning the surgery and it was another incentive for him not to tell the others. He wasn't sure of how they would have reacted.

Plus, Seungcheol didn't think Hansol ready to bear the looks of the other members.

Not yet.

******

The dorm was slowly waking up to the sounds of Hoshi's unfunny puns and Joshua's laughter.

Some members were still sleeping while others were being slowly awaken by Seungkwan, whose joy wasn't really there anymore.

It has been one month since this all began.

Seungcheol was one of the first awake.

He hadn't slept actually, too worried about the future of his 13 members, and most importantly : Hansol's pain.
That's why he had made his decision during the night : He was going to talk face-to-face with Hansol after what seemed like ages. He was highly anxious and fearful : According to what Seungkwan divulged to him day after day, Hansol's health was only worsening.

The leader didn't know in which state he would find the, usually quiet but always healthy, rapper. He slowly got up from his bed and made his way to the bathroom, weariness fueling his pace.

He opened the door to the sight of Jihoon brushing his teeth.

Seungcheol half-smiled at the smaller man, who in turn turned his head towards him in response, and started brushing his teeth as well. Jihoon side-eyed him several times as an awkward silence settled its way between them.
Seungcheol spit the toothpaste into the basin and washed his mouth while Jihoon, who was already finished, put on his day cream. His hands were firm and rigourous on his skin, sometimes drawing tiny circles on his cheeks.

"What's bothering you ?" the leader inquired, chuckling slightly. "You're usually not that quiet." he continued.

"Let me ask you the same thing." Jihoon retorted, with a sweet but confident smile.

Seungcheol's heart skipped a beat. It was a rare sight. Although the producer smiled a lot in presence of their fans, in private, it was something else. Not necessarily because he was angry or sad, but more because he simply wasn't the smiling type.

Seungcheol didn't realized that he still hadn't served up a response.

"So  ?" Jihoon asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Stop assuming things, okay ?" The ebony-haired leader said. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You don't have to play the tough leader with me. You know that right ?" Jihoon was looking him right in the eyes but Seungcheol kept his cool.

"I guess it's just the kind of hiatus that stay in my mind." Seungcheol said, a light sigh escaping his mouth.

"You sure ?" Jihoon inquired.

"Of course." It was 8 am and Seungcheol wasn't proned to speak about Hansol with anyone and surely not Jihoon, who didn't know a thing about the truth.

He excused himself and was about to leave the bathroom when a cold hand gripped his wrist.
Seungcheol turned his puppy-like eyes about to say something but the candy-haired man cut him off.

"You don't have to keep it all on yourself," Jihoon said with a serious tone.

"I know," Seungcheol replied.

"Good," Jihoon's smile returned.

Seungcheol smiled back at him and quickly left the room, not sure of if he could hold it in any longer. He definitely had to talk with Hansol.

He didn't go in the kitchen to eat with the others as he would usually, instead heading straight towards what had became Hansol's room.
As he walked, he bumped into Seokmin.

The main vocalist looked distressed, not even smiling at Seungcheol when he passed by as he usually did. Seokmin's smile had became rare lately. His stare was cast towards the ground, searching for God knows what. Of course, all the members were sad about what happened to Hansol. Yet ever since Seungkwan and him assured them it wasn't that serious, that the rapper needed mostly rest, they still could go on.

Except for Seokmin who was, by far, the most affected member. The vocalist would constantly ask Seungcheol about Hansol's state. Seungcheol would always supply him with the same excuse : "He's going better, don't worry." or "I don't know, his condition's stable for now."

Today, the only difference was that Seokmin had red eyes and his gaze was glued on the floor so Seungcheol couldn't see anything. Before Seungcheol could muster up something to say, Seokmin rapidly bowed before rushing towards the bathroom.

Seungcheol's eyes followed him, puzzled, before resuming his walk and halting in front of the door.

Seungcheol had never been in there and neither had any of the members except Seungkwan, of course.
At least, he thought so. If one of the others attempted entering the room secretly, they would have known.

Seungcheol pushed down on the handle his heart beating fast in his chest. The room was plunged into darkness, the blinds were drawn shut.
A wave of flowery scent entered his nostrils, mixed with the stench of blood that made him nauseous. He was uncertain on whether Hansol was sleeping or not before hearing faint, but regular snores that took a weight off his shoulders.

