On a Date

We went out to the movie theater. It was an outing with his friends. 

’’Ain’t your brother cute, Chanyeol!’’ It was Tiffany, she was outspoken and very girl. She giggled, punching his shoulder. ’’Were you hiding him?’’

She smiled, locking arm with Min. 

Chanyeol’s arm was over my shoulder, heavy, and pushing me against his side. It was the first time seeing his friends. Hence, he knew I was nervous. He turned to look at me, nudging his head against mine. He was full of energy, turning into a ball of nerves when with his friends. He dashed out, when Baekhyun tried to make him trip; both running like fools in the theater entrance. Joonmyun catched up to me. He was a good looking guy. 

’’Don’t be bothered with Baekhyun. He likes to make fun of Chanyeol,’’ he said.

We laughed looking at them.

’’I heard you want to come to our university?’’ he inquired, seeming interested to talk to me. I returned his smile. ’’Yeah, don’t know in what yet…’’

’’Take your time, I have a friend who do a bit of everything. He gives himself a year to find his path.’’

’’Huh, I wish it will take me less time than that, honestly.’’

Joonmyun laughed.

The girls and Baehyun sat a row in front of us. Chanyeol had arranged that we sat beside each other, Joonmyun to my left. 

The film began. Somehow, I was still nervous. Chanyeol took my hand, squeezing it. Everyone seemed engrossed in the movie. Chanyeol smiled, then bent toward me, kissing me. I was shocked, on the verge of pulling out. But I indulged in the kiss. It sort of calmed me. He stopped, considered to continue but catching my eyes, he just sighed in my ear, light in his demeanor. I faced back the screen, jumping when catching Joonmyun’s eyes by my left. He was frowning, rigid in his seat. He turned back to the film, still frowning. I snatched my hand back from Chanyeol’s one. My heart was thumping, feeling caught and uncomfortable. I tried to concentrate on the movie, my eyes afraid to look in Joonmyun’s direction. 

Later, feeling less frowned upon, I began to get more relaxed. Chanyeol laughed at the screen, turning to find my eyes, his hand landing on my knee. I flinched, he squeezed. He frowned leaning toward me. He whispered in my hear.

’’You’re okay?’’

I didn’t want to tell him. What if Joonmyun was looking? I nodded. He kissed my cheek, I tried to make him back off. He pushed further, finally getting my lips. Pleasure and fear was growing in my chest. I felt as if, all eyes were on me. I scrunched my eyes close, harder, we parted. His hand had slid to my waist, my body leaning on the armrest between us. He caressed my cheek, looking back to the front. I exhaled, head down. Electric shocks running on my skin. When I dared to look at Joonmyun, he seemed impassive. I settled back, convincing myself he hadn’t seen anything. 

Toward the end of the film, he grabbed my wrist, pulling me toward him. His voice hissed in my ear.

’’You disgust me.’’

He let my wrist fall. Chanyeol hand’s reappeared on my thigh, close to my crotch. Surprised, I whined in Joonmyun’s face. He huffed, standing up, leaving the theater. I was shivering on my seat, the girls looking back to us, concerned. I felt terrible, wanting to go home. I willed it down, shrugging my shoulders at their unvoiced question. 

’’I don’t know why he left.’’  I don’t know what got him.

We got home straight after the end of the screening. The ride home silent. We went in my room, the door closing behind us. We lay on the bed, facing each other. We enlaced each other.

’’I’m sorry.’’

I huffed, Chanyeol seemed sincere though. But now I was frustrated to have let it get to me. His friend’s words hurting me, silencing me.

’’Hey baby, don’t cry.’’

’’Brother…’’ I hated it, to be comforted. Hated to sound whiny and small. 

He my side.

’’Let me make it up to you,’’ he said as he approached so near, I could only see his face.

’’Lavish you in kisses and praises. Sehun, I love you. I love you.’’

We kissed, treacherous tears falling from my eyes. He kissed them, looking back at me.

’’What’s important is us. This. When I think you were under my nose all this time, I think to myself, what a catch I have the chance to have…’’

He kissed me again.

’’All for myself.’’ 

I laughed, squeezing his arm. I kissed him. Pushed myself on top of him. ’’I love you too. I’m just mad at myself to not have been able to tell him…’’ I didn’t know the right words. ’’Tell him, we have to right to love each other. Punch him. Punch some sense in him,’’ I exhaled in his hair, ’’to think he’s your friend, make me afraid for you.’’ 

Chanyeol tightened his hold on my waist, ’’don’t be, the world’s not so little that he could be a threat. Losing a friend is a shame, but I got you. If they understand us, if they see for themselves we’re no threat to their own love, that we’re true to ourselves, they’ll come around.’’

Thinking I could break it off, thinking I could end it here. I could, but how, when love stemmed from the fact we lived so close and familiar to each other. They’re no going back, not tie I can sever. Whatever is thrown our way, our bond can withstand it. We’re not just brothers, even if it has to be our strength, it’s that we’re in love, in these  circumstances.

’’What time is it?’’

Chanyeol moved to look at the clock beside the bed. ’’23h.’’

’’Then let’s sleep,’’ I said, sitting up to undress.

’’Your room, tonight?’’ 

I turned to him. ’’Yes.’’