Seungcheol hurriedly grabbed the phone that was buried in the pocket of his gray pajamas, before turning on the flashlight.

He still felt groggy because of the odor, and he didn't bother watching where he stepped. Walking quickly towards what he believed one of the window occupying the room and opened it, making sure to muffle any noise.

He knew what he was doing was incorrect and rude, but he desesperately needed to speak with Hansol – which was impossible with the darkness and the stench. He opened the stores and left the window ajar.

Seungcheol turned, his eyes naturally sliding towards the form lying on the bed.

The leader literally froze at the picture he was being given.

Hansol was slumbering on the mattress, wearing black pajamas as his chest fluttered with each breath. His face was deadly pale and much, much thinner than the last time he had seen it. His bruised lips were almost white as snow with patches of dry blood sullying them.

But, the most schoking thing to Seungcheol was the blanket Hansol was spread over. It was covered with bloody petals, each surrounding the younger rapper. Seungcheol couldn't even make out what kind- not that he cared at this moment.

There were so much blood, too much blood. It has to end. It has to end or...

"Ah hyung, I looked for yo-"

Seungcheol yelped in surprise at the realization that he'd left the door unlocked. Obviously, Chan had entered the room although he wasn't allowed to, surely wanting to check in without anyone knowing.

The maknae's eyes grew wide as his stare drifted to the bed, putting a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from vomiting.

"What are you doing here ? Just-" Seungcheol hissed, rushing towards him.

But Chan didn't care about what his leader was trying to say this time, running to kneel against the bedside. Without thinking, he started to shake one of the hands lying on Hansol's side :

" Hyung, wake up !" Chan said, fear tinging his voice. "Wake up !"

Hansol had stopped snoring. Frightened by what he just saw, Seungcheol stood frozen in place.

Chan took the bottle of water on the night stand and filled a glass, making sure to incline it slightly before hurriedly pressing against the rapper's lips.
After a few seconds, Hansol opened his mouth, allowing the water to slowly follow its course in his dehytrated throat. Chan continued to shift the glass as the rapper gulped, filling another one that Hansol drank straight through. Seungcheol released a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

Hansol wasn't really angry to Seungkwan, he knew he'd be found out.
He tried to speak but he couldn't anymore, a pitiful dash of his voice escaping his mouth, as the maknae clung onto his cold hand, encouraging Hansol to continue.

The room was silent except for a cough, and it didn't stem from Hansol this time.
The three boys turned their heads to the door and saw the other members.

Chan's scream drew everyone into the room. All the members were tucked beneath the door frame, silently observing.

Seungkwan through teary eyes, had a hand on Mingyu's mouth, attempting to halt the flow of coughs leaving his throat.

Most of them didn't understand what happened but they were now sure of one thing  : Hansol wasn't down with some type of pneumonia.

Seokmin who was behind made his way forward and instantly froze when he saw the mess surrounding Hansol. He rushed forward and Mingyu followed him, before Seungcheol rushed into the pair, almost slipping onto the carpet. "Don't." the leader quietly warned. "This also applies for all of you. Just stay back."

The others began arguing with Seungcheol and the latter could only count on his autority for not the two men in his arms to push him aside to reach Hansol. However, Wonwoo and Seokmin stayed absolutely silent.

All the vocalist could see was Hansol's imploring eyes towards him, all he could smell was the blood surrounding Hansol, and all he could hear was Hansol's faint breaths; Hansol currently struggling to tell him something.

Seokmin attempted to read his lips, but couldn't understand what the other boy was trying to relay to him.

It wasn't...

"Stop !" Chan almost yelled, to no avail, so he yelled even louder. "Stop this !"

Everyone fell silent instantly.

"Don't you ever stop to think that Hansol doesn't need your bull ?" asked the maknae, blatantly annoyed. "If you have to fight, do it outside." he added.

The members couldn't believe the words coming out of Chan's mouth.

"He's right." Wonwoo agreed, he hadn't uttered a thing since they'd entered the room.

Jeonghan sighed, obviously aggravated.

"Let's go then." said Junhui, oddly calm.

They all left with a last glance at the red-haired rapper, all except Chan who wanted to clean Hansol's bed first. Seungcheol wanted to stay but Chan looked at him with cold eyes so he made his way out of the room, sighing once he was out.

A settled silence welcomed him in, only interrupted by Hansol's coughs that were clearly audible from the living room.

"Why didn't you tell us ?" Junhui finally started, voicing the other members thoughts, as they'd repeatedly screamed at their leader.

"You should know," Seungcheol answered, irritation starting to crawl its way up his chest, "you all should know. He obviously didn't want to, have you even seen his state ? You all should try to put yourselves in his shoes. I shouldn't be saying that, but try. Hansol felt guilty."

No one said a word.

"Hansol felt guilty," Seungcheol repeated. "he didn't even know that I knew ; he feel miserable and all he can do is cough up flowers. He had to go on hiatus, and kind of slowed down our activites because of that." Seungcheol stated. "And you're asking me why I didn't tell you anything, why I hid him ?"

"Yes, we are." Jeonghan retorted, unimpressed.

"How so ?" The rapper was now looking at the long-haired man with piercing eyes.

"I understand that Seungkwan is maybe one of the closest of Hansol." Jeonghan began, "but it isn't fair that he was the only one allowed to enter the room. You should have told us the truth, nobody was going to shout it from the rooftops. You made us think he was going well, do you realize that ?!"

Seungcheol kept quiet, leaving Jeonghan to continue.

"What were you going to do, huh ? Leave him to die ? Lying to us until the very end and saying like 'he died from a pneumonia'" Jeonghan ranted. "Oh my God, do you even realize-"

Wonwoo cut him off, tired of this domestic quarrel, "He will be fine."

All heads turned towards him.

"If you're talking about the surgery, he don't-" Seungcheol started but the other rapper cut him off.

"I said he will be fine." Wonwoo repeated, a light but sad smile drawn on his face. "He will be fine if a certain member has a serious talk with him."

"Who ?" Jeonghan pryed, not really appreciating the fact that he had been interrupted.

Seungkwan and Seungcheol looked at each other, questionnigly.

"I won't say his name," Wonwoo replied. "instead, I'll explain briefly what disease affected Hansol."

"Do you think it's the time to tell you one of your stories ? Hansol is dying out there !" Jeonghan almost yelled, surprising everyone. It was the first time the vocalist was losing his cool like that.

"Wait, calm down Jeonghan. Just let him talk, okay ?" Seungcheol pressed his palm on the vocalist's stomach, as if this way he could keep him quiet.

"I can't believe it." Jeonghan sighed.

Wonwoo waited for Jeonghan's expression to soften before continuing "Some of you must have recognized it, but Hansol has the Hanahaki disease," Wonwoo explained. "he's basically throwing up and coughing flowers because of-"

"An unrequited love," Junhui added, "his lungs are flowering themselves day by day. The basic cure is a surgery, but it has sizeable risks. The only other and much easier way to cure it, is for the loved one to be loved back by the one they long for."

Everyone, including the quiet rapper, stared at him in disbelief.

"I searched it online," Junhui added. "it's not a common disease in South Korea, but in China, its occurrence has doubled. The government tries to sweep it under the rug, since the supposed efficient surgeries have caused many side effects and even killed some patients. A girl in my class was sick and got the surgery at the very end. She's now living with partial amnesia." Junhui quietly explained with a frown.

"What is that ?" Joshua asked.

"To put it simply," Junhui answered. "she doesn't remember the life she had before the surgery but she can still build memories, except they begin from the day she got the operation."

"Yeah, it's one of the side effect." Wonwoo nodded, agreeing, "But the most important thing here is that I believe Hansol's love isn't as unrequited as he thinks."

"What ?" A few members asked in surprise.

"I'm sorry I had to say it in front of the whole group but," Wonwoo trails off, "it's one of the members."

"How do you know ?" Soonyoung asked, dubious.

"I don't only watch but observe. Ask your leader." Wonwoo muttered, his voice dripping with irony.

The said leader realized who it was the moment Wonwoo started talking. Seungcheol knew that it was one of the members, altough, Seungkwan never mentioned it. But now, everything made sense. How could he have been that blind  ?

"It's true. It's one of our members," said leader uttered, agreeing. "that's one of the reasons I didn't tell you all about this. And, I think that Wonwoo has a point. I just don't think that member has realized it yet," Seungcheol added.

"We shouldn't interfer in this, but Hansol's survival relies on this member speaking with him."

Only silence answered him.

"All of you can go into his room now, but only if you keep your cool." Seungcheol glared intensely at Jeonghan, who only snorted in response. "He's physically weak as you might have seen. But first, I'd like you all to-"

The ding of a bell cut him off.

Soonyoung rushed toward the intercom, "Yes ?"

Silence.

"Okay," Soonyoung said, "I'm opening."

He turned towards the other men in the room. "It's our manager."

He couldn't have come at a worst time.

"We can't-" some began, before being bitterly interrupted by Minghao, "he already knows, it's a given."

The members stayed silent as a pair of footsteps audibly made their way up the stairs.

Soonyoung opened the door before the manager could even blink, and bowed respectfully.
The manager returned the gesture before calmly entering the room to the sight of ten boys bowing in their turn.

"The director wants to talk to all of you." the manager muttered.

"What ?" Mingyu asked, now angry. They all needed time to recover from what they just witnessed, but of course, they just had to go.

"Are you deaf  ?" the manager responded defensively, causing Mingyu to pout.

"Few members need to stay here to keep an eye on Hansol," Seungcheol explained, gesturing to the other boys.

"So they know ?" the manager asked, already knowing the answer as Seungcheol nodded.

"Okay."

"Seokmin and Seungkwan, you're staying here." Seungcheol didn't hesitate and the two men merely nodded whereas the rest were about to argue again.

"Don't discuss it, he will be fine. If you can't trust your leader then at least, trust Wonwoo." Jihoon added, rescuing Seungcheol.

The leader looked at him with thankful eyes before diving back into the sick boy's room to inform Chan of the situation. The maknae, still angry, only nodded in responses before joining his elders in the entrance and imitating their actions as he quickly put on his shoes.

Everyone was disappointed in not only their leader but also towards their own company, although they knew that despite the face that Hansol was practically family, they had nothing to say. Even though they were a part of Seventeen, their voice was nothing.

Seungkwan quickly waved goodbye at them before shutting the door. He went back at his previous place, sitting on the couch.

Seokmin hadn't even moved, his eyes boring into the table.

"Hyung," Seungkwan attempted, to no avail. Seokmin didn't say a thing.

Seungkwan sighed, jotting something down on paper. Then he threw on his own shoes and went out, maybe to join the other members. Seokmin didn't know, nor care, as he finally stood and walked to the door.

It couldn't be his fault, Seokmin argued.

How so  ? He countered, how could Hansol even fall in love with him ?

It was nothing but a bad dream right ?

The only factor that didn't make all of it a nightmare was the fact that at the least, he was loved in return.

He entered the room to see Hansol's, beautiful, lips tainted with blood. The rapper had laid down once more, eyelids closed even as his chest ceased to move.

Now, it had became a nightmare.

"Hansol" Seokmin whispered, approaching Hansol's sleeping form.

No answer.

"Hansol." he repeated, prior to attempting to take Hansol's pulse. Seokmin tried everywhere : Hansol's neck, his wrist but he didn't feel any beat.

It was empty, lifeless.

"Hansol, I..." The vocalist trailed off, mocha-brown eyes now permeated with salt water.

"I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot. I'm a ing idiot. Just, come back. I love you." Seokmin begged.

Seokmin attempted CPR, sometimes being met with Hansol's pulse only for it to disappear seconds later.

Seokmin tried again and again, tears streaming down his sun-kissed cheeks.

For what seemed like hours yet were actually about fifteen minutes, Seokmin strived to save Hansol but nothing could be done : Hansol was gone.

Hansol is dead. Hansol is dead. Choi Hansol is dead.

The mantra reverberated around Seokmin's skull. He had killed him.

What's a more tragic burden than the one of having killed your beloved ?

Seokmin was still gripping Hansol's wrist in his hands. It was so cold, so quiet under his veins but his face seemed so calm, so content.

As if, after all this throe, Hansol had finally found peace, far, far away from him.

Hansol was dead.

Seokmin refused the fact, it couldn't be real.

It was just a nightmare right ?  Seokmin reasoned, so he just had to wake up.

Without any further thoughts, Seokmin pressed his warm lips onto Hansol cold ones.

It was a light kiss, their lips barely touching; but it was enough for Hansol to in air, lightly on Seokmin's lips as he slowly opened his eyes, gasping.

Seokmin instantly reeled back and stared at him with wide eyes.

"Oh my god..." the vocalist muttered, now cautiously lifting Hansol's head.

The rapper took great intakes of oxygen, the sound of gasps filling the silence.

A few moments passed with Seokmin holding onto Hansol's head while the red-haired boy breathed with difficulty. At least, he was now able to breathe and feel air, not pain.
Hansol could feel flowers wilting and branches lugging themselves out, disappearing to God knows where. Hansol skin wasn't pale anymore, his breath already more stable.

He finally lifted his head a bit, Seokmin immediately putting a pillow on the headboard, helping Hansol rest himself back on it.

"Thanks." Hansol murmured, a sad smile on his lips.

Wait, what ? What had Seokmin done ?

He wasn't so sure, but they were so close but...it was only mouth-to-mouth right  ?

Then, why was Hansol able to speak again ?

Why didn't it hurt anymore  ?

His chest felt much more lighter as if...

"I love you." Seokmin said with a loving tone.

Hansol's heart fluttered, seemingly willing to claw its way out of his chest.

"Am I dead ?" Hansol asked, short-winded.

In any other circumstance, the vocalist would have laughed.

"No, you're alive," Seokmin answered. "You're alive, with me, and I love you." Seokmin still had teary eyes and broken voice.

"How is that even possible ?" Hansol questioned, skeptical, "I mean you and Soonyoung ?"

"We're just close friends ?" Seokmin clarified. "I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner about how I feel. But, I was afraid and blind. I just, I don't know. You spend so much time with Seungkwan..."

Hansol chuckled, surprisingly after one month of silence, and Seokmin could have sworn it was the sweetest melody that had ever permeated his eardrums.

"We're just close friends ?" Hansol responded.

Seokmin only smiled. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Hansol said, his heart fluttering.

"No, it's not. I nearly killed you." Seokmin said apologetically.

"Well, my love for you did." The rapper corrected, in a will to lighten up the mood.

"I love you," The vocalist restated with sincere eyes.

"Ew, how cheesy. Stop saying it all the time." Hansol wanted to sound annoyed but his cheeks were tinged with pink.

"Only for you." Seokmin's lips sprawled into a tender smile, his teeth lighting up Hansol's eyes.

It was the smile he had always wished to have destined towards him, for him.

It was the smile that was enough at his entire life; Seokmin being the only thing he truly wanted.

"Shut up and kiss me," Hansol responded, a smile in his voice even as he tried to stay neutral.

"How cliché." Seokmin retorqued, bending over to kiss Hansol.

At first, it was a soft and innocent kiss, slowly turning passionate. They broke it shortly afterward, gasping for air before deeply looking at each other's eyes.
Seokmin climbed on the bed – now clean, thanks to Chan – and sat next to Hansol. He had barely sat before Hansol took his rightful place back on Seokmin's lips, his digits grazing the tanned man's scalp. The kiss was desesperate, passionate and overwhelming as if they were trying to catch up on all the moments they had missed due to their unsaid feelings.

Seokmin made sure to pass his intense emotions to the other as they kissed deep, apologizing for all the unnecessary pain he had caused. The younger whined when they finally parted from each other. They kept their foreheard pressed together, looking at each others' eyes as if they were each other's world.

"I'm sorry," the vocalist muttered again.

Hansol was going to answer him but he felt like his throat was trying to expel something. He pulled away and started to cough, violently.

A single flower laid on his palm.

"Are you okay ?" Seokmin asked, starting to get extremely worried again.

Hansol's stare focused on the flower for a few seconds, before his features finally softened.

"Yes, I am." Hansol lifted his head, offering Seokmin the sweetest smile that had ever graced his lips in his presence.

"But, it's a flower," his lover retorted.

"I know, but it's the last one. Look, it's a white rose."

Pure love, peace.

Everyone knew the meaning of this flower. Nobody had to inform them, this time around, that it was definetily gone.

Seokmin smiled as he caressed one of his lover cheeks, who were displaying a purple color again.

It was all over. It's over now, Hansol kept repeating the words in his head.

It was over, yes, but a new story was about to begin.

Theirs.

And despite all the suffering they had to go through, they were finally ready to write it.